Disclaimer: Chobits is by Clamp.
Forever Yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 4 – Confidence in you.
After what seemed to be forever, my eyes wandered to the Angelic Layer clock in front of me and what perfect timing too. It was about time for a random doll to come out. In my desparation, my heart wished it would give me some kind of sign. You know, those kind of things in which you make a split-second decision like, "I'll do this, if this happens."
In a little ruckus all by itself on the wall, just like myself on this chair, the miniature door opened and someone was walking out.
Tap, tap, tap…
My eyes blinked heavily as I watched with silent anticipation for the next day, not wanting it to come at all. For, in all my childishness, my sadness began to overwhelm me once more. I was enveloped within the seams of its warm blanket, only too familiar with the feeling.
As my head began to tilt to one side in sleepiness, I saw the long, black hair behind the tall figure of Suzuka. She walked up to the edge of the little walkway that had come from the door and elegantly bowed. Then, she said, "It is now four o'clock."
Turning around silently, she walked back into the egg and the walkway went back into the egg and so the door closed shut.
I smiled a little smile as she gave me hope.
Hatako-san…
The youngest contender at the beginning of the Angelic Layer competitions. She had risen just as quickly as lightning. That's why that was her signature move: So quiet, yet so deadly.
Only someone so calm and collected could ever be so disciplined. And so, her doll reflected her feelings brightly.
Was that what I was supposed to do?
Was I supposed to not care what was ahead of me, and just remember that whatever made me who I am and what made me happy was all that mattered in the world? Even if it meant that I went against the fate that had been assigned to me since my birth?
You couldn't imagine how proud my father was when he had my sister and then he had me…
I sighed.
"Oh Yuzuki…" my voice trailed off as my eyelids began to droop.
And like the angel that I loved with all my heart, I heard a click of the door. Slowly turning my chair, I saw Yuzuki standing before me. With a sad look on her face, she shook her head as she held a dark, green blanket over one arm.
"You should go back to your bed, Minoru-sama," she whispered softly.
That was her way of telling me she was worried about me.
As she was about to put the blanket over me, I pulled her to my lap. She looked from side to side as her eyebrows came closer and closer to one another.
"Just hold me, Yuzuki," I sweetly told her as I wrapped the blanket over us.
Then, under the blanket, I wrapped her arms over my waist as I held her closer to my chest.
"Close your eyes and let's go to sleep, Yuzuki…" I sleepily told her.
Of her own volition, she held me a bit tighter as I told her this. The tears I had kept inside of me began to fall onto her hair.
You didn't understand…
You don't understand why you always look for me whenever I'm gone from my bedroom when I should be asleep there.
Many years ago, she had tried her hardest to comprehend why she had to find me.
"When I saw you weren't in your room, I surmised all the possibilities of what could have happened to you." Her eyes, which had been watching me all this time, gave me a helpless expression unlike any other. "I…was worried."
Shaking my head, I took her hand into both of my mine and patted it. My heart felt very happy that she felt that way, but a part of me hated myself for wanting her to feel that way at all.
I couldn't describe it then, but if she asked me again, I would have been able to answer her this time.
I would tell you that humans always look for what they are missing. And when it's already yours, you become more vulnerable when you lose it.
You risk losing so much, yet you gave so much to gain just as much.
For some time, I had been so overworked that I just came here to sleep, and I didn't realize the extent of its impact on Yuzuki until she had told me that. Until she had uttered those words, I didn't think that it was somewhat wrong to work so hard.
Nothing else mattered if you couldn't live life to its fullest…
And that meant being healthy.
This made me happy though. For me to know that as I seek her, she reached back for me.
She would look for me…
My eyes closed at that moment and I peacefully went to sleep with my Yuzuki in my arms.
But something in the back of my mind, as always, was gnawing away at me. That certain feeling was coming back to me.
The one that told me that I couldn't control everything about Yuzuki's environment or programming. That I had lost her in some way because I had made her.
I just had to let her be.
Like always.
