Disclaimer: Chobits belongs to Clamp.
Forever Yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 14 - Still so far away...
When Yuzuki and I got back to the surface level of the house, it was already late in the evening. I didn't bother to eat dinner and the other persocoms were already inside each of their own rooms.
As Yuzuki walked over to her own, when she was about to leave me, I took her hand by a nervous impulse.
Actually, I didn't want to let go of her. I still felt that she would leave me again if I let her. Finally, I had to let go, though and as I did so, I smiled tiredly, "We'll talk about this in the morning then. I think we've both had a rough week."
As I was about to turn around, she was in front of me with a nod as she gently gripped onto my hand. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
My eyes fluttered, but I nodded all the same. We walked silently to my bedroom and I sat upon my bed. As I sighed, Yuzuki asked, "Can I change my clothes too?"
I tilted my head and shrugged my shoulder. "Okay, if you want."
I turned to my drawers and pulled out a white shirt and shorts to sleep with. It was weird because for all these years, she had not changed unless it was for an outing and certainly not at home or for going to bed.
It would be too much trouble, wouldn't it? Oh well, that's what she wanted.
She looked at it, and then at me, in strange amusement. Yuzuki held out the clothes in front of her.
"From today, you'll staying in this bedroom with me," I simply wanted to say with my hands folded. "Is that okay with you, Yuzuki?"
Instead, I stared at her with nothing to say. We didn't know what to do.
There were too many things to be said, and yet important as they seemed, they were still weightless. There was no substance to draw them from because they were questions that could not have a simple answer, nor a complete one.
With her own hands folded with the shirt in between, she nodded. Then, she smiled. While looking up, she held out the shirt to me. "You have to hold this for me."
As I was about to turn around, she tenderly touched my shoulder as she stood before me. "No, you have to really look at me, Minoru-sa-"
"Minoru is fine, my dear." I said to her as she nodded her head.
"Minoru, you have to look at me," she said to me with serious eyes.
I blushed at her with my mouth slightly open in shock.
"While I was gone, I went all around the city trying to find what made a human a human. What made a woman the way she is?" She looked away for a moment in embarrassment. "I went to the library, I searched the internet, I watched people, but there was no answer for my question. I needed to prove to you that I wanted to be real too."
"But you-" I started to interrupt, but she placed her finger on my lips. She said, "I know. These things shouldn't have mattered at all. I didn't know that until you told me, 'I found you.'"
"I may be an illusion made by your hands, but you let me grow." For a rare instant in time, I saw Yuzuki smile without the nervousness or the worry I was accustomed to seeing.
At that moment, while I was looking at her, she undid her sash from behind and unbuttoned her dress.
"Yuzuki..." I trailed off, in awe.
I knew her body well for I had designed it, but it felt like it was the first time I had seen it.
In embarrassment, I turned away from her while blushing profusely.
How much she had matured in such a short amount of time...
She caught my head between her hands and turned my head to face her naked body. She then let go of my face and held out her hands to me.
"This is me." Yuzuki began to cry. "I am still a persocom, no matter how I tried."
Yuzuki's tears fell, and this time, they were clear and white.
Oh Yuzuki...
Trying so hard to be what she wanted but couldn't.
You are so much a human than you'd ever begin to realize...
I took her hands and began to kiss them. "I made you with all my heart and my soul. That's all that I see. Not a human, nor a persocom."
As I wrapped the white shirt around her, I began to dress her while kissing her mouth. She tried to pull back. "But isn't this only for-"
I shook my head. "Chii told me you can feel to the fullest extent. Only, your battery will be lost."
At that moment, I held back. A cold jolt went through my body as I let her go.
She'll lose more of her life...
I didn't want that happening.
Not more than it already has...
"That's all right, Minoru" she whispered lovingly as she wrapped her arms around me as if she read my thoughts. Then, she kissed me back.
Is this wrong that I want to make love to something that isn't a human or persocom to me? Was I ever wrong to bring her so much pain and making her die the more she could feel?
I kissed her forehead and then her cheek. Then, her eyes blinked at me as she pulled me close to kiss her again as my worried eyes glazed over her face. "Tell me that this is all right. That the way we live, love, and die is all right, Yuzuki..." I whispered into her ear.
"Ee..." she said as she smiled at me.
My sorrow and my fears left me for a moment as I kissed her neck and she turned to one side with her eyes closed while holding onto me. Her head slightly shifted as she tightly held my hands while I kissed her chest...
Again, I kissed her lips as she looked up at me with a tired smile on her face. With my face next to her, I wrapped my left arm around her bare stomach while pulling the covers over us.
We looked at one another and I felt like we were children only clinging to one another.
"I love you," I whispered to her as her eyes closed to go into sleep mode.
That was all I could say, but it wasn't enough. For humans, this was supposed to be the way you showed someone you loved them, whether or not it was justified. This union of mind, body and soul...
But, we couldn't. It wasn't possible in our case...
I ran my fingers through her hair as I stared at her smiling serenely while lying next to me.
This wasn't enough to show her that every part of me ached for her.
How can I ever show you, Yuzuki?
There was no answer, but the sound of the wind outside of my window trying to gently force its way into my room with its coldness.
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I know I put a little bit of detail into this very short chapter, but I wanted to prolong them being together. Actually, I made some changes from the draft I had written also.
I just really wanted to capture the feel of them coming to that mutual understanding with as little words a possible. This is a strange chapter, but I felt that I couldn't leave this part alone because sexuality is such a large issue in society, and especially in Chobits.
