Drip. Drip. Drip. Though it had already been turned off, residual drops of water continued to fall from the bathtub faucet, breaking the room's silence. Drip. Drip. Drip. Ruby sighed and leaned back, immersed in the water and alone with her thoughts. Sometimes time alone in a bath helped her think, helped her clear her head. But tonight, being alone with her thoughts ended up being less of a benefit and more of a curse.
Drip. Images flashed by in her mind. Images of blood and death and friends and family long lost. The sounds of screams still echoed in her ears, even years later. Drip. Drip.
Sure, as far as most people were concerned she was a living paragon. The greatest hero the world has ever had and ever will have. A champion of hope that all huntsmen aspired to be like. She was a living fairy tale, but not all fairy tales were sunshine and rainbows, and what most people never knew was just how many sleepless nights came with being a hero.
And that was why she was here now. As had happened so many times before, she'd been jolted awake by a dreadful nightmare of things years past—but still felt as vivid as if it were yesterday—and then couldn't fall back asleep no matter how hard she tried. Sometimes when this happened she'd cuddle up to Weiss and try to fall back asleep, sometimes she'd just lie there staring at the ceiling feeling so overwhelmed with emotion she'd circle right back around to feeling nothing.
Tonight she'd woken up, given her sleeping wife a quick kiss on the forehead, and then stood up and drew herself a bath. She needed to relax. To feel herself sink into the warm water where she could stop and breathe. But of course, that plan backfired the moment she saw her own body and the legion of scars plaguing it.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Weiss had always called them beautiful, like every other part of Ruby. Thinking of Weiss's compliments made her smile a little, but in her worst moments, it didn't change that all Ruby could see when she looked at them was everything she'd lost.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Knock knock.
The sudden noise caused Ruby to yelp and jolt up, accidentally splashing water onto the floor. She held a wet hand to her mouth and tried to calm herself. Inhaling through her nose and taking a deep breath, she forced down her fears and tried to think rationally. It was the middle of the night, and the only other person here was Weiss. She'd probably just woken up and noticed Ruby was absent. That's all it was.
"I'm fine, Weiss," Ruby lowered her hand and called out, though the residual panic in her voice betrayed her words.
"Can I come in?" she heard Weiss ask from the other side of the door. Ruby was quiet for a moment, trying to calm her nerves and remind herself that everything was okay. She was safe at home. Everything was fine. She was fine.
"Y-yes," Ruby finally managed, though with as hoarse as her voice suddenly was, it was more of a croak than anything. Ruby heard the doorknob gently turn and the door open, followed by a few soft footsteps.
"Ruby, can I move the curtain?" Weiss asked softly. Wordlessly, Ruby herself slowly pulled back the shower curtain, exposing her face to Weiss. She noted that Weiss was carrying a glass of water and her hair was so disheveled she might've found it comical had she not been feeling so depressed. Her wife's eyes widened and she quickly set down the glass of water and kneeled at Ruby's side. "Oh, honey, are you okay?"
Ruby said nothing as Weiss moved to cup Ruby's head in her hand, though before making contact she stopped and waited for Ruby to nod consent. When she did, Weiss pressed her hand to Ruby's cheek and wiped away tears the young warrior hadn't even realized were there.
With her free hand, Weiss picked up the glass of water and held it to Ruby. "Want some cold water?" Ruby gently took the glass from Weiss's hand and pressed it to her lips, making a soft noise of contentment as the cool liquid entered her throat. Had she really been this dehydrated?
Setting the cup back down, Ruby suddenly shot up with wide eyes when she saw the puddle of water on the floor next to her. A puddle that Weiss was currently kneeled in while she simply tried to be at Ruby's side. "Weiss, I'm so sorry. Your clothes…" she trailed off.
"They'll dry," Weiss shrugged. "I don't care about that. I care that you're clearly hurting. Tell me, how can I help?"
"I…" Ruby didn't respond. She simply looked down in shame. Every time more tears started to slide down her face and cause her vision to blur, Weiss gently brushed them away. "I'm fine, hon. Just go back to bed. I don't want to bother you."
Weiss frowned and gently angled Ruby's head to face her. "Ruby, do you know how many times you've been there for me even when I didn't think I deserved it?" Her voice was soft and kind, but authoritative enough to keep Ruby's attention. "Because honestly? I don't either. It's kind've impossible to keep count.
"In all my lowest moments, when I've felt the most lost, you were there. You're the most beautiful and precious thing in this world to me, and you are never a bother."
Ruby sighed, "How many times have we had this conversation now?" Her voice was tired and emotionless.