"Minoru-sama? Minoru-sama?"
When I opened my eyes, Yuzuki's blue plates reflected me looking at her. I blinked sleepily as she announced, "It is now six a.m."
I nodded my head as I rubbed my eyes. "Yes. Thank you, Yuzuki."
As she was getting off of me, I pulled her head between my hands and kissed her on the forehead with a smile.
Like a little kid, I said, "Mine."
Desparate and sincere.
That's all that could come out of my mouth.
Yuzuki let out a sigh as she shook her head. "You are not going according to your usual pattern, Minoru-sama."
She then got up as I began to fold the blanket because I wouldn't let her do it.
"You're doing all the things that have such little chance of being done," she mused as she tilted her head in slight contemplation.
"That's both a blessing and curse for people, isn't it?" I answered as I patted her back.
While going our separate ways in the hall, I looked back at Yuzuki walking to the kitchen.
Hurriedly, I changed and ate breakfast. While running out the door, Yuzuki was so flustered as to what was happening to me. I laughed when she thought it was what people called 'adolescence'.
I shook my head to point at her and say, "No, it's because of you."
She handed my lunch to me as I saw her attempt to curve her lips again.
That made me smile even more.
Yes, it's because I love you.
Nothing else.
I ran with my lunch in my hands and felt like I had done a one-eighty in one night. That was her fault though.
My programming's so out of whack whenever it came to Yuzuki. Sheesh.
As I turned to the corner that led to Hideki-san's apartment, my grandmother's words rang in my ears and burdened my heart once more:
"You'll have to choose someday: Between yourself and Yuzuki-san."
People always told me I was quiet, yet very smart…
For a long time, I thought that was what made me, me.
I smirked with all the confidence that I could conjure up at the moment. "How could you think I never thought of this, Grandmother?"
Yuzuki and I are two halves of broken angels with black wings that make a whole. The feathers are falling one by one until we are fallen, becoming humans. Becoming mortal.
I have looked for her for a long time as she slept in the recesses of my mind.
I didn't know I needed her until I brought her into life.
Slowly, I walked up to Hibiya-san's door and lifted up my hand to knock on the door.
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's notes: School had taken me over and so I was unable to make another entry for this. It was either make a fanfic or don't sleep at all (and I already get an insufficient amount of hours in the first place). Sometimes, I just say oh f--- it, but I really need to sleep more.
To those who have been standing by for this fic, thank you. For a few weeks now, I've been out of writing this fic not only because I've had no time, but my lack of self-confidence struck me again. So, I had to deal with that and with the fact that I didn't know how to twist this the way I wanted with a 'oh god, can't believe I'm going to do that and people will hate me…but oh, well. ^^;;;'
I read over this whole fic the other day. It's hard to compliment yourself when you're always so self-critical. Not to mention the fact that one reader had e-mailed me and made me go 'ding! Oh, they're so right! ^_^' What I mean is that they made me focus on why the hell I started this fic in the first place by asking what did I think of Chobits. In a simplified answer, I said that it was to show people that you can't live by yourself and must love someone unconditionally, despite their weaknesses and with all their strengths. Persocoms show your vulnerability, but they were made and make someone whole while complementing one another. But, going back to reading this fic (oh, I'm starting to go off tangent like in Soseki's essay, I love that author), I had read it all over again because people were so excited over it. And I thought, 'All I write are mostly angsty, and so why I am making Chobits more sad than it should be?' Then, I understood (like when I read all of Aching Desire when I got to chapter 31) why I loved this pairing so much and why I wanted to write this again. I am not good with explaining things, so I hope the fic will be sufficient.
The choosing of the doll was actually quite difficult. If you have watched/read Angelic Layer, each of these dolls have a different message. At first, I wanted it to be Hikaru, but the salient meaning of her name would be overbearing with its message, so I turned to Suzuka since Hatako (who is my favorite in AL, to the point that I got my outfit custom-made for her) said it didn't matter what you are, it's who you are that counts. That is what is truly strong.
