Chapter 21
Kim's eyes fluttered open and closed a few times, taking stock of where she was. Okay I'm in the ICU at Med, Adam told me this earlier. I think Will was here too. Her vision was a bit blurry, no doubt from the pain meds she felt coursing through her veins. She saw two blurry figures out of the corner of her eye. It took her a second, but soon after realized it was Hailey and Jay. Hailey looked worried, but content. Her eyes focusing blankly on the floor, while Jay was curled up against her, fast asleep. She'd put money down that he wasn't feeling good, his face and body language had headache written all over it. She needed to gather the strength to alert Hailey that she was awake.
"He's making his migraine face", Kim hoarsely noted. Hailey almost jumped out of her skin.
"Kim?!" Hailey blurted out. The sudden movement alone was enough to wake Jay, let alone what he thought came out of Hailey's mouth. His eyes were open in an instant.
"Hey", she said weakly, while attempting to sit up in bed. Her face instantly grimaced, and Jay and Hailey both rushed to her side.
"Don't try to move too much Kim", Jay said calmly as Hailey quickly ducked out of the room to alert her nurse. Even though he was fast asleep a second ago, now standing at her bedside- Jay was alert, calm, focused. Years of practice, Kim thought.
"Okay", she forced out, weakly from the pain searing through her abdomen.
Jay was giving her a once over, his eyes darting back and forth to her and the machines keeping her comfortable. Hailey was back before he could think twice.
"Hi Kim", her nurse calmly addressed. "I'm going to give you something for the pain okay?"
"Will it make me sleep again?" She asked, wanting to stay awake for at least a few minutes to talk to Jay.
"It will, but not right away", her nurse was busy fidgeting with the IV lines and pump, pushing meds through it. That gave Hailey and Jay a window to talk to her.
"I'm so glad you're alright Kim", Hailey said sounding relieved. She didn't want to interrupt Jay's time with her, so she gave Kim's hand a squeeze, and gently placed a hand on Jay's back to signal to him she was going to step outside the room. That left a private moment for the two partners', finally, to reunite.
Kim thought Jay was going to say something immediately, based on the look on his face. But when he didn't, that left her confused. Jay was a man of few words at baseline, but he looked like he was going to explode.
"So, you come here often?" Kim tried to joke.
"You scared me", Jay blurted out.
"Now you know what it feels like", Kim retorted weakly, remembering all too well what it felt like to be in Jay's shoes right now.
Jay attempted to force a smile, but all that came out was, "That's not funny", he said, his voice cracking in the process.
"I know, come here buddy", Kim moved her fingers just enough to get Jay to come closer, right as she saw his bottom lip start to quiver.
Jay covered her right hand with his, leaned in to give her a kiss on the forehead and buried his head against her shoulder in a makeshift hug, being mindful of all her lines and tubes. She thought he was just doing that for the gesture, that was until his head lingered there for a while, and she heard the way his breath was hitching on the inhale.
He paused, as it was the first time he had really allowed himself in the last 72 hours to truly feel the gravity of the situation. He was exhausted and relieved, and the adrenaline was finally dissipating from his body. Kim managed to gather enough strength to graze her fingers on the back of Jay's head.
"Shhh, it's okay", she soothed, as she let him have a moment.
He shook himself out of it after a minute, realizing it was Kim lying in a hospital bed, not him- he had to be strong for her.
"Sorry", he whispered, quickly taking a seat next to her on the edge of the bed, avoiding eye contact until he could pull it together. He finally composed himself enough to face her, he found her just staring back at him calmly.
"What is it?" Jay asked sort of nervously.
"You care", Kim said with a cheeky grin on her face, as Jay was trying to conceal the tears from his.
"Yeah, yeah. Guess you've grown on me just a little over the years Burg", he replied with his usual sarcasm, wiping an errant tear.
Kim chuckled, waiting another minute to confess her next statement, knowing things were about to take a more serious, emotional route. "Jay?"
