Disclaimer: Chobits isn't mine, but Clamp. Utada owns 'simple and clean'.
Forever yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 6 – when you walk away.
If this were some drama that happened on television, I wanted to know who was playing the fool and watching me in my moment of agony.
I felt like I was being watched for someone's cruel enjoyment as I held the cel phone in my hand trying not to get upset enough to throw it away or let it easily slip from my fingers.
Like Yuzuki's hair…
"I'll be right there," I said calmly as I kept that complacent smile on my face. The one that made me go on automatic mode in which I was unaware that I appeared as if nothing had happened at all.
That was what scared and worried my sister whenever I got really mad or upset.
I wouldn't show that I was feeling that way.
Looking at my lunch one more time, I closed it and packed it up in my lap. Then, I got up, put it into my school bag and just went to my locker.
Without looking back, I just walked straight out of the school.
Normally, I would have taken the bus, but Yuzuki was leading me on. With my hands in fists, I found myself walking faster and faster.
So fast to the point that my heart beat so quickly I couldn't breathe and my asthma kicked in. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes as I tried to not grab my heart.
The same as the last time…
The feeling that I would lose her…
As I passed by the Angelic Layer monitor while a battle was going on, I got a call on my cel. Trying to catch my breath, I looked up to the two dolls fighting as I said, "Hai, Kokubunji desu."
A familiar voice responded, "Minoru-kun, it's me."
My eyes watched a white AL doll dressed with an angel outfit that looked similar to that of the comic 'Wish' on Kohaku being kicked directly on the stomach and falling to the ground. The other doll, a dark-caped doll that looked similar to Suzuka, but it was dressed with a high school uniform, stood yards off with his arms folded in indifference.
"Hello, Grandmother," I greeted while trying to still catch my breath.
"Did I call you at a bad time, Dear?" she asked me as I shook my head to say, "No, I was just running around."
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to ask you if you could come over to my house after school. I think we should start as soon as possible, as I had said in my note."
There was a strange silence.
"I'm sorry, but I have something really important to do this afternoon. Can I reschedule it for next week?" My eyes continued to watch the battle as the white angel jumped and came back to the platform to give a punch to the neck of the black-clothed doll.
"No, I'm afraid that isn't possible," she firmly replied.
A shiver went down my spine.
"I need to go now. I'm sorry, Grandmother. I will call again later."
"That won't be necessary, Minoru-kun."
Silence.
"Please completely turn around," she instructed.
At that moment, there she was parked on the street with her servant coming to get me and lead me away to her home…
Without so much as a word, a cold silence distanced us. Though she had loved me, according to my father, since I was in my mother's womb forming, this was the side of my grandmother that I had not wanted to ever come across.
The business one with a Noh face of a woman smiling elegantly, yet you didn't know what was happening underneath.
When I got to her home, there was a stack of files on her desk within her study. I walked up to the files as my grandmother closed the door behind her.
As she sat behind her desk, my eyes became slits with an unhappy frown that didn't want to show a scowl.
"What are these?" I asked as I pushed the file in my arm towards her, almost too disgusted to look at how far she had gone behind my back.
I guess I had to try harder to be one step ahead of her…
"First, you have to pick whom you will marry, Minoru-kun," she answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world to say.
My face became blank as I put the file back on the stack. "Grandmother, I'm only sixteen-years-old."
Let age save me for a brief moment, please…
But she could see through me like Yuzuki can when she muses over looking at a glass and sees my face through it…
"That's what happened with your father," she said with her hands folded and a deadpan look that conveyed no emotion.
"And that's why my sister and I never lived together," I answered as I looked straight at her without remorse to the tone that had began to form latently upon my voice. "We had two different mothers."
"Is something bothering you, Minoru? Usually you're so agreeable." Her tone became dark. "I didn't give you the warning earlier to make you prolong your decisions. It was to expedite them."
I shook my head as I sighed while trying to be as direct as possible. "I'm not giving up Yuzuki, Grandmother."
"And the truth comes out." Her face stiffened as she got up from her chair and looked out the window that was behind her.
Bowing my head, I politely excused myself. "I'm sorry, but I really must go home right now."
"I'm not asking you to give her up, Minoru-kun. I'm telling you to." She sighed as she continued to watch the window and whatever was happening outside of it. "Do you really think things are that simple in life?"
