Santana – 31st December 2016
"I have everything, what about you?" My mum asks, checking the last items on her list.
While dad and Britt work at her car, we go grocery shopping. My parents will spend today and tomorrow with my grandma and bring everything with them, so she doesn't need to go. I'm only buying little things, like sweets Britt likes so much and the booze Rachel asked me to.
"I just need those caramel candies for Britt and then I'm ready" I inform my mum and make my way to the right aisle.
I'm about to turn to the left, when I hear two voices, I know too well.
"If it isn't the devil and his wife. Didn't know I'm in hell right now," I announce myself take a few steps towards them.
"Can you sleep at night, George? Stupid question, you have no conscience or a soul at all."
"Watch your mouth!" he replies angry, but I'm not scared. I'm furious!
"Why? You wanna show me discipline, throwing a bible in my face, too?"
I see Courtneys wide eyes, I'm sure she didn't know. But she keeps quiet.
"Everytime I look Britt in the face, I see the cut above her eyebrow, thanks to you."
"Stop it, Santana."
"I should stop? You are ridiculous," my laugh full of sarcasm, "I defend my woman, who you threw out on Christmas because she loves me. It's so stupid, I can't believe it's true."
"Sooner or later, she will come to her senses and leave you again. No matter how much you believe in it, God is above everyone, and he'll show her the right way and this way won't lead to you, never had."
"I would wish you a Happy New Year, but I'm sure something like that doesn't exist in hell," are my last words, before I take the candies and walk to my mother.
"You got lost?" My mum jokes and I pretend to smile.
I despise this man, and if we weren't in a supermarket, I probably would have slapped him.
I don't know how something so perfect like Brittany can be the child of this monster.
/
Mum drives up the driveway and since the garage door is open, we see that Britt and my dad are still working on the car.
I take a look at Brittany and immediately I lick my lips. She looks delicious in this work overall. I don't recognize my mum left the car, until she is in front of it, telling my dad to get ready, so they can leave.
"Take your girl upstairs, otherwise they won't leave this stupid car alone," mum whispers, following my dad inside, while Britt is still working at the hood of the car.
"What are you doing?" I sling my arms around her from behind.
"Just refilling oil right now. How was grocery shopping? You got everything?"
"Yes, even your candies."
"You are the best."
"I know. That's why we're taking a bath now, relaxing before we drive to Rachels'."
"Give me 10 minutes, I just want to clean up." she replies, and I'm surprised she doesn't fight with me.
"Okay, don't keep me waiting." I kiss her cheek and give her ass a playful slap, before I go upstairs.
I get everything ready and myself in the bathtub, before Britt opens the door. Hungrily I watch her getting undressed.
"You need to do that more often, you're very talented." I grin and she raises her eyebrow.
"Getting undressed? Well, if you want, I can put on a lot of clothes and then undress again."
I know she's making fun of me; her smug grin gives her away.
"Don't be mean and come in." I slide backwards, point my fingers to the empty space in front of me.
"Since when you are the big spoon?" Britt asks, sitting down in front of me.
"Since now, any complains?"
"Never." she turns her face to me and gives me a soft kiss, before she turns around again, resting her head on my collarbone.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, what do you want to know?"
"Why did you join the army?"
I remember George's words, that God will lead the right way, away from me.
"How do you mean?"
"When we talked about our plans after high school, the only option we discussed was New York."
Brittany seemed lost back then and she was over the moon, when Rachel and I asked her, if she wants to join us in New York. There she could find her big dream.
"Why do you want to know this now? I thought we don't want to talk too much about the past?"
She builds up her walls, as always.
"Now that we're I just try to understand. You could have done anything, anywhere, but you went to the army…it's just like I'm missing the final puzzle piece," I try to explain. I don't want to pressure her, but an answer would calm me down.
"It just happened, is it enough for you?"
It's not. But Brittany clearly doesn't want to talk about it.
"It's enough," I agree. I don't want to fight with her by pushing her to talk about it.
