AN- Fun note- I never actually wrote this chapter, just the epilogue that came after it. So, whatever ends up in here is the brought to you by the number four as in, number of Chai Tea's I've had today and the color blue, because it's pretty! ^_^

Also, I had to reread Kouri Arashi's 'Yami no Matsuei' stories awesome fics, check 'em out! to be inspired to get the angst mood right. I admit, I stole her writing style. Kouri-san, if you read this, please don't sue me- the only thing I have worth taking is my cat.

One last note- If you're one of those people who go back and listen to the tracks I say you should listen to w/ the chapter, check out Yoko Kanno's "Blue" from the Cowboy Bebop 3 OST, track 1. The song pretty much sums up Dilly's las- er, his thoughts before he, um.... Just listen to the song!

And now.. Last chapter! *sniff sniff*

If You



For several days afterward, everything in her world was grey. Nothing had taste or smell, and everything seemed hollow and without purpose. Even the people who talked to her seemed distant and unattached, their voices sounding muffled and fractured to her ears. What did they have to say that was important, anyway? To tell her that he was dead? To tell her that she had to snap out of it? To tell her, not to make his sacrifice a waste?

What business was it of theirs what she did? They had no right to tell her that everyone had lost someone, that everyone was hurting, and that everyone had to move on. They didn't know what she was going through; there was a void in her soul that made her feel hollow, almost ghostlike. She didn't feel like eating, she didn't feel like sleeping. For once, all she wanted was to be left alone.

It figured that here she was surrounded by people all the time, constantly monitored. She longed for the country manor she called home, for the simple things in life that kept her away from people and her mind in a state of constant numbness. Not that she needed any help feeling numb. Moping seemed to be a very good way to keep herself occupied, although Anna didn't seem to think so. The young monarch did everything in her power to try to make Celena do useful things to keep her busy. However, after they received the news of Allen's severe injuries, Anna broke down into tears, and it was then Celena's responsibility to keep Anna's spirits up.

Celena snapped to attention, coming out if her shell to take command as those around her crumbled with the news of lost loved ones. She organized relief stations, ordered the rooms to be prepared for the numbers of men soon to come back. She even went about writing to various high healers in the different countries, asking them to please come so that they could aid the returning soldiers. As the men began to return, she took it upon herself to make rounds and to make sure that they were all as comfortable as could be. Some of the more seriously wounded had been left behind at the camp to be treated there, too injured to be moved. Allen was among this group, although the healer who cared for him wrote to the two women that he was making a promising recovery. He'd gone from 'slightly comatose' to 'moderately mobile', so Celena spent her time thinking about how she'd help Allen recover when he returned.

She was not the only one to do things, however; others were doing everything they could in such a hastily thrown together fashion as they could. Folken was busy making calls to various countries' leaders, asking for supplies and any aid they could spare for the returning soldiers. Princess Eries was off and then back again, doing whatever tasks Folken needed her to do. The girls traded their uniforms for aprons and smocks, doing whatever they could for the servants, as well as tending to the wounded. Things were running fairly smoothly, considering most of the odds and ends tasks had been created as soon as the news of the Southern army's defeat had reached them. Four days later, the first of the men returned.

Celena got up early, went to bed late, and slept little in between. She was pale and tired, but she was making a difference and helping. More than that, she kept her mind from thinking, because thinking led to remembering, and remembering led to thinking about the war, and thinking about the war led to thoughts about Him, and thinking about Him made her want to curl up in a ball and cry. She hadn't cried since that night, and she told herself she wouldn't cry again. She would be strong, because that was what he would have wanted, for her to be strong and move on, to pick up her the pieces of her life and start again. All she really wanted was to have him there so she could shout at him that it was fine for her to mourn for him, and she didn't care what he thought. All she really wanted was for him to be there.




Allen's homecoming was quiet, considering he always liked the pomp and cheer of formal ceremonies. We waited on the landing site, watching the airship come into view out of the clouds high above. Anna was biting her lip, glancing my way every so often and squeezing my hand. Her eyes were both troubled and excited; troubled, because no one knew if Allen would make a full recovery, excited, because no matter how injured or sick he was, he was coming home.

