Chapter 9 - Fireball Fudge
The next morning, Harry awoke refreshed, and went downstairs to the Great Hall to find Hermione and Ron, who were inspecting their new class timetables.
"We've got Defense Against the Dark Arts this afternoon," said Harry, now inspecting his own timetable. "And Potions tomorrow, with the Slytherins, as usual." Harry and Ron both groaned.
Just then, Angelina Johnson came over and sat down in between Ron and Harry, across from Ginny. "Now Ginny," she began. "You do realize that now that Harry is back on the team, you are being bumped off? I'm sorry, but you do understand, right?" Angelina looked slightly awkward, and Harry knew she didn't like kicking people off.
"No, that's fine," said Ginny, putting jam on her toast. "I was actually thinking of trying out for beater, now that Fred and George have left."
"Good." Angelina now turned her attention to Ron. "And Ron, would it be alright if we had trials for keeper? If we can't find anyone suitable, you are still on the team obviously, but I was thinking maybe some of the second years have some potential -" Angelina looked even more awkward. But Ron simply nodded and said, "Yeah, that's fine. I was thinking of trying out for beater as well, everyone says I'm a better beater than keeper." Ron looked as though he had practiced saying this.
"Excellent," said Angelina, who was beaming now. "In that case, I'll put up a notice on the Gryffindor board for Keeper and Beater trials this afternoon."
"Well," said Harry, getting up. The Great Hall was almost empty now. "If we want to get to Transfiguration we'd better hurry up. McGonagall hates it when we're late." Harry, Ron, and Hermione picked up their bags, and walked off to Transfiguration, meeting April in the corridor. They arrived in the classroom just in time.
It was quite a fun Transfiguration lesson. They were learning to turn muggle objects, such as soccer balls, into ferrets. While most of the class only succeeded in getting a ferret whose fur matched the patterns on the soccer ball, Hermione produced a perfectly cute ferret in no time, winning Gryffindor 20 points. Hermione tried to hide her pleasure, but failed by correcting Ron with his method of getting a ferret from a soccer ball.
After lunch, Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way to the Defense Against Dark Arts classroom. When they sauntered in, Cornelius Fudge greeted them dressed in expensive purple robes.
"Well, well," he said, smiling around at the class. Many did not return his smile, and Fudge seemed to notice this, and cleared his throat significantly.
"I would just like to start this lesson by overcoming some - er - barriers that might be preventing student and teacher seeing eye to eye," he said, his chest puffing up importantly. Most of the class looked around warily as he said this.
"Now I realize that with the - er - controversy of last year, many of you may have different perspectives of me and what I perform as, but I can assure you, the tables have been laid out, my eyes have been opened, and I am now working together with Dumbledore. And as for what was in the Daily Prophet a lot of last year, I apologize to anyone who got hurt -" His eyes cast around to find Harry. "And hope that I can start my new job with a clean slate."
Neville raised his hand hesitantly.
"Yes?" said Fudge politely, staring at Neville.
"Excuse me, sir," stuttered Neville, "But how are you to keep up expectations at the Ministry if you are here, teaching at Hogwarts?"
Fudge looked at Neville thoughtfully. "My aims for this year are to unite Hogwarts with the Ministry," he said slowly. "And I assure you, I have staff keeping up appearances for me at the Ministry, although yes, I will be extremely busy and perhaps have to impede the proceedings of the Ministry."
He looked around the class, and began to call the roll from his long piece of parchment.
"Right," Fudge said, looking around the classroom. "Now I have reference from Professor Dumbledore that you have studied many dangerous creatures, Unforgivable Curses, and much base theory for Defense Against the Dark Arts. This year, we will be studying simple curses and how to block them. We shall start today with the Disarming Spell - expelliarmus."
Harry gaped at Fudge, and Hermione raised her hand.
"Yes, Miss -?"
"Granger, sir."
"Yes, Miss Granger?"
"The majority of this class already knows how to perform the Disarming Spell."
Fudge looked surprised. "Well, then, shall we move on to something else? How about -" He looked down at his stack of parchment on the table, and began shifting through the many lesson plans he had.
