a/n: attempting nanowrimo this year with this fic! we shall see how close i'm able to get us to the end!

also, hiruko's extra from chapter twelve has been repurposed for this chapter, as i didn't expect to be able to use it until i actually got to writing this chapter and realized how well it fit. sorry if it's disjointing!

the frog in the well

"a spring that comes to usher in change"

"You want to open some letters? Eino-chan sent one for your birthday, and so did some of the girls," Kaa-chan explained and Hiruko vaguely recalled his last birthday, when he'd gotten letters and the pocket money and small trinkets they'd sent along with them.

He also remembered his present, or rather, presents from Einosuke, the mix of snacks and learning materials, as well as several sets of comfortable clothing that Hiruko still wore, mostly to bed, despite outgrowing them.

Everyday, Hiruko really did miss him, even if he'd long stopped asking when his next visit would be.

Kaa-chan said once that he was a man so busy that they'd be lucky to see him once a year, if at all. But even busy, he still found the time to send letters and presents, and they should be grateful for that much.

But...

Seeing the letter in his mother's hands now, as she held her arms out for him to settle in her lap, Hiruko couldn't help the tears that brimmed at his eyes. Maybe it was the stress from Academy sign ups, or maybe it was because White Fang-san had left so quickly after dinner for an emergency, leaving his sleeping brother to be looked after, or that he didn't get enough sleep the night before.

Regardless, Hiruko couldn't deny the tight, heavy feeling in his heart.

Kaa-chan's face grew worried, and Hiruko quickly tried to dash the tears away with a closed fist—until she stopped him with a gentle hand.

"What's wrong, Hiru-chan?"

"Miss… I miss Eino-ji-chan," Hiruko finally said as he let his mother bring him into her arms. He breathed in her scent, finding comfort in its familiarity, but was still sad, thinking also of all the nee-san's that he'd had to leave behind. He missed all of the other kids, too, all of his friends that he was coming to the realization that he'd never see again.

"Oh, baby bear," Kaa-chan mumbled, setting aside the letters to fully take him into her arms, coming to gently rock him as she kissed the top of his head. "I miss him too."

"We can't visit?"

At that, his mother pulled away, just a bit so she could turn him towards her, meeting his gaze.

"Part of leaving that place meant we could never go back," Kaa-chan whispered. "I'm so sorry, Hiru-chan."

"Why not?"

"Because that place wasn't good for you, for us," she answered, her voice soft, eyes sad. "I'll explain more when you're older, okay?"

Another one of those answers. He hated them, but he found he couldn't press further, scared of making his mother cry.

"Alright," he mumbled, and turned to lean back against her. "Will you read the letters for me?"

Although Hiruko had long learned how to read, due to last year's presents from Einosuke, he still liked to hear his mother's voice, something he was too shy to admit.

It brought him further back to the past, when she read everything to him, when she told him stories both big and tall, old and new. Things his uncle told her, things she just made up, or stories she'd heard from friends.

Nowadays he purposely forbade stories, as Asoka had outgrown them, and because it was all too embarrassing to be read to, now that he was so much older. Except now, he wished he hadn't stopped asking for Kaa-chan to tell stories.

So when she pressed a kiss to his head once more, and began to read to him, Hiruko couldn't stop the tears that slipped down his cheeks. He didn't try to, just kept his head comfortably rested against his mother's chest and clutched at the arm she had wrapped around him, looking down at the letter with blurred eyes as she whispered against his ear the contents of it.

"Hope you're behaving for your Kaa-chan, Hiruko-kun. I'll be there to see you again soon, I promise. I wish you a very happy birthday, and hope that you've enjoyed it with the new additions to your family. When I come by, tell me all about it, okay? I'll listen to everything without missing a word. The good, the bad, the funny, I want to know it all. And more than anything, I hope your fourth year in this world has been blessed with laughter, happy memories, and great food. I hope that your fifth year will be even better. I believe in you. Take care. Einosuke."

"When is soon?" Hiruko asked, latching onto what had stood out most to him.

"Well, the letter doesn't say, but Eino-chan hasn't ever broken a promise, has he? So, soon might be sooner than you think."

"Alright," Hiruko conceded grimly, his thoughts overtaken by Einosuke. Or, more accurately, the place they used to live, when they'd been with Einosuke.

His memory wasn't perfect, as he'd been three when they left, but he could almost picture it perfectly, the room they'd lived in, the women and children that they shared space with. The engawa deck that he'd eat fruit on, and the backyard he'd played with firecrackers and the pond that he'd skipped stones across with Asoka.