I myself felt somewhat out of place, up on the high tower, watching the ship touch down and the men inside scramble about to finish the landing. I was glad that Allen was coming home, make no mistake. I was relieved that he was coming home; so many hadn't made it. Dilandau... I forced my thoughts back to Allen's return, trying to make myself happier, if not for his than at least for Anna's sake. But I couldn't help but feel like I was intruding on their own time- Allen loved Anna, and he deserved as much time as possible with her. I knew he'd want to see me too, but I'd already made arrangements to sneak away so that they could have some time to themselves. I wasn't jealous of her, I was just.. So tired. I wanted nothing more than to sleep away everything and wake up refreshed. I couldn't do that until we got to the quiet countryside, and I could wait a bit longer. Just keep up my stamina, and then crash into blissful slumber the moment we got home.

Anna was jumping up and down by the time Allen came hobbling into view, leaning heavily on a bandaged Gaddess. Anna shouted out and raced toward the ship, arms wide open. Allen's face lit up as he saw her, and he tried walking faster, and although Gaddess gave him a stern look, he let 'Boss' go down the rest of the way. Anna ran into him and latched onto him as though she'd never let go, crying into his shoulder. After he'd gotten over the impact, he smiled, returning the embrace and running his fingers through her hair. I gave Gaddess a smile as he passed me, waiting for Allen to look up and realize I was there. It took him several minutes, but when he did notice me, he smiled and held out one of his arms to me. I went and tentatively embraced him, because unlike Anna, I knew how much a serious injury hurt, and how moving itself could be a trial.

He showed no pain though, holding us both close and saying how much he'd missed us. How he was glad to see that nothing had happened to us, and how it was good to be with us again. Anna and I exchanged looks at the 'nothing had happened', but a silent agreement not to tell him quite yet passed between us. She nodded her head at me, so slightly Allen didn't notice the movement, and I smiled in return. We headed towards the doors that would lead to Allen's room, but as we approached the door, it burst open, spilling out several off and on-duty hikaris. I paused, looking at them in confusion, seeing their faces. Allen, seeing my indecision, told me that he'd be alright with Anna's help. I kissed him in the forehead, then hurried after the girls to see what they were doing.

Some were giggling, others were wringing their hands. All had the nervous excitement of girls whose beaus were returning- Oh. Sure enough, as I looked up, the muted blue armor came into view, and Migel walked down the ramp, looking warn and drawn. His back was stooped, as though he was holding a great burden on his shoulders, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked down at the girls with a grim expression, and those who had been tittering quieted. He saw me, and I caught a flinch before he steeled his resolve. He started over towards me, but was interrupted when Cia launched herself at him, knocking him back several steps before making them both tumble over.

"I missed you, Miggles!!" He flushed hotly at the nickname, although it might've been the way she was straddling him and kissing him all over in front of the others. A few snickers went up in the group as Migel mumbled he missed her too, making him even darker.

Ryuuon was the next to come down, then Guimel, followed by Biore. One by one, they descended from the ship, all sharing the look of haggard weariness that plagues Migel. They tried smiling for those who came up to them, tried being happy for their homecoming, but all of them had other things on their mind; Dilandau, Chesta, Dalet, Viole, Jajuka, and Maverick. None of them would be coming back.

I looked beyond the quietly speaking group, and saw Nita and Xiao crying , both having decided that Ryuuon's shoulder was the place they wanted to be right then. I couldn't blame them, both had hinted at harboring affections for a slayer, and even Cia's hard work hadn't produced names. It didn't matter now anyway, because they'd never have a chance to tell the boy they liked. I saw several other girls wiping away tears too, even some of the slayers were getting emotional- although, no one would say anything, because they had every reason to be upset. I watched as Aerin and Aaron hung to each other for support; Shoji and Biore telling the twins what had been done to try to rescue the soldiers trapped when the mountain had fallen; Katharine had a breakdown and clung to the nearest person near her- Guimel- who looked like he was going to do the same thing. Everyone was miserable, even those whose loved ones had returned. The hikaris might not all have liked Dilandau, but they knew that he had been the thing to keep them together, the glue that had helped them stay strong. Without him....