"Aha!" he said triumphantly, "Here we are. Today we shall study different types of dragons, and how to defend yourself against each one. Lets start with the Chinese Fireball." And he beamed at the class. Harry tried not to look too bored.
"Now, get out some parchment, and copy down these notes," said Fudge, who was obviously clueless of the class' disregard for such a boring lesson. "The Chinese Fireball. With it's mushroom spiked fire-balls and golden spikes around the face, the Chinese Fireball is extremely aggressive. Now, if you are alone with a Chinese Fireball, you do have a small chance of surviving, if you know how to deal with it."
Fudge pulled out a small bag, which was moving. It turned out to contain miniscule models of Chinese Fireballs. Fudge placed one on each desk, pretending not to notice when one aimed a fireball right at his neat moustache.
"Now the best way to deal with a Chinese Fireball," he said, carelessly smoothing his slightly smoking moustache. "Is to use the spell Rictusempra, which is the Tickling Charm. Let me hear everyone say rictusempra!"
"Rictusempra" chanted the class.
"However," continued Fudge, "That alone is not enough. The face and tail are the strongest parts of a Chinese Fireball. However, it's back and underbelly are extremely sensitive. You will have a far bigger chance of tickling the dragon if you aim for it's underbelly. Now watch closely. Engorgio!" And immediately, the miniscule model of the Chinese Fireball on Fudge's desk enlarged to be the size of Fudge himself.
"Rictusempra!" Fudge yelled, pointing his wand at the dragon's back, which, Harry noticed, had very delicate skin. The dragon started twitching, and coughed up some smoke, which Harry interpreted as it's giggling.
"Reducio!" yelled Fudge, and the Chinese Fireball became small again.
"Now," said Fudge, "When you tickle a dragon, one of its sensory arteries are cut off, and it becomes weaker. In the Chinese Fireballs case, it prevents the dragon from being able to swing a fireball, and if it does have enough strength to, its aim will not be precise. So, now, you can safely perform the Stunning Charm on the Chinese Fireball - stupefy! - And your dragon will be Stunned."
The class clapped.
"Now I would like each of you to perform this on your dragons," said Fudge, smiling at the applause.
"Rictusempra!" said Harry, pointing his wand at the mini-Chinese Fireball lazily. It began to tickle, and Harry said "Stupefy!" And his dragon froze, and fell off his desk. Harry picked it up and fingered it. It wasn't such a bad lesson, thought Harry, just a little boring. He already knew enough about dealing with the Dark Arts to be bored with dragons.
Harry looked around the classroom. Almost everyone had gotten the hang of it on the first try, with the exception of Neville, who was backing away as his Chinese Fireball aimed huge balls of fire directly at him. Fudge hurried over to help.
"Well," said Ron to Harry in a low voice, holding his own stunned dragon. "This is hands-on at least."
"It's terrible!" scandalized Hermione. "Can't he see that everyone is getting it on the first go? It's far too easy! He's not doing it on purpose, like that Umbridge woman was, he actually does think that this is all we are capable of!" She broke off as Fudge moved their way to help April, who had accomplished stunning her dragon, and was now practicing her Transfiguration homework by turning it into a ferret. Harry laughed as he watched April try to explain.
"Well, I did stun it, really, I did!" April was protesting. "I was just trying out some other stuff, you know, incase someone holds a wand to my head and tells me to transfigure a dragon into a ferret - now I'll know how to do it! - Er. -" She looked to Ron for help, but he just shrugged.
By the end of the class, the Gryffindors were almost longing to go down to Hagrid's Hut for Care of Magical Creatures, after being jaded by Fudge for over an hour. Harry made his way across the grounds towards Hagrid, who was waving and looking pleased. As the Gryffindors came closer, they saw exactly what Hagrid had in store for them - Pheonixes. Behind Hagrid were six of the most beautiful phoenixes Harry had ever seen, one of which Harry recognized as Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes.