"Hmm?" He turned further towards her, giving her his full attention.
"I heard you. When you found me. I was so close to giving up. But I heard your voice and I held on", Kim said softly, her voice catching now too.
That was it, any resolve Jay was holding onto left his body as he heard her say those words.
He couldn't be strong anymore and let the stress of this past week out. Once the tears started, they wouldn't stop. Hailey of course was watching this from around the corner quietly, touched at how close Jay and Kim really were. Hailey knew he cared so deeply for her, that if nothing else- was abundantly clear this week. And that he must be so relieved to know that Kim is okay.
Jay held Kim's hand, as they both got emotional, staying like that for a few minutes at her bedside. He wiped the tears away from her face because her arms were too sore to lift.
"I'm so glad you're okay", he whispered, giving her hand one last kiss as he released it and stood up from the edge of her bed.
"Me too", she smiled weakly, back to her usual sarcasm.
That was Hailey's cue to re-enter, hating to interrupt their reunion, but Kim's nurse politely told her in the hallway it was best for her to rest now.
"Go home to bed Jay, you have a headache", Kim offered, smirking at Hailey in the corner. Who smirked back, knowing Jay was going to brush it off.
"No…. well, okay how do you know that?" Jay initially tried to deny, his usual tactic. But other than Hailey, Kim knew his usual tells just as well.
"You have migraine written all over your face. It's obvious, and I sort of just woke up from a coma", Kim chuckled a bit at herself, which caused the two of them to laugh and release some tension as well.
"Alright officer, you got me. I feel like shit", Jay admitted. Hailey coming up behind him to rub his back.
"I know, me too. We'll hang out when you jailbreak me out of here in a few days okay?" Kim said.
"Deal", Jay smiled, saying one final goodbye before sneaking out.
Kim felt her eyes get heavy, starting to feel whatever her nurse gave her kick in.
"Ready?" Mouse said from the waiting room, he had been talking to Will while Hailey and Jay visited with Kim.
"Ready", Hailey confirmed, seeing Jay yawn from the corner of her eye.
"I'm fine honestly", Jay quickly replied, knowing she caught him.
"I know you are, but I also know you're not feeling the best still", Hailey coaxed it out of him, managing to get a nod in agreement.
"Just need another good night's sleep and I'll be good as new", Jay said. Mouse also watching him get into the passenger seat, rubbing his temples.
Mouse reached through the headrest, giving Jay's shoulders a gentle squeeze, he felt the tension there clear as day. "Close your eyes man, we'll be home before you know it." Jay nodded his head, slowly dozing off as Hailey drove home, the darkness overtaking him.
Jay went straight up to bed as soon as they walked through the front door. Hailey gave him a kiss on the forehead, promising she'd be up soon. She was wiped too; she couldn't imagine how tired Jay was mentally and physically after this week.
"He alright or what? I haven't seen him this exhausted since….you know…a while", Mouse sort of said the quiet part out loud.
Hailey flashed Mouse a half-smile in understanding, "I know. He's just worn out, this week's catching up. I think he'll be fine with a little TLC."
"Better you than me", Mouse chuckled, although he wouldn't in a second hesitate to be there for Jay. Hailey knew that too, but she went along with the joke.
"Duty calls", she said returning from the kitchen with some tea for herself and a hot water bottle for Jay.
"Night Hails", he squeezed her shoulder on the way upstairs.
"Night Mouse sleep tight", she replied.
Hailey snuck into their bedroom, careful not to make any sudden noises. Jay had fallen asleep already but left her lamp on and turned down her side of the bed for her. She smiled, always the thoughtful one.
She gently set her mug of tea down on her nightstand and crawled in with Jay. He was breathing heavily, turned on his side, one of his arms tucked under his pillow. He didn't initially stir when she joined him, but within a few minutes he was starting to get a little twitchy and shaky in his sleep. Hailey's heart dropped; she was afraid of this.
