Hi, this one is starting off a little rough, but it's going to be okay in the end.
Hope you all enjoy it!
Chapter 1 Ellie
Ellie arrived at the farm. It wasn't the first visit since she got back from Santa Barbara. The first time she saw the abandoned farm and ran to Jackson to look for Dina and Potato. There was no happy homecoming. The only person that has been happy to see her was Tommy, at least until she told him what had happened, how she had let Abby go in the end. He was Joel's brother but she deeply hated the man, his own bitterness had cost her what little she had left in this shitty world.
Seeing Dina again, the small dark haired goddess didn't go well. Before she had left for Santa Barbara Dina had begged her to stay. But Ellie, hellbent on revenge, had kept packing. Even when Dina warned her that she wouldn't go through it all again, Ellie had left anyway. She tracked Abby all the way to Santa Barbara and found out she was captured by the rattlers. A truly disgusting group, that captured and enslaved people. They had somehow managed to capture Abby. Ellie had killed many of the rattlers, it was blood she didn't mind having on her hands in hindsight. She eventually found Abby in the rattlers' compound, tied to a long pole, left to die by exposure to the elements.
It had broken something in Ellie, seeing the once muscular blonde in the state she was in. Her once long hair roughly cut off, muscles mostly gone. There wasn't much left of her. Part of Ellie had expected Abby to attack her as soon as she was cut down. Abby however was only interested in cutting down a young boy and carried him to the beach where there were a number of small boats.
"I don't want to fight you, I only want to get him to safety." Abby had said.
Ellie had considered threatening to hurt the boy, but truth be told her heart wasn't in it anymore. It was of course impossible to know what Abby had been through, but Ellie could imagine. It was then that Ellie realised how truly broken she was, as Abby's boat became a dot in the distance. Even when she told everything to Dina in Jackson it was clear that there would be no reconciliation. There was still love between them and Dina was happy to see Ellie was still alive, if you can call it that. But there was too much hurt and the trust was gone. Dina had Potato to worry about and take care of. Ellie saw the pain in Dina's eyes when she asked to be left alone. She didn't realize that her sudden return had overwhelmed Dina.
There was nothing left for her in Jackson, Maria had tried to convince her to stay. Even promising to find her a place as far away as possible from Tommy, who had moved into Joel's old house after breaking up with Maria. She stayed for a short time trying to fit in but it didn't work out after things had come to blows with Tommy and she nearly killed him. Maria, who still cared for Tommy and was under pressure from the town to handle the situation, had placed some conditions on a further stay. Ellie was to move out of the converted garage she had been living in and was to see a therapist three times a week. Having seen the disappointed look on Dina's face the following day, Ellie decided to leave instead. She grabbed the gear she had left behind when they had hurriedly left for Seattle what felt like ages ago, broke into the Jackson patrol armory to retrieve some of her other stuff and started wandering the area around Jackson.
She became a ghost that was never seen, keeping Jackson safe from a distance by killing infected, redirecting hordes to where she could pick them off and there were occasions where dangerous straglers came into her crosshairs. It took her a while to realise she was drinking as heavily as she did to numb her pain. The only thing that indicated time passed was the changing of the seasons. Haunted by bad memories during the day, at night her dreams had become utterly bizarre, she dreamt of Abby and Dina. And it was no longer in a violent way that she dreamt of Abby. She could give the dreams of Dina a place, the small goddess had been her girlfriend after all. But the ones starring Abby and sometimes Abby and Dina were a lot more difficult. After years on the move she traveled to the farm, the first time she had returned there she left as soon as it was clear the house was abandoned and went to Jackson. Maria had said that Ellie's stuff was still there in the art room, when she had gotten to Jackson, but she never worked up the courage to go to the farm again until now.
She went over the stuff that was boxed up, her eyes went to the guitar case that contained the guitar Joel had given her years ago. As best as Ellie tried she couldn't play it, she could play a chord but she just didn't have it in her anymore to play music. It was another thing she lost. It had only gotten worse as she spent more time alone. In the old world she would have been committed to a hospital for people with mental health issues. She barely ate, didn't interact with people, didn't take care of herself at all. When she slept, if she slept. She was more like a wounded animal that crawled into a corner waiting to die.
She spent the night in the house. Going through her old journals and her new one while drinking a bottle of bourbon she found earlier, she had developed quite the nose for finding old booze stashes. On some of the older journals the drawings of Abby were dark and grim, often lacking eyes. In her new journal they were pretty depicting Abby in her prime. Strong, yet beautiful. Hard yet soft at the same time. The sketches that were just plain painful to look at were the couple that depicted Abby, Dina, potato and herself together like in some of her dreams. Her pain had truly become unbearable. Since the last time she had seen Dina, which felt like it was ages ago, there had been frequent thoughts of putting an end to it. Ellie had even tried it, the first time she hung herself. Only to wake up later on the floor, the wooden beam had been so rotten it must have cracked when she was unconscious. She tried drowning herself in a river but the current washed her onto the river banks. Those had all been unpleasant experiences. She was angry at herself afterwards, for not doing a better job. Most of the time she could live with her pain, but now it was worse than it had ever been. Perhaps here where her real life had ended due to her own stupidity was the right location to put an end to what was left of her. She grabbed an old legal pad that was amongst her stuff and started writing.
Dear Dina,
I'm writing this letter just in case you ever come back here, I don't know what day it is but it's the third fall since I left you, even though you begged me to stay. It's important you know that this isn't your fault, you're not to blame. When I got back you did the right thing by not taking me back. I have truly lost myself, in ways that I cannot even explain. I really did let Abby go, when I saw her tied to that pole it broke me. After all this time I've still not healed, on the contrary I kept breaking even more. I'm tired, so tired. When I left Jackson I thought that I could find a way to live again, to forgive myself for the things I've done, but I couldn't. The guilt is crushing me. As screwed up as it sounds, when I forgave Abby and let her go on that beach I started seeing her in a different light. Don't mourn for me if you find this letter. I'm not the Ellie you fell in love with, you wouldn't even recognize me anymore anyway. All this should have ended when I was fourteen, perhaps there would have been a cure by now. I have no purpose in this world. Something has to change, something has to give. For too long now it has been dark, too dark to see.
We shared the years, we shared each day
In love, together, we found the way
But soon, the world had its evil way
My heart was blinded, love went astray
It took so long to realise
And I can still hear our last goodbyes
Now all my days are filled with agony and tears
Wish I could go back and change these years
She finished the remainder of her bourbon, pinned the letter on the outside of the door, locked it from the inside and sat back down. Ellie drew her revolver from her holster, technically it had been Joel's revolver and placed it against her head.
"I love you both." Ellie cried out loud before pulling the trigger.
Join us on Discord: discord . gg / GExXupQQcJ (remove the spaces.)