"The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr: The Proton Express…"
Summary: In my first longer Proton Jr tale, can Prof Proton Jr. aka mild-mannered Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy aka Amy F. Fowler save the world at Christmas…And can Proton Jr. keep that blond sob of an engineering genius Tom Swift, Jr. away from his girl?
Equally important…Should Cameragirl Penny allow this thing to appear on her acting credits or just accept that all hope of a professional career is gone and just enjoy while peddling her drugs?
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Cue canned music…
Slightly shaky black and white video opens on scene of Sheldon and Amy in white lab coats standing in Sheldon and Leonard's living room…
"Greetings, young scientists-to-be and their assorted dull-witted sibling followers and hangers-on and associated bullies-in-training…And welcome once again to the Adventures…Adventures…Adventures… of Professor Proton…Junior…" Sheldon notes, pointing to whiteboard behind him on which is written… "The Adventures of Professor Proton, Jr."
"I hope you're ready to share in this week's Odyssey…odyssey…odyssey… with me…This one a rather special adventure in multiple parts…"
"Oh…A miniseries adventure, at last!" Dr. Amy in lab coat clapped hands. "I know I've been waiting for this one all year, Prof P, Junior!"
"Indeed…And best of all…" Sheldon began…
"With chills, thrills…And…Romance…All wrapped up as a present to our fans in our Proton Christmas Special." Amy beamed.
"Yes…" Sheldon, frowning…At the notion of Romance, Christmas "specials", and Dr. Amy in lab coat and Santa hat, with bells in hand.
"Are you jingling…?" he glared.
"Yes, Professor P. And what's more, I'll shortly be giving the scientific explanation of how we put the jingle in jingle bells." Amy beamed, jingling again.
"The things one must do to repay one's significant other for nice Christmas cookies made with devoted love and lots of lard based on Meemaw's recipe." Sheldon sighed.
"Exactly her recipe…" Amy corrected.
"It's still blackmail…" he frowned.
"Sheldon! You promised me romance…" Amy hissed, giving pasted smile to camera. "And sex sells! Look at Penny's career…It's the only thing that kept her in acting so long!"
"Hey…Cut…" Penny, staring…
"Yes, indeed…And sold badly too…Least until she combined drugs with sex…"
"Double…Heeeyy!" Penny cried.
"Sheldon! Apologize." Amy insisted.
"Uh…Amy…" Penny, carefully. "You insulted me first, actually…"
"Oh, grow up, bestie…You've been in the business awhile before realizing you had no future in front of the camera." Amy frowned as Sheldon gave arch smile.)
…
Some time later…
(Amy having apologized mightily to a sobbing Penny in her bathroom…The prospect of getting to do a romantic scene or two in a Christmas special with Sheldon in her persona as "Dr. Amy" having overwhelmed her to the point of irrationally striking out at anything or –one potentially interfering.)
"As I was just…" Sheldon, frowning a bit…
Just as in…Some time ago…
"…Saying….This episode is not only devoted to the amazing adventures Physics offers in that Tronspace that is the mind…But includes physical adventure as well…"
And romance…Amy mouthed…
"And more important than the rest…Is devoted to devastatingly humiliating that fraud of science, namely the so-called 'inventor', Tom Swift, Jr. who recently dared insult the memory of our dear Professor Proton, my spirit father…And despite our recent devastatingly humiliating reply to his insulting video farce, yet continues his misadventures on You Tube. So…" Sheldon places large cue card, all in cap s, in expanding lines, Star Wars style, on the whiteboard's frame. "For those who may have missed our last episode…"
"LAST TIME AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR. AND HIS SIDEKICK…"
("Cut! Sheldon? Really?!" Amy fumed. "Sidekick? I'm your sidekick?"
"I can't say premarital fornication partner on a show intended for children under 15…" Sheldon noted.
Uh…Amy gasped… "Sorry, Cameragirl Penny…I need a mo…"
Hmmn…Penny stared…
This actually could boost the ratings…She noted to somewhat nonplussed Screenwriter Leonard.
"Lets keep it going, people." She called, moving to resume filming.)