Gatti approached me, having left the group he'd been speaking with reluctantly. He came to me, saluting, then handed me...

My fingers trembled as I recognized the golden diadem I'd given Dilandau when he'd left the manor. Its silken bands were torn though, bloodstained and dirtied almost beyond recognition. I gulped as I felt the weight of it fall into my hand, not trusting my voice as I looked down at it. Gatti spoke in a low tone, reverence and sorrow making his words even more somber.

"He had to leave it behind at the tent, since it had gotten so ragged from battle. He would have worn it still, except he didn't have the time to fix it. I thought that.. Since we couldn't find him..... Gods, Lady Celena, I'm so sorry." He bowed his head then, drawing in deep breaths to try to keep the tears I'd seen in his eyes from falling. I clutched the torn headpiece to my chest, closing my eyes and calming myself again. When I opened my eyes a few minutes later, I'd regained control.

"Gatti, give me your sword." He looked up, startled, but he complied, handing it to me, sheath and all. I drew it out and told him to kneel, which he did, realization hitting him like a punch in the stomach.

"Lady Celena, I-"

"As Dilandau's closest thing to kin, I take it upon myself to name the next leader of the Slayers, now that he has fallen. You are a strong, capable man whose prowess in battle has won you the position as his second in command. You could not have gotten that position without his approval, and I know for a fact that you had it whole-heartedly. I know that if he were here now-" I cleared my throat, choking back the emotion that swarmed up with those words.

"If he were here now, he would have chosen you to go on in his stead. Therefore, I name you new leader of the Slayers, protectors of Emperor Folken of Zaibach. Use the power I've just given you wisely, train those who follow you to be strong, and make Dilandau proud.

"Also, you need to choose a second in command. I know that it is your decision, but I believe that Migel would be a prudent choice. You both work well together, and he is a trustworthy soldier. Please consider him with my highest regards." I handed him back his sword, then smiled at him. He, however, looked as though he was about to cry.

"Lady Celena-" he cut himself off, then drew himself up before saluting.

"I accept your appointment, Lady Celena, and I will consider Migel for my second in command. Thank you. Men! Honor Lady Celena!" They all stood at attention and saluted, not sure what to call Gatti now. Instead of speaking to their new Captain, they spoke to me.

"Lady Celena!" I smiled at them, saluting in return, then turned back to Gatti. I kissed him on both cheeks before whispering good luck to him. He started forward as I turned to leave.

"Lady Celena, please, I-" I shook my head, although I didn't turn around.

"I'm sorry Gatti, but I'd like to be alone for a bit. Please understand." He murmured a low,

"As you wish, Lady Celena," before turning back to his men. I left as quickly as I could, running off to find my room and peace.


After a time, I left my room to check on Allen, and see how he was doing. He'd been put in a room next to Anna's, so she was sitting in a chair by him, holding his hand and smiling happily. They both looked up at my knock, and Anna got up quickly.

"I've got a few things to do, Love, I'll be right back. Be good and don't get up." She smiled at me, and softly closed the door behind her. I went over to the bed, sitting in the chair Anna had vacated. Allen smiled at me as I sat, squeezing my hand as I took his in my own. He looked worn and pale, but his eyes were the startling blue they'd always been. They twinkled as he spoke softly.

"Celena, Anna said that there was some trouble while we were away, and that the castle was under siege. Am I to believe her when she said that Mryth implied you were the reincarnation of his long lost love, and that he went off to go aid Dilandau? Please say I mis-understood." I smiled at him, trying not to flinch as he said the 'D' word without any sign of regret. I mean, he did only save everyone's life, there was no reason my brother had to show respect for the dead, the ungrateful bastard-

"I'm sorry, that was crudely spoken. I... I'm sorry, Celena. I know how much he meant to you." Like Hell you do. I cleared my throat, putting on a smile to try to pretend everything was fine.

"It's alright Allen. He did what he thought was right, so I can't be upset because it was what he wanted to do.

"As for the castle; yes, Mryth tied us all up; yes, I apparently look like his long lost love; and yes, he went off to help Dilandau. Apparently, he helped a great deal more than any of us thought possible." The room fell silent until I tried lightening the mood again, plastering another smile on my face.

