Two years later
Buffy
"Where did she go?" I whisper when I wake up and find the other side of the bed cold and empty. It's the third morning in a row, and I am starting to freak out a little.
It might be too early for me to get up, but I'm not going to just lay here alone. I take my time showering and getting ready for school. Even with that, there's still another hour before I have to leave. Mustering my confidence, I head into the kitchen.
"Hey, B." Faith sees me immediately, runs over for a kiss, and hands me a cup of coffee. She's smiling but has a nervous energy that I don't like at all.
"Good morning," Tara says with a smile. "Would you like pancakes?"
I try to stay calm and rational. There's obviously a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Faith has been getting up excessively early, and so is Tara.
Tara who still lives with us even though Willow moved to England six months ago. Tara who is incredibly sweet and kind to offer me pancakes while also definitely not loving Faith in a way I'm failing to.
My stomach jumps at the idea of eating anything right now, so I shake my head. "I don't really have time this morning. Thank you, though."
Faith gives me a look, "Your class isn't for another three hours."
Damn her and her paying so much attention to my schedule. "I wanted to get there early to talk to the TA about my final project."
I can tell Faith doesn't believe me, and I have no idea what I'll say if she calls me on it. "I'll give you a ride, so you can have breakfast."
"You have that thing," Tara says awkwardly, and Faith jolts like she'd just been caught doing something wrong.
"Oh yeah." Faith looks down at her watch and frowns.
"Don't worry about it," I say when she looks like she doesn't know how to get out of this situation. "I'll see you tonight?"
"Definitely." Faith grins wider than I can remember and kisses me again. "I'll pick you up after your last class."
"You don't have to," I say, but she shushes me with another kiss.
"I'll see you after class." She says with authority, and there's not much I can say about that.
I try not to think too much about what might be going on with Tara and Faith. I don't believe either of them would do anything behind my back. But they're obviously hiding something from me.
I've dropped hints to Faith a few times since Willow left. Every time she tells me that she sees Tara like a sister. I want to believe her. I really do. It's just hard to ignore how close they are and how awkward Tara is around me.
After she confronted her family, things really changed with Tara. She became more confident and outspoken. I've really grown to love her as a friend and consider her to be one of the most important people in my life.
Something changed over the last few months, and I'm still trying to figure out what. She always finds an excuse to leave the room whenever we're alone and can barely make eye contact. I really can't make sense of it.
I'm afraid to confront either of them about it. I'd hate for either of them to think I don't trust them. Plus, when it's all three of us - there's no hint of any issue. I'm 90% sure the entire problem is in my imagination.
It doesn't help that Willow thinks something is going on between them too. There was no falling out between the witches. They had just been growing apart, and when Willow had the opportunity to go to Oxford, she just couldn't pass it up.
I don't know all the details, but they decided not to try the long-distance thing. I probably should have asked Willow more about it, but maybe I didn't want to know.
God, I hate feeling like this.
I've reminded Faith a few times that she just has to tell me if she wants something I'm not giving her. She looks at me like I'm insane every time I say it.
I trust Faith completely, and she has no reason to lie to me. I also don't believe Tara would ever do anything like that. She's the kindest and most compassionate person I've ever met. Unless her being so thoughtful and helpful is just to cover up how she's trying to steal Faith from me.
I am being beyond ridiculous. Faith would never hurt me. I know that she wouldn't.
So why can't I stop feeling like she is?
After school today, I'll try talking to Faith about Tara again. I know she would never hurt me, and I don't believe Tara would, either.
I just need to know what they're keeping from me.
My last class is about to end, and I regret my decision to force Faith to talk to me about Tara. No good can come of it. She might end up thinking I want Tara to move out, but that's not what I want.
I love Tara like family, and I know how important she is to Faith. The last thing I want is to come between them or drive Tara away.
I just want Faith to tell me the truth.
I'll just ask her why she's been getting up so early. There is probably a totally reasonable explanation, and I'm making myself crazy for nothing.
I take my time walking out of class, though I guess I didn't need to bother since Faith isn't waiting for me.
This is weird. Faith is always right outside the door when she picks me up. Maybe she just couldn't find a parking spot, and it's taking a few minutes longer than usual.
I text her to say my class is over and ask where she is - but after five minutes, I have to accept that she's not here. I know she doesn't like texting and driving, so I'll give her a little longer.
It's been thirty minutes, and still nothing. If Faith was coming, she'd be here by now.
