Act III, scene IV: Tokyo-3 by Day

Shinji Ikari was used to treading softly around Asuka – and doing it at school was far easier than doing it at home; after all, there were many other people around, and while Asuka was not above starting a fight in public, she was likely to restrain herself at least a bit.

But, to his quiet delight, despite her odd mood in the morning, she was surprisingly non-confrontational.

'I could see her like that more often', he quietly admitted to himself as another class came to an end. 'I wonder what made her act like this… I'd love to be able to apply it to her again. Maybe even all the time.'

The sound signaling the lunch break interrupted his musings; he automatically got up just as Hikari's commands sounded – and reached into his bag for the boxes a moment later. "Here, Asuka", he placed the red one on her desk.

"Thanks", she reacted with a somewhat absent tone. "You've got one for Ayanami, right? I need to–"

"Asuka-san, I'm sorry, I need you for a moment", Hikari Horaki interjected before Asuka could finish.

Shinji stopped for a few seconds, confused about what to do when Asuka got swept away by the Class Rep, leaving both him and the bento behind – but since his time was limited, he could do little but carry on.

"Hello, Ayanami-san, I've got your bento", he addressed his next recipient – and froze as Rei took the box from his hands and smiled a small smile.

"Thank you. Do… do you want to join me?" she spoke carefully.

Shinji blinked in confusion – but, since he was no stranger to surprise situations, recovered pretty quickly. "Of course", he nodded and sat down with his own box. Rei smiled her small smile again, just increasing the confusion; until now, the only times he saw that were rare moments when he saw her talking to the Commander.

"Can I request something of you, Ikari-kun?" Rei asked as they were halfway through the meal.

"Um… sure?" he paused again. Seemingly the Universe decided to confuse him today in general.

"I recall asking you to make my bentos less spicy", she stated.

"Yes? Are they too spicy for you?" Shinji checked with worry in his voice.

"They are appropriate", she replied carefully. "There is no reason for concern. But… can I ask that you forget about that earlier request?"

Shinji's brow furrowed for a moment. "So… you want me to make them spicier?"

"I would like to taste something different", Rei replied slowly, as if she was picking her words carefully. "Is it possible, while retaining the same base ingredients?"

"I think so?" Shinji replied after a moment of confusion. "Yes", he nodded after another moment. "Can I ask… what changed your mind?"

"Experiences", Rei replied with an expression on her face that Shinji could only describe as 'dreamy' – but while Rei Ayanami often gave the impression of being lost in her dreams, this was different. This expression was not absent, it was truly dreamy; the difference was subtle, but it was there. "I will try to explain, once I am able to", she spoke again after a long pause.

"I… I will be waiting", Shinji replied carefully, feeling like he just saw a small flame in a cold fireplace and felt like he had to be very careful not to extinguish it.

The smile he got in return was somewhat reassuring that this flame was not going out, though.

...

"I'm sorry, Hikari", Asuka repeated as she stood up from the desk, collecting her red box. "As I told you, I shouldn't have agreed to that date in the first place. So, I'm not doing it again."

"But – but he's such a nice guy!" Hikari protested, clearly surprised and confused by the directness of the refusal.

Asuka did not comment on that verbally – but her raised eyebrow was saying a lot about what she thought of that 'nice guy'. "I'm sorry", she repeated, annoyance creeping into her tone as she noticed that the break was almost over and there was no time to follow her original plan; what was worse, Shinji was sitting at the table with Rei Ayanami. 'Wonder-fucking-ful' sprang to her mind. 'Hikari's wasting my time with this dating shit while Wondergirl tries to woo the idiot?! Did she bribe her or what?'

She shook that thought off as quickly as it appeared. 'No. Wondergirl isn't a schemer. If this is seduction, then she simply took advantage of the situation… the problem's different: there isn't enough time now, she'll be able to wiggle out of any questioning citing the break's end… I'll get her after school', she decided – and the quick look around the classroom dictated her next action. "Hey, nerd, we need to talk", she addressed Kensuke, approaching the boy in a few quick steps.

"Man, should I notify your family?" Toji interjected before Kensuke could reply. "Or is this some secret relationship and you're in trouble? Blink twice if it's so", he added with a smirk.

"Shut up, gorilla, it's business", Asuka shot back at him. "And if you get some dumb ideas, don't try to speak them aloud if you value your teeth", she added with a hiss.

