A/N: Hello everyone and welcome back the another yearly chapter of the my Treehouse of Horror story, now this one will be based on 'Treehouse of Horror IX, Starship Poopers' it's the one where the family learns that Maggie is an Alien so enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything what so ever in this story.
(Star City, 8:16 AM)
"Open wide Lian here comes the starship." Will Harper said to his baby girl as he spoon fed her some cereal.
"She's really enjoying those things." Violet said as the enjoyed her own bowl of cereal.
"I'm amazed she hasn't lost a tooth yet." Artemis said jokingly taking another sip of her morning coffee.
As Lian chewed her food she felt something loose in her mouth and immediately spit it out onto the kitchen table.
"Looks like someone is starting to loose their baby teeth." Will said patting her lovingly on the head.
Before anything else could be said a fang suddenly popped up the old tooth once were shocking the other three occupants in the room.
"I think I just lost my appetite." Artemis said looking as if she was about to throw up.
"Me too." Violet said pushing her bowl to the side.
A short while later everyone was in the living room watching TV trying to put together what happened at breakfast this morning, but for some some reason Lian was feeling a little antsy and was moving around a little restlessly around the room.
"What's wrong honey are you alright?" Will asked his little girl as he picked her up and placed her on the sofa out of concern.
"I think I know what might help." Violet said as she approached Lian and began to play little piggy with her toes.
As she did that something unexpected happened to the little girl, both of her legs came off and almost immediately she sprouted several green tentacles then started to climb onto the wall and reached the ceiling.
"What the hell is going on here?!" Will asked out of both shock and total disbelief at what he was seeing.
"I have no idea but I'm going to call Jade and see if she knows anything about this." Artemis said leaving the room to get in contact with her sister.
"Don't worry I'll try to get her off the ceiling." Violet stated as she floated up towards Lian to get her down.
Unfortunately for her though Lian grabbed Violet by her arm with two of her tentacles and began to violently bash into the ceiling a few times and then swung her around the room and right out the glass window.
Afterwards the three of them were all gathered in Lian's room watching her sleep with a squeaky doll in her hand as they tried to figure out the mystery behind her sudden transformation.
"I was able to get in contact with Jade and she said that she'll get here as soon as she can, I could tell that she sounded really worried from the tone of her voice." Artemis explained to them.
"If only there was some way that could figure all of this out." Will stated out of concern for his daughter.
While they talked Lian began to squeeze her doll in her hand several times which started to emit sound waves that was not only spreading from just the neighborhood but managed to reach outer space where an alien ship was hovering just over the Earth receiving the signal from it.
"Commander Kang, receiving transmission from Infant Pod 13." A green one eyed tentacle alien stated to a similar looking alien as it looked at the transmitter receiver.
"Holy phlerking schnit! What's the message?" The other alien known as Kang asked out of surprise.
" It says 'Larval stage completed, standing by for orders. Experiencing terrible rash, over.'" The alien reported back to it's commander.
"Ensign Kodos set coordinates for the obscure T-shirt producing planet Known as Earth. It's time I paid a visit to my daughter!" Kang ordered.
Back on Earth Jade had just arrived at the Harper residence as all eyes were on her wondering if they could get some answers from her. She didn't pay them any attention as she was holding Lian tightly in her arms with a worried expression on her face, it was clear to everyone there that Jade knew exactly what was going on with her daughter.
"Jade could you please explain to me what is happening with our daughter?" Will asked the assassin wanting some answers.
Before Jade could give a response to Will the doorbell rang and Violet offered to see who it was, when she opened the door standing in front of her were Kang and Kodos. Though Kang was holding a stuffed teddy bear in one of his tentacles wanting to give it to his daughter as a gift.
"Can I help you two?" Violet asked with a confused look on her face.
"Yes, we are Quantum Presbyterians and we have come to see my daughter!" Kang stated as he squeezed the tiny bear with a smile on his face.
"I see, Will I believe that there are two green aliens here to see Lian and one of them claims to be her father!" Violet shouted out to him.
Not wasting a single moment Will, Jade, and Artemis all rushed to the front door to see the two aliens standing there with shocked looks on their faces.
"Alright this just raises way more questions than it answers." Artemis said with Will agreeing with her as they both looked at Jade.
"Oh lord dreaded the fact that this day would eventually come." Jade said with a sigh shaking her head.
"Huh, what are you talking about?" Will asked not liking where this is heading one bit.
"You mean you haven't told him about that night we spent together?" Kang asked her who was just as surprised as Will.
