"The Second Element"
By Eden La Mer
*Always you'll be blood and soul part of me; the second element.
I am longing for you. *
- The Second Element
------------------------------------------------------------
They say true love only comes once, but I beg to differ. I've been able to love truly many times over, however, am I wrong to admit that there are different kinds of love as well as loving at different persons at different intensities, but still loving those all the same? Am I even making sense?
I thought not.
Loving my David is something I'll never doubt. Ask me over and over if I regret his imprintation and I will say "no" to every time. After all, he didn't ask to be imprinted. Nor did he ask too be created. Worse enough, he didn't ask for the life he was to live beyond that. He never asked for anything.
Except me.
And I couldn't even give him that.
Sometimes I wonder if he was really destined for me in the first place. Why me and Henry? We already had our chance for a child. There were so many young couples willing to allow any child into their home with open arms, while there I was, reluctant and afraid when I first saw him. I didn't want to accept him. I remember wanting him out of my sight the moment Henry had told me what he was for. I ranted, I yelled, I cried a lot. Now here I am wanting to do all three again, just to have him back in my life.
What have I done to deserve this?
Where have I gone wrong in life to be punished this way? That is, if I am being punished.
Pessimists say as we live, we are really dying very, very slowly every day.
This is the most painful death I can imagine then.
I can't sleep because I still see his face in my dreams. The look of hurt in his eyes, his face expressing utter confusion and the knowledge of betrayal. Things no child should ever know or feel. I hear his distressed cries ringing out in my nightmares, worse than any ghosts' howl. I feel his desperate grip on me . on my arms, on my neck.
It's hurts to stay awake because everything I see reminds me of him. I don't dare touch or change anything that he has left behind. It's as if they would fade to nothing if I did, as if he didn't exist.
That, I refuse to bear the thought of.
I only had my David for a little while, but in that that time, he learned so much.
Except for the fact that I loved him.
I don't know why I never told him, but now it's too late. Maybe I realized I never really knew how much I loved him until I was out there . the both of us in that struggle.
How cruel is it to say "I love you" but then leave him helpless and alone as if he were unwanted. What would "I love you" mean then?
Words, I now know, are nothing. Feelings are everything. I pray that if he felt any of my love at all, he'd know that I loved him.
A love so far different from anything other love I had given anyone - A new kind of love that, perhaps that had only been felt between him and I.
A love connected by his soul and felt in my blood.
Which brings me back to where I started.
Am I wrong to admit that there are different kinds of love?
I think I just answered that for myself.
END
* Based on "The Second Element" * Music by: Thomas Schwartz, Frank Peterson. and Matthais Meissner
Lyrics by: Frank Peterson and Weiss
- Eden la Mer
*Always you'll be blood and soul part of me; the second element.
I am longing for you. *
- The Second Element
------------------------------------------------------------
They say true love only comes once, but I beg to differ. I've been able to love truly many times over, however, am I wrong to admit that there are different kinds of love as well as loving at different persons at different intensities, but still loving those all the same? Am I even making sense?
I thought not.
Loving my David is something I'll never doubt. Ask me over and over if I regret his imprintation and I will say "no" to every time. After all, he didn't ask to be imprinted. Nor did he ask too be created. Worse enough, he didn't ask for the life he was to live beyond that. He never asked for anything.
Except me.
And I couldn't even give him that.
Sometimes I wonder if he was really destined for me in the first place. Why me and Henry? We already had our chance for a child. There were so many young couples willing to allow any child into their home with open arms, while there I was, reluctant and afraid when I first saw him. I didn't want to accept him. I remember wanting him out of my sight the moment Henry had told me what he was for. I ranted, I yelled, I cried a lot. Now here I am wanting to do all three again, just to have him back in my life.
What have I done to deserve this?
Where have I gone wrong in life to be punished this way? That is, if I am being punished.
Pessimists say as we live, we are really dying very, very slowly every day.
This is the most painful death I can imagine then.
I can't sleep because I still see his face in my dreams. The look of hurt in his eyes, his face expressing utter confusion and the knowledge of betrayal. Things no child should ever know or feel. I hear his distressed cries ringing out in my nightmares, worse than any ghosts' howl. I feel his desperate grip on me . on my arms, on my neck.
It's hurts to stay awake because everything I see reminds me of him. I don't dare touch or change anything that he has left behind. It's as if they would fade to nothing if I did, as if he didn't exist.
That, I refuse to bear the thought of.
I only had my David for a little while, but in that that time, he learned so much.
Except for the fact that I loved him.
I don't know why I never told him, but now it's too late. Maybe I realized I never really knew how much I loved him until I was out there . the both of us in that struggle.
How cruel is it to say "I love you" but then leave him helpless and alone as if he were unwanted. What would "I love you" mean then?
Words, I now know, are nothing. Feelings are everything. I pray that if he felt any of my love at all, he'd know that I loved him.
A love so far different from anything other love I had given anyone - A new kind of love that, perhaps that had only been felt between him and I.
A love connected by his soul and felt in my blood.
Which brings me back to where I started.
Am I wrong to admit that there are different kinds of love?
I think I just answered that for myself.
END
* Based on "The Second Element" * Music by: Thomas Schwartz, Frank Peterson. and Matthais Meissner
Lyrics by: Frank Peterson and Weiss
- Eden la Mer