"Charming as ever", he shrugged and returned to his food.

"I kind of want to eat my lunch", Kensuke spoke in turn, giving Asuka an annoyed look.

"It's urgent", she shrugged. "Come out."

"You never really care about plans other people might have, do you?" he rolled his eyes. "Okay, but don't mind me if I eat while we talk", he agreed as he stood up.

"Suit yourself", she shrugged, ignoring his previous remark. "Is your offer still on the table?" she asked as they left the class, followed by a few surprised glances; Asuka knew anything could start gossip – but she also knew no sane mind would start to gossip about her and him.

"It is if you want it to be", he replied, slipping into the professionally calm demeanor she saw in him the last time, quite different from his day-to-day behavior. "For a day or two more."

"Good. I'm inclined to take it, but I need to know a bit more."

"You know the quality of my work", he replied as he opened a package with a muffin. "Can't guarantee it will be the same with–" he cut himself off, seeing a few students walk past them.

"With what – ah. [How's your English?]" Asuka switched fluently. "[Should be safer to use it, with most people here barely able to get a sentence or two out.]"

"[Good idea]", he nodded to that. "[As I said, I am unable to guarantee the same quality when I have to work with odd light and from greater distances.]"

"[What do you – ah, no. I mean, about the payment]", Asuka shook her head. "[I need to know what you need those pictures for.]"

"[Not for any unbecoming purpose if this is still your worry]", he replied as rolled his eyes and bit into the muffin. "[Art]", he added with his mouth full.

"[Art? Like, you'll display them in a gallery?]" Asuka asked with her eyebrow raised, ignoring the strange looks given by passing students suddenly hearing English.

"[Something like that]", he confirmed as he swallowed and bit into the muffin again before reaching for the next one.

Asuka furrowed her brow, her mind conflicted over the risk versus reward; she did look up the prices of the alternative that the boy proposed – renting a studio and contracting a model for a day of shooting – and while it would be possible to cover it with her current finances, it would also put a significant dent in said finances, and so, the 'modeling' option still looked reasonable – even if it was still suspicious.

She also had to admit to herself that the idea of being a proper model was quite pleasant.

"[Okay. You said it's going to be decent. You're sticking to that?]"

"[Indeed. Just remember, 'decent' does not mean 'buttoned up to your neck'. What's the word… light dress? The one you wear when it is hot?]"

"[You mean 'sundress'?]" Asuka checked. "[Like the one I was wearing on the carrier?]"

"[Yes, that, thank you. And yes, if you are worried, we can shoot at the low wind and away from the shore]", he added with a deadpan expression.

Asuka stifled a chuckle; this memory still evoked mixed feelings in her, but she had to admit this was surprisingly considerate of him – or maybe just professional; either worked for her. "[Okay, last question then… why me? You know I'd be suspicious about your motives and all, so why not grab just any girl? Hikari's sisters would likely jump at the opportunity, and a few others from our class, too.]"

"[You are…]" he paused, looking for a word. "[A challenge. I mean – with your looks, I will be able to show my skill in choosing light, background, accessories, all that.]"

"[Show skill… wait, it's a contest! Right?]" she suddenly exclaimed.

"[Yes]", he admitted reluctantly, his expression not exactly happy. "[It is a contest. I require two different sets of pictures. And I want different conditions. This is why two sessions are required, a few days apart, depending on the weather and time of the day.]"

Asuka stared at the boy in confusion for a few seconds. She held him for a nerd, and that opinion did not change. But suddenly, there was some depth to him; he seemed knowledgeable. And while he still had miles to go when compared to her intellect, he was not that dumb. Aside from eating just like the gorilla did. 'I guess that's common to all boys his age, except the idiot', she shrugged mentally. "[Okay, if that's that… We have a deal. Two sessions, a few days apart, no less than a sundress on me. Few hours each, I guess?]"

"[Six hours at most for each of them, unless something goes catastrophically wrong and a break will be needed. I'll ask you to bring some of your clothing, since contrary to what some people say, I don't own girl clothing… I'll text you my ideas beforehand. And I provide photos of Miss… of our nurse, from the time after school, and everything I notice about her. Delivery… well, within reason, a week or two]", he reiterated the conditions. "[But you know this might reveal nothing? That she might simply have an apartment here, yes? Such arrangements were common in the past, maybe they are still in power.]"

