Stormy Night, Part 2 (Hae-Ri)
He should have just died then.
The thought crossed her mind, and its effect was enormous. Hae-Ri, that was going thoroughly lost within herself, was instantly pulled out from the shattered ruins that were everything she was. There could never be anything worse than that, and that thought should have never come to mind. She banished it, enraged with herself for thinking it. Even if it was just because she was hurting, even if it was for just a fraction of a second, it was still unacceptable. And yet, it's did nothing to change how she felt.
She was angry and betrayed and hurt, and filled to the brim with negative feelings that shadowed anything positive and good, burying it all underneath the darkness that now dominated everything. But even through all the darkness, she could still find it within herself to acknowledge the undeniable truth – it was a blessing that he was alive. It was unbelievable and miraculous, something she wished for with every fiber of her being, but never thought was possible, even for a moment. It was a wonder that he was sitting there next to her, offering her a cup of tea, much like he did the day before when he still was her curiously kind captor.
All that happened in the last three days started to flood her mind, as the fact that her captor was Dal-Geon started to sink in. Her kind, strange and gentle captor, who did nothing to hurt her, who took care of her and treated her injuries, who was attentive to her needs and even cooked for her. Her captor who protected her, who risked his life to keep her safe… it was all Dal-Geon's doing. She felt her broken heart twist in her chest with an uncomfortable squeeze.
Hae-Ri reached her hands to the offered cup, wrapping her fingers around it, unintentionally touching her fingers to his. She couldn't bare it, feeling like the touch of him just taunted her storm, almost inviting it to come out. She quickly pulled away, snatching the cup out of his hand and leaned back, focusing her mind on taming the storm that was desperate to just come out and be done with it. She tried to concentrate on the tea, its smell, the warmth of the mug between her hands, its bitter flowery taste, letting it fill all her senses.
She couldn't resist the urge to raise her eyes and look at him, even if just to glare. He was sitting rather close to her. From this proximity she could clearly see his eyes, the dark shadow casted by the stupid hood did nothing to hide his eyes from her as it usually did. As expected, Dal-Geon further triggered the turmoil inside her, bringing the storm that she was desperately fighting to keep under control closer to the surface, but Hae-Ri still refused to give in to it. She didn't want to allow herself to fall apart. Though she knew it was inevitable, she also knew it would come with a price. Though it was easier to just give up, she had no way to tell how long it will take for the storm to subside, neither did she know what will be left of her and how long it will take to recover. She was afraid, knowing that letting go will bring so much more out of her, all that was kept under tight control, alongside things that she didn't even know were there.
She kept looking into his eyes, unable to break away, though she was aware of the danger it posed to her brittle heart. She found it strange to have him look back at her, something he did his best to avoid from the moment they met again. He did everything in his ability to keep every part of him hidden from her, to keep her in the dark, to keep himself away from her. But there he was, sitting next to her, staring into her eyes with what she could have sworn was care, wonder and interest, and unquestionable pain. At that moment, though she couldn't see anything but his eyes, he looked exactly like the Dal-Geon she remembered. Suddenly, all the hatred that was built up inside her evaporated at once, and all that was left was relief and thankfulness. At that moment, all that matter was that he was alive.
She could feel it coming. The storm was making its way to the surface, wreaking havoc in its wake, as the familiar sting in her eyes and the pressure between her brows and around her nose quickly intensified. She could barely see through her tears as Dal-Geon's blurry form shifted in front of her. Still refusing to let herself be consumed, she was giving it her all to keep the tears in place, desperately willing her eyes to take them back, to dry them up. She knew it was a losing battle, but still fought against the inevitable, refusing to fall apart. As if to prove the futility of that which she uselessly tried to repress, the disobedient tears finally escaped, leaving wet trails on her cheeks. She lowered her head at once, covering her face with her hand, trying to get a hold of herself before the situation got out of control.
A flood of endless images and memories started to pop up behind her closed lids. All the times they shared together – in Morocco, aboard the ship, in the hospital, in his apartment, in hers... All that he meant to her, realizing the full extent of it only when she lost him, the horrible feeling that stuck to her since that damn day at the morgue, the image of the burnt corpse she believed was his that haunted her nightmares, the anguish and sorrow and regrets, the sleepless nights, her loneliness and longing, and how everything in her life lost its color and vitality when he died…
And then another set of memories, a newer one, took the front of the stage. Him bleeding in the desert to throw off whoever wanted her dead, him handling a gunfight on his own, driving for hours after a massive blood loss that she didn't care about at all, him passing out in the car and her worrying only for herself, him treating her injuries, feeding her, putting socks of her feet and covering her with his jacket while she just wanted him out of her sight, carrying her up the stairs so she wouldn't have to step on her injured foot while she was hitting his back that smelled of dirt and sweat and blood…
"Thank god…", she whispered morosely, and she knew then that it was all that mattered.
Finally, she knew how she felt. She was relieved. She was overjoyed. She was also angry and baffled and hurt and betrayed, but compared to the miracle that was his life, those were petty and insignificant. As long as he was alive, everything else just didn't matter. Even if he didn't want her to be a part of his life, as long as he was alive and well, that was enough for her. If he so desperately wanted to leave her behind, never wanting her to find out the truth, as long as he lived, she thought she could try and accept that. Even so, just thinking about the possibility of being discarded again broke her heart, and with that, everything finally exploded out of her.