"But you aren't mad now, are you?" She puts her hand on top of mine, which is currently on the edge of the tub. I take a few seconds to answer, so she turns her head to the left, to look at me.
"Baby?" She pouts.
"Don't look at me like that," I shake my head with a smile.
"Why not?" She doesn't stop pouting, when I put my thumb and index finger on the left and right of her mouth and squish it a little bit, so she looks like a fish.
"You're silly." She has a hard time talking, while I chuckle.
"And you are adorable," I put my hands on her cheeks to kiss her. Britt is immediately into it, turns around carefully, so the water stays in the tub.
We haven't had a lot alone time this past few days, so it's a welcoming change, making out with Britt, without my parents or some other family member interrupting us every minute.
This time nobody knocks at the door, but my phone starts ringing.
"My phone," I mumble against her lips, and she replies with "Let it ring."
"It's Rachel, you know she has this special ringtone."
"Let it ring." Britt repeats, before bringing our lips together again. I'm quick to move my head back, ending the kiss.
"You know she is probably going crazy, because something doesn't work, and I rather talk to her on the phone a few seconds than her coming over. You know her."
"I can't believe Rach is the cockblock again. I should give her an award," The blonde rolls her eyes and gives me some space, so I can stand up. I love Rachel, but the last weeks in New York were annoying, so Britt and I went to her apartment to be alone.
I grab a towel and wrap it around my body before I answer the call.
"Rachel, how can I help?"
"I'm getting crazy, Santana."
"Why?"
I take a look at Britt, who points with her finger, first at me and then in front of her.
"Because nothing works. I don't know what Finn did, but the sound system doesn't work. And it's so cold, the refrigerators in the basement don't work. I'm going insane."
I barely keep up with Rachels words, because Britt took the towel off and is trailing down kisses all over my body.
"Do you think you can come over? You take a look at the sound system and Britt at the refrigerators?" Rachel asks, but I'm not really listening, because Britt has my attention.
Her mouth is on one nipple, while the other one gets a treatment from her hand.
"Santana? Hello?" Rachel speaks louder, so loud Britt can hear her. The blonde stands up, takes the smartphone from my hand.
"Try it again in an hour, we are in the middle of something, Rachel."
With these words, she puts the phone away, taking my hands.
"You come back in the bathtub now, you know Rachel will call in exactly 60 minutes."
/
"Don't listen to her. No matter what she said to you, she doesn't mean it like that, she's just stressed," I talk to Finn, while fixing the sound system. I know Rachel when she is stressed and Finn looked like a kicked puppy, when we came over.
"Yeah, she warned me this morning, so I'm not really listening. Sometimes I ask myself, how Brittany does it. She is always so calm and relaxed and Rachel…well, she is the opposite. I love her, but she can be a handful."
"Britt was always like that; I think that's why we complement each other perfectly. She always knew how to handle our little drama queen."
"And you, I suppose? You seem like the perfect match."
Brittany is comfortable with Finn knowing about us. I'm glad she trusts him enough.
"Thank you. I know it sounds cheesy, but she is the one. Always was, always will."
"I get it. Rachel and I aren't together for long, but I know, I'll marry her someday."
Finn is perfect for Rachel.
"Quick question, before Rachel is back. I know some people from high school will be here tonight, anyone I need to worry about?"
"You mean ex boyfriends?" I ask, and he nods bashfully.
"Those guys are out of your league. Rachel had bad taste in high school, thank God Britt and I were there."
"Thank you." He smiles, when we hear Rachel calling him from the basement.
"My Queen is calling." Finn jokes and walks down the stairs and I work on the sound system again.
It takes about 10 minutes and then the music is back. I press pause on Rachels phone; the same moment Britt comes up the stairs.
"Everything done?"
"Yes."
"Perfect, I'll go downstairs and tell Rachel we leave and that we won't be here on time tonight."
"Already done, too. I also told her, we aren't her slaves, so we won't come back here, just because something doesn't work." Britt informs me on our way to the hallway.