He missed most of all the dinners that they shared, all together, where Kaa-chan giggled endlessly, skin bright and the scent of a fresh bath steaming off her skin. He missed seeing Kami-kaa-chan, when his mother dressed up and fretted over every single detail, carefully fixing her hair, makeup, and clothing, right up until the moment Hiruko said she was pretty, and worry seemed to wash off her all at once. She'd smile at him, then, that very happy smile.

Kaa-chan's happy smile was the best. But she hadn't smiled like that in a long time. And sure, she still smiled, but it wasn't the same.

He had a sinking feeling as to why.

Your father is an idiot.

That's what Hiruko thought about most when he called his father by his moniker. He thought of his mother's crying face, seized up, and doubted the man that had come into his life so suddenly.

But the doubt warred with the admiration, the excitement that bubbled up in him at the mention of his arrival, and the gnawing disappointment at his departure.

He really liked his father.

He liked how strong and tall he was, that he lifted him so easily and played with him, with an energy that only his uncle had ever been able to match. That he always had something interesting to add, teaching him new things everytime they talked. That he listened to what Hiruko had to say so seriously, and gave advice that showed he understood.

That he smiled at him, like he was special.

White Fang-san was usually not seen without a smile, actually, but it was the way he smiled that was important. Like, the way he looked at Kaa-chan. The secret glances that weren't so secret. The light in his gaze and interest in her words like he was hanging on to every syllable out of her mouth.

When Hiruko noticed such things, he really believed in what Kaa-chan said about him. Because he was an idiot who... Well, Hiruko was still not at the age to understand such adult matters, but he still couldn't help but wonder what the next step was.

If they'd always be separated by different houses, despite Hiruko being told they were a family.

The strange thing was, Kaa-chan usually looked at White Fang-san with a cold expression that Hiruko wasn't used to. A sort of blankness that he couldn't remember ever seeing before. Kaa-chan, who talked to strangers with ease. Kaa-chan, who treated everyone as if they were long-time friends, no matter who it was.

It seemed it was only White Fang-san that she treated differently.

And it was only recently that Hiruko realized that rather than being cold, it was as if she was carefully deliberating her actions and words. As if she didn't know how to treat White Fang-san.

But observation wasn't enough, because Hiruko didn't understand it. Why his mother always looked so worried around his father.

"Hiru-chan," his mother said, breaking into his thoughts, her tone light as she brushed the remaining wetness off his cheeks. "What are you thinking about so strongly?"

"Nothing..."

"Alright, then," Kaa-chan murmured, not pressing. "Do you want to read the rest of the letters? Or do you want to open Eino-chan's present first?"

"Um. Is otouto still sleeping?"

"It looks like it," Kaa-chan said softly, and Hiruko recalled what she'd said earlier.

To be quiet so his brother could sleep.

Tears threatened to well up once more, with no clear reason as to why.

"I can read more and open more tomorrow, Kaa-chan. I'm sleepy..."

"Well, alright, then." Kaa-chan pressed a kiss to his forehead, the sound of a hum in her throat. "Oh, before we all head to sleep, we have to wash up, okay? Kaa-chan will give your otouto a bath first, and then it will be your turn."

Hiruko nodded obediently but paused as he cast a view around the room. "Is Asoka-nee-chan and Mayu-oba-chan not home still?"

"They should get home soon," Kaa-chan assured him with a small smile. "Tomorrow we'll have an even bigger celebration with everyone else. Today, the girls just wanted to give you a day to spend with your father and brother."

"And Kaa-chan," he reminded her, turning to lay his head against her chest, not wanting to get up just yet.

"Yes, I'll always be here for you, Hiru-chan," Kaa-chan said, wrapping him in her arms and squeezing tightly. "Always."

.

.

After they'd all been bathed, Kaa-chan set up their bedding in her own room, pulling in Hiruko's things before smiling down at him as she laid out his futon and blanket, and fluffed his pillows for him.

"Kaa-chan wants all of us to sleep together," she explained, though it didn't need much explaining. "You want to be with your otouto, too, right? After all, he needs both of us to look after him to be safe, isn't that right?"

Hiruko nodded, eyes going to his brother who was still sound asleep in the felt-lined wicker basket his mother had proudly come home with some time ago.

"This is kind of what you used to sleep in, too, Hiru-chan!"

