Natasha wasn't sure what the most comical part of the day had been so far - Jake rambling on the phone to Coyote about how whatever he thought he saw in the picture needed to be kept quiet, Sarah's hungover groaning in the back of the convertible thirty minutes later ("It's not like you told me to keep the fact you brought a girl home a secret," she moaned, her head resting against the back of the passenger headrest), or the stupid caricature that Jake had spent $50 on hours after they had strolled into Six Flags.

"I'm going to frame it," he announced, throwing an arm lazily over her shoulders as they walked through the park. "Beauty deserves to be seen."

She snaked an arm around his waist, leaning into him as she barked out a laugh. "C'mon, I look like the Grand High Witch from that awful movie where the kids get turned into mice."

"Who said I was talking about you?"

Her free hand flew out to smack him across the chest, and his mouth fell agape to stare at her. "I get in trouble because you were being presumptuous?" His voice was teasing.

"You're a riot," she shot back, holding back the urge to smack his chest again. Even with the quip of sarcasm on her tongue, she couldn't fight the smile that crossed her face as his faux shocked look transformed into one of the biggest grins she had seen from him.

He looked more comfortable and at ease than she could ever recall seeing him. He wore a pair of jeans and a tan-colored shirt with a pocket over the left breast, with a Texas Longhorns hat on the top of his head and his signature New Wayfarer sunglasses covering his eyes. And that dorky, wide smile he was shooting down at her could've made her knees go weak on the spot.

Her phone vibrated twice in the pocket of her jean shorts, interrupting her thoughts. She pulled it out and narrowed her eyes at the screen, greeted by a picture and a message from Bob.

Bob: Hope you're ready, Auntie Nat!

The picture attached was of him and Christina, both smiling wide as his fiancee held up something small in her hand - a pink rattle.

Natasha felt her smile morph into a grin as she nudged Jake's side and held her phone out toward him. "Tough luck, Bagman. Looks like they won't be naming the baby after you, after all."

"There are plenty of girl names that could be done in an ode to yours truly," he was quick with the retort, leaning in to take a closer look at the photo. "Jackie. Jacquline. Jae."

"Jacoba!" Sarah nearly shouted with delight, skipping up alongside them on Jake's right. "That's Cobie Smulders' real name."

"They could always go with Jade," Natalie came up on Sarah's other side, taking a bite of the larger-than-life churro in her hand; Sarah reached over and grabbed the treat to steal a bite of her own. "That's close enough to Jake."

"I'll be sure to pass those incredibly adorable suggestions along to the happy couple." She glanced past Jake to look at Sarah. "What ride are we thinking next?"

"We've already ridden most of the rollercoasters in the park-" Sarah glanced through the park map in her hands. "-how about the Tower of Power? It's just down this walkway."

"Lead the way." Natasha smiled as she watched the youngest Seresin surge forward to run down the path. "Sarah, there's no need to run!" Natalie called, biting down on the last of her churro as she ran after her sister.

"You'd never know that girl had the hangover of her life this morning," Jake murmured, shaking his head.

"Do I dare ask how the conversation with Javy went after you left the room?"

"He let me have it for keeping our time together secret, but he understood that it wasn't done to be malicious." He shrugged before peering down at her. "He's not going to tattle if that's what you're worried about."

"Bob and Javy are the people I'd trust most to keep it quiet out of the group." She chuckled. "However, if we could keep it to just them, I'd appreciate it."

"This may be the first time I've ever heard you being alright about breaking a rule," he squeezed her shoulder, smiling wide. "Especially one you set."

"I know that's more up your alley but I couldn't let you have all the fun, now could I?"

"Oh God, I've created a monster." His mockingly terrified tone set her off into another fit of laughter. He glanced forward and nodded his head. "Tower of Power awaits us. You ready?"