"You didn't say it like that, you're always kind to Rachel and me," I poke her side with a giggle.
"Oh stop it, you two are my weakness."
"Understandable." I stretch myself up to give her a kiss.
The smile that appears on her lips afterwards makes me want to kiss her all over again.
/
"Babe, can you hurry up a little bit? Otherwise, we don't even have to go," Britt is shouting, as I work on the last strands of hair with the hair curler in the bathroom. I take a look at my phone, checking the time.
"It's not even 10 Britt, relax", I shout back, "And don't you dare to roll your eyes woman, I know you want to."
"Too late", I hear the amusement in her voice and with a grin I go back to work.
"Can I see you now? It's not our wedding.", she interrupts me a few minutes later. If there is one thing, I can complain about sometimes, it's Brittany's impatience. I think even kids are more patient than her.
Yes, I decided, that we don't see each other before. I like to see her reaction, when she sees me the first time in my outfit.
"If you continue like this, there won't be any wedding."
After this, she's quiet and I can finish my work.
Satisfied I look in the mirror. A black mini dress with long sleeves, hugs my body. My hair is curly. I wear black high heels and some jewelry. My make-up is simple, but perfect for tonight.
"Ready", I call and enter the bedroom, where Britt is lying on the bed, playing with her phone.
As soon as I catch her eye, she looks at her phone for a second, before letting it go and watching me. When she starts biting her lip, I know, my outfit is approved.
"So? Do you like it", I put my hands on my waist, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know, if my eyes will ever leave you tonight, you look amazing", she slides forward on the bed, until she can stand up, facing me. Because of the high heels I'm not much shorter than Britt.
"I love your hair", she takes a strand in her hand.
"I know, maybe that's why I did it like that", I reply, letting my eyes roam over her body. She wears black jeans with suspenders, black boots and a white blouse with a deep neckline.
"But I'm no competition for you, you are gorgeous", I pull her by her suspenders, so she's close enough for a kiss. Another long kiss follows. I stop myself, before we get to carried away. We are already too late. That's why we got ready separately, too. I know, at some point, one of us would have started something.
"I hope they don't make a big deal of it", the blonde mumbles, while she starts her car.
"Of what?"
"Us. Rachel told me who's invited, Dani. She's a blabbermouth, I bet everyone knows."
"I don't want to say anything, but it's kind of your fault. If you weren't so jealous of her, not everyone would know", I tease her.
"I wasn't jealous", she shrugs, and I start laughing. "I just needed to be clear about you not being available for her."
"And we don't call this jealousy?"
"Oh shut up", she chuckles, giving me a playful slap on my thigh, before her hand stays there.
"Jealousy is okay, I mean it shows me, that you care about me", I put my hand above hers, look at her.
"I don't like the thought of you two having a thing. Maybe my reaction was a bit too much."
"How do you even know we had a thing? We never talked about it."
"Because I asked Rachel from time to time, if you have someone. When you were single, she mentioned her name sometimes."
"You know, I only want you, right? No one else", I give her a kiss on the cheek, a smile appears on her face.
"I know. I was embarrassing, can we forget it?"
"Hmmm, for now, but I'm pretty sure I'll tease you sometimes in the future, because it's too funny."
Britt is always calm, so this jealousy attack will be part of my teasing forever.
/
Brittany – 31st December 2016
The concept of New Years Eve still doesn't make sense to me. Greeting the new year. I can do it in front of the TV. I don't need a big party and fireworks.
I'm only here for Santana and Rachel…and Finn.
Rachel always puts so much effort in it. And Santana? She could ask me to climb into a volcano and I would do it.
After one hour at the party, I'm still in a bad mood. I don't like big crowds of people and loud music.
Many former classmates are here and a lot of them want to talk to me, are interested in my life. I've never been close with them, but I'm a little noisy about their lives, so I have a few conversations.
At least they happen in the kitchen, where the music isn't that loud.
I'm in the middle of talking with Jeremiah? Joe? Honestly, I already forgot his name, as my phone starts ringing.