"More than a few," Weiss admitted, "and we'll keep having it as many times as we need to. I love you, and I will always be here for you. If you truly want to be alone right now, then I'll leave you be. But if not, I'm by your side, even if you don't want to say anything."
Ruby exhaled through her nose and smiled. "What did I do to deserve you?"
"What didn't you do?" Weiss beamed. There was a long moment of silence as they stared into each other's eyes. Ruby broke the stare and looked down, suddenly seeming a bit antsy.
"Join me?" she blurted. Weiss nodded, and without another word she removed her wet clothes and stepped inside the large tub. Ruby scooted closer to the side to allow Weiss some extra room to lay down, and more water splashed out of the tub when she did, but neither of them cared. Weiss gently pressed herself against Ruby and planted a soft kiss to her cheek.
"Is this more comfortable?" Weiss asked.
"Definitely," Ruby sighed in contentment. "I just… still need a minute."
"Take as much time as you need," Weiss replied. Ruby reached an arm up to absentmindedly brush Weiss's hair. Having her here always helped keep her calm. It was an intimacy she sorely needed, and Weiss was always happy to provide. She smiled and kissed Weiss's forehead.
She took a deep breath and focused on the pressure of Weiss's head on her chest. The feeling reminded her that this was real. That she'd really saved the day, got the girl, and was rewarded with a calm and quiet life. She was safe. Weiss was safe. Everyone was safe. And yet still that residual anxiety clung to her and refused to let go.
"Weiss…" Ruby started. "How do you cope with scars?" She looked at her arm, almost every inch covered in the remnants of various scrapes and slashes and stabs. She could remember the cause of each one. Where she was, how it happened, how it felt. Every one of them was a permanent reminder that haunted her. "Every time I see mine I just… can't stop the memories."
"Scars…" Weiss trailed off. "I know what you mean. It took a long time for me to be comfortable with mine. Do you want to know some advice I got once from Winter?"
"Sure," Ruby replied.
"She once told me, 'your scars are a testament to your strength. Each one represents a struggle, and whether you won or lost that fight, it doesn't change that you still survived. That you're still standing here. Wear your scars with pride and know that you'll keep surviving. That you'll never give up.' To be honest, the first time she said it I thought she was full of shit."
The sudden swear elicited a laugh from the silver-eyed guardian. "Why do I get the feeling you actually did say that to her face?" she chuckled.
"Because I did," Weiss giggled. "She wasn't amused. Had a whole speech about how I could listen or not, but if I wanted to be ignorant I could go right ahead and all that." She smiled and pressed a finger to the scar across her eye. "It is funny, though. I used to hate this thing."
"What changed your mind?" Ruby asked, her head tilted.
Weiss looked up at her with so much warmth in her eyes it caught Ruby off-guard. "You did."
"Me?"
"Yeah. It was at Beacon, actually. Only a few days after we'd met. I was being such a… not pleasant person." Weiss cringed at the thought of her younger self.
"Don't be too hard on yourself," Ruby cut in. "You were young and had been through a lot."
"Doesn't justify how I acted," Weiss frowned and shook her head. "But that's not my point. I was still young and angry and wanting to lash out at everyone in sight. I remember feeling so… I don't know. I thought I needed to be perfect, so to look in the mirror and see such a glaring imperfection was… it infuriated me to no end.
"Then one day after Blake and Yang had left, it was just us in the dormitory. It was quiet for a moment, then out of nowhere you asked where I got my scar."
Ruby winced at the memory. "I… definitely could've been more tactful about that one."
"Oh, at the time I agreed completely," Weiss laughed. "I told you it happened in a fight. When I won my freedom to go to Beacon." She smiled in remembrance. "And what you said after…"
"I said you were inspiring," Ruby finished. She remembered the day as clearly as Weiss.
"You said you admired how much spirit I had. That you admired how I kept going with so much determination… and I called you a sentimental idiot for it." Weiss rolled her eyes at the thought of her past rudeness.
"You really were a total Ice Queen back then," Ruby chuckled. She waited for the inevitable snarky quip back, but it didn't come. Instead, Weiss simply sighed.
"I was a prick," Weiss started bluntly, "but you know what? After you said that… that night was the first time I could look at myself in the mirror and see anything other than a failure. That night I looked at my scars, and I felt pride. I think that's when I started to fall in love with you."
Ruby's mouth was left agape. She'd never heard this story before. "I… had no idea."
"Well to be fair, it's not like I really let my feelings on that much. Me being 'the world's most useless lesbian' and all," Weiss laughed and smiled with amusement at the title of honor Yang had once bestowed upon her. "But in my scars, you saw proud defiance. Do you want to know what I see in yours?"