Natasha, a smile still wide across her face, looked away from him and at the ride in front of her. The steel tower was gigantic - it must've been thirty or more stories tall - and as her eyes caught sight of the carriage being thrust toward the sky, she felt her stomach clench hard. She had somehow spent the entire day riding rollercoasters and thrill rides and having the time of her life - but staring at the ride in front of her made her feel like she was going to pass out.

"Eject! Eject! Eject!" Like it had only happened moments ago, she could still feel the shoulder straps digging against her and the immense pressure and pain racing through her spine. Smoke was in her nostrils and the taste of blood filled her mouth. She forced herself to blink, a choked sob catching in her throat.

She thought that she heard a voice say her name, but everything was muffled. Her thoughts, her vision, the sounds around her, it was too much –

"Bob, where are you?" She could hear her screams again, and the taste of blood as it ran from her mouth to her nose. She could still taste it. "I killed him. I killed him."

"Nat!" A loud voice pulled her back and she blinked, staring up at Jake's worried face. The scenery had changed; she was no longer staring at the ride, but at a grassy patch with trees and a bench. She felt his calloused hands caressing her face, wiping at the tears running in streams down her cheeks. "You're safe. I've got you. I've got you."

She opened her mouth to take a breath, but all that escaped was a sob. Her hands reached up to touch her nose and pull away, looking for any sign of the blood she continued to taste. They came back clean as could be.

"Talk to me," he whispered.

It was too much. It was too much.

She sharply turned her body away from his and heaved, the contents of her stomach spilling onto the nearby grass. She could feel Jake's hands move, one to hold back her hair while the other held onto her hip to hold her up.

You killed him, her mind mocked her over and over again. What will you tell his family?

"You're ok, Nat," Jake tried to sound soothing from behind her, but she could hear the tenseness in his voice. "You're ok."

He had never been good at lying.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she heaved again, desperate to get the taste of blood out of her mouth and the thought of murdering her WSO out of her head.

—

Several hours and one hot shower later, Natasha found herself on the back porch of the house in one of several rocking chairs. She had thrown on a sweatshirt and shorts, blatantly choosing to ignore the Texas heat as she sat under the running fan.

Jake had held her in the back seat of the convertible the entire ride back to the house, having thrown his keys to Sarah as the sisters approached after they got off the ride. "It's probably the hot dog she had for lunch not settling well after all of the rollercoasters," Jake had told them, still rubbing her back. Natasha wondered if they knew how terrible of a liar he was, and all it took was one look at Natalie's quizzical face to know that she was right.

The door creaked open and her eyes shifted over, expecting to see Jake. Instead, a soft smiling Natalie watched her. "Can I join you?"

"Please."

Natalie slowly approached, taking the seat in the rocking chair next to her. They were both quiet, eyes surveying the verbena bushes lining the fence.

"I remember the first time I found Jake after he had an episode," Natalie's voice was quiet while Natasha's eyes snapped towards her. The dark-haired Seresin was still looking straight ahead, her hands knotted in her lap.

"He had just gotten back from his deployment and came to visit for a few days. He didn't come back the same Jake that had left and he wouldn't talk about what happened," Natalie sat back in her chair. "There was a noise that woke me up in the middle of the night. I got up and looked into the living room and saw he wasn't on the couch, and that's when I noticed the bathroom light was on and the shower was running. I knocked and said his name, but he didn't respond… and I got scared. I made myself open that door not knowing what I was going to find." Natasha watched her as she ran a hand through her hair.

"He was standing in the shower, still in his pajamas. I said his name a few times and he didn't seem to hear me or realize what was going on. I remember reaching out and touching his shoulder, just trying to get his attention – it was like that one touch knocked him out of whatever trance he was in. He turned to me and had this look on his face, this terrified look that seemed so broken. I've never seen that look on someone before." She paused for a moment before turning her gaze to Natasha. "And I'd never seen it on someone else until I saw you at the park today."

"Natalie…" Natasha heard the panic rising in her voice.