She turned her towards my direction with a disappointed expression. "Are you really going to risk your father's name for a persocom, Minoru-kun?"
Shaking her head, my grandmother blinked her eyes and folded her hands. I couldn't read if her face conveyed pity or frustration as she said with a sigh, "I'll let you go for now."
My right ear felt like they had been pricked as I turned around to leave. Bowing again, I answered, "Father had told me to always be happy. My sister only wanted me to be happy."
Looking at her straight in the face, I finished, "Yuzuki is my happiness."
Then, I left as she said, "I'm trying to help you too."
As the door closed, I heard her say as if her words were darts finding themselves invisibly pinned onto my chest where my heart should have been, "When you're older, you'll understand."
It triggered that song…
Waving my hands to her attendants to not help me, I ran out of the front gate. I rushed once more with only Yuzuki on my mind.
Like a ghost that wanted to kill me as softly as a violin piece that my sister had made for me years ago, _that_ damned song played in my head
The one that Yuzuki seemed to bob her head and quietly tried to learn when she listened to it on her walkman. It was the purple one that I had given to her when she looked up to the Angelic Layer battle monitor only a few weeks ago…
I clearly remembered when we watched an exhibition show by Hikaru and Wizard. They were doing a dance routine that integrated a whole battle with music playing in the background like a movie.
When we clapped at the end of the performance, we were going to turn around, but a part of a music video played from an idol of old. She did video games and pop music that many people around the world enjoyed both in Japanese and English.
"Oh, that song," I mumbled miserably to myself.
I was trying to not pay attention to it because it made me feel depressed, but Yuzuki's braids flew softly in a half-circle motion as she whipped her head to stare at the television above her.
I thought it was because she was fascinated by this old song that made me cringe my fingers beneath my black gloves and hold onto the pockets of my coat as if I would grate my fingernails into my palms from the pain.
I didn't know what was happening, but the song played and Yuzuki was mesmerized instantly just as much as I was enchanted looking at her. The wind blew and I watched her profile.
Her eyes became downcast for a moment as she mimed the words with much familiarity. These words I wished she never knew,
"When you walk away
You don't hear me say,
'Please, oh baby,
Don't go.'"
I blinked as I saw her cross that line of illusion that made her 'human' to me…
I was pained by this. Yet, already condemning myself to the person I had silently fallen for, I couldn't help but feel like a painter who became enraptured by watching a painting for years to find that it could live and breathe. Leaning so close to it that you could feel the paint pulsate under your fingers out of its beauty.
At that moment, she tilted her head and directly looked at me. Shaking her head slowly, Yuzuki mimed the words as if she could sing with her lips moving in sync to this singer of old:
"Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said 'No,
I don't think life is quite that simple…'"
The music stopped and Yuzuki, who usually was confused when she became embarrassed when she expressed something that she thought she shouldn't have, didn't clasp her hands together.
Instead, she turned around and nodded her head. "I'm sorry I delayed us."
I wanted to grab her shoulders and tell her that that was all right to feel that way.
That's why I hated that song. With all of my heart.
It was the one that played when my sister died…
It was the one that played coincidentally when I created you…
And somehow, you knew that though I never told you.
I ran towards Hibiya-san's apartment with this single hope within me.
For that one look,
When she 'sang' to me though she half understood…
Would you truly understand that, Grandmother?
Yuzuki's 'heart' knew what it wanted to say to me though she couldn't say it to me.
And I couldn't show her how much I loved her in return.
Images of Yuzuki flickered like an old film inside of my head to keep me going towards her.
To dare to hope…
Smile.
Laugh.
Lift up the hand to the mouth in embarrassment.
The wide eyes of confusion.
The folding of her hands.
The smell of her hair.
The texture of her skin.
The voice that told me, 'No, I'll stay with you as long as you want me here.'
My heart ached as that idol's song went over and over in my head as I mimed them to myself:
"Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water?
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple…"
I ran faster and faster towards Hibiya-san's place as I let my fists go to find drops of blood already making a trail of little blemishes behind me...
…waiting and vulnerable…
…to be stepped upon, voluntarily.
Tsuzuku…
--
author's note: yes, I'm sorry that this is going really slow, but I'm really that way. I know where this is going, but if it doesn't build, I'm really gonna waste the fic. And I really do enjoy and love it, dramatic as it is.
In case you didn't know, yes, I'm an rpg freak. (Been playing final fantasy since I was ten years old.)
