"What's wrong?"
The witch stared at the Wizard like a hawk who was stalking its prey. She then looked down, brought her fork to her mouth and daintily consumed another piece of her chicken. She then eyed him again.
The Wizard played with his silver fork on his gold encrusted plate. Unlike two nights prior when the pair ate dinner in the opulently large dining room, the pair were seated in the smaller main dining room, the same room where the Wizard would work on his blue prints. Food had been served to them ceremoniously by two Winkie boys. The Wizard sat on one end of the table as he continued to use his fork to play with his chicken breast as the witch sat all the way on the opposite end of the table. To him, the tension could be cut with a knife.
He didn't respond to the Theodora's inquiry and he was mainly quiet during the dinner. He felt like he was walking on eggshells with the witch and didn't want to say or do something that could possibly ignite her temper.
The witch stared at him until she looked down at her plate and pursed her lips. She brought her fork slowly to her food once more. "If you don't tell me, I can't help you with what's on your mind…" She slowly brought her knife to what was remaining of her drumstick and delicately began to carve her knife into the meat. She looked up at him again with wide eyes as she smiled weakly. "You should tell me, Wizard…" she said warmly before lowering her head again. When she wanted to be, Theodora could be very charming.
He sighed, crossed his arms and looked at her meekly. "I just…I didn't like the way you treated me earlier today. I didn't like it when you yelled at me."
Her eyes narrow, the witch looked at him with a stoic expression on her face. She placed her silverware on her plate and rested her hands on the white clothed table. "Don't be so sensitive and dramatic. I only did that because I care about you", she said. "I know there has been some things that has caused this rift between us, but it is all unnecessary. I am doing this to protect you from yourself, Wizard. The Winkies are a devious people. They are not to be trusted. And especially that Bella girl. She—"
"What about her are you so afraid of?", the Wizard asked.
"I'm not afraid of anything", she quietly snapped. "But it is clear to me that you are more fragile than I realized and can be easily led astray. And I know that given the choice you will fall for some Winkie maid who is just completely beneath you."
She eyed him up and down. "I mean…look at you. You eat food reserved for commoners. Eggs? You avoid white bread?" She waved her hand at him dismissively. "Come on. You need to be part of refined Ozian society, Wizard. That means not eating food that is reserved for these…" Her face grimaced. "…Lower people. And that's what the Winkies are…"
Several moments of uncomfortable and awkward silence passed between the pair. The Wizard said nothing as he played with his food. The witch gazed at him, then lowered her head momentarily as if lost in thought. She then stared at him again.
"The Winkies need to be ruled with an iron fist or else they will take advantage and—"
He interrupted her again with sudden passion in his voice. "But why? Why must you treat them like they are nothing more to you than slaves? Why must you be so mean and cruel and heartless to them?" The Wizard looked at her with wide filled eyes.
This made the witch lower her head as she exhaled through her mouth. She shook her head as she bit her lower lip, a peeved expression clearly evident on her face. "Oh, you are so lucky that you are my favorite…", she grumbled.
Indeed, once Theodora made a decision, she would never let anyone question her about it, including the captain himself. The fact that he was doing it would have been unthinkable for anyone who worked at her castle.
But the Wizard was persistent. "Look, I'm not trying to upset you. I just want to know why. I know it's not my place, but it concerns me", he said.
She looked up at him again as she crossed her arms across her chest. "Wizard, I know you haven't been in Oz for that long, but you must understand that this is tradition and the way things have always been. I'm sure everyone at the Emerald City tried to brainwash you by saying I am some 'Wicked Witch', but this is simply not true. This is how the Winkies have been ruled for generations." She took another bite of her food as her eyes never looked down. "My mother did it. My father did it. Evanora did it. And now I'm doing it…" She paused as she continued to look at the Wizard, her voice ringing with bitterness. "Or did Glinda not tell you?" She smirked at him as she lowered her eyes and continued to eat. "Of course, she wouldn't have. Because that little princess thinks she's better than everyone", she muttered to herself.
The Wizard did not know any of this. All he knew were the stories of how terrible and cruel Theodora had been to the Winkies, but he did not know that this archaic feudal system had been around for far longer than her.
"But you don't have to continue with tradition. You can break it…"
"Wizard…stop it…", the witch said irritatingly. "I don't want to talk about this!"