I excuse myself and go outside in the garden, where I take the call.
"Jesse, hey…"
"Finally, I though you gonna ignore me for the rest of my life."
"I'm sorry, I just wasn't ready."
Jesse tried to call me a few times. I know it's not his fault, but I just couldn't.
"Don't be sorry, I get it. Where are you?"
"At Rachels' house party, you?"
"Pioneer's is calling. Now, that you can enter a bar legally, why don't you join me, starting the year together?"
"Why aren't you at home?"
"It was too much, not worth mentioning. So, are you coming?"
"Or you come here? I think Rachel is fine with it."
"Well…I don't think, this is a good idea. We can have a talk and a drink in the bar, if you join me."
I'm not really into this whole big party thing and I don't know, when I'll see Jesse again, so why not?
I'm on my way, meet you outside?"
"Sounds good, see you soon."
I end the call, going back inside, where I meet Rachel.
"You tried to hide?", she asks with a chuckle, putting an arm around my waist.
"No, I talked to Jesse, we'll meet in the Pioneer's in a few minutes."
"You leave? Is Santana coming with you?"
"I don't think that San wants to miss out the fun here."
Rachels face gets serious.
"Have fun, explaining this to her, she's in the bathroom upstairs", Rachel pats my shoulder, "And Happy New Year, if we don't see each other."
Rachel kisses my cheek, gives me a hug and then she goes downstairs, while I go upstairs.
I knock at the door, to check if Santana is still in there, or someone else.
"One second", I hear her voice and a few seconds later she stands in front of me.
"Long time no see", she grins, leaning against the closed bathroom door.
"I just wanted to tell you; I leave to meet Jesse."
"Now? I thought we celebrate together."
"What's there to celebrate? For me there is no difference between today and tomorrow."
"Shall I come with you?"
"No, I think Jesse and I have a lot to catch up and I know how much you love to party."
"But I love spending time with you more", she starts pouting.
"We have the rest of our lives to spend together, so don't pout, that's my thing. We see each other in a few hours babe, don't be sad", I don't understand her problem.
"Alright, do what you have to do, my opinion doesn't matter", she pushes herself away from the door, walking past me.
"San, don't be mad", I start walking after her. The Latina is fast ever since her leg is almost completely healed. When we reach the stairs, I finally catch her.
"I'm not mad. Go, have fun with your brother, but don't invite him back here, or I'll cut his dick off."
Confused I stop going after her. First Jesse, now Santana, what the hell happened?
/
When I park the pick-up around the corner, I see my brother already walking towards the car.
"Hey", he greets me, nervously rubbing his neck, So I make the first step and hug him.
It's not his fault, that Dad is such an ass.
"Hey", I whisper back, looking at Jesse.
"He really threw the bible in your face", Jesse mentions my cut.
"Did he proudly tell the whole family?", I ask pissed. Of course, he needs to tell everyone, that I'm a sinner and he tried to save me.
"No, Santana talked to him this morning, very loudly and angry in the supermarket. Mom told me, because they had a fight afterwards."
Why didn't she tell me about it?
"I'm sorry…about what happened at Christmas…everything...I should have done something sooner."
"It's okay Jesse, it's not your fault."
"So what? You're my little sister and I should protect you, not watching you get hurt."
"Can we go inside and talk about something else? I'm cold and the thoughts about Dad give me headache", I massage my temple. The loud music back at Rachel's caused the throbbing in my head and it gets worse, the more we talk about Dad.
"Of course, let's go", Jesse smiles, and we walk into the bar.
The bar is full, thank God not so full like Rachel's. It's only half as loud, which is an absolute blessing for me. Jesse greets some people, we pass and then we sit down in a little booth, a little card on the table with our last name.
"You already knew, you end up here at some point tonight?", I ask curiously.
"I always end up here, mostly alone. At some point I can't handle our family, you know what I mean."
Oh yeah, I do. At first, it's all fun and stuff, but later, when Dad is more than tipsy, he starts talking about the sinners of the world and how bad people are and everything. Soon our uncle joins in and at this point the party is over.