"[If so, just make sure it's that and bring me proof]", Asuka shrugged. "[But my gut is telling me there's more to it. "[One more thing: if there is another stage of that contest, or another one, I want first dibs on modelling for you.]"

"[Dibs?]" he asked, clearly confused by the term.

"[You ask me first before asking someone else]", she explained with a hint of annoyance in her tone. "[Okay?]"

"[Sure]", he chuckled. "[Works for me.]"

"[Good. You're making a deal of your life, Aida]", she smirked as she extended her hand.

Kensuke shook the extended hand, stopping himself from remarking that it was nice to have a name instead of just 'nerd'.

Angering, or even annoying, the customer – or a business partner? – was rarely a good idea.

...

"What was this about?" Toji whispered to Kensuke as he sat down. "She's switching teams and wants to buy Ayanami's panty shots or what?"

"Trade secrets, Toji. Did I ever tell anyone whose pictures you're buying?" Kensuke replied with a smirk on his face – a smirk that turned into a chuckle as he watched his friend's ears turn red enough to threaten to ignite his hair.

...

A few hours later

"Shit", Asuka froze in the emptying classroom as she looked around, a bunch of photographs in hand. "Where's Ayanami?"

"She just left", Shinji explained. "Didn't you notice? She passed something like half a meter from you."

"Shit", Asuka repeated, earning a scolding glare from Hikari; she ignored it. For a moment, she wanted to chase the girl, but the awareness of how weird and – worse – undignified it would look made her stop.

"She's going to be here tomorrow", Shinji suggested.

"Geez, that's exactly the kind of insight I'd expect from your idiot head", she scoffed. "I kind of need her now, okay?"

"Sure", Shinji shrugged – and paused just before turning away. "Those photos", he started carefully, shooting a look around and continuing only after making sure all people were too busy to notice them talking. "What are they?"

"Those?" Asuka's voice momentarily gained a panicked undertone. "Nothing, never mind!" she replied quickly, her panic turning into aggression per her usual idiom as she shoved the photos into her school bag.

"I didn't think you'd buy from Kensuke", he continued despite feeling a growing urge to give ground or even run; something from the night's memories was keeping him in place.

"What? What do you mean?" she asked, ignoring the fact that the classroom started to empty even faster; apparently, nobody wanted to witness a murder.

"You talked to him, right?" he pointed out.

"It's not that! It's… never mind", she hissed.

"Wait", Shinji pressed on, somewhat confused by his own confidence. "You wanted him to grade them, or something? Is this your work?"

"No!" Asuka objected loudly. "Leave me – wait", she paused, realization dawning on her face. "Wait, of course! You're friends with Ayanami, you've been hanging around her before I came here!"

"Um… What do you mean?"

"Come with me", she grabbed his hand, giving him just enough time to snatch his bag before being hauled away.

Hikari Horaki just shook her head. 'Poor Ikari-kun. It must be hard for him. But I suppose that's his fate…'

Timothy Siebel, hitherto sitting quietly in the corner all the time and seemingly no longer noticed by all the girls, just smiled to himself. 'That's the role I can fulfill. And the boss will be very happy to see those two starting to work together. I wonder how well that will go…' he mused – and soon after, the corner in question was empty.

...

"What do you see?" Asuka asked as she spread the pictures on the desk in one of the now-empty classrooms.

"How did you get photos of Ayanami's place?" Shinji replied with a question as he raised his head after a quick look at the photographs. He was quite sure that unless someone took a lot of effort to recreate the place elsewhere, he was right about his assessment; every piece of furniture – for the lack of a better word for the sorry furnishings this place had – he remembered was in place; even the glass of water was in the same spot as before.

"{Fucking shit}", Asuka cursed loudly, her hands covering her face for a moment.

"Asuka?" Shinji checked.

"Shut up", she demanded. "I need to think."

'This was not a dream' was burning in her head again. 'This is not some stupid prank, this is not a schizoid episode, I'm not having daytime hallucinations, those things are real' followed.

She somewhat hoped that those were just empty pieces of paper, ascribed the meaning by her mind that had finally snapped under the inhumane conditions of living with Misato, enduring Shinji's idiocy, and being exposed to the insanity that was the Japanese education system.

