"(Speaking in english.)" Also Cross Posted on AO3

Heroes; Are cool.

That is a fact.

Everyone wants to be cool.

I want to be cool.

Just like him…

We pretended to be like him, like our dad. My sister and I would play around in our great aunt's backyard all the time. Sometimes I would get to be him.

He is so cool.

My sister was a late bloomer. But when she finally figured out her quirk, we were all so proud. I mean come on, having a symbiotic relationship with a spider that has been following her for years, that can ALSO control some appliances?

That's so cool!

Not for our aunt though. Had to buy a new dishwasher…

Now make a ROBOT SUIT around that spider and you get something BADASS!

But me?

Nothing.

Instead of shooting webs from my mouth, or controlling spiders, or even having an extra finger or something, I got these… things on my head…

They are strong, sure, but they stunted my growth and if I use them too much I'll start bleeding.

Why me!?

I got teased and bullied to no end at school.

Being shoved around, hearing their mocking, being called rude names…

It was infuriating.

"Look at the nutsack!"

"I didn't think there were grape-spiders."

"Why is he so short?"

"Male spiders are smaller than females. Maybe that's the only thing that he got from his dad."

Some from adults.

"Is he even a Parker?"

"Probably adopted."

"Probably an accident from a one-night-stand. The missus might've been bored while he was out in hero work"

I was too young to completely understand, but I do know… I am so far apart from my family that people either forget, or don't believe it when they know…

Minoru Parker… so uncool that he's fading to obscurity.

My dad says that I am cool no matter what.

That was a lie to make me feel better…

I am not like him, much less like my sister.

I want to be a cool hero. To prove myself capable despite my quirk.

Minoru sat silently across the principle of UA. It is still weird to see a talking animal, but he'll get over it.

"I see." He hummed and sipped his cup of coffee. "I understand what you want, but do you understand this is something your father might not approve of?"

Minoru nodded and looked into his black eyes. "Yes, I know."

"And yet you decided to go through with it."

Minoru looked back down and shifted on his seat.

"I apologize for being critical, but understand that, while we do accept everyone regardless of motivation (with exceptions of course), your reason to come half across the world to be here is, flimsy at best."

Minoru sighed and looked back up, "Maybe, but I know what I want. I want to be a hero, MY OWN hero."

Principle Nezu nodded, "Your Japanese is good, I can tell you are quite capable of many things. Might I ask, why use your mother's surname and not your father's? You made it very difficult for us to locate your files."

"Like I said," Minoru started and looked down solemnly, "I want to become my own hero. I don't want people to judge me in comparison to him. I want them to judge me for me… And to have something to remember her by."

"That is a respectable goal, but I can sense that there is more you are not telling me."

Minoru stood still for a bit. That was all Nezu needed to get his anwer.

"Spider-Man is considered one of the paragons of virtue in recent history. Those are some mighty shoes to fill. Or in this case, one mighty mask. It'd be a shame if you were unable to live up to such expectations."

Minoru looked at the mammal in disbelief and gulped.

"However, that is Minoru PARKER'S problem. Minoru Mineta, on the other hand, has a bit more leeway."

Minoru smiled widely, "Thank you sir!"

"But,"

Minoru sat up right.

"You will still be tested to your limits at UA." Nezu then took out some papers from his desk drawer, "You did very well on the written portions, but narrowly passed the physical one."

Minoru agreed. He almost got crushed a few times. A long tailed guy almost rammed himself onto him! And this pink girl almost hit him with her acid!

… She was kind of cute though…

"I will not tell a soul about your secret unless absolutely necessary. Until then, everyone will know you as Mineta Minoru, documents and everything, but I'll still be keeping a close eye on your progress as Minoru Parker."

Minoru saluted, "Yessir!"

Nezu laughed, "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but we are not a military school. Welcome to UA, Mineta. Be prepared to have your mind and body pushed to their limits, and surpass them."

Minoru nodded and got up from his chair, "I will sir. You won't be disappointed."

The teen then made his way to the door when the principal stopped him.

"Before you leave. I know you want to stay inconspicuous to your identity, but are you sure staying with Iron Fist is a good idea?"

Minoru grinned, "I wasn't so sure myself, but Uncle Danny has it all covered… I hope."

"If you say so." Nezu took one final sip, "You are surrounded by people that care about you, don't take them for granted."

"I won't sir."

