Jane looked down at her phone, scrolling through the endless photos of the last few years. Photos of herself and Maura. Photos of just Maura. Photos that squeezed her heart painfully with every second she looked at them, leaving the door open for memories of vivid hue to come waltzing in, unbidden. Jane shouted at the TV, willing the Red Sox to perform well, and Maura doing her best to join in, without really understanding the game. Jane arriving at Maura's, tired and agitated after a long, hard day at work, only to find an open bottle of beer waiting for her and her favourite meal already made. Jane angry and stressed, unable to be calmed by anyone but Maura. Maura. Maura. Maura.

"Ahem"

Jane physically jumped, startled from her thoughts by the irritated cabbie.

"Oh right, yes. Um.. thank you. How much?" Her eyes followed the finger of the middle-aged driver, as he pointed to the digital display with a grunt. "Forty dollars!" she shouted, with wide eyes. How long have I been sat here?

Jane had been sitting outside a building that had once been more her home than her own apartment. A building that had been her sanctuary of warmth and comfort, but now felt like an impenetrable fortress. How could she go in there? How could she face Maura after everything she had put her through? How could she walk right back into life and cause more chaos, just when Maura was beginning to recover?

"Miss, I have other fares to complete."

"Right…. Yeah. Sorry," she said, leaning forward to hand him the money and ignoring the protest from her ribs as she did so.

Her exit from the cab was long and difficult, and she was left breathless with pain and leaning on her crutch as the driver sped away, eager to get away from the woman who had sat in his car for 30 minutes outside someone else's house. That left Jane alone, surrounded by the silence of the night and the cacophony of her thoughts. Her eyes flickered to the house once more, noting the living room light flicking on, meaning that Maura was still up despite the late hour.

She can't sleep. The detective yearned to comfort her, to help her settle as they had done for each other too many times to count. But she also knew her fear was too much, too consuming, for her to do anything of the sort. The familiar ease and comfort that this house normally afforded her were gone, shattered to pieces, and in its place, there was only uncertainty. Releasing the breath she hadn't realised she was holding, Jane made her way slowly up the path.

Come on Rizzoli, you've stared down the barrel of the gun! You've chased perps three times the size of you! Hell, you even defeated Hoyt. You can do this!

But, if she was being honest, Jane wasn't so sure this was true. See, for Jane, chasing perps and getting into fights is what she did. Who she was. Yes, it's dangerous. But this, what she was about to do, was danger on a whole other level, and honestly, she had never been more scared. The detective had always been so sure of herself, throwing herself into situations that could end badly for her without a second thought. She'd even shot herself, for goodness sake!

But this. This was new territory, and Jane didn't know how to deal with it. She didn't know the rules of the game. She wasn't in control, and for the first time in her life, Jane wasn't sure she would come out of the other side alive. And that scared her.

If this didn't go well, Jane wasn't so sure she'd be able to carry on. The detective had lost so much, had almost lost Maura. To get the doctor back, only to lose her almost immediately…

The thought alone was enough to cause searing pain to erupt through Jane's chest and bring stinging tears to her eyes. Taking a deep breath and hastily wiping away her tears, the detective tentatively raised a hand and pressed the doorbell.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd used the doorbell. She had a key.

Slow footsteps accompanied by a soft thump gained volume as they approached the door, before a moment of silence. Jane assumed Maura was checking out her late-night visitor through the peephole. Clever girl.

Within seconds the door swung open and revealed Maura, like the most valuable prize in a game show. She was clad in silk pyjamas, her feet bare, and was leaning heavily on the crutch to aid her broken ankle. The doctor had let her hair down and had taken off her makeup from earlier. Jane's breath caught in her throat, only to be swallowed down and replaced with anguish. Even with the stitches across her forehead, the slight discolouration of the fading bruises, the pinkish scar marring the perfect skin of her neck, and the smaller ones that littered her arms and legs, Jane thought the doctor was breathtakingly stunning.

But god, it hurt like hell to see Maura like that. Seeing the blonde before her filled Jane with a warmth she would never be able to describe, but the reminders of what she had put Maura through threatened to suffocate her.

Jane looked at Maura's crutch, raised her own and with a small smile, said "we're a matching pair." When Maura didn't return the smile, Jane dropped her head, believing the doctor wasn't going to say anything at all. Until…

"Jane, what brings you here?"

It hadn't been said maliciously, or even bitterly, she was simply surprised, but it made the detective wince all the same as if Maura had opened the door and slapped her. There was a time, before all this, when Maura had never questioned her appearance, no matter what time she came. She had simply offered a smile, opened her arms for a hug, and went to fetch the detective a beer.

"Maura, I … um." Jane cleared her throat, "Can, er, can I come in?" That was something else that the detective had never said before.

Maura sucked her breath in and simply blinked at Jane for a few seconds as if also recognising the strain on their relationship. Silently, she nodded and moved out of the way to allow Jane to slip by her. As Maura locked the door behind her, Jane wandered further into the house, allowing her eyes to take in every detail, as if looking at it for the first time.

