Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Chobits, but she does own the lyrics in the song below. Sakuma Ryuichi is Murakami-sama's creation from Gravitation.
Forever Yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 15 – My selfishness, your eyes looking at me.
As the sunlight hit my face, I took my arm away from my head and blinked my eyes. With my other arm still on Yuzuki, I looked at the alarm.
"I have to get ready for school…" I mumbled sleepily to myself as I looked at Yuzuki, who was still on standby mode.
I didn't move, though.
I may have been running around the town, but I was still sick. So, instead, I found myself voluntarily missing school while I turned over to look at Yuzuki. Placing my head next to hers, I pulled her closer towards me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to her out of guilt.
She sure was sleeping for a long time, and that was because I didn't figure things out earlier. I was cutting her life gradually.
I sighed as I closed my eyes painfully.
What was I going to do now? What were going to do?
I wanted us to sleep in the same bedroom and let her live as any woman…
Most of all, I wanted her to do as she pleased.
Was that wise, though?
I wasn't scared that she would wander off or anything of that sort.
I was just scared of the changes that would have to take place, and the burdens we would have to face.
They were going to come back in full force.
In this room…
It held many secrets.
It was the only place where we weren't touched by the world and their cruelties…
…and yet it was same world that had let us come into existence with one another.
Hours later, I stirred when I found Yuzuki touching my cheek gently. As she took her hand away, she nervously said, "I'm sorry I woke you up, Minoru."
I comforted her as I pushed the stray hair out of her face. "No, that's fine."
Then, as she got up, her eyebrows touched one another. "I have to go to the market today and-"
"Cancel all that for today," I told her.
"But…" she said with hesitation.
I pulled her and made her fall onto the bed with her long hair falling carelessly around me. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her cheek with my eyes closed. Smelling her hair, I said, "For today, let's just stay like this."
I looked for you for days while you were searching for yourself.
Let me keep you as long as I can with me…
"Yes," she slowly said while patting my arms and leaning her body against my chest. The tenseness lightened as we looked at different things around the room.
Finally, I said, "From now on, I want you to stay here. Is that all right with you, Yuzuki?"
She shook her head and smiled gently. "I would like that."
"Do as you please with the house, and if you need to buy any clothing, just charge it."
"Oh, I couldn't do that, Minoru…" she shook her head. "That is more than enough."
"No, you aren't just a persocom working here and taking care of me." I held her tighter. "You are my dake no hito."
At this, we both became silent.
If someone had asked me years ago where I would be now, I wouldn't have said this. I would not have said that I tried to show affection to a woman I had created because I was so lonely that I was going to go insane.
"You're always too kind to me…" she trailed off as she gripped my arm tighter.
But she was wrong.
I had been so cruel. For if I had been kind, I would have never been selfish…
To you or my sister…
It was strange at first sleeping next to Yuzuki for the first few nights because I wasn't used to being with someone, but soon, it wasn't so strange.
During those days, my friends came to cheer us on, and they were glad that things had worked out.
Well that was all right in the house, but outside of those walls, it was scary to fight against so many people. To fight against yourself was the worst of it.
I went back into class with my class half-caring and polite, but with some looking at me bitterly. I had not known what was going on until I had heard from one of the girls named Maria telling me that there was a girl who liked me.
Do not think me egotistical, but I had gone through this type of thing before. I didn't deny that there were people who brought me to some part of campus to tell me they liked me. In turn, I tried to be as polite as possible to answer that I was not interested.
There was one who had asked me, "Is it true you love a machine? Are robotic girls so much better?"
The intricacies were like drops of water falling from the sky. They merged, they grew apart, they didn't make any type of logic reasonable.
I shook my head trying not to get upset at the whole situation. Ueda-san and Yumi-san had told me of their own story, but it wasn't something I could explain to this girl.
Her question wasn't without cause. I knew she was smart.
Whether or not she was trying to really provoke an answer from me, I didn't know at that moment. But when I looked at her eyes, she was truly sincere.
I answered her like this, "There was someone I loved who died. Until now, I am not over that."
She was satisfied with this answer and I was glad. Simplistic as it was, I wouldn't have been able to tell her that Yuzuki was the image of my dead sister. At first, she had my sister's mannerisms, but then I grew to see them separately, but Yuzuki couldn't understand that.