"I promise I'm not judging," Natalie raised her hands in good faith. "I've had a first-hand look at what your line of work did to Jake. It took a really long time for him to get back to the brother I knew." She sighed, moving her entire body to face Natasha. "So, I guess my point in going through my entire speech is I wanted you to know that I have some understanding of what's happening, even if you or Jake don't want to talk about it. And, knowing that you know that, I wanted to ask you if you are ok."

She opened her mouth, trying to formulate the words that she wanted to say: I'm ok. This is just temporary. I'm ok. Everything is going to be fine. I'm ok.

"I'm not sure I know what being ok is anymore." She surprised herself with the honesty of her comment.

"And that's ok." Natalie's voice was soothing and quiet. "Are you talking to anyone about what's going on? You mentioned someone you fly with - have you told him any of this?"

Natasha slowly shook her head, doing her best to ignore the flash of the desert and fireball that used to be their plane that crossed her vision. "The only person that knows what's going on is your brother… and I suppose you know now, too."

"Jake's probably the best person to have in your corner for something like this," Natalie smiled. "Behind the sardonic, brooding attitude he relies on, he's loyal to a fault and he cares more than anyone I've ever known. It's one of the things that I adore most about him."

"He's grown on me more than I expected," Natasha felt her cheeks redden, glancing away from his sister and down to her lap. "Where is he right now?"

"He was waiting for you to come inside, but he got a call and went upstairs as I was walking out here."

She nodded her head slowly before a soft chuckle escaped. "Are all the girls he brings home as fucked up as I am?"

It was Natalie's turn to laugh. "Girls? He's never brought one home before unless you're counting his high school girlfriend when we were still in Fredericksburg, but she doesn't count because she lived down the street… and because she was awful."

Natasha tilted her head, quickly doing the calculation in her head. "He's been out of high school for what, seventeen years? And he's never brought someone to meet you?"

Natalie smiled. "You're the first."

Another shockwave of surprise went through her, and she found herself thankful that this felt warm and wrapped in comfort. She had witnessed Jake's prowess throughout the years, as the man all the ladies crowded over in Meridian to his cheeky flirtatiousness at the Hard Deck - but the knowledge that he had brought her, and her alone, home to meet the people most important to him? It was the best feeling.

Her eyes fell on Natalie once again, who was rising from her seat. "I'll be inside if you need anything," she was quiet, shooting Natasha a wide smile before turning and entering the house.

For the first time in hours, as impossible as it had felt even just moments before, Natasha felt the gentle tug of a smile return to her lips.

—

"You're sure you're up to being out right now?"

Jake's hand had barely left hers since she had made her way inside the house, minus when they got in and out of the car. They had parked in a quaint-looking downtown area flanked by restaurants and shops and gone into a nearby ice cream shop - one that Jake swore up and down was the best he'd ever had - before setting out on foot to explore.

"I don't want you to treat me like I'm about to break, Jake." She shot a glance his way, a gentle smile overtaking her face. "Besides, you promised me a date."

"I know I did," he paused to take the final bite of his ice cream cone. "But I also know that today was rough for you. I just want to make sure you're comfortable."

"He's loyal to a fault and he cares more than anyone I've ever known." Natalie's words rang true in her ears.

She squeezed his hand, her gaze locked on his face. "Thank you for caring."

He lifted their interlocked hands and gently pressed his lips to the top of hers, his eyes never leaving hers. It felt vulnerable and exposing and good. "Anything for my wingman."

"Wait, I'm your wingman?" She reclined back with a laugh. "If anything, you'd be mine. You weren't even chosen for the mission."

"But I'm the hero who saved the day," Jake shot her a toothy grin, glancing back in front of where they were stepping. "Heroes get privileges. Like having wingmen."

"I guess people are using the term hero lightly nowadays," she murmured, to which he let out a hearty laugh.

They approached a grassy area, overlooking the river in the distance. Without a word, Jake slowed his pace, let go of her hand, and took a seat in the grass. She followed suit and leaned back against his chest, his arms gently snaking around her waist as he held her.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Natasha closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto his shoulder, letting herself sink into the feeling of his arms holding her tight. She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that before she heard his voice, quiet and tentative.