"Anna said the doctor thinks you'll be up again in a month. Will you come back home, or will you go with Anna to the south?" He flinched at that, trying to sit up. I promptly forced him back down, readjusting the bandage on his shoulder as it began to slip. He tried to make eye contact with me, but I didn't want to look at him.

Truth be told, I wanted him to come home, and have things be as they were before. To return some normality in my life, and try to pick up the shattered pieces of my life as I rebuilt my entire being over for the third time. It would be a horrible process, and I didn't want to be alone to face it. But I also didn't want to share my home with Anna. She was a nice woman, and she'd grown on me, but to bring her home would be admitting that things would never be the same, and dammit, I wanted to live in denial! Allen coughed a little before answering.

"I can't return as a knight to Asturia, Celena. The doctors.. They've done all they can, but I'll never be as strong or as fast as I was before. I have no place back home, now. I'll be leaving with Anna to go south, and help her rebuild her-our country." He smiled sadly, although he didn't look at me, nor comment when my hands stilled momentarily before resuming their tasks. I remained silent, waiting for him to finish.

"They say the south can do wonders for one's health, so who knows? Perhaps my strength will return gradually, and I'll be able to train young men aspiring to be knights. It wouldn't be such a bad life." He looked at me then, searching my eyes. When I said nothing, he went on.

"I was hoping... that you'd come with us. Anna said that she would love it if you stayed in the palace, and helped her reorganize the place. She said you've shown quite a talent for domestics." I looked away from him, settling my hands back on the bed beside his. After closing my eyes for a few moments, I opened them to look into his again.

"For now, my place is home, Allen. You know I could never give up the manor- my heart is in Asturia for the time being. I'm sorry." He nodded, looking away.

"I knew that would be your decision... I shall miss my little bird." I smiled at his sad face, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"That's why you've got Anna, dearest. I daresay she'll keep you occupied. Besides, it isn't as though I'd never come visit. I want to see my nephews and nieces whenever I can." He flushed a little at the idea of children, and a soft cough from the door made us both look up. Anna waited by the door, looking somewhat sheepish for interrupting.

"The doctor told me you should get some rest, Love. I'm sorry to ruin the moment, but it is what he said to do.." Allen tightened his grip on my hands, and I bent down to give him a kiss on the head.

"I'll visit you later, Brother. Get your rest for now." I stood and followed Anna out the door, pausing as I sensed she wished to speak with me. She closed the door, then motioned me on, coming up to step with me as I walked. She had the decency to blush in embarrassment as she spoke her mind, not looking at me.

"I didn't mean to overhear anything, Celena, but... I couldn't help hearing what you said. Why won't you come to Cyrielle with us? A change of the scenery would do you good, and, as Allen said, the weather does wonders for both spirit and body. Won't you come?" She was sincere, and for that I was grateful, although still unconvinced.

"No, Anna. Thank you, but.. I need to be home. I need to be surrounded by familiar things for a time. I will come see you, but for now, my place is back home. I... I need to be alone for a bit, away from everyone." She spun on me angrily, frown marring her face.

"And will you forsake the one you love??" I stopped at the odd comment, frowning in turn. She went on in a huff.

"It doesn't matter if you love Folken deeply enough to marry him right now or not, Celena! You're obviously confused, because you did love Dilandau-" I flinched, but she continued ruthlessly,"- but you don't know if you can allow yourself to love again. You don't think that Folken deserves you, since your heart was given to someone else for a time. But go to him!

"True, when you see him, you'll think of Dilandau-"

"Please don't-"

"You'll think of him when you look on Folken's face, but in time, the ache will ease, and you'll see that Folken loves you! It will be hard at first, but don't make Dilandau's-"

"Please, Anna, don't say-"

"Don't make Dilandau's sacrifice in vain! Can't you see he gave up everything for you to be happy? By shutting yourself away, hiding from others, not only do you make it harder for yourself to heal from his loss, you go against his last wishes!"

"It's easy for you to say that! You've never been alone, you've never had to go through what- what we... what we went through..... You just don't understand..." I felt myself on the brink of tears again, although I like to think it was because I was so angry, she'd made me cry in frustration. What she said next completely shocked me.

