I dreamt about you last night. I felt you. I heard you. I… tasted you. My love isn't pure darling. I'm not some noble prince. It's important that you be kept safe from my longings. I want you, but I can only have you in my dreams. I wonder, though, if you're as pure as I make you out to be.
I remember when you walked into the fencing hall. Time simply stopped. For a few seconds I was thirteen again. For just a moment it was like you had never left. Then, of course, I came back to reality. That's Arisugawa Juri for you, always the realist. No miracles for this little chick. I wonder what you would had done, had our situations been reversed. You would have done exactly as Tenjou suggested. You would have welcomed me back into your heart with open arms. At least that's what I think you would have done. Lately it's been as if I don't know you Shiori. Somehow the world took the girl I knew, and left this cruel stranger in her place. Sometimes I want to find where she went, so I can join her.
There is one place where you are cruelly innocent, not simply cruel. There is a place where you are frozen in time. A place where you are forever mine. I like to look in that place, that golden prison around my neck.
I still have trouble believing that you thought it was Kenji's picture I kept in my locket. How could you have missed the looks I gave you? I practically ignored him when you where around. How could you have thought I loved him? Oh my dear, how could you be so naïve? If only you had been a little wiser, a little more mature. If you had been a little shrewder, then I wouldn't have to hate you like I do. I can't help but hate you. I wanted you to know so badly, but I couldn't tell you. Even if you had yelled. Even if you had responded with hate and disgust it would be better than this limbo I am forever suspended in. Sadly, for me, your beautiful, precious innocence protected you, and protects you still, from my wicked desires.
Tonight I will dream about you. Perhaps tomorrow you will come up and try to talk to me. I will turn you away, and you will be hurt and confused. I wish you could know that I do it to protect you. You will remain pure, untouched by me.
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I don't understand you Juri-san. Whenever I see you give me that look. That look that tells me you want to talk to me, but when I go to see you all but ignore me. Why do you do that? Is it one of your games to prove you superiority? I bet that's it. Well fine! I'm not playing anymore. I'm not going to set myself up so that you can make a fool of poor, pathetic Shiori.
I was so amazed when I came back. You were so different. Once, long ago, you were so filled with a gentle warmth. Now your light is cold and painful. Of course, everyone still loves you. Arisugawa Juri, brilliant member of the student council, and the unbeatable captain of the fencing team. Everyone admires you so much. That's understandable though. I admired you once. No, that's not true. I still admire you. How could I not?
I want us to be friends again. I really do. I hate you so much, but with you I'm at peace. In the old days, when we were together everything felt right with the world. If I told anyone that they'd be shocked. "But Shiori!" They'd say. "You two could never be friend again after what you did!" That's not really fair, though. It's not all my fault. Real friends don't steal each other's boyfriends, yes, but real friends don't keep secrets from each other either. You've had your secret of your locket for years. You would never tell me whose picture is in it. You like knowing something I don't. You like having power over me.
I want to know you're secret. I want to be close to you. I don't care who's in that stupid locket. I don't care if your secrets is bad, or embarrassing. Nothing you say or do could make me stop loving you. You're my best friend I could never not love you. No matter how angry I get, or what I do to hurt you, I love you the whole time. I wish you would tell me who is in your locket. Then we could be equals. Do you not want us to be equals Juri-san? Do you not want us to be friends? I don't believe that. I can't believe that. You do want to talk to me. I know you do. It just has to be true. Please don't hate me. I can't bear the thought of you hating me. I miss you Juri-san. I miss you.
I remember when you walked into the fencing hall. Time simply stopped. For a few seconds I was thirteen again. For just a moment it was like you had never left. Then, of course, I came back to reality. That's Arisugawa Juri for you, always the realist. No miracles for this little chick. I wonder what you would had done, had our situations been reversed. You would have done exactly as Tenjou suggested. You would have welcomed me back into your heart with open arms. At least that's what I think you would have done. Lately it's been as if I don't know you Shiori. Somehow the world took the girl I knew, and left this cruel stranger in her place. Sometimes I want to find where she went, so I can join her.
There is one place where you are cruelly innocent, not simply cruel. There is a place where you are frozen in time. A place where you are forever mine. I like to look in that place, that golden prison around my neck.
I still have trouble believing that you thought it was Kenji's picture I kept in my locket. How could you have missed the looks I gave you? I practically ignored him when you where around. How could you have thought I loved him? Oh my dear, how could you be so naïve? If only you had been a little wiser, a little more mature. If you had been a little shrewder, then I wouldn't have to hate you like I do. I can't help but hate you. I wanted you to know so badly, but I couldn't tell you. Even if you had yelled. Even if you had responded with hate and disgust it would be better than this limbo I am forever suspended in. Sadly, for me, your beautiful, precious innocence protected you, and protects you still, from my wicked desires.
Tonight I will dream about you. Perhaps tomorrow you will come up and try to talk to me. I will turn you away, and you will be hurt and confused. I wish you could know that I do it to protect you. You will remain pure, untouched by me.
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I don't understand you Juri-san. Whenever I see you give me that look. That look that tells me you want to talk to me, but when I go to see you all but ignore me. Why do you do that? Is it one of your games to prove you superiority? I bet that's it. Well fine! I'm not playing anymore. I'm not going to set myself up so that you can make a fool of poor, pathetic Shiori.
I was so amazed when I came back. You were so different. Once, long ago, you were so filled with a gentle warmth. Now your light is cold and painful. Of course, everyone still loves you. Arisugawa Juri, brilliant member of the student council, and the unbeatable captain of the fencing team. Everyone admires you so much. That's understandable though. I admired you once. No, that's not true. I still admire you. How could I not?
I want us to be friends again. I really do. I hate you so much, but with you I'm at peace. In the old days, when we were together everything felt right with the world. If I told anyone that they'd be shocked. "But Shiori!" They'd say. "You two could never be friend again after what you did!" That's not really fair, though. It's not all my fault. Real friends don't steal each other's boyfriends, yes, but real friends don't keep secrets from each other either. You've had your secret of your locket for years. You would never tell me whose picture is in it. You like knowing something I don't. You like having power over me.
I want to know you're secret. I want to be close to you. I don't care who's in that stupid locket. I don't care if your secrets is bad, or embarrassing. Nothing you say or do could make me stop loving you. You're my best friend I could never not love you. No matter how angry I get, or what I do to hurt you, I love you the whole time. I wish you would tell me who is in your locket. Then we could be equals. Do you not want us to be equals Juri-san? Do you not want us to be friends? I don't believe that. I can't believe that. You do want to talk to me. I know you do. It just has to be true. Please don't hate me. I can't bear the thought of you hating me. I miss you Juri-san. I miss you.