Harry saw the Slytherins approaching, and saw the familiar sneer of Draco Malfoy, flanked by his two buddies Crabbe and Goyle.
Once all the students were crowded around the phoenixes, who appeared to be pleasantly surprised at all the attention.
"There's more inside the house," said Hagrid, smiling at Harry. "But they seem close to their Burning Day, so they look fairly ugly." As he said this, Harry jumped and stared at Hagrid's Hut, which had flames shooting out a window.
"Hagrid!" screamed Hermione. Hagrid looked around at his hut and was startled to see it going up in flames. By now, the Slytherins were practically rolling on the ground with laughter. Malfoy looked like he had just acclaimed all the gold in Gringotts.
While Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Hagrid worked to keep the flames under control, the rest of the class watched on in tears of laughter. By the time Hagrid had put out the fire, with the help of Hermione's magical talent, half of Hagrid's hut was destroyed. Looking amongst the ashes, Harry saw four ugly heads of the reborn phoenixes who had the dignity to look abashed at all the damage they caused.
After the lesson was over, Malfoy approached Harry, Ron, Hermione, and April, who were watching Hagrid inspect the hut.
"That great oaf should be glad his hut burned down. Maybe now he can get a proper place." Malfoy's eyes were glinting maliciously.
"Ignore him Ron," said Hermione, tugging at Ron's robes to hold him back.
"Although I suppose you wouldn't mind, would you Weasley? Living in a hut like this would seem like a dream to you, I suppose?" Malfoy looked at Ron dangerously. "How does your mother fit in that miniscule dumpster of yours?"
This time it took both Harry and Hermione to hold Ron back.
"What about your dad, Malfoy?" Harry snarled. "Where's he now? Locked in a cell in Azkaban?"
"That's what you think, Potter," Malfoy spat.
"What's that supposed to mean?" snapped Hermione, who was still struggling with Ron.
"Never you mind, you nosy little Mudblood."
"C'mon," said April, who had been listening silently through the conversation. "He's not worth it. We'll be late for Quidditch trials."
April didn't notice Ron glaring at her as they walked off, leaving Malfoy behind.
The next morning, Harry awoke refreshed, and went downstairs to the Great Hall to find Hermione and Ron, who were inspecting their new class timetables.
"We've got Defense Against the Dark Arts this afternoon," said Harry, now inspecting his own timetable. "And Potions tomorrow, with the Slytherins, as usual." Harry and Ron both groaned.
Just then, Angelina Johnson came over and sat down in between Ron and Harry, across from Ginny. "Now Ginny," she began. "You do realize that now that Harry is back on the team, you are being bumped off? I'm sorry, but you do understand, right?" Angelina looked slightly awkward, and Harry knew she didn't like kicking people off.
"No, that's fine," said Ginny, putting jam on her toast. "I was actually thinking of trying out for beater, now that Fred and George have left."
"Good." Angelina now turned her attention to Ron. "And Ron, would it be alright if we had trials for keeper? If we can't find anyone suitable, you are still on the team obviously, but I was thinking maybe some of the second years have some potential -" Angelina looked even more awkward. But Ron simply nodded and said, "Yeah, that's fine. I was thinking of trying out for beater as well, everyone says I'm a better beater than keeper." Ron looked as though he had practiced saying this.
"Excellent," said Angelina, who was beaming now. "In that case, I'll put up a notice on the Gryffindor board for Keeper and Beater trials this afternoon."
"Well," said Harry, getting up. The Great Hall was almost empty now. "If we want to get to Transfiguration we'd better hurry up. McGonagall hates it when we're late." Harry, Ron, and Hermione picked up their bags, and walked off to Transfiguration, meeting April in the corridor. They arrived in the classroom just in time.
It was quite a fun Transfiguration lesson. They were learning to turn muggle objects, such as soccer balls, into ferrets. While most of the class only succeeded in getting a ferret whose fur matched the patterns on the soccer ball, Hermione produced a perfectly cute ferret in no time, winning Gryffindor 20 points. Hermione tried to hide her pleasure, but failed by correcting Ron with his method of getting a ferret from a soccer ball.