"Well, if you're going to shrivel up like that, then perhaps you should go hide in your manor. If you're not going to make yourself stronger from this, then you're too weak to have ever deserved him." With that, she turned on her heel and went back to Allen's room, opening it and slamming it with more force than she should have, considering Allen was trying to rest.

Gaping after her, I took what little dignity I had left and stormed off, fury building inside as her words echoed in my heart.

You're too weak to have ever deserved him.

Bitch. She had no idea what I was going through, nor did she have the right to say the things she did. I allowed my feet to take me where they would as thoughts of how much I loathed Anna ran equally as quickly and randomly. My extensive vocabulary was quite worn by them time I reached my feet's apparent location; an unassuming door with a brass handle was before me, looking quite innocent. I froze in both thought and movement, then spun around, turning my cursing to my feet for having such stupidity. I was ready to rip out Anna's throat, and they took me to Folken's door? Stupid , foolish feet! Always walking me into trouble, and-

I bumped into Folken as I was storing away from his chambers.

He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me as I tried to regain my balance, then used them to grip me as I tried to brush past him. I looked at him in the face, ignoring the glare that still resided there. He raised a delicate eyebrow, and his grip loosened fractionally.

"Ah, Celena. Whatever is the matter? You look as though you would like to murder someone in a slow, violent, and painful fashion."

He said this with a smile, although we both knew that I was quite capable of doing just that. Maybe that's why he shifted in front of me completely, to block my exit. Jerk. I frowned up at him, but instead of demanding him to release me so I could go kill my inlaw; instead of pushing him out of my way to go swing a sword and beat up a hapless soldier; instead of going off to my rooms to sulk; instead of running to the hanger, taking Sherazade and flying off into the horizon, I did what any woman in my situation would do.

"Shut up and hold me."

The other eyebrow went up, but he said nothing. Taking my hand, he led me to his room, over to a sitting area that overlooked the main courtyard. There, he held me as I ranted and raved, sobbed and whimpered. He listened without condemning or condoling; he simply sat and held me close, never saying a word. He did flinch a few times when I repeated Anna's words, but even then he said nothing.

I don't know how much time had passed, but by the end of my tirade, I was exhausted and thoroughly out of tears. I felt hollow and broken, but I also felt warm and safe in Folken's arms. When I tried to pull away to get some dignity back, he shook his head, holding me to him in an even tighter embrace.

"Celena..." His voice whispered through my hair, making me shiver unexpectedly.

"My offer still stands. I can wait, you know. I don't care what the advisors say. I can wait." I didn't say anything, but inside, I marveled at his tenacity. I'd basically just told him that I had been in love with Dilandau, and he had accepted it. Accepted it, and still wanted me as his wife. Dammit, just when you think you've figured someone out, they go and do something that completely shatters your opinion of them. Instead of replying, I nodded my head, since he didn't seem about to let me go. He guided my head onto his shoulder, where he stroked my hair softly. Neither of us spoke, although we both had much on our minds.

At least, I did. Were Anna's words true? Had Dilandau really wanted me to find happiness by marrying Folken and finding comfort with him? Could I really overcome my loss and love Folken as much as I'd loved Dilandau? I didn't know. And right then, I didn't care. I just wanted to be held.

Time continued to pass, and when Folken once again refused to allow me to leave, I tried reasoning with him.

"Folken, I need to return to my own rooms, or people will talk. I need rest, and-"

"Then rest here." I flushed darkly, shaking my head even as he said that. His chest rumbled as he chuckled.

"Celena, I will not take advantage of you in any way, nor will I force myself upon you. You've got dark circles under your eyes, and you're exhausted. If I send you to your rooms, you'll do what you've been doing every night, and go off to do some inane task to keep yourself awake. If you don't get some rest, you'll collapse." I shuddered, remembering why it was I'd kept myself from sleeping as much as possible.

"But when I go to sleep... I'm alone." He picked me up from the seat we'd been sharing, and placed me on the bed. He tucked me in, drawing the covers up to my chin. When I moved to get up, he shook his head, sitting beside me. I eyed him nervously, feeling the cursed blush rise to my face again. Instead of stripping or advancing though, he merely motioned for me to come to him. I inched towards him, and he pulled my back to him, so that I leaned into his chest. Sighing with exasperation, he pulled me tighter to him, settling both of us.