Forever Yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 4 – Confidence in you.
After what seemed to be forever, my eyes wandered to the Angelic Layer clock in front of me and what perfect timing too. It was about time for a random doll to come out. In my desparation, my heart wished it would give me some kind of sign. You know, those kind of things in which you make a split-second decision like, "I'll do this, if this happens."
In a little ruckus all by itself on the wall, just like myself on this chair, the miniature door opened and someone was walking out.
Tap, tap, tap…
My eyes blinked heavily as I watched with silent anticipation for the next day, not wanting it to come at all. For, in all my childishness, my sadness began to overwhelm me once more. I was enveloped within the seams of its warm blanket, only too familiar with the feeling.
As my head began to tilt to one side in sleepiness, I saw the long, black hair behind the tall figure of Suzuka. She walked up to the edge of the little walkway that had come from the door and elegantly bowed. Then, she said, "It is now four o'clock."
Turning around silently, she walked back into the egg and the walkway went back into the egg and so the door closed shut.
I smiled a little smile as she gave me hope.
Hatako-san…
The youngest contender at the beginning of the Angelic Layer competitions. She had risen just as quickly as lightning. That's why that was her signature move: So quiet, yet so deadly.
Only someone so calm and collected could ever be so disciplined. And so, her doll reflected her feelings brightly.
Was that what I was supposed to do?
Was I supposed to not care what was ahead of me, and just remember that whatever made me who I am and what made me happy was all that mattered in the world? Even if it meant that I went against the fate that had been assigned to me since my birth?
You couldn't imagine how proud my father was when he had my sister and then he had me…
I sighed.
"Oh Yuzuki…" my voice trailed off as my eyelids began to droop.
And like the angel that I loved with all my heart, I heard a click of the door. Slowly turning my chair, I saw Yuzuki standing before me. With a sad look on her face, she shook her head as she held a dark, green blanket over one arm.
"You should go back to your bed, Minoru-sama," she whispered softly.
That was her way of telling me she was worried about me.
As she was about to put the blanket over me, I pulled her to my lap. She looked from side to side as her eyebrows came closer and closer to one another.
"Just hold me, Yuzuki," I sweetly told her as I wrapped the blanket over us.
Then, under the blanket, I wrapped her arms over my waist as I held her closer to my chest.
"Close your eyes and let's go to sleep, Yuzuki…" I sleepily told her.
Of her own volition, she held me a bit tighter as I told her this. The tears I had kept inside of me began to fall onto her hair.
You didn't understand…
You don't understand why you always look for me whenever I'm gone from my bedroom when I should be asleep there.
Many years ago, she had tried her hardest to comprehend why she had to find me.
"When I saw you weren't in your room, I surmised all the possibilities of what could have happened to you." Her eyes, which had been watching me all this time, gave me a helpless expression unlike any other. "I…was worried."
Shaking my head, I took her hand into both of my mine and patted it. My heart felt very happy that she felt that way, but a part of me hated myself for wanting her to feel that way at all.
I couldn't describe it then, but if she asked me again, I would have been able to answer her this time.
I would tell you that humans always look for what they are missing. And when it's already yours, you become more vulnerable when you lose it.
You risk losing so much, yet you gave so much to gain just as much.
For some time, I had been so overworked that I just came here to sleep, and I didn't realize the extent of its impact on Yuzuki until she had told me that. Until she had uttered those words, I didn't think that it was somewhat wrong to work so hard.
Nothing else mattered if you couldn't live life to its fullest…
And that meant being healthy.
This made me happy though. For me to know that as I seek her, she reached back for me.
She would look for me…
My eyes closed at that moment and I peacefully went to sleep with my Yuzuki in my arms.
But something in the back of my mind, as always, was gnawing away at me. That certain feeling was coming back to me.
The one that told me that I couldn't control everything about Yuzuki's environment or programming. That I had lost her in some way because I had made her.
I just had to let her be.
Like always.