After lunch, Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way to the Defense Against Dark Arts classroom. When they sauntered in, Cornelius Fudge greeted them dressed in expensive purple robes.
"Well, well," he said, smiling around at the class. Many did not return his smile, and Fudge seemed to notice this, and cleared his throat significantly.
"I would just like to start this lesson by overcoming some - er - barriers that might be preventing student and teacher seeing eye to eye," he said, his chest puffing up importantly. Most of the class looked around warily as he said this.
"Now I realize that with the - er - controversy of last year, many of you may have different perspectives of me and what I perform as, but I can assure you, the tables have been laid out, my eyes have been opened, and I am now working together with Dumbledore. And as for what was in the Daily Prophet a lot of last year, I apologize to anyone who got hurt -" His eyes cast around to find Harry. "And hope that I can start my new job with a clean slate."
Neville raised his hand hesitantly.
"Yes?" said Fudge politely, staring at Neville.
"Excuse me, sir," stuttered Neville, "But how are you to keep up expectations at the Ministry if you are here, teaching at Hogwarts?"
Fudge looked at Neville thoughtfully. "My aims for this year are to unite Hogwarts with the Ministry," he said slowly. "And I assure you, I have staff keeping up appearances for me at the Ministry, although yes, I will be extremely busy and perhaps have to impede the proceedings of the Ministry."
He looked around the class, and began to call the roll from his long piece of parchment.
"Right," Fudge said, looking around the classroom. "Now I have reference from Professor Dumbledore that you have studied many dangerous creatures, Unforgivable Curses, and much base theory for Defense Against the Dark Arts. This year, we will be studying simple curses and how to block them. We shall start today with the Disarming Spell - expelliarmus."
Harry gaped at Fudge, and Hermione raised her hand.
"Yes, Miss -?"
"Granger, sir."
"Yes, Miss Granger?"
"The majority of this class already knows how to perform the Disarming Spell."
Fudge looked surprised. "Well, then, shall we move on to something else? How about -" He looked down at his stack of parchment on the table, and began shifting through the many lesson plans he had.
"Aha!" he said triumphantly, "Here we are. Today we shall study different types of dragons, and how to defend yourself against each one. Lets start with the Chinese Fireball." And he beamed at the class. Harry tried not to look too bored.
"Now, get out some parchment, and copy down these notes," said Fudge, who was obviously clueless of the class' disregard for such a boring lesson. "The Chinese Fireball. With it's mushroom spiked fire-balls and golden spikes around the face, the Chinese Fireball is extremely aggressive. Now, if you are alone with a Chinese Fireball, you do have a small chance of surviving, if you know how to deal with it."
Fudge pulled out a small bag, which was moving. It turned out to contain miniscule models of Chinese Fireballs. Fudge placed one on each desk, pretending not to notice when one aimed a fireball right at his neat moustache.
"Now the best way to deal with a Chinese Fireball," he said, carelessly smoothing his slightly smoking moustache. "Is to use the spell Rictusempra, which is the Tickling Charm. Let me hear everyone say rictusempra!"
"Rictusempra" chanted the class.
"However," continued Fudge, "That alone is not enough. The face and tail are the strongest parts of a Chinese Fireball. However, it's back and underbelly are extremely sensitive. You will have a far bigger chance of tickling the dragon if you aim for it's underbelly. Now watch closely. Engorgio!" And immediately, the miniscule model of the Chinese Fireball on Fudge's desk enlarged to be the size of Fudge himself.
"Rictusempra!" Fudge yelled, pointing his wand at the dragon's back, which, Harry noticed, had very delicate skin. The dragon started twitching, and coughed up some smoke, which Harry interpreted as it's giggling.
"Reducio!" yelled Fudge, and the Chinese Fireball became small again.
"Now," said Fudge, "When you tickle a dragon, one of its sensory arteries are cut off, and it becomes weaker. In the Chinese Fireballs case, it prevents the dragon from being able to swing a fireball, and if it does have enough strength to, its aim will not be precise. So, now, you can safely perform the Stunning Charm on the Chinese Fireball - stupefy! - And your dragon will be Stunned."
