Helga knew Rhonda would have something to say about the punching scandal, but she didn't expect to get accosted during recess.

"You are barbaric, Helga Pataki!" Rhonda was dragging Nadine like a pull toy. "Why on Earth would you punch Peapod Kid?"

"I thought he was my stalker," Helga said coolly. Get lost, she wanted to add, knowing her jumpy boyfriend was standing right next to her.

Rhonda grimaced. "Your stalker? What stalker? Who in the right mind would stalk someone like you?"

Helga groaned. "Can't we settle this in court or something?"

"You think this is a joke, Helga? Because I'm not laughing. Nadine isn't laughing. Peapod isn't laughing."

Helga heard Arnold sigh.

"All Peapod wanted to do was buy a gift for Nadine. Today's her birthday, did you know that? But Peapod Kid had nothing to give her, because your fist soiled your family name!"

Where does she get this stuff? Helga wondered.

"You're jealous, aren't you, Helga? You're jealous that Nadine gets gifts for her birthday, and no one even knows what day your birthday is!"

"I know her birthday," Arnold spoke up. "March twenty-six."

"It's always during spring break!" Helga said. "That's why you don't know about it!"

Rhonda glared at Arnold. "Do you approve of this, Arnold? I always thought you were against violence."

"Helga thought she was being stalked." Arnold turned to Nadine, who had been silent this whole time. "Happy birthday, Nadine."

"Thank you," Nadine replied. She looked annoyed, but not angry.

"I'm sorry, Nadine," Helga said. "I didn't mean to ruin your birthday."

"It's okay," Nadine almost said, but Rhonda spoke over her.

"I don't believe you!" Rhonda said. "Maybe your boyfriend believes all your lies, but I'm not gullible. And neither is Nadine."

Rhonda finally decided to leave, once again pulling Nadine by the arm. That's when Helga noticed people staring.

"Show's over, everyone! Back to your ball games!" Helga glanced at Arnold, but his eyes were on his shoes.

"Hey." Helga squeezed his shoulder. "Rhonda's just a brat, OK? People trust your judgment more than they trust her."

Arnold managed a weak smile. "I wish I were as confident as you."

Helga had less homework than usual that day, so she used the opportunity to conduct market research. She knew Big Bob couldn't afford a commercial, so she studied a newspaper and a local magazine.

"Hillwood Parent." Helga sneered at the magazine title. Needless to say, she bought it from the corner store.

Helga flipped though it while lounging on a couch. Most of its ads were related to children—one was for a preschool, the next for Miss Maybach's school—but one was for an electric company. The ad showed Park with his finger on a light switch; apparently her schoolmate was a part-time model.

How memorable, Helga thought sarcastically. None of these ads were particularly eye-catching—most just showed four-year-olds smiling at the camera. One for a dentist office involved clashing colors.

Why did I waste a dollar on this thing? Helga wondered if she could get a refund.

The newspaper ads weren't much better: most were for realtors, lawyers and insurance agents, and they all seemed like the blandest folks alive. Helga snorted. A photo of Arnold's grandma would get more attention than these.

Suddenly a light bulb lit up inside her head. Arnold's grandma WOULD get more attention! Helga grabbed a blank piece of paper and wrote CALL YOUR MOM at the top. Beneath it she drew Gertie wearing an apron and oven mitts, holding a tray with two cell phones on it. At the bottom of the page, she wrote BIG BOB'S CELL PHONES.

Voila, she thought. A GOOD local ad. Poorly drawn, sure, but she could always take a photo. She knew Arnold's grandma would be willing to pose for one.

Miriam walked in with two plates of noodles. "Where's your father?" she asked Helga. Olga was behind her with the other two plates.

"Probably in the bathroom," Helga said.

Olga set the plates down on the cardboard table. "What's that?" she asked, pointing at Helga's drawing.

"A sketch of an ad I'm planning for the store. Pretty good, huh?"

Olga smiled. "Aw, Helga! That's adorable!"

Now Miriam was looking at it, too. "That's nice, sweetie. You're a good artist."

That's when Big Bob entered the area. "Is dinner ready yet?"

"Helga made a drawing!" Olga announced.

"It's gonna be an ad," Helga explained. She held it up so Bob could see it.

"And ad for what? Hillwood Times?"

"What do you think?" Helga asked.

"What do I think?" Bob's face tensed. "It costs big money to advertise in the Times! I'm not wasting money on a damn kid's drawing!"

"It's a sketch, dad. I'm gonna take a photo."

"With what camera? Mine is in a storage unit."

"I can borrow a camera from Sid." Helga stabbed her noodles with a fork. "It'll look professional. Just wait and see."