Jay's whimpering is what really set her over the edge, his face contorting into painful grimaces.
"Jay, Jay", she softly called out, hoping to avoid needing to touch him to wake him up. She didn't want to scare him.
"It's okay Jay, I'm right here, you're okay", she soothed. Hoping he would come to on his own, which he did a few minutes later. He saw Hailey's blue eyes staring back into his, full of concern.
"I should have waited for you to fall asleep", he said sheepishly, as she ran her fingers through his hair.
She smiled at him sympathetically, "You've had a rough few days babe."
He exhaled deeply, his heart was still racing, which in turn made the pounding in his head way worse. "Yeah, you could say that again. It feels silly honestly, now knowing that Kim is okay. Was hoping I would get a good sleep tonight."
Hailey looked over at the clock, it was early, not even 10 yet.
"It's not silly. You're just rundown. There's still time", she said wiggling closer to him, pulling him into her chest, knowing her tea was going to be cold by the time she got back to it.
Jay responded to the invitation to curl up against her immediately, feeling the weight from his shoulders slowly dissipate.
"I forgot to tell you something", Hailey said.
"Hmm?" Jay mumbled, feeling his eyes get heavy again.
"Lisa gave me tickets to the Bulls game next week, courtside", Hailey smiled. Jay's head snapped up to look at her.
"Seriously?" He smiled.
"Seriously. Good thought to end with before falling asleep", she replied.
Jay nodded, immensely grateful it was Friday today and they didn't have to wake up early for work tomorrow. "I love you."
"I love you too", she whispered back. "Try to get some sleep, I'll be right here.
Jay tossed and turned the rest of the night, he felt guilty for keeping Hailey awake for part of it, but he just could not settle down. She would reach over in the darkness to comfort him, hold him, and it would help for a bit. But he was having a hard time. As was Mouse apparently. Hailey woke up around 4:30 in the morning to find a familiar figure curled up on the other side of her, just close enough that she could feel him twitching in his sleep.
To anyone else looking in, this might be a weird situation. But to Hailey, this was anything but. She'd rather have Mouse crawl in here with them than be suffering alone in his room. And she was glad Mouse felt comfortable, and safe here – enough to trust her and Jay with the dark, fragile parts of himself.
She stayed up a little bit watching them both sleep, before the exhaustion caught up to her too. She didn't resurface until 8, pleasantly surprised to see Jay and Mouse still asleep too. She couldn't exactly crawl out to start on coffee and breakfast, given that she was in the middle. So, she waited, this time rolling over into Jay's open outstretched arms, who was just coming to himself.
"Morning", he whispered in his raspy, sleepy voice – that Hailey found ever so endearing.
"Morning", she replied quietly.
"When did Mouse crawl in here?" Jay asked, clearly unaware of the timeline of the night.
"Maybe around 2 or 3? I'm not too sure. He was restless last night too", Hailey confirmed.
Jay didn't respond, just pulled her in closer, "Thanks Lails. For taking care of us."
Hailey grinned, "Always. Second nature."
"I know it is. I don't know how we got so lucky", Jay gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.
"Let's go make breakfast", Hailey whispered after lying there for a few minutes soaking in the morning snuggles.
"Kay", Jay said as he poked his head around Hailey to see what Mouse was up to. Pleasantly surprised to find him out cold, mouth open snoring into the pillow.
"Let's leave him, let him get some rest", Hailey confirmed as they slowly snuck out from bed.
Mouse slowly came to about an hour later, the smell of bacon making its way upstairs. He looked around at his surroundings, coming to and remembering he was in Jay and Hailey's bed. He suddenly felt really embarrassed and awkward, that he came in here last night without their permission. Even though he knew Hailey and Jay would both reassure him that it was no problem. He quickly got up, haphazardly made their bed and went into his room to get changed.