I fell in love with her knowing that I'd face this question someday.
It wasn't about who was better. It was about feelings that couldn't be explained. Some things were just left to no explanation.
The 'girl' who liked me was not from my school, but Maria had told me she had come to visit me while I had been absent. Around campus, it had become a big rumor.
Information mongers are like vultures. They pick you dry…
I thanked her for telling me, for one of the few girls who didn't resent me, she still treated me well because she was my friend. Not because I was 'Kokubunji', the child prodigy that I was reputed to be.
Someone that they envied, yet they didn't know how much I envied them.
They had more freedom than me.
----
That day, I sighed as I opened my shoe cubby to find a formal letter of invitation within it. I thought it was strange, but I stuck into my schoolbag to look at it later.
As I left the front entrance, I stopped walking as I saw Yuzuki standing in front of me with a smile. Without any prompting, she turned around slowly. "How do you like it, Minoru?"
It was simple, dark lavender dress that was sleeveless, but her hair was over her shoulders, so you couldn't really tell unless you looked closely. It was about knee-length and she wore these black books that were just past her ankle.
"So, you took my suggestion…" I trailed off as I gulped.
I swear, I couldn't move.
Even more beautiful…
"I did as you said and I picked this," she told me as I began to walk beside her while she folded her hands shyly. "It was hard to do."
"Why?" I asked as I tried to keep walking with her without acting my age, like an embarrassed teenage boy.
That didn't help though. I tripped somewhat.
"The women could not figure out what I was trying to do," Yuzuki answered a little flustered and embarrassed. "I guess many people are not used to persocoms wandering by themselves."
Persocom…
It was in the back of her mind…
"Let's go out," I suddenly suggested as I took her hand while we walked around town.
People looked at us very funny. Yes, there were some people who were friends with their persocoms and some became so involved with them that they fell in love with them. I was among the latter, but I think they're looking at our hands.
They're interlocked and they're confused on who or what Yuzuki was: Human or persocom?
I couldn't help but smile to myself.
You make your own definition.
Yuzuki then stopped in front of a library and pointed at it. "That's where I went," she announced with a tone of accomplishment and mixed defeat.
I nodded at her with a contemplative face. "How did you end up here? Why did you even want to go to a library?"
"It's different from searching in the Internet," she simply answered while looking at the building.
I shook my head and smiled as we walked and found ourselves going into a familiar café called Dukylon. (Well, one of many franchises.) Pulling her to go upstairs, we ended up sitting in nice corner that overlooked the busy street we had just been passing. Folding our arms on top of the table, we both looked out onto the street as the city was dimming and lampposts were beginning to light up.
Everything seemed new now even though I had done this a million times. I donn't ever recall bringing Yuzuki here, but that's probably because I always ran away to this particular corner. Watching life as it passed me by from a large glass pane, but not wanting to really touch anyone or anything when things got a little confusing.
"Minoru?"
Yuzuki's voice interrupted my thoughts and I glanced at her. "Yes?"
"Have you been here before?" she asked as she tilted her head at me while the bustling of the café and its background music seemed to really fade into a distance.
I gave her a half-surprised expression while my eyes wouldn't quite look at her. "Yes."
Silence.
"In fact, many times before," I continued while uncrossing my arms and folding my hands and staring back at the busy street. I leaned my chin on top of my hands.
"Oh…" Yuzuki replied while one waitress came and took my order.
When the waitress went away, I told her why I came here. "My father used to bring me here. Sometimes, it was my mother. Then, it was my sister."
I sighed. "When they were no longer taking me here, I came here by myself. It was one of few places that people knew I loved to go to. I watched this same street when my sister died. I watched it when I was making you. I watched it when I made you.
After you came, I didn't come here so much. There was someone who was waiting for me at home. I didn't have to really runaway anymore."
She sat silently in her place as I felt her stare upon me.
"It amazes me that I have been coming here since I was two, and yet, it seems that nothing changes when I look down from this corner of this café. I'm the only one who's grown." Again, I placed my eyes on her. "Isn't that weird?"
She shook her head. "No, not really."
We were silent again as we heard,
"…We become entangled in our own demise
It becomes something convoluted
I want to make love to you
But you belong to someone else.
I just can't stop this feeling deep inside
You're driving me insane
I want to kiss you so hard
Until you cannot breathe."