I think this is the first time this has happened. Faith always picks me up when she says she will. I guess whatever secret thing she was doing with Tara today is more important than keeping her word.
I meander home, not sure what I will say or do when I see them. I'm not going to freak out until I know for sure what's going on. There has to be some perfectly reasonable explanation for Faith's behavior recently.
"Buffy!" Tara jumps up excitedly from the couch when I open the door, which is not at all suspicious. She grabs my hands for some reason and then looks confused. "Where is Faith?"
"Not sure." I pull my hands away and head upstairs.
"You haven't seen her?" She sounds kind of worried, and I don't know what to make of that or the fact that she followed me up to my room. "But…" Then she pulls out her phone.
"I have some homework to do," I say - hoping she'll clue into the fact that I want her out of here, but she doesn't seem to be listening.
"You don't understand - something is wrong."
She looks really panicked now, and I realize I should be too. Faith always answers my texts and always does what she says she will. If she's not here and Tara doesn't know where she is… I flashback to when Angel kidnapped her, and my heart starts to race. "Can you do a locator spell?"
She nods and runs into her room to grab some supplies while I search for something of Faith's that she won't be too upset about losing.
Watching Tara set up the spell, I feel like an idiot for not immediately worrying about Faith. If she's hurt worse because I didn't react quickly enough, I will be furious with myself. I let my petty jealousy get in the way, and now Faith might be in danger.
Tara lets out a surprised grunt and jumps to her feet. "She's at the hospital."
My panic intensifies, and we run out of the house without a word. It only takes a few minutes to get to the hospital, and I jump out of the car before it's barely parked.
"Faith!" I practically shout when I get inside. "Where is she?"
"Miss? You need to calm down." Someone in scrubs is talking to me, but they are not telling me what I want to hear.
"Where is Faith?" I try to say it less frantically, but I don't think it's working.
"I can't help you if you don't calm down." The nurse says, and I almost reach over the counter to slam their face into it.
"Faith Lehane - is she here?" Tara is by my side and places her hand on my shoulder. "I'm her sister, and this is her fiance."
What? I am super confused by that statement. Sister and fiance? Has Tara lost her mind? At least it's working, and the nurse is finally searching on the computer.
"She is here, but you can't see her yet." This nurse is not flying through the air only because Tara is between us.
"Can you tell us what happened?" I have no idea how Tara is being so rational right now. I know how important Faith is to her - or, at least, I thought I did.
"She sustained a significant injury to her abdomen." The nurse says with no emotion as he reads something on his monitor. "If you wait here, someone will be out to speak with you." It feels like the nurse just dismissed us, and that is not going to work for me.
"Can we see her?" I don't understand how Tara is so calm with her questions - nor how she's keeping me from murdering everyone in this room.
The nurse's eye twitches. He clearly wants to say no.
"Where is she?" Tara asks, but it sounds more like a command.
He points towards a door that says "restricted area," and I want to scream. Maybe I did scream. Tara has her arms around me and guides me away from the nurse and toward a waiting area.
My entire body is tense, and I stare at the door as if that can get something to happen sooner. I have never been so terrified in all of my life. Faith has to be ok. There is no other option.
"Come on," Tara whispers to me after we've been sitting for what feels like hours but has probably only been five minutes. We're heading towards the restricted area door, and I want to point that out, but I hope she has some kind of plan.
The door that clearly requires a keycard opens after Tara barely touches it.
"You can't be back here." A doctor stops us almost immediately, and I start to panic. What if she kicks us out of the hospital, and we never get to see Faith?
"Faith Lehane. Where is she?" Tara asks in that same commanding tone while ignoring the doctor trying to push us out of the restricted area.
The doctor's face twitches the same way the nurse's did earlier. Is Tara using magic to get these people to do what she wants? That doesn't seem like something she would do, but I'm not complaining. It might be the only way we'll get any answers.
"She is just out of surgery. Someone will talk to you soon." The doctor's voice cracks and her eyes go glossy.
"Surgery?!" My knees go weak, and I cling to Tara like a lifeline.
I'm barely aware of anything as Tara guides us down the hall. She's asking the doctor questions, but the ringing in my ears is too loud to hear what they are saying.
"Oh god." Faith is lying so still. She's never still. There are tubes down her throat and wires connected everywhere. Tara is talking to the doctor, but all I can do is stare at Faith's body in horror.
