To the Indians, Christopher Columbus was an alien. You see these strange people walking around, talking gibberish, wearing strange clothes. If you saw them would probably think, "Wow, I don't like them already. What is that guy wearing, some sort of ball gown? And what's with those big canoe-like things? What are they carrying in there? Do they even need that much space?" Heck, if I saw them, I'd rather just head for the next island over. What are they gonna do, shoot me?

"Are you seeing this, George?"

Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza were in the former's apartment, sitting on the couch, watching coverage of the alien invasion of Los Angeles on CNN. They were showing pictures of a giant floating castle surrounded by many smaller ones hovering through some sort of giant portal. There was running commentary from a reporter on top of a roof like it was Baghdad during a war.

"To think," Jerry continued, "an alien invasion, in our lifetime? I mean, I know it's one thing to hear about it, but seeing it with your own eyes? That's terrifying."

"I'll say," George said. "The stock market has crashed. How come no one's prepared for this? Where's the military? Why aren't there soldiers on the highways and tanks in the streets?"

"Because they're coming from the air," Jerry said. "They're using planes in response."

"I don't think they'll do anything."

"That's because the aliens are in L.A. Have you watched Battle: Los Angeles?"

"Yeah, but that movie had aliens attacking every city. Right now it's just L.A."

"You think they might hit New York next?"

"They could. We have the United Nations, we have Wall Street, we have the whole kit and caboodle!"

Jerry paused. "You seem giddy."

"Aliens exist, Jerry. We are now officially insignificant in the eyes of the universe! I might as well go to the George Washington Bridge and jump off – you'd be none the wiser!"

"Do you have to, George? How am I gonna talk about it?"

"You've lived without me for years, you can live without me the rest of your life."

"That's a shame." Jerry turned back to the TV. "You think we could make a run for the border? I mean, we have aliens on Earth, now; Border Patrol probably deserted their posts."

"Well, I have been thinking of getting some Cuban cigars," George said as he walked to the fridge and got a can of Sprite. "On the other hand, the Canadian border is what, a 6-hour drive to Montreal? What am I gonna do for six hours?"

"We could play punch buggy."

"Punch buggy. I couldn't get it. It used to be just for Beetles. Now it's for every Volkswagen. It's just one more way to add suffering." He took a sip from the can.

"Punch Camrys?"

"Maybe. You know, I don't think a 'Punch SUV' would work. Everybody's owning one. Hell, I own one. Why would we bother? If I wanted to get beat up I might as well just head to Newark!"

"You think there's traffic right now?"

"Heading out? I think so."

"Huh. Well, how about a fallout shelter? Maybe we can hide there or something."

"Do we have enough food?"

"We can order some pizza. Or Chinese takeout."

"I don't think you're cut out for surviving the apocalypse."

"Neither are you, George."

"That's because I frankly don't give a damn."

"You think, for a guy such as you, you'd be better prepared for something like this. I mean, you're afraid, you're disgusted, you're – "

"Primates of Earth," a voice boomed from the television, interrupting the chattering reporter and the two men. "We have arrived!" The camera shifted to the sky as the armada of floating fortresses hovered over the city. A holographic screen buzzed in front of the largest one. An image appeared showing a bearded humanoid figure wearing armor and a crown. "Hello, Earth!" he bellowed. "Congratulations on being conquered." He leaned closer to the screen. "I have good news and bad news. The good news? Your planet is rich in the resources we'll need to conquer other, more impressive worlds. The bad news? We'll need to destroy your civilization to get those resources."

"There goes my career," Jerry quipped.

"Omelet, broken eggs…" the figure continued. "You get it." The screen then disappeared.

"Well," the reporter said in shock. "If anyone was in doubt, it's pretty clear that aliens exist, and they – Oh!" Something fired from a pair of cannons, dropping some egg-shaped projectiles that landed on the streets below. "They've fired the first shot!" After a few seconds, there was an explosion and two giant heron-like creatures emerged. They roared loud enough to be heard all over the city. "Ah! There is some sort of bird-like creatures running around! They're going down that street over there, and oh, there's a group of tanks approaching!"