"…LAST TIME, AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR. AND HIS FRIEND WITH BENEFITS…"
Amy in lab coat, coming over to him, beaming and waving in Santa hat…
("What?!...Cut!" Penny cried.)
Scene one, take Three…
Grim looking Sheldon in lab coat…
"For those who may have missed our last episode, wonderfully sending up that perpetually teenaged fraud, Tom Swift, Jr…." Places large cue card, all in caps, in expanding lines, Star Wars style, on whiteboard frame.
"LAST TIME, AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR. AND HIS LADYFRIEND, DR. AMY…"
Amy, frowing…Still a bit miffed at Cameragirl Penny…
(Come on, these are science-oriented kids, what's the big deal? And sex sells…
Penny sighing from behind the camera…
God, to think this may be all I'm ever remembered for artistically, maybe besides helping my kids with school arts projects and plays.
Well…All I can say is, with Leonard and the boys to back us up, they're gonna be kick ass arts projects and incredibly special effecty plays, smiling to herself.)
"…IN THE LAB…"
"The lab…" Amy gave knowing look to the camera… "And you can guess what was going on in that lab…"
("Amy?" Penny stared.
"For crying out loud…"
"I'd never do that…" Amy, arch look. "On…Camera…" rather wicked grin.
Hmmn…You know it really would boost the ratings…Penny noted to Leonard, who was still trying to absorb Amy's "guess what was going on…".
"Cut…" a frowning Screenwriter Howard called from his seat.
Didn't we agree he would be "Assistant Screenwriter Howard"…? Leonard thought, eyeing the credits card.
"People I agreed to help on this little opus and do a Christmas truce between Swift and Proton…"
"Proton and Swift…" Amy insisted, winning beam from Sheldon…
I'm no fool when Romance is potentially in the air…Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck as those rather cretinous but admittedly representatively 1930's-40's working class stooge people would say.
"Fine…" Howard put up a hand. "But we agreed this would be a joint adventure for Proton and Swift against a common foe."
"With Proton easily besting said foe while Swift tinkers around with toys." Sheldon noted.
"I never agreed to that…" Howard glared. "This is either a partnership or Tom Swift, Jr. walks to do his own Christmas special where he saves Christmas and reveals he's part Jewish while defeating the grinchy Professor Proton, Jr…I call it 'Swift and Hannukah save Christmas…From Professor Proton, Jr.'"
"I told you that title doesn't work…" Assistant Screenwriter Bernadette hissed. "And why am I listed as 'assistant screenwriter' when you're on as 'screenwriter'?" "But see, lambkins, you get the bigger title…It's a good thing, dearest.")
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Yet more time later…
New cue card on the whiteboard…Sheldon grimly setting it to rights, Amy offering steadying…
Ohh…As steadying hands touched briefly…
(To her quietly awed joy, Sheldon blinking at her…Keeping hand on hers a startlingly long two seconds.)
"LAST TIME AS YOU RECALL, WE LEFT PROFESSOR PROTON, JR., AND HIS LADYFRIEND, DR. AMY, IN THE LAB…"
"The lab…" Amy gave knowing look to the camera… "And you can guess what was going on in that lab…"
"Science…" Both she and Sheldon beaming at the camera…
"And maybe just a kiss or two under the mistletoe…" Amy noted, holding up mistletoe. "It being a week before Christmas."
"Yes…" Sheldon frowned. "Well, now we've put the sordid behind us…It was a cool winter day in southern California…When that knock on the lab door came that would change the lives of Professor Proton, Jr., and Dr. Amy…Forever."
"Whoa…" Amy gasped. "Did you just time travel and see our whole Christmas adventure start to finish, Professor P., Jr.?"
"Indeed I did, Dr. Amy…And while the laws of time travelers forever prevent me from stating what will happen in that alternate timeline now that we're in a different potential one by my coming back, I can say it will be full of..." beam to the camera.
"Adventure?" Dr. Amy eyed the Professor. Who shrugged… "Naturally, but…" "Romance…?" she beamed.
"I suppose it must be to bring in the great unwashed masses…But…" significant pause…Hard stare to camera.
"Oh…" Dr. Amy waving arms. "I know!"