"I just see how upset you get. It's not healthy…", he continued.
"WIZARD! STOP! ENOUGH ALREADY!", she yelled at him as she shot him an angry glare.
This made his words freeze right on his tongue.
Theodora then took a deep breath, composed herself and shook her head. "Anyway, don't be ridiculous, Wizard. I don't get upset."
"Well, maybe you haven't heard yourself."
For the next several moments, there was silence at the table again. The witch continued to eat as he used his fork to play with his food. He wasn't hungry.
He then looked at her again. "Can I ask you a question. And can you promise me not to get angry with me?"
She raised her head and gave him a side-eyed glare, almost as a warning. "Go on…"
"But can you promise me?"
The witch gave him a sincere expression. "I promise…"
He smiled. "Okay, raise your right hand and say 'I promise I won't get angry at the Wizard'."
Theodora gave him a perplexed look. "What?"
His smile turned into a cheeky plastic grin. "Raise your right hand and say 'I promise I won't get angry at the Wizard."
The witch raised her right hand, thinking all of this was quite silly, but she did it anyway. "I promise I won't get angry at the Wizard." She rested her hand on the table again as she sneered at him. "There. Are you happy now?"
"Yes, I am." His cheeky smile then disappeared and his expression became serious. He sighed. "What I don't understand is why you feel the need to treat people like they are beneath you or are your possessions. Don't you want to be loved by others? Do you want people to mourn you someday after you are gone instead of celebrating your death?"
The witch lowered her head, furrowed her brow and gave a quiet, but frustrated snicker as she continued to eat, ignoring his question. She slowly shook her head. He was really testing her patience.
"Theodora, I want to ask you another question." He looked down and eyed his food before looking back up at her. "Are you happy?"
This made the young witch look up at him with wide eyes. She placed her silverware on her plate, planted her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hands. "I…no one has ever asked me that question before…"
She then gestured and responded coolly. "I mean, yes, of course. You are here, aren't you?" She then chuckled nervously. The witch's voice was mildly derisive, but also with a hint of hopefulness. "I mean, you've made things so bright in my life Wizard—"
But he held his hand up, beckoning her to stop. "You don't have to put up a wall. Please be honest with me. Really think about this. Take me out of the equation. Are you happy with your life?"
The witch lowered her head and sighed. "For the longest time…" She started to shake her head. "No, I wasn't. I hated the Emerald City and its inhabitants. I still do, but when I lived there, I was seething on the inside. After my parents died, I wanted to admire the Emerald City and I truly desperately wanted to fit in. Evanora tried to make that happen. But it felt like I was always an outsider looking in. And nothing I tried to do could change that. While they would greet me with warm smiles, they would secretly plot with Glinda. I don't know which I hate more: how they backstabbed me or the sheer incompetence of these Winkies who work for me." She then smirked at him. "What do you think, Wizard? Who would you hate more if you were in my position?"
A moment of silence passed between the pair. "Why do you hate Glinda so much?" he finally asked.
The witch flashed him a dead stare. "Don't go there."
"I…I'm sorry", he said, lowering his head sadly as he continued to play with his food.
Another period of silence passed before the witch responded. "You asked me if I was happy. But do you want to know when I actually feel happy?"
The Wizard began to gently tab his fork anxiously on the white table cloth. "Yes…yes, of course…"
She looked at him with bright eyes. "When I'm with you." This made him lower his head and smile at the compliment.
"I don't think you ever realized it, but when we met by the river bank that day was probably one of the happiest days of my life. I felt so happy. I was so happy. I felt this unbridled joy I had never felt before, like I finally had met my soulmate. You made me so happy, Wizard…"
Her beaming smile then dissipated from her face as she lowered her head. "…But then it was all taken away from me…" Her tone became edgy as she used her fork to play with her food. "And unfortunately, you proved to be a horrible disappointment…"
A look of sadness flashed across the Wizard's face as his heart sank. "But I have redeemed myself, haven't I?"
She flashed him a dark stare. "Perhaps…" She then looked down at her plate and stabbed her fork with a piece of her chicken. She then looked up and gave him a sly smile. "Maybe just a little…"
She paused, before continuing. "I just hope you won't disappoint me again, Wizard. Because the truth is I am just…I am just perpetually frustrated…and I can't get what I really want out of life…" She started to sharply stab her fork with her food as her gaze penetrated his.