He smiled coming downstairs, hearing Jay and Hailey's familiar giggles in the kitchen. A Saturday morning playlist softly playing in the background, and as he got closer, his nose picking up on the rest of what they were making – fresh coffee and waffles. His heart ached for all the mornings as kids they spent here together, Kate always making a feast for Saturday morning breakfast, inviting anyone who wanted to join them. It wasn't uncommon to be playing road hockey out front, then take a break for food and hot chocolate. Mouse's parents were a little less than involved in his life, providing what he needed to survive, but not what he needed the most- love. Mouse felt a little teary thinking about it just now, reminiscing how special it was the three of them were here together again, and how lucky he was that he had Jay and Hailey growing up, Jay's family taking him in as one of their own many a time. Kate was looking down smiling he just knew it, carrying on her traditions. And he certainly felt loved by her, and his other neighbours growing up. He paused at the bottom of the stairs to look out the window towards his old house. Briefly having an idea, a dream really, but snapping out of it as soon as he heard Jay's voice.
"There's sleeping Beauty!" Jay shouted as he waved Mouse in the kitchen handing him a cup of coffee on the way.
"Morning guys", Mouse said sheepishly.
He could feel Hailey's worried eyes staring at him from across the kitchen.
"Morning Mouse, sleep okay?" She asked, although Mouse knew she knew he spent a lot of it curled up close to her, shaking like a leaf.
"Yeah… after a while I did. About that… I'm…", Hailey quickly cut him off, saving him from apologizing to them when he certainly didn't need to.
He felt her hand on his back, rubbing a small gentle circle around an old scar of his she knew was there. "It's alright Mouse. You know you can always come to us." Jay nodded, confirming the sentiment.
"I'd rather you crawl in with us in the middle of the night than be alone, okay? For real", she whispered pulling him into a hug. In the chaos of the last few weeks, she had selfishly forgot that Mouse had only just returned from deployment. And considering how he had handled returning stateside in the past, he was doing much better, almost to the point Hailey and Jay had forgotten about it.
He reciprocated the hug quickly and easily, again his heart swelling at the kindness and compassion Hailey always held for him. He and Jay were both not easy on her in the past after the war, but it was going to be different this time. It had to be.
"Alright let's eat", Hailey ushered the two of them to grab a plate, having already set the table.
"This looks delicious guys, thanks", Mouse said, grabbing the syrup from Jay, sharing the fresh cut strawberries with Hailey.
Later that day they got word that Kim would be discharged home tomorrow, which was incredible news given how serious things were just days earlier.
Hailey decided she would cook some meals to bring over to Kim so she wouldn't have to worry about anything. She gave Adam a quick call from Jay's phone to ask about some of her favourites.
"Hailey that's so much work, you don't have to make anything!" Adam replied.
"It's not trouble at all really, I would be happy to help", Hailey insisted.
"Trust me Adam you're going to want to take Hailey up on that offer, it will benefit you too", Mouse shouted in the background. Jay also yelling in agreement, "Hailey's cooking is the BEST."
Adam chuckled on the other end, "Alright, alright if you insist. Thank you very much darling we appreciate it."
Hailey grinned, Adam had this quality about him that using the word darling was never a creepy or odd thing, it just fit his personality so well. "We'll stop by tomorrow, take care of yourself Adam."
Hailey hung up the phone and got to work, making a list of things she'd need when she went out to the grocery store this morning. Jay and Mouse took this opportunity to their advantage and also made some of their own requests for food.
Hailey smiled, it was such an easy thing for her to do, she loved cooking. And she loved how excited others got about her cooking. Jay and Mouse had a rough week in more ways than one, so if she could do this one thing to brighten their days, that was a no-brainer.
To no surprise, Mouse requested lasagna – his face instantly lit up when Hailey agreed. Jay told her he needed some time to think about it, Hailey laughed. "Really?"
"No, I'm just kidding you know what I want. Right?" He tested the waters, of their unspoken communication.