"Buffy?" Tara says, and I try to respond to her, but my mouth won't move. "You can sit here."
She's motioning to a chair at Faith's bedside, and I almost don't want to sit in it. If I sit in it - I'll want to touch her, and if I touch her - that means this is really happening.
"She's going to be ok," Tara says with a confidence I've only seen in her once before.
"How do you know that?" I have no idea what the doctor told her, but nothing about this seems like it will end with her being ok.
Tara smiles and pats my shoulder. "I'm going to make sure of it."
She is standing next to me, leaning against the chair I'm sitting in. She says she will make sure Faith is ok, and I believe her. I want to ask her how she will make sure or when she will get started.
My mind is fixated on something else, though. I have to know if something is going on between them. I can't sit in this room with her while letting my thoughts drive me insane.
"Tara?" I realize this is probably the only opportunity I'll have to ask her this. "Why… why don't you like me anymore?" Ok, I probably could have phrased my question a lot better than that.
She looks startled by the question and stands up straighter before moving to the other side of the bed and sitting down. I assume she will immediately deny it, but she doesn't. "It's not that I dislike you."
That doesn't exactly answer my question, so I decide to dig in further. I don't see how things can get any worse than they already are. "Is it because you want to be with Faith?" My throat feels thick, and when her eyes snap to mine. I wonder if she will use magic on me next.
Tara looks down at Faith with genuine sorrow. "If you keep thinking that way, you will push her away."
That's the last thing I expected her to say, and it makes me a little angry. "You run away from me whenever Faith isn't around. You two are so close, and you've been keeping things from me. I've told her I'd understand - she just has to tell me what she wants."
"Buffy." Tara looks utterly exasperated with me. But she doesn't say anything beyond my name for a very long time. "I guess I do avoid being alone with you." She says and rubs her face.
At least, she admitted to something. It makes me feel slightly less insane that not everything I've been worrying about is in my imagination.
She's just staring down at Faith, holding her hand. I'm not sure if she's doing magic yet, and I know I should probably leave her and this topic alone. But she hasn't explained anything, and I need to make sense of this.
"What happened between you and Willow?" Maybe this tactic will work if she won't answer my questions about Faith.
She jolts upright and pulls her hands away from Faith. And now everything makes sense. She's not avoiding me - she's avoiding talking about Willow. I am so stupid. She can probably talk more freely with Faith about what happened between them, and maybe she's worried I'll take Willow's side.
"Sorry, I guess it's none of my business." The energy in the room just changed dramatically. Maybe I was wrong about believing things couldn't get any worse.
"What did she tell you?" Tara looks kinda furious, and I wish I could have kept my mouth shut. What if she won't save Faith because I piss her off?
"Only that you grew apart, and she couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to Oxford." I shrug and want to tell her to drop it. I don't care what's happening between them anymore - I just want her to save Faith.
"Oxford? Is that what she told you?" She seems genuinely surprised. "So you still speak to her regularly?" There's an edge to her voice that I've never heard before.
"Not very, maybe once a month." I shrink away from her judgemental glare. "Where is she - if not at Oxford?"
Her face hardens, and she runs her hand through her hair. I don't think I've ever seen her this distraught. "What I am about to tell you - you can never tell Faith. Never."
She is staring at me, and I'm more curious than ever. I should probably stop her from telling me - I don't want to keep secrets from Faith. "Why can't she know?"
"We'll both lose her forever if she finds out what Willow did." I really don't like that answer, nor the fact that Tara is touching Faith's face with her eyes closed as she mutters something I can't quite make out.
"What did you just do to her?"
"Making sure she can't hear us." She says that like it's no big deal. All of her casual magic use today seems very out of character for her.
"Maybe you shouldn't tell me." I have never wanted to know something less than what she is about to say. I have no idea how to back out of this situation, though.
"Maybe not, but I think it will be good if you know." Tara sits back and picks nervously at the arm of her chair. "Willow used magic on us."
"Us? To do what?" I am immediately skeptical, but I've never known Tara to lie.
"We were fighting, and you caught us. Willow didn't want either of us to remember." Tara is scowling, and now I can see the difference between her avoid-y behavior and true contempt.
"What about Faith? Did she use magic on her too?"
"She never did anything to Faith."
I frown and think back. I don't remember any kind of fight between them. It feels strange when I try to remember - like everything is hazier than it should be. "What were you fighting about?"