"It's not so weird because I know how that glass pane feels," she told me while her eyes diverted themselves away from my direction.
I questioned with a confused tone, "Glass pane?"
"You've been looking out of it all this time. But look at me, Minoru." She sighed as she pulled her arms off the table and folded her hands on her lap calmly. "I've been looking at you the same way all these years."
Finally, she said, "I've watched you grow and yet…"
She pulled on her dress and watched my eyes once again. "…I will always stay like this."
My drink came and I took a sip of it.
At that moment, we heard thunder and the sky began to cry.
Sakuma Ryuichi's voice continued to sing through the speakers,
"If you knew what my love truly was
I'd take your lips and you wouldn't talk
I'd be so close to you
You'd feel the beating of my broken heart
But that can never be
The distance is too great
I'll never reach you.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
[instrumental]
And like a fool, I'll go
Searching endlessly
For you…
…even if you're just right there.
Who are you?
'Til you can't see anything else
(I'll take your eyes.)
'Til you see only me
(I'll poison your mind.)
My heart is crumbling
(Can't take it anymore)
A dangerous obsession that can't be seen.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
Just one more night."
When I finished my drink, I paid for it, and we left the café. While taking out an umbrella from my bag, I held it over us as she grabbed my hand tightly.
As we were going home, I told her the only thing I could, "Don't worry about it."
"You're the one who's more worried over this," she countered as we passed by many homes instead of taking a taxi home.
"Yes, I know."
"What do you fear, Minoru?"
Tap, tap, splash, splash.
The tapping of her shoes on the pavement distracted me.
"I…"
What did I fear more than losing you, Yuzuki?
This was the expression I gave her and she looked at me while stopping in front of me but still holding my hand.
As I looked into her eyes and held the umbrella with the pitter pattering of the rain on the pavement, I found myself answering,
"I feared you would one day realize that you hated me."
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: Yea~! Another chapter! I actually liked the detail in this one. ^_^
Forever Yours
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 15 – My selfishness, your eyes looking at me.
As the sunlight hit my face, I took my arm away from my head and blinked my eyes. With my other arm still on Yuzuki, I looked at the alarm.
"I have to get ready for school…" I mumbled sleepily to myself as I looked at Yuzuki, who was still on standby mode.
I didn't move, though.
I may have been running around the town, but I was still sick. So, instead, I found myself voluntarily missing school while I turned over to look at Yuzuki. Placing my head next to hers, I pulled her closer towards me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to her out of guilt.
She sure was sleeping for a long time, and that was because I didn't figure things out earlier. I was cutting her life gradually.
I sighed as I closed my eyes painfully.
What was I going to do now? What were going to do?
I wanted us to sleep in the same bedroom and let her live as any woman…
Most of all, I wanted her to do as she pleased.
Was that wise, though?
I wasn't scared that she would wander off or anything of that sort.
I was just scared of the changes that would have to take place, and the burdens we would have to face.
They were going to come back in full force.
In this room…
It held many secrets.
It was the only place where we weren't touched by the world and their cruelties…
…and yet it was same world that had let us come into existence with one another.
Hours later, I stirred when I found Yuzuki touching my cheek gently. As she took her hand away, she nervously said, "I'm sorry I woke you up, Minoru."
I comforted her as I pushed the stray hair out of her face. "No, that's fine."
Then, as she got up, her eyebrows touched one another. "I have to go to the market today and-"
"Cancel all that for today," I told her.
"But…" she said with hesitation.
I pulled her and made her fall onto the bed with her long hair falling carelessly around me. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her cheek with my eyes closed. Smelling her hair, I said, "For today, let's just stay like this."
I looked for you for days while you were searching for yourself.
Let me keep you as long as I can with me…
"Yes," she slowly said while patting my arms and leaning her body against my chest. The tenseness lightened as we looked at different things around the room.
Finally, I said, "From now on, I want you to stay here. Is that all right with you, Yuzuki?"
She shook her head and smiled gently. "I would like that."
"Do as you please with the house, and if you need to buy any clothing, just charge it."
"Oh, I couldn't do that, Minoru…" she shook her head. "That is more than enough."
"No, you aren't just a persocom working here and taking care of me." I held her tighter. "You are my dake no hito."
At this, we both became silent.