As the creatures approached, the tanks fired. The birds roared, with the force of the sound wave deflecting the rounds back towards the tanks, hitting the ground just in front of them. The other tanks aimed their turrets toward the floating castle and fired. As they approached, the projectiles started exploding, revealing a force field around the castle. Then, a port on the side of it opened, and hundreds of black robots spewed out and landed in front of the formation.

"Well, that sucks," Jerry commented.

"Oh, it looks like these things aren't able to hit their targets," the reporter said. "I presume that's a given since they obviously have more advanced weaponry." Explosions began to erupt. "Jesus Christ! The robots appear to be shooting at everything in sight! They are firing indiscriminately! I'm sorry, we have to go inside. We'll try to get back to you as soon as possible from a safer location."

"Alright," one anchor said, "we'll wait for you to come back, but right now let's take a look from another camera, this is from KTLA – "

Kramer burst in through the door. "Jerry, George, you're watching it?!"

"Yeah," George said, "they're firing on all cylinders."

"Are you gonna get out?" Kramer queried. "Bob Sacamano has a place in the Adirondacks. He says we can meet him there to hide."

"The fighting's in Los Angeles," George said. "I don't think I need to worry about getting out yet unless they're in Chicago or something."

"Besides," Jerry added, "I'm sure most of the routes out of Manhattan are gonna get clogged with traffic. Are you really gonna take your chances on the Thruway? Exposed to enemy fire?"

"I dunno, Jerry," Kramer said.

"I think we'll stay here and if things go wrong we'll hunker down in the subway."

"Jerry, these are alien creatures. 81st Street Station isn't deep enough."

"So, we'll just go to another station."

"No, you don't understand, it's gonna be like Independence Day or something. They could have things that bore down into the ground! Deep underground!"

"Kramer, I don't have time for this."

"What do you mean, 'you don't have time for this?' You're barely doing anything."

"Not so sure about that yourself." There was a buzz from the intercom. Jerry stood up to answer it. "I tell you, it's gonna be very difficult to go out on a normal day." He pressed the "TALK" button. "Yeah?"

"It's me," Elaine Benes's voice emerged from the speaker. Jerry pressed the "DOOR" button to let her in.

"Come on, Jerry," Kramer continued, "we can use the side roads, we can live off the land, just like our ancestors!"

"What kind of ancestors?"

"We can forage for food!"

"Kramer, you can barely find stuff like a key, how would you find food?"

"Uh, we can raid the gas stations."

"Do you even have any money?"

Kramer paused. "Can I have five bucks?"

"Jesus Christ."

"I could lend you some money," George offered.

"You can?" Kramer asked with interest.

"You can?" Jerry asked with skepticism.

"I have money. Well, cryptocurrency, I mean. I invested in Bit coin in 2013. And with the invasion crypto's gone up."

"You're a profiteer," Jerry said.

"Yep, that's me," George said. "I didn't know it, but I might very well die a wealthy man."

"See!" Kramer exclaimed. "Crypto's the future!"

The door opened and Elaine entered the apartment, accompanied by David Puddy. "Hey, guys," she said.

"Elaine, Puddy!" Jerry said, "what brings you here?"

"Puddy's flight to L.A. was canceled," Elaine explained. "They closed down the airspace because of the invasion, because of all the flying robots shooting at everybody. We're heading to Monk's."

"It's just like 9/11," Jerry said. "You two weren't going together?"

"Nah," Puddy said. "We're 'off' at the moment."

"He was going there for a tour," Elaine continued. "Anyway, you guys got yourselves packed?"

"We're not evacuating."

"I was talking about the possibility of getting drafted by the military. Did you prepare?"

"You think we're woefully outgunned?" Kramer questioned.

"It's just one ship," Elaine said.

"An alien ship," Jerry emphasized.

"Speaking as the son of a veteran," George interjected, "I think we could take 'em."

"Look," Kramer shouted, "I think we should just take what we can and go! We have a van, we have an address, we can get out and hide!"

"You know, let's just head to the coffee shop," Jerry said. "We have our phones, there's a TV, we could follow the news there. George, could you turn off the TV?"

"Okay, Jerry," Kramer said as George turned the TV off and joined the gang out the door, "but we better hurry. It's like Gengis Khan running amok across America!"