"I guess you could say that I've been in denial the whole time, but Will the truth is that Kang is Lian's real father." Jade said feeling remorse for hurting Will like this.
"Wow congratulations sis you're a intergalactic hussy that also fulfills the role of a certain type of erotic genre." Artemis said much to Jade's annoyance.
"One question, was he better than me?" Will whispered to her not wanting the aliens to hear him.
"Listen a few years ago I was on a mission in Bosnia." Jade began choosing to ignore Will's question.
(Bosnia, Two years ago 10:16 PM)
Cheshire, who had just finished her most recent assassination mission, was sitting alone on a rooftop one night simply minding her own business when suddenly a spaceship appeared from out of nowhere was hovering over her.
"Warning! Warning! Prepare to be abducted!" Kang shouted from inside of the ship.
Before she could react the light from the ship beamed down on her but instead of lifting her up noting happened. Then a lasso was thrown down from the ship and was wrapped around her and pulled Cheshire onto the ship as it then flew back off into space.
Inside she sitting on a red couch looking a bit unease but ready to defend herself at a moments notice.
"Congratulations, you have been selected for our cross-breeding program." Kang informed her.
"I've been chosen for a what kind of program?" She asked in total disbelief of what she just heard.
"To put you at ease we have recreated the most common spawning locations of your species." Kodos explained pressing a button causing the walls behind Cheshire to rise up.
"And where exactly do you two think is the most common spawning locations for our species is then?" She asked mockingly to them.
"You may chose either the back seat of a Camaro, an air plane bathroom, a friend's wedding, the alley behind a porno theater, Bruce Wayne's bedroom, Dick Grayson's apartment, DC and Wb's CEO office, or Disney/Marvel's CEO office?" Kodos asked listing off all of the choices.
"I don't even want to know where you two got your information from, and honestly I refuse to go along with this. Seeing as for some unexplained and completely stupid reason I have no choice but to go along with this so I pick Disney." Cheshire replied back.
Immediately the background changed to the Disney CEO's office and Kang was suddenly sitting right next to Cheshire which made her feel a bit uncomfortable while romance music was playing in the background.
"Initiate fertilization procedure." Kodos instructed.
"Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?" Kang asked smoothly as he wrapped his tentacle around her shoulder.
"Yeah I do a lot of running and jumping in my line of work." Cheshire stated as scooted a few inches away from him, but he only kept scooting closer to her.
"Look behind you!" Kang shouted at her.
As she did that, Kang pulled out a space gun that fired off a strange blue light from it and then quickly put the gun away as soon as Cheshire turned her attention back to him.
"I didn't see anything." She told him.
"Insemination complete." Kang said feeling proud of himself.
"Really? That seemed awfully quick." Cheshire told him.
"What are you implying?" Kang asked feeling a bit offended by the comment.
"Oh nothing, but something tells me that not even the Flash is that fast." she said mockingly towards him.
"Whoa, wow, look at the time. I'd love to stay but I have an early meeting tomorrow, you're a super girl though. I'll call you sometime." He said as he looked at his space watch.
Then Kang pressed a button on the couch that said 'Dump' causing Cheshire to slide down a shoot and back to where she came from.
(Present Day)
"Then nine months later I gave birth to Lian and tried to pretend that night didn't happen." Jade said finishing up her story to the others.
"Honestly I'm kind of relieved that you didn't pick Bruce's bedroom or Dick's apartment." Will said with a bit of relief.
"And now she must return home to Rigel VII, where she will be guaranteed a lucrative civil service job for life." Kang explained to everyone there.
"I don't think so, and if you even think about taking Lian away from us then you're going to have pry her from my cold dead hands." Will stated to the two aliens as held on to his daughter as tightly as he could.
"If that is what it takes to get your slimeless hands off her then so be it!" Kodos stated while trying to take Lian from out of Will's hands.
"Everyone settle down, I know things are a little tense right now but I think I know someone who might be able to solve this whole thing." Violet said getting everyone's attention.
"Who exactly do you have in mind?" Jade asked just as curious as the others.
(LA, 2:45 PM)
'The Kevin Smith show, Topic: My daddy is a Space Monster'
"Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!" A studio audience chanted with excitement as the host Kevin Smith appeared in front of the camera with a microphone in his hand as the show's title flashed in front of him.
"Welcome back everyone and if you're just tuning in we our guests Will, Jade, and their daughter Lian here on stage with us. Now Will just found out that his baby mama was knocked up by a green alien, and no I'm not talking about Martian Manhunter folks. Now when this story was brought to my attention I knew that it was my duty to do my best to resolve this family crisis, plus there was no way that I was going to pass up this ratings goldmine." Kevin said to the his audience before turning his attention the stage.