But unless Shinji was a hallucination as well right now – an idea suggested by her mind based on his somewhat different behavior, but ultimately rejected – and he recognized the place, it meant that everything was real: the visitation, the whole conversation, the–

"{My God}", she dropped on the chair, suddenly paler. "{I've made a pact.}"

"Asuka? Are you all right?" reached her in a concerned voice from behind the buzz filling her ears, Shinji's equally concerned face piercing through the white haze that was fogging her vision.

She nodded weakly. "{It's fine. Just… give me a minute.}"

"Asuka, remember I don't speak German, I don't know what you're saying", he pointed out, his tone unchanged. "Should I get a nurse?"

"{No}", she objected. "No!" she repeated louder, a sudden realization of the potential danger of the woman she wanted to spy on arriving in the stead of the head nurse snapping her out of her haze. "I'm fine", she stated slowly, her head still ringing. "Kind of. Shit. I must see it myself. I must go there. I must…" she paused; Shinji waited patiently. "No", she shook her head. "I mean…"

"You wanted to visit Ayanami?" he asked carefully.

"I want to know what the fuck happened to me!" she suddenly exclaimed, focusing her glare on him and forcing him to take a step back; immediately she felt like she kicked a puppy. "{Shit. Not again}", she clenched her teeth. "Shinji. Sit", she demanded – and he carefully obeyed. "Are you absolutely sure this is her place?"

"Reasonably sure", he corrected. "But yes, I think it is."

"Shit", she repeated and fell silent again.

"Asuka", Shinji tried again. "Where did you find them?"

...

Rei Ayanami was walking the streets of Tokyo-3.

It was the same route she took dozens of times, and it was – disregarding some architectural changes caused by the recent battles – exactly the same city. It was also the same air, the same sun, and the same cacophony of sounds.

But for reasons she could not yet name, all those things felt very different to her.

The air, usually unpleasant in its chaotic mixture of smells, was now changing in interesting ways depending on where she was.

The sun, usually neutral or too hot, was now touching her skin – and she enjoyed the sensation.

The sounds, usually bothering her with their chaotic meanings and general pointlessness, were now carrying meanings; she could not decipher those yet, granted – but she felt certain pleasure at the thought that one day, she might.

'You can learn to enjoy things, the sensations', she recalled the words of the strange woman that visited her and then took her for the strangest ride of her life – which, considering what she was working with at NERV, was certainly a feat. 'The first step is to feel them. You can't understand a text without reading it, right?'

She nodded them, uncertain what the woman meant. But then, she showed Rei a few things: tastes, sounds, smells, sights – and slowly, step by step, took her through them.

And when Rei finally smiled at the new taste she just tried, she saw the woman smile as well, with an undertone Rei did not really understand – and once Rei was done eating, kept taking her to places and giving her sensations.

And, in the end, Rei felt happy.

But she also felt hungry.

She was sating that hunger right now, yes. And she knew that she would be sating it tomorrow when Ikari would bring her a bento with a different taste.

She knew she should return the favor somehow. She was already planning how.

But for now, she intended to take the help she was given.

After all, the strange woman promised that the other pilots would help her.

And Ikari-kun already started. Soryu-san will, too.

Rei Ayanami smiled at the sound of a bird's song somewhere between the sounds of the braking monorail train and the sound of a shifting solar mirror.

She did not understand many things.

But she knew she would, in time.

...

A large black cat watched the girl as she walked the streets in a seemingly random way.

'I dearly hope Natasha did what she was supposed to do', he sighed quietly. 'Witches know their trade, yes, but their trade is mostly about humans. This one is… something else.'

He jumped to the opposite building as the girl crossed the street, slowly heading toward the place where she stayed.

'I wonder how this will go. Will she turn more human… or will they drift away?'

He scoffed at the thoughts. 'No. Let's leave philosophy to messire. He's always been better at it… I have loose ends to tie up, fresh tuna to eat… and a lonely woman to say goodbye to.'

And with that thought, he jumped down – and vanished.

And Rei Ayanami smiled at the sight she caught in the corner of her eye.

...

Asuka was silent for a few long seconds.

"Shinji… do you believe in God? Or… the divine, gods, or whatever you Japanese prefer to call them?" she finally asked.