If someone had asked me years ago where I would be now, I wouldn't have said this. I would not have said that I tried to show affection to a woman I had created because I was so lonely that I was going to go insane.
"You're always too kind to me…" she trailed off as she gripped my arm tighter.
But she was wrong.
I had been so cruel. For if I had been kind, I would have never been selfish…
To you or my sister…
It was strange at first sleeping next to Yuzuki for the first few nights because I wasn't used to being with someone, but soon, it wasn't so strange.
During those days, my friends came to cheer us on, and they were glad that things had worked out.
Well that was all right in the house, but outside of those walls, it was scary to fight against so many people. To fight against yourself was the worst of it.
I went back into class with my class half-caring and polite, but with some looking at me bitterly. I had not known what was going on until I had heard from one of the girls named Maria telling me that there was a girl who liked me.
Do not think me egotistical, but I had gone through this type of thing before. I didn't deny that there were people who brought me to some part of campus to tell me they liked me. In turn, I tried to be as polite as possible to answer that I was not interested.
There was one who had asked me, "Is it true you love a machine? Are robotic girls so much better?"
The intricacies were like drops of water falling from the sky. They merged, they grew apart, they didn't make any type of logic reasonable.
I shook my head trying not to get upset at the whole situation. Ueda-san and Yumi-san had told me of their own story, but it wasn't something I could explain to this girl.
Her question wasn't without cause. I knew she was smart.
Whether or not she was trying to really provoke an answer from me, I didn't know at that moment. But when I looked at her eyes, she was truly sincere.
I answered her like this, "There was someone I loved who died. Until now, I am not over that."
She was satisfied with this answer and I was glad. Simplistic as it was, I wouldn't have been able to tell her that Yuzuki was the image of my dead sister. At first, she had my sister's mannerisms, but then I grew to see them separately, but Yuzuki couldn't understand that.
I fell in love with her knowing that I'd face this question someday.
It wasn't about who was better. It was about feelings that couldn't be explained. Some things were just left to no explanation.
The 'girl' who liked me was not from my school, but Maria had told me she had come to visit me while I had been absent. Around campus, it had become a big rumor.
Information mongers are like vultures. They pick you dry…
I thanked her for telling me, for one of the few girls who didn't resent me, she still treated me well because she was my friend. Not because I was 'Kokubunji', the child prodigy that I was reputed to be.
Someone that they envied, yet they didn't know how much I envied them.
They had more freedom than me.
----
That day, I sighed as I opened my shoe cubby to find a formal letter of invitation within it. I thought it was strange, but I stuck into my schoolbag to look at it later.
As I left the front entrance, I stopped walking as I saw Yuzuki standing in front of me with a smile. Without any prompting, she turned around slowly. "How do you like it, Minoru?"
It was simple, dark lavender dress that was sleeveless, but her hair was over her shoulders, so you couldn't really tell unless you looked closely. It was about knee-length and she wore these black books that were just past her ankle.
"So, you took my suggestion…" I trailed off as I gulped.
I swear, I couldn't move.
Even more beautiful…
"I did as you said and I picked this," she told me as I began to walk beside her while she folded her hands shyly. "It was hard to do."
"Why?" I asked as I tried to keep walking with her without acting my age, like an embarrassed teenage boy.
That didn't help though. I tripped somewhat.
"The women could not figure out what I was trying to do," Yuzuki answered a little flustered and embarrassed. "I guess many people are not used to persocoms wandering by themselves."
Persocom…
It was in the back of her mind…
"Let's go out," I suddenly suggested as I took her hand while we walked around town.
People looked at us very funny. Yes, there were some people who were friends with their persocoms and some became so involved with them that they fell in love with them. I was among the latter, but I think they're looking at our hands.
They're interlocked and they're confused on who or what Yuzuki was: Human or persocom?
I couldn't help but smile to myself.
You make your own definition.
Yuzuki then stopped in front of a library and pointed at it. "That's where I went," she announced with a tone of accomplishment and mixed defeat.
I nodded at her with a contemplative face. "How did you end up here? Why did you even want to go to a library?"
"It's different from searching in the Internet," she simply answered while looking at the building.