"Yes, I think you do, Dr. Amy…Despite your frivolous addiction to sentiment…"
"Science!" both beamed at the camera. As the sound of a knock at the…
("Raj!" Penny called… "Knock harder! Harder!)
…a knock at the lab door began.
And a stern, but dashingly handsome figure in uniform entered.
"Professor Proton, Jr.?" the military figure addressed Sheldon.
"And his ladyfriend, Dr. Amy." Dr. Amy noted, a bit miffed.
"Yes. I am General Rajesh Smith, head of the Pentagon's Space Threats Office…"
"We have a Space Threats Office?" Dr. Amy stared.
"Naturally…" General Smith nodded sagely…His manly bearing and handsome features devastating…
("It was either write that in or he wouldn't do it." Leonard noted to Bernadette. "And he is the only one who fit the uniform.")
"…And once again the Nation has need of…Profession Proton, Jr." General Smith noted.
("Is he the villain…I mean Smiths are usually the villains in sci-fi, right?" Bernadette hissed to Leonard.
Uh… "Well, could be…Or I may have taken a bold approach and had another villain, with the name just to fool the audience." Leonard noted.
Dang…Thought it would be such a neat idea, a subtle tribute to Dr. Smith, he sighed.
"All right, she got it right away…You can have Munson Wickcliff as villain." He frowned to a pleased Howard.
"That's Wyckcliff..." Howard noted. "And I have just the right person(s) in mind." grin...
"Right..." Leonard sighed.
Is he in for a surprise, Howard grinned to Bernadette...
"Still think you'd be the natural for the part...And me..." she groused.
"Right, the Jewish guy as villain..." Howard eyed her.
"Ok...Ok..." she nodded. "But don't make Bud's girlfriend a total simp..."
Penny frowning…
Thought the Smith villain thing was a great idea…Though a beautiful female villain general would really pack em in, those nerds watching this...
If any...Ever...Sigh...
On the other hand, Leonard's idea of Stuart as Tom Swift to irk Howard was even more brilliant…Chance of a real generation of sexual tension on the set here…She eyed Sheldon's frown at Stuart's offstage eyeing of Amy.
You lil' minx, you, Dr. A…She eyed Amy.)
"As always I stand ready to take charge of this response to a threat to the Nation…" Professor Proton, Jr., gallantly.
"There is one little thing…" the devastatingly handsome General Smith, a bit cautiously. "I'm afraid we actually already have a guy in charge of the response. Who's been running the project since it began. We were hoping you and Dr. Amy would act more as, sort of…Consultants…"
Professor Proton, Jr. blinking…
"Consultants?" Dr. Amy, eyeing her out-of-lab honey, Professor Proton, Jr.
("That's not in the script." Leonard stared at script. "I put it in…" Penny grinned. "A little boost for my bestie." She beamed at the pleased Amy.)
"Consultants to whom?" she continued…
As if we didn't know, when it came to space threat matters…The fix being in…She hissed to Professor Proton, Jr. who glared.
"I believe you know our project head, Tom Swift, Jr." the General noted, as Tom Swift, Jr., perpetually 18 year old, blonde-haired, blue-eyed engineering genius entered, (to fervent clapping by Howard and Bernadette…)
"Proton." Nod…Glare. "Dr. Amy…" warm smile to her shy nod.
"Screwed up with your 'space friends', Swift?" Proton, Jr. eyed him, coolly macho. As the General gave him a surprised glance, Swift a narrow one.
Dr. Amy, casual look to match her honey's machismo. Though naturally delighted inwardly to see him score manly but scientific points on his virile, yet inferior in beauty and intellect, foe.
(Sheldon, a bit stunned, involuntarily mouthing "I love you" on lips…As Penny gave an arch…Told you…Always gets them…Look to a joyous…Oh, I just done opened my biggest Xmas present…Amy.)
"You know about Mr. Swift's contacts with aliens?" the General eyed Proton.
"Lord, everyone in Science does since that blabbermouth Hawking started putting up nervous tweets all over the place… 'Don't let Swift invite his alien friends to Earth' 'We're all gonna die if Swift's aliens come to Earth'… 'Swift sold us out to aliens!' You should never have spoken to him first, he freaks when it comes to aliens." Frown.
"Gotta agree with you on that…" Swift noted.