"Minoru-sama? Minoru-sama?"
When I opened my eyes, Yuzuki's blue plates reflected me looking at her. I blinked sleepily as she announced, "It is now six a.m."
I nodded my head as I rubbed my eyes. "Yes. Thank you, Yuzuki."
As she was getting off of me, I pulled her head between my hands and kissed her on the forehead with a smile.
Like a little kid, I said, "Mine."
Desparate and sincere.
That's all that could come out of my mouth.
Yuzuki let out a sigh as she shook her head. "You are not going according to your usual pattern, Minoru-sama."
She then got up as I began to fold the blanket because I wouldn't let her do it.
"You're doing all the things that have such little chance of being done," she mused as she tilted her head in slight contemplation.
"That's both a blessing and curse for people, isn't it?" I answered as I patted her back.
While going our separate ways in the hall, I looked back at Yuzuki walking to the kitchen.
Hurriedly, I changed and ate breakfast. While running out the door, Yuzuki was so flustered as to what was happening to me. I laughed when she thought it was what people called 'adolescence'.
I shook my head to point at her and say, "No, it's because of you."
She handed my lunch to me as I saw her attempt to curve her lips again.
That made me smile even more.
Yes, it's because I love you.
Nothing else.
I ran with my lunch in my hands and felt like I had done a one-eighty in one night. That was her fault though.
My programming's so out of whack whenever it came to Yuzuki. Sheesh.
As I turned to the corner that led to Hideki-san's apartment, my grandmother's words rang in my ears and burdened my heart once more:
"You'll have to choose someday: Between yourself and Yuzuki-san."
People always told me I was quiet, yet very smart…
For a long time, I thought that was what made me, me.
I smirked with all the confidence that I could conjure up at the moment. "How could you think I never thought of this, Grandmother?"
Yuzuki and I are two halves of broken angels with black wings that make a whole. The feathers are falling one by one until we are fallen, becoming humans. Becoming mortal.
I have looked for her for a long time as she slept in the recesses of my mind.
I didn't know I needed her until I brought her into life.
Slowly, I walked up to Hibiya-san's door and lifted up my hand to knock on the door.
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's notes: School had taken me over and so I was unable to make another entry for this. It was either make a fanfic or don't sleep at all (and I already get an insufficient amount of hours in the first place). Sometimes, I just say oh f--- it, but I really need to sleep more.
To those who have been standing by for this fic, thank you. For a few weeks now, I've been out of writing this fic not only because I've had no time, but my lack of self-confidence struck me again. So, I had to deal with that and with the fact that I didn't know how to twist this the way I wanted with a 'oh god, can't believe I'm going to do that and people will hate me…but oh, well. ^^;;;'
I read over this whole fic the other day. It's hard to compliment yourself when you're always so self-critical. Not to mention the fact that one reader had e-mailed me and made me go 'ding! Oh, they're so right! ^_^' What I mean is that they made me focus on why the hell I started this fic in the first place by asking what did I think of Chobits. In a simplified answer, I said that it was to show people that you can't live by yourself and must love someone unconditionally, despite their weaknesses and with all their strengths. Persocoms show your vulnerability, but they were made and make someone whole while complementing one another. But, going back to reading this fic (oh, I'm starting to go off tangent like in Soseki's essay, I love that author), I had read it all over again because people were so excited over it. And I thought, 'All I write are mostly angsty, and so why I am making Chobits more sad than it should be?' Then, I understood (like when I read all of Aching Desire when I got to chapter 31) why I loved this pairing so much and why I wanted to write this again. I am not good with explaining things, so I hope the fic will be sufficient.
The choosing of the doll was actually quite difficult. If you have watched/read Angelic Layer, each of these dolls have a different message. At first, I wanted it to be Hikaru, but the salient meaning of her name would be overbearing with its message, so I turned to Suzuka since Hatako (who is my favorite in AL, to the point that I got my outfit custom-made for her) said it didn't matter what you are, it's who you are that counts. That is what is truly strong.