"What do you want out of life?", he asked.
"That same sense of euphoria I felt on that day." She then closed her eyes as a bright and genuine smile swept over her face. "The same night we danced in the field. The day we met Finley. It was just truly wonderful…" She opened her eyes and the smile remained. "I want to feel that way every day, Wizard. And I know you can make that happen…"
Their eyes met. The witch's eyes were so bright and filled with wondrous hope.
"But…", he responded with a slight sense of unease in his voice.
"Okay, but…" Theodora started to look at him with apprehension in her voice. She braced herself for what he might say next. "Okay, but what?"
The Wizard sighed. "That's a lot of expectation for one person."
"But you are the Wizard!", she blurted out. "You can make that happen!"
"And…", he replied. "I'm not perfect. I mean, if you think spending every day with someone and that everything is going to be a magical experience filled with only happiness and joy, I hate to disappoint you, but it won't be."
The witch looked down, closed her eyes and pursed her lips. She then opened them again and gazed at his. The Wizard knew her well. She looked at him with pleading eyes as her jaw was locked, hoping beyond hope that he was going to tell her what she wanted to hear.
"Look…" The Wizard paused and took a swig from his glass before he continued. "Why are you so frustrated? You literally have everything one could ever want…" He then gestured with his hands to emphasize its importance. "Everything! You have literally everything, Theodora! You live in this gorgeous palace. I mean…look at this! It's so beautiful, for crying out loud!"
This made the witch smile as she slightly blushed, repeating his choice of words. "Beautiful…"
"But yes, it is beautiful!", he continued. "It's immaculate and it's gorgeous and it's marvelous! Do you know…" The Wizard paused as he placed his outstretched hands in front of him. "Do you know how many people would kill for this? How many people would die for this? How many people would wish to have your life?" His voice was filled with passion. "You have everything! Everything!" He drank again from his glass.
For a moment, Theodora didn't respond. She brushed her hand against her arm as she lowered her head and furrowed her brow. The witch was lost in her own thoughts as she contemplated everything the Wizard was telling her. She then looked at him again. "But I don't have everything."
His eyes narrowed. "What else are you possibly looking for?"
"I don't want to be lonely. I want to be loved…"
The Wizard looked at her with serious eyes. His tone was subtly mischievous. "Do you even know what love is?"
"Yes!", she responded with youthful exuberance and earnestness in her voice as she closed her eyes once more and beamed a bright smile. "Love is beautiful. It is bright, it is happy, it is full of life. It is joyful and filled with bliss…" She opened her eyes and continued to beam brightly at him. "It is forever!"
This made the Wizard lower his head and chuckle. He placed his elbow on the table and rested his cheek on his hand. "What?", she asked him suspiciously.
"You obviously don't know what love is…" He slightly shook his head as he looked at her and flashed the witch a big-hearted grin. "Love can be envy. It can be jealousy. It can be heartbreak and even filled with longing and pain. That's what love is." He took his fork and jabbed it in her direction. "That's what it can be."
The witch again crossed her arms on her chest. "Wizard…" Her voice was defensive and full of surprise. "How could you say such things?" She began to shake her head. "How can you say such horrible things?"
"No, really", he said. "That's what love is. It's not always sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. It can be heartache and sadness and regret and longing, too."
The witch gestured with her hands gently as she began to speak anxiously. "Listen Wizard…if this is about when you ran off and betrayed me by siding with Glinda, I've put that all behind me. I forgive you, Wizard…" Her tone became more earnest, hoping that he would see that she was being genuine. "I forgive you! And you're here now so everything is okay! But…" Her voice then became tense once more. "If you think what had happened to me was 'love', I can't believe that for one minute. What happened to me was too horrible to be considered love. What happened to me was so terrible and I can't believe that you would even consider that to be…"
"I'm not finished…" the Wizard interrupted, holding his hand up. "Love can sometimes be cruel, yes, but despite heartbreak, love is also be kind. Despite its flaws, love is always kind. It is kind and compassionate and forgiving. Love is supposed to be about trust and communication. It is also about…friendship. Love is about…" The Wizard's voice started to crack. He placed his fingers between the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. Talking about love and friendship brought him back to memories of Annie. He started to become emotional, but he maintained his composure.