But Hiruko couldn't remember such days, only feeling that his brother was very cute in it.

"When will he get bigger?" Hiruko asked with a pout, squatting in front of his brother, who's basket was placed next to the head of his futon. "It's taking so long—will he really be able to grow?"

At that, Kaa-chan laughed as she got to setting up her own futon besides his. "Of course he will! You used to be that small, too, once."

"You say that, but it's hard to believe... I used to be this small?" Hiruko mumbled under his breath, hand reaching out to feel for his brother's tiny hand, and finding it was only half as big as his.

Hiruko liked his little brother, the tiny baby that had come into his life all of a sudden.

He liked his tiny hands and tiny feet, his sleepy eyes and pouty lips. He liked his quiet giggles and soft whines, he liked holding Kakashi in his arms and feeling his warmth like he was a lit candle. He liked the shape of his eyes that were like his own, and the quiet of his presence.

It came easy to Hiruko, to love him, to be gentle with the baby but also playful, making faces and noises to get reactions and giving him kisses when his mother wasn't looking. After all, it was embarrassing to hear her coo so loudly when she saw him do it, but he still needed to do it.

Because if there's one thing Kaa-chan taught him, it was unconditional love. It was of free kisses, hand-holding, hugs and hair petting, playful whispers and unbound laughter. So it came to him easily, a big brother role, who wanted to provide those things.

He'd only ever been the little brother to Asoka, and now that he had one too, Hiruko found himself with a renewed appreciation for his nee-san, who had always done her best to teach him new things, and had supported him all throughout the first few weeks since White Fang-san had come into their lives.

She'd become his fail-safe, a constant presence that he felt a little lost without. A worry in his brow when she was gone too long.

He thought a lot that Asoka should join the shinobi academy, too. That way, they could still be together all the time.

But even he knew the unlikelihood of it. Asoka was still rather shy and he didn't think anything like becoming a shinobi would make her happy. And really, he just wanted her to be happy.

So as he gazed at his brother, having only just turned five himself, Hiruko wondered, in the future when Kakashi was big enough, if he would join the Academy too.

If that happened, Hiruko would teach him how to be a shinobi, and wouldn't that be the best? And if they were good, there was even the possibility of White Fang-san to teach them too!

"Kaa-chan, we'll always be together, right? All of us?" Hiruko asked suddenly, a bit of his gloom fading in the face of his cute brother sleeping. He turned to look at her.

"Kaa-chan?"

She seemed to shake herself at his prodding, the blank expression on her face shaping into one that resembled those smiles, the ones he missed so much. Her eyes were bright, the curl of her lips a bit mischievous, her cheeks rosy and her hair still wet from the bath. She held her arms open to him.

"That's what a family is for, Hiru-chan, we stick together. Through the best, through the worst."

"Promise?" he asked, just to be sure, even as he lept into her arms and pressed his face into her shoulder.

"I promise," she said against his ear, before kissing his cheek. "Don't worry, baby bear. Now, let's go to sleep. Tomorrow, we'll celebrate again with the girls."

Hiruko nodded eagerly, suddenly weighted down by exhaustion he hadn't realized was there until the relief of her words. He yawned, pulling away to get settled beneath his blankets, and when he looked over at his mother again, who had already closed her eyes, her body turned to face his, Hiruko smiled.

His mother was truly the best, better than anyone else in the world.

That night, when he finally fell asleep, he dreamed a bit of the future.

Or what he hoped was the future, because in this dream he was strong enough to protect Kaa-chan, and no one was able to look down on her again. It was a dream where she only ever smiled and didn't have to leave home to work, so they could spend all of their time together, along with White Fang-san and Kakashi, Nee-chan and Oba-san and Oji-san.

It was a dream in which Kaa-chan didn't ever cry again.

the passage of time

Ayame's bookstore wasn't the busiest on Sundays, but it was the day before the delivery of books for the new week and it took a lot of preparation to get the store ready for the new product, especially as she was still working to build and maintain a sizable stock, with only a few contracts with book publishers under her belt. The more known the store became, the more business she had, and as of late, business had been soaring.

Anyone else would be pleased, but it only served to expose the flaws in her idyllic lifestyle so far.

For a store owner, Ayame only maintained the basics. Her shop hours were based on her own schedule, or when Mayumi was available, and as a result, she'd been inconsistent. While they still made sales and met their budget goals, with all the changes in her life, Ayame couldn't always muster the energy to trek all the way into the heart of Konoha, not when Hiruko was at home, or when Sakumo was visiting with Kakashi.