Or the last, her mind supplied unhelpfully.

She knew this place like the back of her hand, but she had never felt like more of an unwelcome stranger in this beautiful woman's home. She looked at the sofa and the TV, remembering all the nights that had curled up watching some documentary that Jane wasn't particularly interested in, but she watched nonetheless, knowing that Maura liked them. It felt like a lifetime ago and it was almost too much to bear.

Her feet had carried her to the mantel piece, where there was photo after framed photo of her family at gatherings, pictures of Maura with her brothers, and pictures of the doctor and herself. She picked up one of these, the same one she had set as her phone background. She couldn't remember who had taken it, but she owed them a thank you. Jane wasn't one for photos, remembering the comments about her appearance during high school that still haunted her to this day, but even she had to admit that this was a beautiful photograph. It had been taken last Christmas, after an amazing dinner prepared by Angela and Maura, and everyone had settled down to watch a movie. They were sat together, sharing a blanket, and Jane's arm rested on the back of the sofa behind the doctor, a content smile on her lips. Maura had her head thrown back, laughing at something Jane had said, radiating pure joy.

We look so happy here ...

"Yes, we do," Maura said, startling Jane. She hadn't realised she'd said that out loud, nor had she heard the doctor move away from the door and walk to her side. Their eyes met for a moment before Maura offered a small, sad smile and moved toward the kitchen. "Can I get you a drink?"

Jane was desperate for a beer, if only for a bit of courage, but her meds meant alcohol was off limits. "Er, just a water please," she replied, placing the photograph back where it belonged and following Maura to the kitchen. Using her crutch to hoist herself up, she sat at the breakfast bar, where she had sat almost every morning for the last 5 years. Maura placed the water in front of her, before retreating back to her position against the sink, wrapping her arms around herself and allowing the crutch to dangle from her arm. It left the breakfast bar between them, a protective barrier to shield her from whatever happened next.

Both noticed the distance between them.

Neither made a move to close it.

Silence descended between them. Jane was lost in her thoughts, staring down at the surface of the bar, and Maura was unsure what to say – after all, it had be Jane who came to her – so the silence stretched on until the doctor could take it no longer.

"Jane?" she ventured. The detective didn't raise her head, mumbling something that Maura couldn't hear. "Sorry, what was that?"

A sigh escaped the detective, and slowly she raised her head to look at Maura, who had to bit her lip in order to stop herself gasping at the sheer pain and anguish in the eyes of her best friend. Even when dealing with Hoyt, she had never seen Jane look so vulnerable.

"I said…" Jane swallowed, forcing the words to come out again, "Do you blame me?"

"Is that what you think? That I blame you?"

Jane just shrugged, dropping her eyes to her glass. Almost inaudibly, she said, "I blame me."

"Jane, look at me." But Jane refused to raise her head, so Maura limped around the bar to sit on the stool next to her. Gently, she hooked her finger under the detective's chin, until the raven-haired woman was looking directly at her. "Jane, I don't blame you. None of this was your fault."

Jane screwed her eyes shut, fighting desperately against the tears that spilled out anyway. Maura used her thumb to swipe them away, and Jane couldn't stand the burn that accompanied her touch. Jolting her head away, she said "Maura… Kate and Frost -" Jane's voice broke, and a shuddering sob escaped her, her grief finally bursting free of the cage that she had stuffed it into.

She felt Maura pull her from the stool and lead her to the sofa. She wasn't sure how the doctor had managed to move them both there without falling, but she didn't have the energy to question it. Within seconds, her head was buried into Maura's neck, and the felt the warmth of the smaller woman's arms encircling her shoulders. It was like a dam had burst, and all the love that had been held up rushed forward. The awkwardness was gone, and the distance that had seemed so palpable only moments ago had melted away. Jane clung to Maura with her non-broken arm, and the doctor held her back just as tightly, allowing Jane to work through her grief and permitting a few tears of her own to fall.

The tight embrace caused pain to flair in both their ribs, but neither could feel it for the weight of emotional pain that threatened to consume them both. When Jane's sobs started to lessen, Maura loosened her grip to look at Jane. "Jane listen, please don't blame yourself for any of this. You never could have known this was going to happen, and when it did, you stepped up and did what you needed to do. You are not the reason Kate and Frost died.

"But Jane, you are the reason that I'm still here. You're the reason I kept fighting. And you saved me, Jane. You didn't give up on me and you found me."

A silence fell over them, interrupted only when Jane dropped her head and said sadly, "And then I pushed you away."

An undeniable pain flooded Maura's chest and she knew couldn't lie. She wouldn't be able to even if she wanted to. Her hives would give her away immediately and it would only make things worse. "You did. And I can't lie Jane, it really hurt." Jane nodded, and she continued, "I didn't understand it. You saved me and then you just weren't there. I had to recover on my own… Well, not on my own, Angela and Korsak and Frankie all came to visit, and I love them for it. But. It…"

"It wasn't what you wanted." Jane finished for her.