"A lot of ugly wounds?" Ruby half-joked.
"No," Weiss spoke firmly in a tone that had rarely been heard since their earliest days at Beacon. But then she took a deep breath and her voice softened. "No. When I look at you, your body, I see a story." She gently lifted one of Ruby's hands and kissed a scar. "I see the story of a woman who never gave up. I see the story of a woman who sometimes won and sometimes lost, but never gave in to despair regardless. I see the story of a woman who fought against impossible odds and came out alive and victorious."
Weiss sat up and got on her knees, and between every sentence she kissed one of the myriad scars on her wife's body. "I see the story of the greatest woman I've ever known. The one who showed me love and affection like I'd never experienced before. The one who lifted me up and showed me I could change for the better.
"I see the story of a hero. My hero. And the greatest source of joy in my life I could ever ask for."
Ruby didn't know what to say. Several long moments of silence passed before she quickly pulled Weiss into a deep and tearful kiss. Her callused hands ran up and down Weiss's back, lightly gripping to pull her ever closer and leave not even the slightest gap between them. "I love you," she whispered between every kiss, over and over like they were the only words she knew how to say.
"I love you, too," Weiss whispered back. Eventually the kisses began to stop as Ruby gasped for air between newly present sobs. Weiss held her wife's head to her chest and whispered reassurances, telling her everything was going to be okay. "It's alright," she said, "just let it out."
And so she did. As the tears trickled down, Weiss gently ran a hand through Ruby's hair, her thumb tracing little circles. Anything to show Ruby she was protected, just as Ruby had always done for her.
Several more minutes of this passed, with Ruby convulsing slightly with every sob. After a time, the tears finally began to slow before finally stopping altogether. Still Ruby clung to Weiss for strength, taking comfort in her wife's warmth.
"How are you feeling?" Weiss finally asked when Ruby went quiet.
"Better," she responded quietly. "Much better." Ruby finally leaned back from her grip on Weiss and yawned, feeling exhausted from the overwhelming flood of emotions.
"Want to dry up and go back to sleep?" Weiss asked.
"Yeah," Ruby nodded. Weiss stood up and held out a hand to pull Ruby up. After that, Weiss pulled out the tub's plug and Ruby reached outside the tub to grab a towel. She pressed the towel against her face and rubbed, getting the last remnants of tears out of her eyes.
By the time she was ready to step out, Weiss had already completely dried herself off, placed towels on the floor to soak up the water spilled earlier, and was wearing a whole new pair of pajamas. Where she got the new pair, Ruby had no idea. She may be fast, but in many ways Weiss could be more efficient. Ruby stepped out of the tub and went to dry her legs, but was stopped in her tracks when she noticed Weiss's staring. "What?"
"Sorry," Weiss grinned, "you're just… you really are the most beautiful person in the world, you know that?"
"Oh, stop…" Ruby waved a hand and blushed.
"It's true," Weiss smiled. "But come on," she said as she picked up Ruby's pajamas and handed them over, "let's get you some sleep. Then tomorrow we can have a nice, quiet day in. Whatever you want to do."
Ruby smiled and nodded before sliding into her underclothes and pajama pants. By some miracle, all the splashing had just missed her clothes. She picked up her old tank top, but stopped before putting it on. Instead she turned and looked at herself in the mirror. All across her arms, chest, abdomen and back were scars from countless battles in a vicious war. Usually the sight of them caused her distress and brought back horrific memories, but this time, she didn't feel repulsed. Weiss was right. After everything she'd suffered through, she deserved to feel proud of all she'd accomplished. Her smile one of euphoric realization, Ruby threw her shirt on and stepped outside.
The adjacent bedroom wasn't fully dark, with a bedside lamp still turned on from when Weiss had gotten up earlier. And for her part, Weiss was already laying in bed looking quite comfortable. "Ready to get back to sleep?" she yawned.
"Oh yeah," Ruby chuckled. She crawled into bed next to her wife and cuddled up, throwing her arm over her partner's abdomen. Softly, she muttered, "Comfy wife."
Weiss giggled and placed a gentle kiss on Ruby's forehead before reaching an arm up towards the lamp. Before turning the light off, she stopped. "Mind if I turn the light off, or would you rather have it on tonight?"
"Off, please," Ruby replied from the crook of Weiss's neck. Pulling the switch, the room was suddenly cast in comfortable darkness. Weiss wrapped her arms around Ruby, and patiently waited for the light sounds of Ruby's snores. She didn't have to wait long. She really had been exhausted, Weiss realized.
Only when she was confident that Ruby was comfortably asleep, Weiss closed her own eyes—and with her wife there in her arms—returned to peaceful slumber.