After all, she only had so much time left before Hiruko started school.

She needed to hire new staff, she knew this. But her wariness of others hadn't diminished much. Trusting someone enough to close the store without her there? Trusting someone enough at the register when she'd only just met them?

Ayame didn't have much to protect herself from theft from any employee other than the honor system, and at best the chance a shinobi would be able to help her. So she needed a person with good references, someone with experience—people like that wouldn't settle for less than a satisfactory wage and benefits.

Her store was barely above breaking even as it was, with her more relaxed approach these days, and of course she knew the solution to that. Actual effort.

And therein laid the issue.

Sometimes, Ayame wondered where she'd ever gotten the confidence she'd had in the past.

Telling Einosuke not to worry, letting him sink his money into the store, and expecting everything to work out on its own. Thinking in her head that she could make everything in her life perfect, all because she'd been forced to be perfect her entire life. Always having someone over her to make sure she was doing what she needed to, giving direction and expecting nothing but her best.

All of those expectations hadn't felt like weights then, not until she was left untethered by someone else's machinations. And she found that when the weights had fallen off, Ayame felt like she'd lost too much of it, as if the invisible force that had been holding her up had vanished, leaving her to collapse.

Without Okaa-san or Einosuke telling her what to do at every moment, it was too much freedom for a girl who'd spent all of her life following instructions. And the exhaustion that had accumulated in her short but eventful life had finally caught up with her, a terrible unfamiliar weight settling over her that no amount of sleep could erase.

It almost seemed that because some part of her was finally at peace, the darkest parts of her mind felt it was time to rear its head. And she was strangely jealous of herself from the past.

To be so carefree about the future, letting someone else decide everything—Ayame felt as if the person she'd once been was a stranger sometimes.

These days, Ayame didn't have the energy to care if everything was perfect. It was a foriegn feeling, of simply not caring somedays if the business did well or not, as long as they weren't losing money.

And although Ayame hadn't lost her ability to worry, she was distracted by other, much more important things.

She felt that any time away from Hiruko meant she was losing something, especially now that his emotions were beginning to mature, his worries more complex than they'd ever been before. She thought of how much more he cried, and how quiet he tried to make it and she agonized over how to help him.

All of those days in the red light district, all of those times someone else had to look after him. She'd already promised to make up for it.

He was growing everyday. How could she possibly keep up with it?

That being said, she didn't hate her time at the bookstore.

While it wasn't exactly as she'd envisioned, it was still across from the children's park, and she could keep an eye on Hiruko as he played. Mothers came in often to buy books and chat with her, and every time, Ayame thought of creating a section in her store for children to play, to have the already close by Hiruko, even closer.

But such a thing wasn't feasible yet.

The building was purchased as it was, a building that wasn't very tall or very wide, but just enough space for a handful of people at a time to peruse. It was an older place, with a roof that needed redone, the wooden supports on their last leg of life. With the help of hired genin and Jirai-nii, she'd seen to fixing those things, but for now it was what they could manage.

Most of the funds Einosuke had invested had gone into the contracts with the publishers, and if Ayame could only put in a little more effort, with any profit, Ayame could see to fixing the store up even more—and possibly buying the space next door to truly make her dream come true.

If she could have an adjacent tea shop, Ayame felt she would finally be satisfied.

But as it was, Ayame was already overwhelmed with what was already on her plate. She supposed an aspiration like that was years in the making, which might have been obvious to others, but Ayame hadn't really thought of what was realistic in the beginning.

Not for the first time, Ayame worried she was failing Einosuke.

But even with that on her mind, Ayame still went around the store doing what she considered her Sunday duties. On all of the shelves, she made sure they were ordered as they were meant to and made room for the fresh titles, taking down displays and old sale signs as well as sweeping and dusting, before figuring out new sale ideas that would actually make an impact with the clientele.

Eventually deciding on a limited sale for children's books, Ayame was in the midst of writing out a sale sign when she heard the bell at the door chime.

She stilled her hand and looked up—only to drop her brush and shoot up from behind the register.

"Nii-chan," Ayame whined, scowling up at her brother. "You've been gone forever! Did you finally remember that you have a home to return to?"

Jirai-nii was sheepish as he looked up at the ceiling, looking the perfect image of a chastised man. "Sorry, Aya-chan… I got caught up in a reconnaissance mission—"

"You weren't playing around, were you?" Ayame asked, her tone severe as she thought of her own brother betraying Mayumi's trust.