Forever Yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 14 - Still so far away...
When Yuzuki and I got back to the surface level of the house, it was already late in the evening. I didn't bother to eat dinner and the other persocoms were already inside each of their own rooms.
As Yuzuki walked over to her own, when she was about to leave me, I took her hand by a nervous impulse.
Actually, I didn't want to let go of her. I still felt that she would leave me again if I let her. Finally, I had to let go, though and as I did so, I smiled tiredly, "We'll talk about this in the morning then. I think we've both had a rough week."
As I was about to turn around, she was in front of me with a nod as she gently gripped onto my hand. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
My eyes fluttered, but I nodded all the same. We walked silently to my bedroom and I sat upon my bed. As I sighed, Yuzuki asked, "Can I change my clothes too?"
I tilted my head and shrugged my shoulder. "Okay, if you want."
I turned to my drawers and pulled out a white shirt and shorts to sleep with. It was weird because for all these years, she had not changed unless it was for an outing and certainly not at home or for going to bed.
It would be too much trouble, wouldn't it? Oh well, that's what she wanted.
She looked at it, and then at me, in strange amusement. Yuzuki held out the clothes in front of her.
"From today, you'll staying in this bedroom with me," I simply wanted to say with my hands folded. "Is that okay with you, Yuzuki?"
Instead, I stared at her with nothing to say. We didn't know what to do.
There were too many things to be said, and yet important as they seemed, they were still weightless. There was no substance to draw them from because they were questions that could not have a simple answer, nor a complete one.
With her own hands folded with the shirt in between, she nodded. Then, she smiled. While looking up, she held out the shirt to me. "You have to hold this for me."
As I was about to turn around, she tenderly touched my shoulder as she stood before me. "No, you have to really look at me, Minoru-sa-"
"Minoru is fine, my dear." I said to her as she nodded her head.
"Minoru, you have to look at me," she said to me with serious eyes.
I blushed at her with my mouth slightly open in shock.
"While I was gone, I went all around the city trying to find what made a human a human. What made a woman the way she is?" She looked away for a moment in embarrassment. "I went to the library, I searched the internet, I watched people, but there was no answer for my question. I needed to prove to you that I wanted to be real too."
"But you-" I started to interrupt, but she placed her finger on my lips. She said, "I know. These things shouldn't have mattered at all. I didn't know that until you told me, 'I found you.'"
"I may be an illusion made by your hands, but you let me grow." For a rare instant in time, I saw Yuzuki smile without the nervousness or the worry I was accustomed to seeing.
At that moment, while I was looking at her, she undid her sash from behind and unbuttoned her dress.
"Yuzuki..." I trailed off, in awe.
I knew her body well for I had designed it, but it felt like it was the first time I had seen it.
In embarrassment, I turned away from her while blushing profusely.
How much she had matured in such a short amount of time...
She caught my head between her hands and turned my head to face her naked body. She then let go of my face and held out her hands to me.
"This is me." Yuzuki began to cry. "I am still a persocom, no matter how I tried."
Yuzuki's tears fell, and this time, they were clear and white.
Oh Yuzuki...
Trying so hard to be what she wanted but couldn't.
You are so much a human than you'd ever begin to realize...
I took her hands and began to kiss them. "I made you with all my heart and my soul. That's all that I see. Not a human, nor a persocom."
As I wrapped the white shirt around her, I began to dress her while kissing her mouth. She tried to pull back. "But isn't this only for-"
I shook my head. "Chii told me you can feel to the fullest extent. Only, your battery will be lost."
At that moment, I held back. A cold jolt went through my body as I let her go.
She'll lose more of her life...
I didn't want that happening.
Not more than it already has...
"That's all right, Minoru" she whispered lovingly as she wrapped her arms around me as if she read my thoughts. Then, she kissed me back.
Is this wrong that I want to make love to something that isn't a human or persocom to me? Was I ever wrong to bring her so much pain and making her die the more she could feel?
I kissed her forehead and then her cheek. Then, her eyes blinked at me as she pulled me close to kiss her again as my worried eyes glazed over her face. "Tell me that this is all right. That the way we live, love, and die is all right, Yuzuki..." I whispered into her ear.
"Ee..." she said as she smiled at me.
My sorrow and my fears left me for a moment as I kissed her neck and she turned to one side with her eyes closed while holding onto me. Her head slightly shifted as she tightly held my hands while I kissed her chest...
Again, I kissed her lips as she looked up at me with a tired smile on her face. With my face next to her, I wrapped my left arm around her bare stomach while pulling the covers over us.
We looked at one another and I felt like we were children only clinging to one another.
"I love you," I whispered to her as her eyes closed to go into sleep mode.
That was all I could say, but it wasn't enough. For humans, this was supposed to be the way you showed someone you loved them, whether or not it was justified. This union of mind, body and soul...
But, we couldn't. It wasn't possible in our case...
I ran my fingers through her hair as I stared at her smiling serenely while lying next to me.
This wasn't enough to show her that every part of me ached for her.
How can I ever show you, Yuzuki?
There was no answer, but the sound of the wind outside of my window trying to gently force its way into my room with its coldness.
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I know I put a little bit of detail into this very short chapter, but I wanted to prolong them being together. Actually, I made some changes from the draft I had written also.
I just really wanted to capture the feel of them coming to that mutual understanding with as little words a possible. This is a strange chapter, but I felt that I couldn't leave this part alone because sexuality is such a large issue in society, and especially in Chobits.