He opened his eyes again as he rested his hand on the table. "Sorry…", the Wizard said as Theodora stared at him intensely. "Anyway, you were saying that what happened to you was not love. But of course, it was…"
"I really did hate you…", the witch quietly said.
The Wizard flashed her another mischievous stare. "Do you really think hate is the opposite of love?" He shook his head as the witch looked at him with a blank expression on her face. "No, the opposite of love is not hatred. It is indifference."
The witch was silent.
"Of course, it was love", he maintained. "Because I was in your position many times." He then slightly tilted his head downward as his gaze met hers. "Look, if you want to compare stories of heartbreak, I'll bury you with it…"
This made Theodora gasp as she looked at him with surprise, shock and horror. "You mean…you….you…experienced this, too?" She didn't know what to say.
He pursed his lips and nodded his head slightly. "Many, many times." He looked down as he took his pocket watch out of his pocket and played with it. "I had actually told myself once that I was never going to love again. I closed myself off from the world. It was just too painful."
The witch looked at him with a mixture of genuine surprise, pity and sympathy. "But…but how can this be? You're the Wizard!"
"So what?", he retorted as he stared into her eyes. "We are still human and have all of the feelings and emotions that go along with it. We are still fatally flawed but beautiful creatures…"
Theodora eyed him carefully and curiously. He continued, wanting to say what he had always meant to say to her, but had never been given the chance. "I had never meant to hurt you. And that's the truth…I just…"
His voice then became more adamant. "I just…I don't want you to waste your time over this 'love' nonsense. I'm serious. It's a fool's errand. If it happens, it happens, but I am telling you, love is not the greatest thing that you are making it out to be. Trust me on this." As she gasped at him with surprise, he motioned with his hand. "I'm not saying that it will never happen or that you are doomed to be alone or lonely, but I'm not going to lie: you can learn to be alone and to love yourself in the process. Being alone has its benefits. There's nothing wrong with it. You can find yourself and…"
She interrupted him. "…I can find myself alone with my negative thoughts?"
"Then pay no heed to them. Only you can make yourself happy, Theodora. No one else can do that for you. You can either choose to be miserable or you can choose to be happy. And that choice starts right now, in this present moment. You have to tell yourself that no matter what happens that you deserve to be happy! You need to keep saying this to yourself over and over again until it becomes true…"
"But I am only happy with you!" she exclaimed.
"What do you know about me?" the Wizard asked with a serious expression on his face. "What do you know about me?"
The witch was silent again.
But he pushed the question. "Really, say some things that you know about me."
Theodora opened her mouth to speak, but she didn't know what to say. Besides him being the Wizard, she really didn't know much about him.
"Well…you know magic. You can fly in that thing you have and…" She spoke with wonderment. "And you have the power of the stars!"
The Wizard lowered his head and chuckled. He then looked at his plate and played with his food. For the next few moments, no one spoke.
He then looked up and broke the silence. "Did you know that I was born poor?"
Theodora quietly and slowly shook her head.
The Wizard looked past her as he spoke nostalgically of things that happened long, long ago. "My dad was a farmer. My mom…well…she mostly…she mostly didn't work. She was a housewife. Growing up…" The Wizard chuckled. "Growing up, I was no different than I was as an adult. I was a really horrible hoodlum." He shook his head as he began to recall distant memories. "I would constantly get into trouble and give my parents so much grief. One day when I was five, my dad took me down to a local store and joyfully announced to me that my mom was pregnant with my soon-to-be sister."
His tone then turned dark. He nervously tapped his fork onto the table as he continued to tell his story.
"Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. My mother ended up having a miscarriage. My father blamed me, saying that I gave my mother 'unnecessary stress' because I wouldn't do as I was told. Both my parents entered into a state of depression. My father turned to drinking. My mother slowly became this catatonic person."
Theodora interjected. "Catatonic? What do you mean?"
"It's a state where someone is simply immobile or unresponsive to anything", he remarked as he continued his story. "My father began to hit my mother right in front of me regularly. He would sometimes close the door to his bedroom as I would hear the clanging of glass, the screams of my mother and her begging and pleading for him to stop. My father would have multiple affairs. While he was always a scoundrel, his numerous affairs were now more open and brazen. One day…"
The Wizard placed his hand across his face and wiped his dry eyes. He rested his hand on the table, took a deep breath and continued once more.