"Why don't you want to go to Rachel's? Santana mentioned something about cutting your dick off", I change the subject. I don't want to talk about Dad anymore and I'm too interested in this story.
"After what she did in the supermarket, I'm pretty sure she would do it", he chuckles, when the bartender approaches us, asking for our drinks.
"So what happened?"
"Promise me, you won't get mad, okay? Not at me or Rachel. More at me, but please?"
Oh no, I think I know where this is going.
"Last year, when Rachel was in Lima, I was too. We met at a party, talked, drank and ended up together in bed. We told each other, when we were back here. When I had my internship in New York, we had something a couple of times. It was just fun for me, but Rachel thought it was more. We had a big fight, after she saw me with another girl here in Lima."
Rachel never mentioned it. Maybe she didn't want me to choose a side.
"You're both adults. Rachel is happily taken, and you are satisfied with your life too, so no bad blood between the two of you."
"Yeah. One day I'll apologize to her in person, and I hope Santana won't be anywhere near us", Jesse laughs and I join in. I know my girlfriend; this won't be easy for my brother. His beer and my coke arrive and as soon as the barkeeper leaves, Jesse talks again.
"So how is it going between you two? Since when? Tell me everything you want. If you don't want to share anything it's fine, too."
It's the first time, someone from my family wants to know something about us, it's new to me.
"Since November and it feels like heaven. Of course we fight sometimes, it's normal in a relationship, but I really love her and I'm glad she gave me a second chance."
"I'm sorry I didn't do anything, when Dad started talking about this whole army thing."
"I signed the contract and left. It's my fault and I regret it."
Those 4 years without Santana were like hell.
"At least you two are stronger than before, so cheers to that", he pushes his glass against mine with a smile, before taking a sip.
/
Three hours in the new year and I still don't understand why people make such a big deal out of it. Jesse and I are still sitting in the bar, talking about everything. We talked sometimes on the phone or wrote messages, but those conversations right now are deeper.
We talk a lot about his job. Jesse is going to be a doctor. For our dad, who is a doctor too, he's a saint, unlike me.
"I don't understand Dad. I love women and it's okay and you love women and it's not?", he frowns. I don't know why we end up at this topic again.
"Stop it Jesse, Dad won't understand it, like ever", I wave it off and my brother empties his beer.
"Do you mind driving me home?"
"I stayed sober for it. Come on, let's get you home."
Jesse pays for our drinks and snacks, and we leave the bar.
On the way home my phone starts ringing in my purse.
"Could you take it?", I ask my brother, who has my purse in his lap.
"It's Rachel", he says, before accepting the call, putting her on speaker.
"Happy New Year Rach, what can I do for you?", I greet her friendly, stopping at the red light in front of us.
"We have a little problem."
"We have?", I'm asking confused.
"Santana is gone. Without saying goodbye, her coat is still here. We looked everywhere in the house and every street nearby."
"Maybe she's already at home", the traffic light turns green, and I start driving again.
No matter how drunk Santana is, she always finds her way back home.
"Okay, thank you. Give me a call, when you find her, I'm worried."
"I will, bye Rachel."
Jesse ends the call and puts my phone back in the purse.
"Do you want me to help you find her?", he asks but I shake my head. "No, I drive you home. I bet she's already at home, passed out."
In silence we continue driving, my eyes scanning everything around us, maybe Santana really is somewhere.
We find her, where I least expected her.
"I told you, she is like a Pitbull", Jesse makes a joke, when I park the car opposite my parents' house.
"Oh my God", I mumble, leaving the car and walking towards the house.
"You are an asshole and I hate you, you-", I hear her insulting my Dad, who stands on the top step of the porch, Santana just a few steps away from him.
"Santana!", I interrupt her loudly and she stops immediately.
"Don't you bring enough shame on the family, Brittany? Take your little friend away from my house!"