"I hope that Mr. Smith will be able to help them solve their problem." Violet said with a hopeful tone in her voice sitting the audience.
"Somehow I seriously doubt that." Artemis told her in a deadpan voice while sitting next to Violet.
"Kevin I am big fan of your movies! I love both Jay and Silent Bob!" Kodos shouted out to the host with excitement right next to both Artemis Violet.
"Now Will tell us, how does it feel knowing that your child was fathered by a drooling space octopus?" Kevin asked while Jade just shook her head in embarrassment.
Right under Will his name appeared on screen and under that it said 'Girlfriend knocked boots with a Space Stud!'
"Right now I'm feeling very angry at that stupid squad and at myself for agreeing to come on this show in the first place." Will answered him.
"Well you're about to get a whole lot angrier because we have that extraterrestrial player backstage right now in a soundproof booth where he can't hear us. Now ladies and gentlemen let's all meet Kang!" Kevin announced.
Not wasting anytime Kang entered from backstage to a round of applauds from the audience with big grin on his face and bouquet of roses in his tentacle which he handed over to Jade who thought that it was nice gesture.
He then proceeded to kiss her hand and that was pretty much the last straw for Will who jumped right out of his seat and started to beat the ever loving crap out of Kang.
"Why you two timing one eyed *bleep* I'm gonna *bleep* you *bleep* freak!" Will yelled out while trying to be restrained by security.
"Oh yeah? Well, *bleep* hyperbolic paraboloid! *bleep* yo momma and Oliver!" Kang shouted while also being restrained by security as the audience was hooting at them both.
"Do you have a question you like to ask them sir?" Kevin asked a guy in the audience who had his hand up.
"Yeah, I have a question for Jade; what in the world was going through your head that caused you to get knocked up by that disgusting thing right there?" The guy asked her.
"You mean Will?" Kevin asked jokingly.
"No I'm talking about the green guy." He stated to the host.
"Gee I don't know, maybe it might be because I might have some daddy issues due to a deep seeded resentment towards my father." She answered glaring right at him.
"Hey don't try to pin this on me, I'm not the one who decided to go do Tentacle Hentai with some space octopus." Lawrence Crock shot back at her with a glare of his own.
"How dare you insult the mother of my child like that *bleep*!" Kang shouted as he pulled out a laser gun and vaporized Lawrence with it.
"I think I'm starting to like Kang a little." Artemis said glad to see that her father got what he deserved.
"Like *bleep* she is you *bleep*!" Will shouted as he threw his chair at Kang as the two of them resumed their fight with the audience cheered them on.
"I'm so *bleep* embarrassed." Jade said shaking her head.
"Oh man I can't wait to write this into my next movie." Kevin said smiling from ear to ear as he watched all of this unfold on his set.
Shortly after the show was over the small group was standing outside in the parking lot wondering what the next course of action should be since Kevin Smith was no help at all.
"Anyhoo, this is your last chance, turn over the child now or else." Kang warned them.
"Or else what?" Will countered back not backing down from the alien.
"Or else we will destroy all of your leaders in Washington." Kodos added not fooling around with them.
"Oh you couldn't destroy every politician." Jade said with a sly look on her face as Will and Artemis caught on to what she was doing.
"Just watch us." Kang stated as he Kodos headed back towards their ship laughing maniacally as they flew away.
"Suckers." Jade called out to them.
"I'm going to contact the League and give them a heads up." Artemis informed them.
"I guess that this clears everything up now, which is good." Violet said glad that it was now over with.
"Same here, come on Lian lets head home." Will said holding his precious little girl.
"Very well, but I'm driving!" Lian said sounding just like Kang shocking everyone as she gave out a laugh just like her alien father.
"She definitely takes after her father." Kevin said watching the whole thing from his car.
A/N: Well there you go everyone chapter 5, I know that this is a day late but it was already pass midnight when I was halfway done and didn't want to push this chapter back another year. I started work on this last October but some family stuff came up and I decided to wait until this year to work on it again, also there have been a few Treehouse of Horror episodes that aired after Halloween as well I'm not too upset about missing my deadline.
Anyway I hope that all of you enjoyed this chapter and I hope that I didn't offend too many people with certain implications involving Jade and an alien with tentacles, if I did sorry for that.
Well I hope you all had great Halloween and I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving, and next year I'll try to have another chapter up either before or on Halloween.
So read and Review and I will see all of you later.