"One day I found my mother lying face down in the bathtub. She had taken a knife and slit her own wrists. There was blood everywhere. There was so much blood. When my father found out and discovered her body, he flew into a rage and said that if I ever set foot inside that house again, he would kill me. That he would beat me to a bloody pulp and just strangle me until my life gave out. So, I ran away from home…"
The Wizard wiped his eyes with his hand again. "I ran away from home with only the clothes on my back. I never spoke to my father again, but heard that he had died several years prior from a heart attack. He apparently was tending to his field when he dropped dead. I never went to his funeral."
The Wizard closed his eyes as he lowered his head. "And the thing is, I always told people around me that he was a good man. But now…"
He looked into the witch's eyes. "Now I am not so sure…"
He paused before speaking again. "The point of my story is that my father was very charming and charismatic when he wanted to be. When it suited his own purpose. Everyone believed him to be a very kind and gentle man. But behind closed doors, he was something else. He took the hardships in life and it controlled him." The Wizard looked at Theodora. "You don't have to become like that."
As he finished his story, Theodora simply stared at him with wide eyes. She was silent. She didn't know what to say.
The Wizard continued to play with his food as the pair went silent again. He still wasn't hungry. "Do you want kids?" he asked.
The witch smiled. "Of course! I would love to have several! I think it would be wonderful to have…"
"Well, I don't", the Wizard abruptly interrupted her as he continued to play with his food and stared at his plate. "So, that's something we don't have in common."
The witch looked at him with a shocked expression on her face as she started to object. "But…you…don't want children? But how can that be possible? The Wizard must have children! Who else would be able to rule the Emerald City and continue your legacy after you are gone!?"
He sighed. "The Emerald City existed before I arrived. The Emerald City will exist long after I am gone."
The witch just looked at him silently with a hint of sadness on her face. "That's not going to happen…" Theodora firmly said. "You are going to be here for a long time. Witches and wizards…they live for a long time…"
"I'm just not interested in being a father", he remarked. "It's a lot of responsibility and pregnancy is no…"
The witch smiled and interrupted him. "Pregnancy?" She slightly shook her head. "What are you talking about?"
The Wizard placed his hand on his face. "Theodora…I mean…you know…pregnancy…" He flashed her an award grin, but the witch had a blank expression on her face. "The state a woman gets in when she has a child after a man…after they have…you know…" He gestured with his hands hoping the witch would catch his drift.
But as she continued to look confused, the Wizard felt awkward. Did he have to explain everything to her?
"Theodora…in order for a woman to be pregnant, a man has to…" As he was about to continue, the witch flashed him a bright smile. "Ohhhhh, now I understand what you are referring to!" The Wizard began to smile in relief.
"You are talking about how Ozians have a baby!"
"Yes, I am glad you finally caught what I was saying…" he replied with a heartfelt smile. "You were concerning me there…"
She interrupted him. "You are talking about the stork!"
His cheeky grin disappeared as he slumped his shoulders in disbelief. "…What?"
"When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much", the witch explained. "They ask the Faeries to deliver them a stork with baby boy or a baby girl wrapped in a blanket. And that's how they start a family!"
The Wizard's eyes glanced away from the witch, which is something the Wizard would normally do when either in disbelief or when he didn't know how to respond to something that sounded ridiculous.
Wait…Ozians have their babies delivered via a stork, the Wizard asked himself. During his time in Oz, he actually never saw an Ozian woman walking around who was pregnant.
Is this girl crazy naïve or is she right, the Wizard asked incredulously.
As he became lost in thought, the captain of the guards entered the dining room. As he approached the table, the witch slowly turned her head to him. "What?" Her voice was unsettled as she glared at him with narrow eyes, before becoming demur once more. "I am with the Wizard…"
"Mistress, my shift has ended." She flashed him a ghost of a smile with subtle anxiousness in her voice. "Goodnight." He turned and silently walked out of the room.
A mark of confusion and irritation then swept over her face as she looked at the Wizard. "So, you don't want kids. And you're clearly saying that I should be alone…" Her eyes were filled with hope and a bit of sorrow. "But then what about us?" Her questions snapped him out of his daydream.
"As I've said, I came here to see if we can continue where we left off", he replied.
"And…what do you think is going to happen?" Her eyes were focused as she looked at him.
He simply smiled at her. "The ending is not written yet. We shall see…"