Forever yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 6 – when you walk away.
If this were some drama that happened on television, I wanted to know who was playing the fool and watching me in my moment of agony.
I felt like I was being watched for someone's cruel enjoyment as I held the cel phone in my hand trying not to get upset enough to throw it away or let it easily slip from my fingers.
Like Yuzuki's hair…
"I'll be right there," I said calmly as I kept that complacent smile on my face. The one that made me go on automatic mode in which I was unaware that I appeared as if nothing had happened at all.
That was what scared and worried my sister whenever I got really mad or upset.
I wouldn't show that I was feeling that way.
Looking at my lunch one more time, I closed it and packed it up in my lap. Then, I got up, put it into my school bag and just went to my locker.
Without looking back, I just walked straight out of the school.
Normally, I would have taken the bus, but Yuzuki was leading me on. With my hands in fists, I found myself walking faster and faster.
So fast to the point that my heart beat so quickly I couldn't breathe and my asthma kicked in. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes as I tried to not grab my heart.
The same as the last time…
The feeling that I would lose her…
As I passed by the Angelic Layer monitor while a battle was going on, I got a call on my cel. Trying to catch my breath, I looked up to the two dolls fighting as I said, "Hai, Kokubunji desu."
A familiar voice responded, "Minoru-kun, it's me."
My eyes watched a white AL doll dressed with an angel outfit that looked similar to that of the comic 'Wish' on Kohaku being kicked directly on the stomach and falling to the ground. The other doll, a dark-caped doll that looked similar to Suzuka, but it was dressed with a high school uniform, stood yards off with his arms folded in indifference.
"Hello, Grandmother," I greeted while trying to still catch my breath.
"Did I call you at a bad time, Dear?" she asked me as I shook my head to say, "No, I was just running around."
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to ask you if you could come over to my house after school. I think we should start as soon as possible, as I had said in my note."
There was a strange silence.
"I'm sorry, but I have something really important to do this afternoon. Can I reschedule it for next week?" My eyes continued to watch the battle as the white angel jumped and came back to the platform to give a punch to the neck of the black-clothed doll.
"No, I'm afraid that isn't possible," she firmly replied.
A shiver went down my spine.
"I need to go now. I'm sorry, Grandmother. I will call again later."
"That won't be necessary, Minoru-kun."
Silence.
"Please completely turn around," she instructed.
At that moment, there she was parked on the street with her servant coming to get me and lead me away to her home…
Without so much as a word, a cold silence distanced us. Though she had loved me, according to my father, since I was in my mother's womb forming, this was the side of my grandmother that I had not wanted to ever come across.
The business one with a Noh face of a woman smiling elegantly, yet you didn't know what was happening underneath.
When I got to her home, there was a stack of files on her desk within her study. I walked up to the files as my grandmother closed the door behind her.
As she sat behind her desk, my eyes became slits with an unhappy frown that didn't want to show a scowl.
"What are these?" I asked as I pushed the file in my arm towards her, almost too disgusted to look at how far she had gone behind my back.
I guess I had to try harder to be one step ahead of her…
"First, you have to pick whom you will marry, Minoru-kun," she answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world to say.
My face became blank as I put the file back on the stack. "Grandmother, I'm only sixteen-years-old."
Let age save me for a brief moment, please…
But she could see through me like Yuzuki can when she muses over looking at a glass and sees my face through it…
"That's what happened with your father," she said with her hands folded and a deadpan look that conveyed no emotion.
"And that's why my sister and I never lived together," I answered as I looked straight at her without remorse to the tone that had began to form latently upon my voice. "We had two different mothers."
"Is something bothering you, Minoru? Usually you're so agreeable." Her tone became dark. "I didn't give you the warning earlier to make you prolong your decisions. It was to expedite them."
I shook my head as I sighed while trying to be as direct as possible. "I'm not giving up Yuzuki, Grandmother."
"And the truth comes out." Her face stiffened as she got up from her chair and looked out the window that was behind her.
Bowing my head, I politely excused myself. "I'm sorry, but I really must go home right now."
"I'm not asking you to give her up, Minoru-kun. I'm telling you to." She sighed as she continued to watch the window and whatever was happening outside of it. "Do you really think things are that simple in life?"
She turned her towards my direction with a disappointed expression. "Are you really going to risk your father's name for a persocom, Minoru-kun?"