"The first time that I heard people call me a hero was after my first active duty kill."

She could feel him flex his hands against her body as she held his breath, waiting for more.

"I relished in it for the first day. I was living on the biggest high knowing that people finally had proof that I was the best… that I was one of a kind." His last four words came out harsh and hushed. "And then the high went away and the quiet set in. And all I could think about was the pilot that I had killed."

"You were in an unthinkable situation," she was quiet, feeling a ball forming in her throat as she attempted to speak. "You did what you had to do."

"I knew when I enlisted that I would be deployed," he continued. "I knew there was a chance that it may have to take lives to save my own and defend my country. I told myself I was prepared to do what I needed to do." Natasha felt him scoff, his face moving to press against the back of her head.

"Y'know, I invented my own story in my head about the pilot. I humanized him." He was quiet, his voice muffled against her hair. "I imagined that he had a family, and he had people that loved him. I dreamt of them every night for almost a month. I still dream about them years later."

Natalie's voice interjected in her mind. He didn't come back the same Jake that had left.

Natasha was slow to move, pulling away from him to turn her body and face him, reaching to grip both hands. He watched her with a sad smile, the familiar glow in his eyes missing.

"It took a long time but I got to a point where I felt good and didn't need to put on an act. I could hide behind the persona everyone knew and keep any troubles I felt to myself, Javy, or my handy-dandy therapist." A hint of a real smile returned to his face.

"When we got called up for Dagger, it took me one look around the room to realize that we were probably being sent to our deaths. But then you all pulled off those fucking miracles and for a moment, I had this feeling that things were going to be ok… and then Rooster went and did his thing."

Natasha nodded numbly.

"I didn't wait for them to activate me, y'know. As soon as I heard he and Mav were airborne and supersonic, I just went. And then we all landed, and I heard that same word get thrown around again. Hero. Jake's a hero. He saved them."

"Now my dreams remind me that I was less than a second away from watching them die. If I had pulled the trigger half a second too late, they wouldn't be here." His voice was quiet and tense. "I watch it play out in my sleep. No matter what I do, I'm too late. But then I wake up, and even though I know it was a dream, it feels more real than anything else."

"But then there are the dreams that I can't do a God damn thing about because they actually happened." His voice was barely audible, cracking under the weight of his words. A bead of sweat dripped down the side of his face. "I dream of my best friend nearly burning in from G-loc. I dream of waiting to hear whether you and Bob had made it after your crash." He paused. "I dream of the look on your face when you landed without Rooster. And I dream of your screams as Bob got you off the deck."

"Why are you telling me all of this right now, Jake?" She squeaked, swallowing hard to fight the onset of tears before they prickled in her eyes.

"Because I want you to hear this from someone who has been in your shoes," he sighed.

"Hear what?"

"That even though you may feel like you're going to be haunted forever and you will find reminders no matter where you look, everything is going to be alright. You are going to be ok."

She felt her emotions betray her, a tear tracing from the corner of her eye and down her cheek.

"You told me you didn't want me to treat you like you're about to break, and that's the last thing I want you to feel like I'm doing." He reached out with one hand to gently cup her face, and she felt herself lean into his touch. "I feel like I watched you break on that carrier, Nat, and I will do anything I can to make sure you never feel that way again."

She surged forward, wrapping her arms tight around his neck. He returned the hug with the same amount of vigor, his arms enveloping her against his chest. She wasn't sure how long they remained pressed against each other, holding each other tight.

"Are all of your date nights this crazy?" She finally whispered, relishing in the laugh that escaped his lips.

"I guess you'll just have to find out," his lips murmured against her temple. "I'm glad you came home with me, Nat."

She pressed her face into the crook of his neck. Texas may have felt like home to him, but a flicker in her chest - one that went away just as suddenly as it had appeared - made her think that maybe, just maybe, her home could be in his arms.