Maura shook her head sadly, begging the tears not to fall. "You didn't even visit Jane."

"I did!" Jane shouted, startling them both. She clenched her fists to try and gain control. She looked away from Maura, unable to bear the hurt that shone in her eyes. "I did. Once. I know I should have been there more, but please don't think I never went at all." She took a deep breath and continued, "You were asleep. It was cowardly of me, I know, but I couldn't handle the thought of seeing you like that, so… so SMALL and broken. I couldn't cope seeing you like that and seeing you look at me with hatred and blame."

"Jane, I would never -"

Jane cut her off, "I know now. I know you wouldn't. But at the time… At the time I hated myself so much and blamed myself so much for putting you through all that. I was sure I was going to see that in your eyes too." Tears fell in earnest again, and this time Jane didn't try to stop them. Instead, she looked resolutely at Maura and said, "I know that you don't blame me, but I think I need to apologise anyway or I'll never be able to move on. I'm sorry Maura. I'm so sorry that being my friend, my best friend, put you in so much danger. I never want to be part of anything that hurts you. No matter how big or how small. I never want to be the reason you're in pain. You mean too much to me and I love you too much to- " Jane broke off with a gasp and looked at Maura in panic.

Maura was stunned into silence. They had said 'I love you' a million times before, of course, but something about the way Jane had said it then was different. They both knew it, and Jane's reaction cemented it.

"Shit, I'm sorry. Forget I said that-"

Jane had taken Maura's silence for anger. "Jane"

Jane continued to talk over the top of her, "- I'm so sorry. I hurt you and then I left you and -"

"Jane!"

"-I have no right to say that to you now. I ruined our friendship. You know what I'm just gonna go, and leave you to-"

"JANE!" That did the trick. Jane ceased her endless, panicked babbling and looked at Maura. It pained the doctor to see her best friend so unsure of herself. "Say it again."

"What?"

"Please. Say it again, Jane."

For a long time, neither woman spoke. Jane looked helplessly at Maura, like she hadn't understood a word that she said. "Are you sure?" Maura only nodded and Jane took a deep breath. Be still my beating heart. God, I sound like Maura.

Jane took her best friend's hands in hers and gave them a squeeze. "Maura Isles. I love you… And I understand if that's not what you want. I will respect that. But I needed to say -"

"I love you too," Maura interrupted.

Jane couldn't help the gasp that came. She said it back! After everything I put her through! "You do? Really?" When Maura nodded in reply, new tears fell from the detective's eyes.

"You're crying," Maura stated with a frown.

"Happy tears, Maur. Tears of disbelief."

Maura smiled. A truly radiant smile that Jane had thought she would never see again. "I've known I loved you for a while, Jane."

"God… Come 'ere" and Jane pulled her into a crushing hug that left them both breathless.

When they finally released each other, Jane ran her finger shyly across a particularly long scar on Maura's arm. Maura watched, slightly uncomfortable but not wanting Jane to stop either, thinking of often she had done the same to Jane's hands.

"This is the first night I haven't covered them up," Maura said, startling herself. She had been so lost in thoughts, and for a moment, hadn't realised that she had been the one to break the silence. She hadn't meant to say that, but it was out now, and after what had just been said, Maura found she didn't actually care.

"I get that. I was the same with my hands."

"Even in the hospital, those gowns don't cover anything, so when I was finally allowed out of bed, I wouldn't go anywhere without my bedsheet," she said with a slight chuckle.

"You're doing well, uncovering them so early. I'm proud of you," said the detective with a smile. A frown quickly replaced it. "Maura, I'm so sorry you got caught up in this-"

"Jane, we've been through this," Maura interrupted.

"No please, let me finish. I'm not blaming myself. I'm apologising for not being there when I should have been. I'm apologising for wasting so much time."

"Wasting time? Jane, what do you mean?"

"I mean…" The detective shifted closer so she could use her good hand to lift Maura's chin. She left her hand on the side of the doctor's face, lovingly trailing her thumb across the skin of her cheek as she allowed their foreheads to touch. "I mean, Maura, that I'm sorry for letting all those years slip by. For wasting all that time when we could have been so happy together."

"But Jane, we were happy."

Jane nodded her agreement. "We were. But we could have been happier. If we weren't so stubborn… Or so afraid."

Maura's voice had dropped to a whisper. "Afraid of what?"

"This." And with all the courage Jane could muster, she closed the remaining distance between them and kissed Maura. She hoped to communicate everything, all the love and all the regret and all the apologies.

But most of all. She just wanted Maura to know that she was here now.

And she was never leaving again.

They were alive.

And with life, comes love.

Notes:

Thank you to everyone who comes back to read this, even though it has been however many years. I never forgot about this story, and god knows these girls deserved a happy ending. I can only apologise for how long this has taken, but I thank every one of you from the bottom of my heart who has supported this story, from its very conception to right now, at its ending.

So here we are, after several years, at the end of my first and only (for now) fic.

Love,

GravitatingSouls 3