The class clapped.
"Now I would like each of you to perform this on your dragons," said Fudge, smiling at the applause.
"Rictusempra!" said Harry, pointing his wand at the mini-Chinese Fireball lazily. It began to tickle, and Harry said "Stupefy!" And his dragon froze, and fell off his desk. Harry picked it up and fingered it. It wasn't such a bad lesson, thought Harry, just a little boring. He already knew enough about dealing with the Dark Arts to be bored with dragons.
Harry looked around the classroom. Almost everyone had gotten the hang of it on the first try, with the exception of Neville, who was backing away as his Chinese Fireball aimed huge balls of fire directly at him. Fudge hurried over to help.
"Well," said Ron to Harry in a low voice, holding his own stunned dragon. "This is hands-on at least."
"It's terrible!" scandalized Hermione. "Can't he see that everyone is getting it on the first go? It's far too easy! He's not doing it on purpose, like that Umbridge woman was, he actually does think that this is all we are capable of!" She broke off as Fudge moved their way to help April, who had accomplished stunning her dragon, and was now practicing her Transfiguration homework by turning it into a ferret. Harry laughed as he watched April try to explain.
"Well, I did stun it, really, I did!" April was protesting. "I was just trying out some other stuff, you know, incase someone holds a wand to my head and tells me to transfigure a dragon into a ferret - now I'll know how to do it! - Er. -" She looked to Ron for help, but he just shrugged.
By the end of the class, the Gryffindors were almost longing to go down to Hagrid's Hut for Care of Magical Creatures, after being jaded by Fudge for over an hour. Harry made his way across the grounds towards Hagrid, who was waving and looking pleased. As the Gryffindors came closer, they saw exactly what Hagrid had in store for them - Pheonixes. Behind Hagrid were six of the most beautiful phoenixes Harry had ever seen, one of which Harry recognized as Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes.
Harry saw the Slytherins approaching, and saw the familiar sneer of Draco Malfoy, flanked by his two buddies Crabbe and Goyle.
Once all the students were crowded around the phoenixes, who appeared to be pleasantly surprised at all the attention.
"There's more inside the house," said Hagrid, smiling at Harry. "But they seem close to their Burning Day, so they look fairly ugly." As he said this, Harry jumped and stared at Hagrid's Hut, which had flames shooting out a window.
"Hagrid!" screamed Hermione. Hagrid looked around at his hut and was startled to see it going up in flames. By now, the Slytherins were practically rolling on the ground with laughter. Malfoy looked like he had just acclaimed all the gold in Gringotts.
While Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Hagrid worked to keep the flames under control, the rest of the class watched on in tears of laughter. By the time Hagrid had put out the fire, with the help of Hermione's magical talent, half of Hagrid's hut was destroyed. Looking amongst the ashes, Harry saw four ugly heads of the reborn phoenixes who had the dignity to look abashed at all the damage they caused.
After the lesson was over, Malfoy approached Harry, Ron, Hermione, and April, who were watching Hagrid inspect the hut.
"That great oaf should be glad his hut burned down. Maybe now he can get a proper place." Malfoy's eyes were glinting maliciously.
"Ignore him Ron," said Hermione, tugging at Ron's robes to hold him back.
"Although I suppose you wouldn't mind, would you Weasley? Living in a hut like this would seem like a dream to you, I suppose?" Malfoy looked at Ron dangerously. "How does your mother fit in that miniscule dumpster of yours?"
This time it took both Harry and Hermione to hold Ron back.
"What about your dad, Malfoy?" Harry snarled. "Where's he now? Locked in a cell in Azkaban?"
"That's what you think, Potter," Malfoy spat.
"What's that supposed to mean?" snapped Hermione, who was still struggling with Ron.
"Never you mind, you nosy little Mudblood."
"C'mon," said April, who had been listening silently through the conversation. "He's not worth it. We'll be late for Quidditch trials."
April didn't notice Ron glaring at her as they walked off, leaving Malfoy behind.