"I'm her GIRLFRIEND. And one day I'll be her wife. Doesn't it sound nice, George? Aren't you excited to welcome me in your family?", Santana doesn't stop taunting him.
"Enough talking, we leave", I take her hand and pull her away from the house.
"See you, Jesse."
"Take care of you, Britt", he smiles, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"Fuck you", Santana grumbles in his direction. As soon as we cross the street, I let her go, take off my coat and put it over her shoulders.
I don't get a "thank you", she climbs in the car and puts the seatbelt on.
"Do you want to explain, what happened here? Are you insane?", I sit down next to her angrily.
"I'm tired", she doesn't even look at me. What the fuck?
"Are you mad at me? Sorry, I don't want you in danger! You know what he did to me."
"I just want to go home", she doesn't answer my question. I sigh and don't try to talk to her again.
I take us home. We're not talking there either. We remove our make-up, brush our teeth and from time to time we look at each other in the mirror.
"I hate it, when you don't talk to me. Tell me what bothers you, what I did wrong, scream at me, but don't punish me with silence", I try it again, after I rinse my mouth
"You left me alone", she finally starts talking.
"You're mad, because we didn't start the year together?"
She can't be serious.
"Why do you care so much?", I try to sound as calm as possible. I don't wanna cause a fight, although this situation is ridiculous.
"I wanted this to be our fresh start together in a new life."
"We can start the new year together for the next 80 years, no biggie."
"You told me, we'll spend the new year together and a few months later you were gone, for fucking four years!"
Now I get the problem. It's not the evening itself, she's scared I'm leaving again.
"It was the dumbest and hardest decision of my life, but I promise you, I won't ever leave again, unless you want me to leave."
"I didn't want it the last time, but that didn't matter."
"I'm so sorry, Santana. Really. I know, I hurt you I don't know if you could ever forget it, but I changed and you changed, too."
We look at each other for a few seconds, but the Latina doesn't say anything.
"I'll sleep downstairs on the couch."
I should be mad because she's acting so childish, but probably I would act the same. I hurt her and it hurts my heart.
I take my PJ's, pillow and blanket, before I go downstairs. I take my time to shower and doing a little more of my evening routine and then I enter the living room.
Santana is already lying on the sofa with her blanket, looking at me.
"What are you doing here?"
"I don't want to sleep alone, and you want to sleep here, so here I am."
It's her way saying sorry and accepting my apology.
"Let's go to bed and then you can tell me why you snaped at my Dad…again."
"I did not such a thing", she shakes her head and takes the blanket.
"I don't know what you told him in the supermarket, but I bet you were as nice as you were earlier."
"How do you- Jesse?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want to fight with you. You don't want me to interfere."
"And yet you did it, at 3 in the morning."
My voice sounds more accusing than I want. I'm grateful, that she stood up for me, because I can't do it for myself.
"Not another fight, babe, not now", she mumbles before placing a kiss on my lips and going upstairs. I follow her.
"I don't want to fight, just understand why you did it", I talk calmer, so she understands I don't want to start another argument.
"I sat in the basement, around me five couples. I asked myself, if you wouldn't have a problem with your sexuality, if your family would have supported you more."
"Probably yes", I answer immediately as we reach her room, "But what were you thinking?" Wasn't that enough for you in the supermarket?"
"No, I would like to stand in front of his house every day and give him a lecture about him being the worst human being on earth. I despise him and his way of treating you. You're so perfect and he mad you think so little of yourself. It breaks my heart and I know it breaks yours, too."
"We can't change it, babe. It wouldn't do any good even if you walk by every day insulting him."
I bet my ass; Santana would do it.
"It's worth a try", she shrugs with smile. I shake my head, putting the blankets and pillows on the bed.
"Let's go to sleep", I turn the lights off, pulling San with me on the bed.
"Did you at least have a nice evening?", she asks between kisses.
"It was okay, I'm glad, I'm here now."
Santana doesn't need to know, that I experienced the countdown and the fireworks alone in a cabin on the toilet, because I was about to have panic attack.
These are my demons I have to fight.