"I… I don't really know", he admitted in a surprised tone after a few seconds of pondering; of all the answers and counter-questions, he definitely did not expect anything like that. "I never really thought about this. When mom was there, I was too young for that. My guardian took me to the shrine from time to time, mostly on holidays, and taught me a bit about Shintō and Buddhism… but he never took it very seriously. And my father… well", he added bitterly. "Why?"

"Because either I am going crazy or I got a divine experience. Or both, this is not exactly exclusive", she explained in an intense voice. "And if you tell anyone about this, or what I'm about to tell you, I'm going to murder you. And this time, I mean it", she glared at him. "Run away now if you don't want to hear it. And I mean now."

"I won't", he stated, his tone suddenly serious. "I… I can't", he added.

Asuka's brow furrowed. "It's what you do. I'm giving you a chance here."

"I won't run away", he repeated. "I promised."

"To whom?!" Asuka asked in almost a yell; she felt like a complex mechanical puzzle was clicking inside her head – but still maddeningly refusing to settle into a solution.

"Asuka, you're… damaging the desk", Shinji pointed out – and Asuka suddenly realized she was indeed driving her nails into the wooden surface.

"{Shit}", she shook her head before ignoring the whole issue. "Answer me!" she demanded. "To whom did you promise?"

"I don't know", Shinji replied reluctantly. "I… I had a dream."

Asuka's gaze was inscrutable for a moment – a weird mix of insanity, understanding, fear, relief, and… hope? "Was there a person? Describe him!" she demanded as the internal clicking continued.

"Um…" he hesitated.

"Listen, id– Shinji", she picked up. "You tell me what you know, and I will tell you what I know. And maybe, maybe we figure out what is this all about. It's either that, or I'll do this alone. I don't need you. But–" she paused, looking for the right words. "But maybe it'll be easier with you", she admitted in a quieter voice, trying her best not to sound desperate. "So, what is it going to be?"

Shinji nodded after a few moments and started carefully: "It was a woman. Middle-aged, I think? Long, dark hair, very… very matronly. She had the oddest eyes– Asuka?"

Click. Asuka's gaze was almost manic. "Continue", she managed to say. "What eyes?"

"One was green, very bright. The other–"

"–was completely dark, even in darkness", she finished for him, her expression once more a mix of relief and fear as the elements suddenly settled with a click both satisfying and horrifying in its implications. "Correct?" she asked, desperately hoping for a denial – and a confirmation, both at the same time.

"Yes!" he confirmed, his voice surprised. "You saw her too?"

"Well", she smiled a troubled smile, her eyes retaining the previous disturbing look despite some measure of peace that descended upon her when she realized she was not alone in her experiences. "Either we're both crazy or we both got visited by someone. A messenger."

"That's how she called herself", Shinji recalled.

"Her? Right, you said it was a woman… I saw a man. But the details… it's no accident. This can't be an accident…" she shook her head, her eyes still disturbingly unfocused.

"Asuka… this is how you got the photos?" he asked carefully; he did not know what to think of all this and he was on a verge of panic himself – but the promise held him in place

"Yes. He… he dropped it on my desk in my dream, and in the damned morning, they were there!" she burst out, her manic gaze once more on him.

Shinji pondered for a moment, unsure how to react to the outburst. "And you thought this wasn't real", he finally stated.

"Well, would you?"

Shinji pondered for a moment, recalling all the odd tales from folklore he was taught at some point or another, being told that those are an important part of the cultural heritage of his nation. He sometimes wished he would be visited by some minor deity, someone that would give him a purpose, a gift that would make his life more interesting.

And when his life finally got interesting when he moved to Tokyo-3, he cursed himself for making that wish. But right now, it was different; he could not point his finger at why, but this time, it definitely felt different.

"I don't know", he finally replied. "I mean… I heard this happens to people. There are stories–"

"It did happen to people when someone switched our child for a changeling was an explanation of why the child is different than the others. Now we call those children autistic and know what's in their heads", Asuka explained dismissively, her expression somewhat calmer. "More or less. Folk tales were just coping with reality they did not understand. Explaining things they did not understand."

"Um…" Shinji started, unsure how to follow this up; instead, his gaze fell on the photographs again.

Asuka's teeth clenched. "Just say it, okay?"

"It's real. You didn't make them, right?" he checked.