Unable to contain the chaos that has built up inside her, or to control her feelings for even a second longer, she finally gave up and let the storm take over. She wasn't just tearing up anymore, she was crying miserably, loudly, desperately. If she was in her right mind, she would have never allowed herself to be seen like that by anyone, definitely not by the one who was responsible for breaking her down, and yet, she did. Her face quickly turned sticky with tears as a throbbing headache settled in the middle of her forehead. Her face felt swollen, her nose stuffed, and though she knew she looked hideous, she couldn't bring herself to care.
Forgetting entirely that she was still holding the cup of tea, she was reminded of it as Dal-Geon unfolded her fingers and released it from her grip, his touch taunting the already chaotic storm. He leaned forward to put it down on the table, which suddenly made her panic. She was so used to him just getting up and leaving, going about his business to distance himself from her, doing his best to stay away from her. Though she didn't care much before whether her captor wanted her company or not, now, when he was Dal-Geon, she instinctively wanted him to stay.
Her hand moved without getting an order, as if her body operated on its own now that the owner was too busy bawling her eyes out in a most disgraceful display, and grabbed on to his shirt in a desperate request for him to stay. And he did. He sat back down and inched a little closer to her. She didn't care why he did that, but took it as his consent, a signal that he was ready to take all her frustration, all the pain that was built up inside her and wanted out. All of which was his fault.
She cried, hitting him with all her might, asking him why, knowing she would never get an answer. Her eyes stung terribly, feeling like they were about to pop out of their sockets. Her throat was sore, feeling almost raw from all the crying, but still, the storm refused to die down, putting everything she had in her out for display. Even though her body was already exhausted, the crying wouldn't stop, and she didn't have the strength to force it to stop. It took every bit of energy she had to keep herself from passing out.
Completely drained, she struggled to keep her head up, feeling it was too heavy and her body too exhausted to keep herself upright. Dal-Geon sat close to her, his body facing in her direction. Thought she might have thought better of it under different circumstances, she was too tired and her mind was too chaotic to think straight. Feeling she deserved a little comfort as she suffered unbearable pain which he was the cause of, she allowed her heavy head to drop forward, leaning it against his shoulder, unable to keep it up any longer. She didn't care whether he hated it or not, not stopping for even a second to consider how he felt about it, seeing as he didn't stop to consider how his actions affected her for over a year. Though she was completely exhausted and could barely keep herself awake, she still managed to land a few more blows to his chest, feeling that his cruel betrayal earned him so much more than just that.
His shirt was rather thick, but she could still feel his warmth through it. He wasn't soft to lean against, and the hard muscled shoulder would have made her feel like she was leaning against a wall rather than a person if not for his warmth and the rhythm of his breathing. Even so, it was immensely comforting. Her head felt like it weighed a ton with clogged sinuses and a throbbing headache after crying too much, but the clutter had cleared up a bit, and the storm slowly started to quiet down as Hae-Ri's grip on her consciousness was gradually loosening.
Hae-Ri was standing in the middle of a burning sea of fire, orange flames were all around the enormous warehouse, no exit in sight. The poll was a dozen meters away from her, tied to it was a man in all black, with a ball chain around his neck and a bullet pendant over his chest, looking to the ground. She tried to call out, but he didn't move. She tried to step forward, but couldn't.
"Dal-Geon!", she cried out his name at the top of her lungs, when suddenly he raised his head to look at her. He was looking straight at her as she reached a helpless hand in his direction, trying to reach him. It felt like her feet were bolted to the ground, she couldn't move an inch.
"Dal-Geon!", she cried out again, reaching out another hand, and suddenly, she was in front of him, all the flames around them dying down.
Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, feeling his breathing come and go, his chest rising and falling against her as their bodies pressed together, when suddenly, freed from his ties, he wrapped his arms around her in answer.
Hae-Ri was jolted awake to find her arms wrapped around her former captor's neck. Instinctively, she wanted to back away, but the feeling she had in her dream, that for the first time was no longer a nightmare, still lingered in her mind. She was absolutely happy and relieved, a sense of accomplishment washed over her as she finally managed to reach him before it was too late. Still more than half asleep, drained, exhausted and groggy, instead of letting go of him, she held him closer, welcoming him back in a one-sided reunion that only she was aware of. It was both a happy and a sad moment, and Hae-Ri, who thought there were no more tears left in her, cried silently against his neck.
His grip suddenly tightened as he all but crushed her against him. His fingers dug into her thigh and below her ribs, causing an electrifying tremor to spread all over her body. She internally cursed her tender heart that was still under the spell of a man she should hate, and her body for responding to him in such a manner. Nevertheless, feeling his strong arms around her, there was no doubt that this was exactly where she wanted to be, thought nothing changed between them, and judging by his actions so far, nothing ever will.
Something in the back of her head told her that his actions didn't exactly sit right with the front he was putting, with the fact the he discarded her, cruelly made her believe he was dead, betrayed her trust and kept his identity a secret, but she was too tired to try and analyze it.
Dal-Geon gently put her in bed, covering her up with a blanket, and the alarm in her head went off as he was about to leave. Reflexively, she grabbed his shirt again, wanting him to stay beside her, wishing to ask him a million questions that she was too tired to stop herself from asking.
Why are you being nice to me? She tried to ask, but her raw throat failed her, no sound coming out as she opened her mouth to speak. Using the failed attempt to come to her senses, she gave up on the useless idea, let go of his sleeve, rolled on her side, and cried herself back to sleep.