Not that the two were exclusive. They both maintained a nonchalance about their relationship that Ayame had a hard time grasping as an outsider. Ayame just couldn't understand either one of them finding other partners, when they suited each other as well as they did. It wasn't lost on her how much time they spent together privately.

At the very least, Ayame had been under the impression that both were satisfied from the deal they had between them, and a little part of her was rooting for the chance to have Mayumi as a sister-in-law and Asoka as her official niece, which was admittedly her own selfish wish.

"I wasn't playing, I promise, Aya-chan," Jirai-nii said, hands out in surrender. "In fact, in the down time I had on that mission, I finished a book!"

At the news, Ayame brightened considerably.

A big part of the reason Ayame had even wanted to start a bookstore had been because of her brother. She'd wanted a place to proudly support and sell his works—but he hadn't really delivered on his side of the bargain, never quite happy with the few titles he worked on and subsequently abandoned.

So, regardless of the fact that Ayame was still miffed at how Jirai-nii had vanished for so long, even missing her son's birthday, she couldn't help the grin that spread across her face.

"Can I see?"

Jirai-nii was only all too enthusiastic, pride unmistakable on his face as he pilfered through the bag on his hip and brought out the novel.

Taking it gingerly in hand, Ayame wasted no time as she sat herself down on the chair behind the register, crossing her legs to lay the book on her thigh and began to read.

Admittedly, Ayame skimmed the first few chapters, flipping through the book that had been roughly fit together with twine—and came to the conclusion that she and her brother may have actually been cut from the same cloth in more ways than one.

For one to have lived in a yuukaku for an inordinate amount of time, and for the other's first novel to be such a thing…

Both of them were perverts, and she couldn't deny it.

But because it had eventually led to her own success, a spark of hope was lit that he too could find future success with his writing in a genre that suited his interests.

There was definitely an untapped market for the subject matter, which she knew from experience as someone who often sold books that barely crested the surface of impropriety. Especially with the mother's, who were always looking for books with more excitement in them.

Still, as she'd been removed for some time from the yuukaku and that time had shifted her worldview, Ayame had been working on developing some standards for herself and decidedly, this was a line she knew she had to draw.

So, as soon as her eyes grazed over an excessively steamy passage featuring the main protagonists that were a little too familiar, Ayame huffed a deep sigh and quickly slammed the book on the empty space beside the register.

"I don't want to read something like this from my brother!"

"Aya-chan!" Jirai-nii cried at the sight of his beaten book, taking it from her protectively, delicately fixing what had gone askew in the barely held together pages.

"I'm proud of you for finishing it, but never will I read anything like this from you," Ayame determinedly told him.

"Has your time outside the yuukaku turned you into a prude?" Jirai-nii asked, unable to mask his hurt expression. "I was hoping you could give me critique before I gave it off to publishers."

"Sure, call me a prude," she muttered, nose turned up. "I don't want to read things like this from my own brother. You should ask Mayu-chan for a critique instead."

Somehow, Jirai-nii's face seemed to turn even brighter, almost to the point of steam coming out of his ears.

"Mayu-chan is so busy these days!"

"And I'm not?"

Realizing he'd dug himself into an even deeper hole, Jirai-nii hung his head and sighed, ears redder than his cheeks. "It's just that I'm too... embarrassed to show it to anyone else."

"Oh."

Then perhaps she was a bit too quick to reject him.

"At least with you, I know I'll get your honest opinion."

Ayame caved to the pressure of his gaze as he turned a hopeful expression towards her.

She held her hand out and watched as he hesitantly gave it back.

"I'll read it soon and give you feedback when I can... because I'm busy too, got it?"

"Got it! Thanks, Aya-chan," he said with a toothy grin that never failed to make Ayame happy.

But really, how could two siblings turn out to be so similar?

.

.

A week later when she went to find her brother, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Not bad."

"But?"

"But you should really workshop most of it. There's a bluntness about it that doesn't leave much mystery, and I think rephrasing certain passages could help add a bit more romantic subtext that's missing. Also—."

Ayame had promptly begun to lecture her brother, revealing a thick stack of paper barely held together in her hands, the notes she'd taken as she'd read. All of the things she felt he could do better, things that she knew he was capable of writing better, and also, all the things she very much liked about it, won over as a fan by the way he'd written Ichika's character, the female protagonist she'd feared would be overshadowed in complexity by the male lead.