I shook my head and smiled as we walked and found ourselves going into a familiar café called Dukylon. (Well, one of many franchises.) Pulling her to go upstairs, we ended up sitting in nice corner that overlooked the busy street we had just been passing. Folding our arms on top of the table, we both looked out onto the street as the city was dimming and lampposts were beginning to light up.
Everything seemed new now even though I had done this a million times. I donn't ever recall bringing Yuzuki here, but that's probably because I always ran away to this particular corner. Watching life as it passed me by from a large glass pane, but not wanting to really touch anyone or anything when things got a little confusing.
"Minoru?"
Yuzuki's voice interrupted my thoughts and I glanced at her. "Yes?"
"Have you been here before?" she asked as she tilted her head at me while the bustling of the café and its background music seemed to really fade into a distance.
I gave her a half-surprised expression while my eyes wouldn't quite look at her. "Yes."
Silence.
"In fact, many times before," I continued while uncrossing my arms and folding my hands and staring back at the busy street. I leaned my chin on top of my hands.
"Oh…" Yuzuki replied while one waitress came and took my order.
When the waitress went away, I told her why I came here. "My father used to bring me here. Sometimes, it was my mother. Then, it was my sister."
I sighed. "When they were no longer taking me here, I came here by myself. It was one of few places that people knew I loved to go to. I watched this same street when my sister died. I watched it when I was making you. I watched it when I made you.
After you came, I didn't come here so much. There was someone who was waiting for me at home. I didn't have to really runaway anymore."
She sat silently in her place as I felt her stare upon me.
"It amazes me that I have been coming here since I was two, and yet, it seems that nothing changes when I look down from this corner of this café. I'm the only one who's grown." Again, I placed my eyes on her. "Isn't that weird?"
She shook her head. "No, not really."
We were silent again as we heard,
"…We become entangled in our own demise
It becomes something convoluted
I want to make love to you
But you belong to someone else.
I just can't stop this feeling deep inside
You're driving me insane
I want to kiss you so hard
Until you cannot breathe."
"It's not so weird because I know how that glass pane feels," she told me while her eyes diverted themselves away from my direction.
I questioned with a confused tone, "Glass pane?"
"You've been looking out of it all this time. But look at me, Minoru." She sighed as she pulled her arms off the table and folded her hands on her lap calmly. "I've been looking at you the same way all these years."
Finally, she said, "I've watched you grow and yet…"
She pulled on her dress and watched my eyes once again. "…I will always stay like this."
My drink came and I took a sip of it.
At that moment, we heard thunder and the sky began to cry.
Sakuma Ryuichi's voice continued to sing through the speakers,
"If you knew what my love truly was
I'd take your lips and you wouldn't talk
I'd be so close to you
You'd feel the beating of my broken heart
But that can never be
The distance is too great
I'll never reach you.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
[instrumental]
And like a fool, I'll go
Searching endlessly
For you…
…even if you're just right there.
Who are you?
'Til you can't see anything else
(I'll take your eyes.)
'Til you see only me
(I'll poison your mind.)
My heart is crumbling
(Can't take it anymore)
A dangerous obsession that can't be seen.
'Til you can't see anything else
(If I kept wandering.)
'Til you see only me
(If I kept singing.)
My heart is crumbling
(You'll forget about me.)
I'm finding myself in the same vicious cycle.
'Til you can't see anything else
(You're tearing me apart.)
'Til you see only me
(How can you make me live with you?)
My heart is crumbling
(How can you make me live without you?)
Why do I want to love you badly when it's useless?
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
'Til you can't see anything else
'Til you see only me
My heart is crumbling
Just one more night."
When I finished my drink, I paid for it, and we left the café. While taking out an umbrella from my bag, I held it over us as she grabbed my hand tightly.
As we were going home, I told her the only thing I could, "Don't worry about it."
"You're the one who's more worried over this," she countered as we passed by many homes instead of taking a taxi home.
"Yes, I know."
"What do you fear, Minoru?"
Tap, tap, splash, splash.
The tapping of her shoes on the pavement distracted me.
"I…"
What did I fear more than losing you, Yuzuki?
This was the expression I gave her and she looked at me while stopping in front of me but still holding my hand.
As I looked into her eyes and held the umbrella with the pitter pattering of the rain on the pavement, I found myself answering,
"I feared you would one day realize that you hated me."
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: Yea~! Another chapter! I actually liked the detail in this one. ^_^