"Has Faith told you anything about my family?" Why is she bringing up her family now? How can that have anything to do with their fight?
"Not really. Only that they are awful people that expected you to be a servant for them." Faith ranted more than once about how terrible Tara's family treated her. It was always vague, and I was too jealous to ask any more about it.
No, that's not right. I definitely wasn't too jealous to ask about Tara's family. I might have felt like it wasn't my business, but I always encouraged Faith to support her friend.
Tara nodded as if this was the answer that she assumed was coming. "What about Faith's childhood?"
I saw a good chunk of Faith's childhood through Glory's deranged eyes - but I don't know much about her family. "I know some of what she went through." I'm unreasonably annoyed that Tara obviously knows more about Faith's childhood than I do. I try to shake that away because I know I'm being absurd.
I know it's insane to be annoyed that they had horrific childhoods, and I didn't. The more I try to understand my feelings, the more it starts to feel like these negative thoughts aren't even my own. It feels like there are two sets of thoughts competing in my mind - the more I try to focus on either of them, the more confused I feel.
I want to explain it to Tara, but I can't get any words out. She seems to be unaware of my internal struggle as she continues to answer the question I wish I had never asked.
"Faith and I bonded over our somewhat similar upbringings," Tara says after several moments of silence.
That gets me to drop all my anger. There's a buzzing in my head, but I ignore it. I am not this petty of a person. Whatever the source is of these negative thoughts - I know they are lies.
"Willow also didn't approve of how close Faith and I are, but she took things in a different and less understanding direction than you have."
I sit back and mull over what Tara is telling me. "So you two fought, and Willow erased our memory? Why didn't you tell us? Why don't you want Faith to know?"
Tara sighs, and I have a feeling things are about to get a whole lot worse. "It wasn't just once, and I don't want Faith to know because I'm worried about what she might do."
"How many times?" I don't know why I just asked that. I do not want to know the answer. Nothing she says is going to make me less furious.
"Only once to you - I don't even know how many times she did it to me." Tara groaned and looked away in shame. "It took me over a month to figure out what she was doing. Once I did - I tried to break up with her, but she wouldn't let me."
"Wouldn't let you..." I swallow hard as it registers what that means. "You're right - Faith would kill her." I might kill her.
"I wanted to tell you. Every time we were alone, I just… She begged me not to tell you. She promised she would stay away as long as I didn't, and I just wanted it to be over." Tara looks so sad and defeated. "So that's why I kept my distance from you. I wasn't even sure how much you remembered. I didn't know if you'd believe me, and I just..."
I have never been more enraged in all of my life. I hate that Tara went through all this alone, and I also regret how jealous of her I've been. "I'm so sorry, Tara." I realize that Willow had been feeding into that jealousy - I wonder how much of it even came from me.
"Are you going to say anything to Willow?"
I immediately shake my head. Whatever happens - I will not make things worse for Tara. "No." It might be difficult if she presses me. But I don't think she will. "If she comes back here, we will protect you."
She nods and wipes tears from her eyes. Then she leans forward and rests her face in her hands. "She is supposedly working with a coven in England for her magic use."
I can't believe any of this. How could Willow have used magic on any of us like this? She has always seemed completely in love with Tara, and I can't understand how she could do something like that to someone she loves.
"I'll move out as soon as this is over."
"No!" I jump to my feet and lean over the bed. Grabbing her hands in a very awkward way. "Please don't do that."
"I won't get between you and Faith. I had no idea you were worried. I'm pretty sure she has no idea either."
I laugh because even though I've mentioned it a few times, I'm sure she's right. Faith didn't take me seriously when I hinted at feelings between them. I sit back in the chair and stare at Faith. "Can she still not hear us?"
Tara nods, and I heave in a breath. There is no reason to explain my insecurities even further, but we've gone this far - I might as well let it all out. I'm tired of feeling like a crazy person, and I know talking to Tara will help us both.
"There's just so many times where I feel like she deserves more than what I can give her."
Tara's mouth drops open.
"You just seem so much more put together than I am. So I thought..." Before I can finish - Tara bursts out laughing. She laughs so hard that I worry she'll attract attention to the room. We can't get kicked out before Faith wakes up.
I frown as I watch her try and get control of herself.
"Buffy - I am a complete mess. What makes you think I'm in any way put together?"
