Reader x Hitler's missing testicle
You sat down at the table and stared at your loving partner, watching as he ate his pizza with a smile on his face. You loved spending all your time with him but you still couldn't help but feel a bit weird about being on a date with Hitler's missing testicle.
It was a commonly known fact that Hitler had only one testicle so you couldn't believe your eyes when you were the first one to discover his missing second testicle in an archeological dig. This discovery became even wilder when you accidentally spilled toxic chemicals on the testicle and caused it to grow to the size of a regular human, with the ability to talk and think for itself.
You had already fantasized about falling in love before, but you had never imagined that the one you would grow to love with all your heart would be Hitler's testicle, but you just couldn't help yourself. Everything about him, from his voice, to his manner of speaking just drove you wild with glee.
As Hitler's testicle ate his pepperoni and mushroom pizza, you couldn't help but fantasize about your life together with him, all the fun activities that you'd do today as you cuddle with the testicle and tell him how much you love him.
Hitler's Testicle eventually finished his meal and let out a hardy burp. Normally you despise that sort of thing, but since it was Hitler's Testicle doing it, it only made your heart flutter with happiness.
You had been wanting to ask Hitler's Testicle a certain question for a while now and you felt that today was the day that you'd finally build up the courage to ask him. You opened your mouth to speak but felt the words get caught in your throat due to how anxious this was making you.
Finally, you worked up your courage and asked him "H-H-Hitler's Testicle, would you like to have some fuck?"
You sounded like a complete jerkoff, but Hitler's Testicle just smiled at you and said in his soft, honey-like, voice "sure, let's do it."
You immediately wrapped your arms around the round, circular, testicle of your dreams and kissed him.
…
The two of you were now laying in bed together. You just couldn't wait to show the testicle just how much you loved and cared about him and his wellbeing.
Hitler's Testicle giggled as you hugged him in bed, before turning deadly serious and saying," Before we begin (Insert your name here), there's something I need to show you."
You asked him "I don't care about any secrets that you might have my love, go on and show me, then we can grow even closer as a couple."
Hitler's Testicle then said "alright, just please don't freak out when you see it."
Hitler's Testicle then raised his legs up in the air and got out of bed. He was now standing in front of you and you both looked into each other's eyes very intensely.
Hitler's Testicle then reached behind himself and grabbed onto a metallic zipper which despite being his admirer, you had never noticed until just now.
Hitler's Testicle then began to unzip himself right in front of you. He pulled and tugged at the silver trinket until you found yourself gazing at his true form.
This wasn't Hitler's Testicle anymore, it was... HULK HOGAN!
"YO BROTHER, TIME TO GET SMACKED DOWN BY THE HULKSTER!"
Hulk Hogan then picked you up and began swinging you through the air and slammed you down on the ground as hard as he could. You try to get up, but he just jumps up in the air and body slams you instead, breaking several bones in your body.
You began to look around at your surroundings and noticed that you weren't in your bedroom anymore, you were now in a wrestling ring.
You then realize that there's a crowd watching everything unfold and they seem to be absolutely enamored by the beatdown you're receiving.
You try to call out for help but the crowd is way too wrapped up in the beatdown to care about you and your dumb little cookie face.
Hulk Hogan then reaches into his ass and pulls out an Atari 2600 game console. He then bashes you across the noggin with this iconic game console and everything begins to go black as you begin to lose consciousness while the crowd cheers on the Hulkster.
One day later...
You go to the Doctor's office to get some medicine for your headache. The Doctor gives you medicine and says "I'm afraid I've got some bad news, you're pregnant."
You then realize that your beating from Hulk Hogan must've gotten you pregnant.
You sigh and futilely say "well, now I know"
The doctor then turns to the person reading this fic and says "and knowing is half the battle"
The G.I Joe jingle then goes off.