"Based on your headaches this week… I would guess some avgolemono….", Hailey started, Jay nodded. He was feeling much better, but he did have some tension lingering.
"And maybe some baklava?" He grinned when she guessed spot on.
"You just know me too well", Jay smiled.
"It's almost as if I've known you my whole life or something", Hailey said with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye. Jay reached out to link his fingers with hers, playfully giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Alright, alright, enough of that or else I'll never get the cooking done", Hailey laughed.
Jay laughed too and made his way to the couch with Mouse. They planned to watch Marvel movies and play Nintendo all day.
Hailey quickly made a list and grabbed her keys to head out to the store.
"Alright anybody need anything while I'm out?" Hailey asked one last time.
Mouse paused before making his request, "Can you grab some melatonin for me?"
"Yeah of course", Hailey agreed, flashing Jay a discreet quick look, but he saw.
"Be back soon."
Hailey spent the rest of the day in the kitchen, preparing a few ready-made meals for Kim, Adam and Makayla, and of course comfort food for Mouse and Jay.
The lasagna was just about ready, so Hailey popped the garlic bread in the oven to warm up. Jay came in to help her throw together a Caesar salad. Mouse had stayed resting on the couch.
"Do we think he's fine?" Hailey whispered quietly to Jay, waving her head towards Mouse sitting in the living room somewhat staring off into the distance with the TV on in the background.
"Yeah, why wouldn't he be?" Jay responded.
"He asked me for melatonin", Hailey raised her eyes, waiting for Jay to connect the dots. Once he did, he put two and two together of why Hailey was coming off a little anxious this afternoon. Truthfully, he hadn't thought too much into it, but he understood why she did. "And he crawled into bed with us."
"Ahh, gotcha. Honestly Hailey I think he's fine, just a rough night. We all have them, including myself time and again."
"I know…just last time…. that's how it started with sleeping medication…and you know", Hailey blurted out, feeling a little nervous to bring it up.
Jay brushed her shoulders with his hands, "I know. But it won't be like that this time, I promise. And I know Mouse will promise that to you too. We can keep an eye on him. It doesn't bother me at all if he comes to sleep with us from time to time. Does it bother you?"
"Okay", Hailey murmured, reaching her hands up to Jay's. "And no of course not. I'd rather that than any alternatives."
Jay gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and grabbed a bottle of red and three glasses from the cupboard.
Mouse rallied himself from the couch once Hailey yelled dinner was ready, and the three of them enjoyed a delicious Saturday night feast.
Mouse and Jay couldn't stop singing her praises, enough that they ushered her away from the kitchen so they could clean her afternoons worth of dishes.
Hailey took that opportunity to run upstairs for a quick bath, returning to find their kitchen spotless, and the two of them waiting for her on the couch with their Scrabble board on the coffee table.
"Hmm you guys ready to lose or what?" Hailey joked.
"Not a chance", Jay rolled his eyes, Mouse laughed too. Jay was easily the worst speller of the three of them, but he did always admire his confidence.
Mouse had disappeared upstairs for a little bit, while Hailey and Jay had thrown on the TV to catch the tail end of the Cubs game.
Jay was starting to doze off when Mouse's footsteps shook him out of his slumber.
"Sorry", Mouse said as he took a seat next to Jay on the couch again, with a small bag in his hand.
"What's that?" Hailey asked curiously, Jay raised his head to do the same.
Mouse was about to reply, but his stomach interrupted him, with the loudest gurgle. The three of them all just laughed.
"You alright over there?" Hailey grinned.
He forced a smile, "Yeah. Just a bit of an upset stomach."
"Mouse if you don't like my cooking anymore just say something", Hailey laughed, but saw that he clearly wasn't laughing so she retracted her joke.