Minoru made his way through the somewhat crowded sidewalk with a pip on his step. He finally got where he wanted to be and was ready to take the academy by the horns! He was ready to get his dream to be his own hero into motion. All he needed to do was to do well in an international language test, then do well in one of the most prestigious hero academies in all of Japan, then submit the documents to be in America, then do ANOTHER set of training to be approved, then….

"Wait…" he stopped right at the end of a crossway, "...This will not be easy… Am I having regrets?"

Oh he was.

"Nah! I got this."

In denial too.

"(Shut up voice.)" He mumbled.

Now he's hearing things.

He angrily pointed a finger at the sky; "(Not helping!)"

Right when the pedestrian light turned green, a group of motor-cycles zoomed across the road, with money flying right behind them followed by a swinging figure.

"Stop villains!"

"Kamui Woods!"

Everyone on the streets oohed and awed at the pro-hero as he swung by. It was cool, but reminded Minoru too much of his father and how exhausting it might be.

"(I swear, how does he do it? Swinging is too much work. But if it was for a girl…)"

He blushed and started to day dream,

"(I can see it now. Swinging through the city, protecting the innocent, with a hot babe in my arm.)" he started to drool a bit. "(She's hanging on tightly, her big and soft boobs pressing against me…)" his rambling started to make some people uncomfortable, "(... Yes. I will become a cool hero. And maybe get some hot chicks along the way!)

"(Stop it, you are creeping everyone out.)"

Minoru wiped the drool from his lips and looked ahead, "(Uncle Danny!? I, uh, was thinking about… food?)"

Danny Rand: The Chi Hero Iron Fist!

Quirk: Chi

He can focus his energy into his body, mainly fists, and can transfer some of it to heal and help with massages and acupuncture! He'll take care of Minoru until his graduation. What a kind man!

The blond man raised an eyebrow. "Speak Japanese. You need to focus on your goals, Minoru. You wouldn't want this to be for nothing, right?"

Danny Rand, uncle by friendship, was a friendly and patient man. He worked with Spider-Man when they were younger and became friends. Danny was more than willing to help his nephew with his quest, but on the condition Minoru keeps up his grades and helps around the clinic when asked.

Easy goals in Minoru's opinion.

"And drooling over women is not befitting of a hero."

"Yessir. But-"

"No buts. Let's go, your package came through."

Minoru gasped. "Yes!"

The clinic was specifically placed to be as central as possible to give most people an easy and even chance to get in (in theory at least). Unfortunately that meant it was fairly far away from UA, which also means that Minoru will have to wake up early to get to school on time.

"I still don't get why you won't just drive me there. It'll be much easier and quicker."

"Maybe, but traffic is unpredictable and villains attack more so. It'll do you good to know your way just in case things go wrong along the way, or I'm unavailable for whatever reason."

Minoru narrowed his eyes, "(New York traffic PTSD?)"

Uncle Danny shivered, "... Yes…"

They left it at that for the time being. Just a few moments later they finally arrived at the clinic.

Iron-Chi Massage and Acupuncture

There are many ways to be inconspicuous, but naming your building after your hero name is not one of them. Yet it works. Apparently he is not all that well known outside North America. Only someone who really was into hero work and history might be able to put two and two together.

The clinic itself was fairly small. The reception area was filled with light incense with posters of the Yin and Yang and instructions of proper breathing techniques. After saying they're greetings to the receptionist, they walked towards the open hall with six rooms for massages/acupuncture, two of which are for the couples. They reached the stairs at the end of the hall and went up to their living carters.

"Why here of all places?"

"Because it is the best optimal location. Stores, customers-"

Minoru interrupted, "And the cheapest one of the bunch…"

Danny was taken off guard by that.

"H-How did you know?"

"I didn't, you just told me…"

Danny refused to look at him, but he knew this little basta- I mean - his favorite nephew had his signature grin.

Moving in, the living area was a two bedroom Sammamish Apartment, two bedrooms, a kitchen, a dining area and living area in the same room.

"I already put it on your bed…"

"Okthanksbye!"

Minoru ran so fast it almost surprised Danny!

"Don't let me regret this…" he walked to the door to his nephew's room. "Minoru, I am booked till the afternoon. There are leftovers in the fridge."

From the room, "Uh, yeah sure!"

Danny rolled his eyes. "I'll talk to you later about your… decorations… (Mt. Lady is so overrated.)"