"Celena, I swear upon everything I have and cherish, I will do nothing but hold you through the night. You need rest, and I will not let you from this place until I've seen to it that you've slept for at least four hours." My flush darkened, scalding my cheeks.

"But Folken, I can't-"

"Hush and be still." The kiss he placed on my cheek did both, and he continued softly.

"You won't be alone, Celena. Trust me, and go to sleep." I shifted in the not-so-uncomfortable embrace, and sighed. My traitorous eyes were growing heavy, and my body was relaxing beyond the point of following my mind's commands.

"I'll stay, but only if you promise never to speak of this to Allen." A chuckle and a slight squeeze around my shoulders came before his reply.

"I have no wish to die a painful death. Sleep now, Celena." My mind still fought, even as my body began to drift off by itself. Pathetic body parts.

"I'm going to return home in the morning. I think.. I think it would be best." He twitched a bit at that, although through the blankets it was only a slight rustle. I got another kiss before he settled down behind me.

"I knew you would. Things have been taken care of. Sleep." And, amazingly, I did.




Celena stood on the landing pad, looking over the edge at the city far below. Her things were being loaded, and all she had left to do was say goodbye to one last person. She'd kissed Allen farewell, promising to write when she'd gotten home safely, she'd even been civil to Anna as the Queen said goodbye. She'd said goodbye to all of the girls, and the boys that would not be accompanying her. She'd said goodbye to everyone, except for Him.

Her cheeks darkened as she thought of the night before, even though nothing had passed between them. They'd simply fallen asleep together. And, she had to admit, she'd slept the best she had in a long time.

When she'd awoken, she found him gone. Breakfast was ready, as were clothes for her to dress into. She hadn't seen him at all that morning, but she'd run to her rooms to find her things packed and in the process of being taken up to the airship docks. She'd also found a note from Folken, telling her she'd be leaving in three hours, so she'd best say her goodbyes, then meet him above before she left. Everything had been taken care of, just as he'd said it had.

"The captain said that they'll be leaving in ten minutes, so you might wish to start heading over to the ship." She turned, finding Folken behind her. He was dressed in his usual tunic, although he had the ceremonial cloak over the ensemble. He smiled at her raised eyebrow.

"I dressed to bid farewell to the Ambassador of Asturia, of course. My lady, your ship awaits." He held out his arm for her, which she took hesitatingly.

"Folken, I can't..." He patted her arm, giving it a squeeze.

"I know. I don't expect you to say anything right now. It can wait. Come back though. Even if it isn't forever." He stopped at the end of the ramp, looking down at her. A shadow passed over his face, and he began to speak again.

"Celena, I-" Putting her fingers to his cheek, she stopped him. Smiling up at him, albeit with a wavering smile, she replied.

"I know. Goodbye, Folken. I'll see you again, I promise." He smiled, kissing her hand and bowing before her.

"Fair winds and a quick return home, My Lady." She murmured a quiet thank you, then curtseyed before turning and heading up the ramp.

Several minutes later, Folken stood alone, watching the ship rise and then begin to make it's way westward to Asturia. He stood, motionless, watching it fade into the distance, then turned to return to his duties for the day.

He paused once more at the hanger's door, although he did not turn again. He sighed, looking within his home.

If she would return to be his wife, he knew that it would take time for the scars to completely heal. He would do all in his power to make her happy, because he cared for her very much.

If she did not return, instead sending him word....He would accept her refusal, and still do what he could to ease her pain. Because no matter what she chose, he wanted her to be happy.

And now, he thought, it is all up to her. She must take her own path, and discover its secrets and its wonders. She will look at all the paths she has taken before, and when she is ready, she will sit and decide where her fate lies. But, it will be her own choice. Her decision will be of her own determinations, of her own reflections of the heart.

The Emperor of Zaibach then resumed his walking, ready to start another day.






~Owari~






...That chapter sucked. Oh well. 9 pages more than what I started off with, ne?

Epilogue and AN coming soon!! sorry, too tired to write them up right now- last chance to ask questions!!