Thankfully, her brother had a very good sense for characterization, and she had the distinct feeling that everything she'd just read had been the culmination of years of hard work, and inspired by thoughts of the Mayumi that they both held dear.

But that wasn't to say that it was perfect, just yet.

"So," Ayame concluded, "not bad."

Jirai-nii exhaled a sigh of relief, even as he winced. "Damn, you really didn't hold back, Aya-chan."

"You told me to be honest!"

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck before giving her a sheepish, toothy smile. "Could I take those notes with me by chance?"

"Of course," she said, passing them over.

"You know... if the bookstore doesn't work out, you definitely have a future as an editor."

"Knock on wood!" Ayame cried, casting a wary glance at the skyward in case a god of misfortune happened to be listening.

At her instance, Jirai-nii knocked on wood for all of a minute before she was satisfied and finally decided to spend her time elsewhere.

the passage of time

Having imagined this day for all of a year, ever since it had become Hiruko's dream, Ayame hadn't expected herself to be the one crying as she watched her son enter the front doors of the Academy, his steps a confident bounce that belied his excitement as he found friends from the park and entered with them.

She'd held her tears in long enough to see him off, but had promptly lost control when he vanished from sight.

"A-Ayame-san?" Sakumo called to her, and she watched from the corner of her eye the hesitance in which he reached out for her before ultimately letting his hand drop.

Somehow, that made her cry harder, snot dripping from her nose as she tried to get it under control with the sleeve of her kimono, having neglected to bring a handkerchief in her optimistic thought that she wouldn't need it.

And now her sleeve was ruined.

"Ayame-san," Sakumo gently repeated, coming to stand directly in her view, concerned eyes on her face. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, shoulder shaking in her attempts to reign herself in. "I only..."

Sakumo brought a hand to the top of her head, patting her.

It startled her so much, the tears stopped immediately and all she could do was stare back up at him in shock.

His expression turned sheepish, his smile awkward. "Does it make you angry if I do this?"

"N-no," she mumbled, casting her gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry, I didn't think I'd cry. I just feel... as if he's grown up too fast. Now he'll spend so much more time away from me and be taught things I don't understand."

"You know... I could teach you."

Ayame frowned. "Teach me what?"

"Well... maybe not to fight, but I could teach you a bit of what our son will be doing in the future. History that he'll learn, techniques that will keep him safe, things I want to impart to him myself... Maybe if you know that he'll be given the tools to keep himself from trouble, it'll help ease some of your concern."

And while Ayame was mostly caught on the phrase 'our son', she had enough presence of mind to nod. "That sounds... like a great idea. I'd really appreciate that, Sakumo-san."

"Er... about that... could we also... call each other..."

Ayame chanced looking at him, blinking in shock by the sudden forwardness.

But really it was about damn time.

"Can I call you Saku-chan?"

Sakumo barked out a laugh, the unrestrained endeared smile on his face sending a jolt of warmth through her.

Her eyes watered again.

"Sure, Aya-chan."

And something in her squirmed with joy at hearing his voice call her so sweetly.

But another part sorely realized the ache in her to do something more. To lean against him and be comforted by his warmth. The itch to close the gap between them was almost overwhelming as she twitched against the restraint of her conscience and instead turned to walk back towards her house, distantly aware of him following after.

There were invisible lines between them, she reminded herself, and although they could be friends, Ayame was quickly becoming afraid of feelings she hadn't expected to be real that would make just being friends rather... difficult.

Some part of Ayame still wasn't sure. Perhaps would never be certain, given the nature of her mercurial emotions.

But the feeling was so strong even as she fought to tamp it down. Thinking of his hand on her head, the way he'd smiled at her and laughed, as if charmed by her.

It brought to mind fantasies she knew were dangerous, but that didn't stop her from thinking them as she realized what the all too unfamiliar feeling was.

Longing she didn't think she'd ever feel.

chapter fourteen - end

is it a major canon divergence if jiraiya's first book isn't the one inspired by the ame orphans but instead a smut novel inspired by his maybe-gf that he wrote in the time that he was missing her?

(In Story - Chapter Fourteen)

Jiraiya - 24 (Nov 11)

Sakumo - 21 (Sep 3rd)

Ayame - 22 (Jan 31st)

Hiruko - 5 (Feb 12th)

Kakashi - under 1 (Sep 15th)