Shaking her head, my grandmother blinked her eyes and folded her hands. I couldn't read if her face conveyed pity or frustration as she said with a sigh, "I'll let you go for now."
My right ear felt like they had been pricked as I turned around to leave. Bowing again, I answered, "Father had told me to always be happy. My sister only wanted me to be happy."
Looking at her straight in the face, I finished, "Yuzuki is my happiness."
Then, I left as she said, "I'm trying to help you too."
As the door closed, I heard her say as if her words were darts finding themselves invisibly pinned onto my chest where my heart should have been, "When you're older, you'll understand."
It triggered that song…
Waving my hands to her attendants to not help me, I ran out of the front gate. I rushed once more with only Yuzuki on my mind.
Like a ghost that wanted to kill me as softly as a violin piece that my sister had made for me years ago, _that_ damned song played in my head
The one that Yuzuki seemed to bob her head and quietly tried to learn when she listened to it on her walkman. It was the purple one that I had given to her when she looked up to the Angelic Layer battle monitor only a few weeks ago…
I clearly remembered when we watched an exhibition show by Hikaru and Wizard. They were doing a dance routine that integrated a whole battle with music playing in the background like a movie.
When we clapped at the end of the performance, we were going to turn around, but a part of a music video played from an idol of old. She did video games and pop music that many people around the world enjoyed both in Japanese and English.
"Oh, that song," I mumbled miserably to myself.
I was trying to not pay attention to it because it made me feel depressed, but Yuzuki's braids flew softly in a half-circle motion as she whipped her head to stare at the television above her.
I thought it was because she was fascinated by this old song that made me cringe my fingers beneath my black gloves and hold onto the pockets of my coat as if I would grate my fingernails into my palms from the pain.
I didn't know what was happening, but the song played and Yuzuki was mesmerized instantly just as much as I was enchanted looking at her. The wind blew and I watched her profile.
Her eyes became downcast for a moment as she mimed the words with much familiarity. These words I wished she never knew,
"When you walk away
You don't hear me say,
'Please, oh baby,
Don't go.'"
I blinked as I saw her cross that line of illusion that made her 'human' to me…
I was pained by this. Yet, already condemning myself to the person I had silently fallen for, I couldn't help but feel like a painter who became enraptured by watching a painting for years to find that it could live and breathe. Leaning so close to it that you could feel the paint pulsate under your fingers out of its beauty.
At that moment, she tilted her head and directly looked at me. Shaking her head slowly, Yuzuki mimed the words as if she could sing with her lips moving in sync to this singer of old:
"Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father?
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said 'No,
I don't think life is quite that simple…'"
The music stopped and Yuzuki, who usually was confused when she became embarrassed when she expressed something that she thought she shouldn't have, didn't clasp her hands together.
Instead, she turned around and nodded her head. "I'm sorry I delayed us."
I wanted to grab her shoulders and tell her that that was all right to feel that way.
That's why I hated that song. With all of my heart.
It was the one that played when my sister died…
It was the one that played coincidentally when I created you…
And somehow, you knew that though I never told you.
I ran towards Hibiya-san's apartment with this single hope within me.
For that one look,
When she 'sang' to me though she half understood…
Would you truly understand that, Grandmother?
Yuzuki's 'heart' knew what it wanted to say to me though she couldn't say it to me.
And I couldn't show her how much I loved her in return.
Images of Yuzuki flickered like an old film inside of my head to keep me going towards her.
To dare to hope…
Smile.
Laugh.
Lift up the hand to the mouth in embarrassment.
The wide eyes of confusion.
The folding of her hands.
The smell of her hair.
The texture of her skin.
The voice that told me, 'No, I'll stay with you as long as you want me here.'
My heart ached as that idol's song went over and over in my head as I mimed them to myself:
"Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water?
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple…"
I ran faster and faster towards Hibiya-san's place as I let my fists go to find drops of blood already making a trail of little blemishes behind me...
…waiting and vulnerable…
…to be stepped upon, voluntarily.
Tsuzuku…
--
author's note: yes, I'm sorry that this is going really slow, but I'm really that way. I know where this is going, but if it doesn't build, I'm really gonna waste the fic. And I really do enjoy and love it, dramatic as it is.
In case you didn't know, yes, I'm an rpg freak. (Been playing final fantasy since I was ten years old.)