He sheepishly looked at her, "It's not that at all. I love your cooking. My stomach just isn't fully used to real food again…. remember what we were like when we came home the first time? That and sort of anxiety I guess…I don't know I don't exactly feel like myself", he admitted bluntly.
Hailey stole a quick glance at Jay, who was on high alert now. "It's alright, I'm just kidding. I'll make you some ginger tea, it will settle your stomach."
"Thanks Hails", Mouse said as she disappeared from the couch to put the kettle on.
"Jay you want a tea?" Hailey shouted from the kitchen.
"Sure, peppermint please", he replied.
Hailey returned a few minutes later with a tray of mugs and cookies.
"A far cry from the Saturday nights of our youth", Jay joked, eyeing Mouse who even cracked a smile at that too.
"Yeah, yeah. Different times, same partners in crime", Hailey added.
"So, Mouse you gonna tell us what's in the bag?" Jay asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
Hailey took a seat next to Mouse on the couch, passing him his tea which he softly thanked her for. He took a few sips before replying to Jay.
"When I was over there…I went back to the village…where we…" Mouse looked at Jay quickly, before glancing at Hailey. "Where we got hurt." Jay and Hailey's eyes went wide, but quickly composed themselves.
"Okay", Jay whispered, now even more curious what he had in the bag.
"This is kind of stupid, I was going to give it to you last week then Kim….and yeah…but I brought you this rock back. From there. Maybe we can put it to bed." Mouse awkwardly fumbled opening the bag to take the tiny treasure out.
Jay's eyes welled up as he handed it to him, running his fingers over it, taking a minute to inspect every inch of the slate grey, speckled with amber and charcoal bits.
"This is from Korangal Valley?" Jay said quietly, barely above a whisper.
Mouse nodded, pulling a similar one out of the bag for himself. They looked nearly identical, similar sizes, and shapes. But the colouring was different, almost in a way that represented the different scars the two of them came home with.
"I also brought back 4 others…for Owen, Luke, Nate and Ryan", Mouse choked himself up towards the end, before composing himself again.
Hailey felt herself losing control of her emotions too. Just sitting quietly, making sure they both had this moment together.
"What was it like?" Jay asked Mouse.
"The spot?" Mouse asked, thinking he knew what Jay was asking, his nod confirming it.
"As ugly as I remember it", they both let out a chuckle, disguising their tears.
"But there was this little patch of trees that weren't there before…About knee high. All bunched together at the side of the road. I think maybe that was a sign from them", Mouse said as tears kept streaming down his face.
"Yeah, I bet it was. I miss them", Jay admitted out loud.
"I miss them too man. They should be here", Mouse replied, Jay nodding, staring at the collection of rocks.
"I don't know what we should do with them, but it felt right to take 4 others with me. I have a bottle of sand upstairs too", Mouse explained.
Jay didn't say anything else, just pulled his friend in for a hug. They held each other like that for a few minutes, long enough for Hailey to slip out and grab a small vase from the kitchen.
She silently handed it to Jay, Mouse got off the couch to grab the sand from his room.
Hailey stood back to give the two of them privacy, watching as they first poured the sand in the small jar, then adding the four smaller black rocks first. Wordlessly, one by one, with tears in their eyes. They were whispering something to each other after putting each rock in, but Hailey couldn't make it out. She knew she wasn't meant to. Then they finished with the two of theirs on top. Hailey turned around to head upstairs to grab pillows and blankets, having a feeling the three of them would be camping out on the couch together tonight. She was almost halfway upstairs when she heard the two of them clearly for the first time since they started this makeshift memorial.
"Together again", Jay whispered. Mouse returning the sentiment.
"Together again."
Not as long as a hiatus as last time? I think lol. Trying to get better at posting, have just felt less than inspired lately. Real life has been busy and hard. Thank you for being patient with me and still following this story! I love reading how much all of you enjoy this version of Hailey and Jay I've created. I have to say it's probably my favourite. More to come I promise! Hope everyone is doing well in their corners of the world. - K