In the confines of his room, the teen ruthlessly opened up the small box containing a sacred treasure.

"Finally, after all these years." he slowly reached in and held it up high. "(The Limited Edition Midnight Figure!)"

He jumped on his bed like a kid. The figure was when the 18 Rated Heroine: Midnight first made her debut.

"It wasn't easy, but it was worth my year-long allowance savings."

His room was filled with these types of things. Posters, figures, magazines, hidden "magazines", manga, and much more on his computer. If you want to know anything about heroines, old and new alike, he's the man for you. Fortunately for any visitors, there was also a single poster of the Number One Hero: All-Might and a spider plushie on his bed he had since childhood… that's about it.

A pervert through and through.

"And there, all set." He marveled at his collection. All from around the world, but his favorites were Midnight and a recent favorite in Mt. Lady.

"I'm just waiting for an official release from Mt. Lady and my life w-"

*!RING RING GOES THE PHOoOoOoOoOOOOO–!*

Minoru almost had a heart attack as he scrambled to get his phone.

"H-Hello!?"

"(Hey my little buddy.)"

"(Oh, hi dad.)"

"(Did my little ringtone work?)"

He sighed, "(Too well.)"

"(I knew it would. So, how is my little dumpling doing?)"

Minoru blushed in embarrassment, "(Don't call me that, please.)"

"(You know I never will. Even if you were a hundred feet tall or an old man, you'll always be my little dumpling.)"

Minoru groaned, "(Thanks, I guess.)"

"(I am so proud of you *sniff*)"

"(Are, you crying?)"

His father sniffed again. "(N-No! Something got in my mask.)"

Minoru was about to mention something until he heard a gunshot through the phone.

"(Oh shit! Dad!?)"

"(Watch your language young man!)"

"(You are getting shot at and are worried about my profanity!?)"

More gunfire was heard. "(I am a father first and foremost! Missed! Are you eating well? Brushing your teeth? Are you helping Da- That one's illegal in forty-one countries! *BRRRR*"

Minoru clutched his phone in worry. "(DAD!?)"

"(Peni wants to talk to you!)"

Wind and pullets went through the phone speakers followed by a metallic *thud*.

"(Hi gremlin! Hey I'm talking over here! How's Japan? *clang* Did you just hit me with a wrench?)"

Minoru was at a loss of words. "(I… uh… don't call me gremlin you, uh, you book bug!)"

"(Wow. Learned a whole language in a year and still ca- give me a moment. Hey buddy you dropped this! *BOOM!*)"

"(What are you even doing!? AND WHY ARE YOU THERE!?)"

"(We got a lead f-Missed!-from someone to stop a mass attack! This might be o-No sir!- our only chance to stop it! … That's a huge bit-… *crash!*)"

He was getting worried and gripped his phone tighter. "(Are you ok!?)"

She managed to weeze, "(Yeah, just dents… everywhere…)"

He was desperate now, "(Why are you there!?)"

"(Remember Mysterio? Yeah, well apparently he is making tanks filled with his gas quirk. And we are here t- Ugh! This is why I hate rats!- to stop it!)"

Minoru was filled with pride, envy and dread. Proud that his family is doing good in the world, envious because he wasn't there, and dreaded the day he might need to do that too.

"(Peni listen, I-...)"

"(Holy shit!)"

"(Language!)"

"(Okgottagobyeloveyou!)"

Then an explosion suddenly cut off their call.

The teen just stood there and stared at his phone in disbelief. "(Stay safe…)"

He plumped on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"(Tomorrow will be the start of a new chapter in my life.)" He punched the air, (And I'll take on the bull of life by the horns!)"

There was nothing that could go wrong now. He was where he wanted to be, almost got his Japanese on lock, and will become the hero he wants to be. Now all he needs to do is to be patient.

"Bring it on."

This little prologue was spawned by a fan theory by Querey_Boy on reddit that Mineta is Spider-Man's son. At first I thought it was a silly little theory, but after a while I was like, "Let's roll with it." Now, which Spider-Man am I using?

…

Yes…

Seriously though, I am basically doing a culmination of a lot of Spider-Men. But I will mainly be using Tobey Maguire for the specific reason of having organic webs. I am sure other versions of Spider-Man have them, but Tobey's is by far the most known of them all.

Fanfic wise? It won't exactly be a one-to-one from the anime and manga. Some of the big events will be there, but expect a change or two.