"You graduated, and you have a job." Ok - as I say that, the absurdity stands out. This time when she starts laughing, I join in. "Is there any chance we can pretend like I didn't say any of that?" I ask once she's done laughing at how crazy I am.
"Seriously, though, Buffy. I promise you that..."
"Stop," I say and cross to the other side of the bed. I pull her up and wrap her in a hug. "You don't have to promise me anything. You and Faith are my family. You are not moving out, and I am done being completely ludicrous."
We take comfort in each other for a few more moments. I have no idea what I will say next time Willow calls. It will be very difficult to keep my thoughts about this to myself. I cannot believe Willow turned into such a monster.
"Do you think she..." Then I rub my head. Just trying to think of my question is giving me a headache.
Tara's eyes widen as she guesses I was about to ask about whatever magic Willow has done to me. "I knew there was still some of Willow's magic left - but I didn't want you to know everything that happened."
"Can you do a cleanse or something?"
Tara frowns. I hate asking her to do this, but I know that whatever Willow did is part of why I've been so jealous of Tara.
"Please? I feel like something still isn't right." It's making me nauseous to know that Willow messed with my mind. Tara better not be wrong about her using magic on Faith.
"I think there's something I can do." She looks embarrassed, and I hate that I pushed her to this point, but I am sick of feeling like this.
She takes a deep breath and puts her hands on my temple.
There is an intense burning sensation, and then I'm flooded with memories of Tara and Willow fighting. Then Willow screaming at me to mind my own business.
"Shit." I hiss when Tara takes her hands away.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. Thank you for doing that." I wrap her in a hug, and we sit together, watching over Faith's lifeless body. I don't know how to deal with Willow, but I feel like blinders have been taken off. "I'm so sorry, Tara."
There's a knock at the door, and Tara jumps to answer it. When she returns, she's carrying a box full of items that I hope will bring Faith back to me.
There is still so much I want to discuss with her about Willow but now I need her to focus on saving Faith.
Faith
Ugh. Holy fuck, my head hurts along with everything else.
I try to move, but I'm weighed down and can't open my eyes enough to tell what's going on.
"Faith?"
"T?" At least I try to say T. Something seems to be jammed down my throat, and it feels like I'm suffocating.
I'm being hugged, and the weight on my right starts squeezing me tighter.
"Faith." B sounds so sad and terrified. I sure wish I knew what was going on.
I try again to talk, but nothing is coming out, and I still can't open my eyes.
"Shhh. Don't try to talk yet." Buffy is shifting next to me, and I feel the thing in my throat being pulled out.
"Fuck. What…" I can talk now, but it hurts like hell. All these alarms start beeping, and I hear people running into the room.
"You shouldn't do that! Get away from her!" Someone yells, and I hear T calmly telling them to fuck off. She must have put some kinda mojo into it because they instantly shut up and left the room.
"Can you open your eyes, Faith?" I feel hands on my face, and I force my eyes open. The room is so bright that I can barely see anything. B is hovering over me with tears in her eyes.
"What happened?" I ask, but she doesn't answer.
"You're ok." She kisses me, and I gladly kiss her back.
Not sure how ok I am, but at least I'm alive.
"You were shot." That explains the wicked pain in my gut. Tara is standing by the edge of the bed and looking down at us - she's obviously been crying too.
"Tara saved you," B says and hugs me closer.
"Can we get out of here now?" I hate being in hospitals, and they both know it. As soon as I ask, B is on her feet and helping me sit up.
Tara guards the door while B helps me get dressed. My stomach hurts like crazy, but I can deal.
"How long have I been here?" I'm still trying to piece together what happened today. I know there's something important, but I can't quite remember.
"A few hours. I'm sorry it took so long." T says, and I roll my eyes. We've been working on her not apologizing for everything. She just saved my life. No way should she be sorry about anything. I'm surprised when B responds before I can give her shit about it.
"You have no reason to be sorry - you were amazing." B takes her hand and smiles. Tara looks just as surprised as I feel. B is always nice to Tara - but this seems like something else.
Tara looks a little embarrassed, but she grins too. Things have been a little weird between them lately, and I hope this means things will go back to normal.
I know B sometimes gets jealous, but I don't know why. I know things have been a little extra tense these past few days. But that should be fine once I explain what has been going on.
"Let's get the hell out of here." B's got her arm around my waist, and I try to shift a little so she can't feel what I've got in my pocket.
I'd hate for the surprise to be ruined after going through all this bullshit.