"If I did, I'm suffering from some split personality", she retorted, half-angrily, half-resigned. "And even if I did, would you imagine me writing the address like this?" she chuckled bitterly as she turned one of the photographs, displaying the beautifully calligraphed kanji and kana on the back.

Shinji was not sure whether she expected a denial, saying that her skill has improved – or a confirmation that it could not be hers. Finally, he decided to act as neutral as possible: "I know what you mean. But where did she… he… get Ayanami's address?"

"I… have a hypothesis", Asuka admitted, smiling for the first time since this conversation began; she finally had something she was certain of. "It's a work in progress. It should lead us", she paused for a second, realizing she just included him somehow into this without thinking, "to some answers."

"Do we want the answers?" Shinji asked, his tone uneasy.

"What are you, stupid?" she scoffed again. "We just got a visit in our dreams by some… messenger, we have indisputable proof it was real, we both made promises to him… her… whatever, and you don't want answers?!"

"What was the promise you made?" Shinji asked.

"What?" Asuka asked, suddenly thrown off her track.

"I told you mine, right? You said you'd tell me what you know", he pointed out.

"Since when you're so cheeky?" she narrowed her eyes.

"I'm just trying to work with you, Asuka", he replied, clearly still uneasy.

"Okay", she nodded, conceding his point. "But… it's complicated. Long story short … I promised to change a bit."

"That's a bit vague, Asuka."

"Why do you think I didn't punch you the moment you asked about those photos?"

"Well, you almost did…" he countered matter-of-factly.

"But I didn't! And… and then I told you I want your–" she paused, looking for a word. 'Help', while appropriate, felt humiliating; she did not need help. "–your cooperation", she finished; this felt more in place. "That's about what I promised."

"To stop punching people?" he asked in a confused tone.

She shook her head. "You're still an idiot", she said in a resigned tone. "No matter. We must think about what to do next."

"We can talk to Ayanami tomorrow? You wanted to catch her today, didn't you?" Shinji suggested; he knew that he should be pressing Asuka for more answers since her reply was far too evasive for his tastes – and, frankly, for her usually straightforward ways – but this whole confrontation was taking its toll on him. 'I hope this doesn't count as "running away"', he mused. 'I'm still here, just… waiting for a better opportunity.'

"Well, you certainly do talk to her", Asuka remarked wryly in response. "You spent the whole break on that."

"Well, you were busy with Horaki-san", he countered.

"Yeah. Right", Asuka looked to the side, the annoyance at Hikari's waste of her time returning. "No. That was a shit idea, talking to her. And I'm not showing her the photos, either. You questioned my sanity, and she will report me to NERV. And then it'll be off to Germany for me, to be locked in a psych ward", she continued. 'I know I'm supposed to "open my heart" to her too… but damned I'll be if I do it without making sure that she won't screw me over it!'

"I didn't question your sanity, Asuka", Shinji pointed out. "Not once."

"Of course you–" she stopped herself. The boy, to her growing annoyance, was right. "Never mind. Let's not go into details. Anyway, we need to decide what's next!"

"I think we should go home", he suggested. "I'll make dinner… and we can think while eating. She… she didn't tell me that we must act now… did you hear anything like that?"

Asuka gave him an annoyed look – but once more, he was not wrong. "None. Just… some information that things will get better."

"When?" he asked with a suddenly bitter tone, far more bitter than anything she experienced from him before.

"Starting tomorrow was the term", she replied with a similar amount of bitterness. "That I remember well."

"Well. You didn't bite my head off when I upset you", he pointed out. "I'd say this is better."

"But you got cheekier", she retorted. "I don't know if this counts as better. Let's go, then, if you can't think of anything else", she added and started to collect the photos. She ignored the markings she made on the wooden surface with her nails; it did not really matter to her.

Shinji just nodded and followed her. Not that he had much of a choice, being pulled by his wrist again.

Not that he really minded it.

...

Asuka was annoyed, yes. But deep in her heart, she had to admit to herself that this Shinji that was not scared out of his mind all the time, this Shinji that did not feel like a wet pulp that gave in with a squish at every touch, this Shinji that seemed to have some spunk, this Shinji she could actually use for reasonable talk – this was a Shinji she could work with. Even if this was not going to be easy.

On the other hand, nobody promised her it was going to be easy. They promised her it would be worth it.

And for someone like her, this sounded even better than easy.

And she could only hope he thought the same.