"Raise your hand if you think everyone deserves a loving home," the social worker said.
Alicia anxiously raised her hand.
She glanced around the room, trying to read the expressions of other potential hosts of this government program. This should be like hosting foster children, right? Not that the honor of doing so was easy… A dozen couples, a few singles, ranging from their early twenties to their late fifties sat in the conference room of this private non-profit agency in Corneria City that handles the placement of Venomian ex-soldiers. Did these people feel as uncertain as Alicia did?
People often tout the dangers of what she signed up for. But with hundreds of millions of displaced Venomians (many of them ex-military) from The War, Alicia wondered whether the real reason for the shortage of hosts stemmed from the unspoken fear she herself harbored: concern about the mental health and stability of these people who, while in need, had experienced trauma, dealt the trauma themselves, and could lash out at those who simply wanted to help them.
Not only do they suffer from the circumstances that lead to The War, as well as The War itself, Alicia imagined that they experience trauma and grief from being taken away from their primary attachments. Even when their lives and circumstances are difficult, that is the only life they know, how they survive. And when you take them away from that, it could be as traumatic as anything else. The transient nature of this system of uniting families, separating them, and moving them around from home to home could be traumatizing. Alicia likens this a lot to the Cornerian foster care system, having read a lot of books and media associated with the subject. Her surmization also comes from her own chronicles as a foster parent.
"The life they lived nor the constant moving around is any of their fault. They need support, structure, love, and flourish in a committed, nurturing environment that keeps them grounded in a whole new world and society," said the social worker. "But, this doesn't change the fact that you will be hosting individuals whose lives have been nothing but trauma, receiving it and dishing it out, so know that this can be intimidating."
While Alicia tries not to buy into stereotypes, preconceived notions, and the like, statistics and numbers do not lie. Venomians are five times more likely to be in trouble with the law. The reasons vary somewhat, as they try to navigate a society that doesn't really accept them, while also trying to manage living in this new world while trying to separate themselves from their previous traumas and lives.
"The types of issues will run the gamut, depending on the individual and what happened to them previously," said the social worker. "Some might struggle with anxiety and depression. Others might be openly defiant or physically aggressive. Others may struggle with impulse control. These are war veterans, regardless of what side they were on. They will continually worry not only about themselves, but their old lives and the connections they may have lost: their friends; their families. Many of whom may not be with us any longer. They will be exhausted from all of this emotion…"
Research carried out by Hargrove School of Medicine found that former Venomian military personnel developed post-traumatic stress disorders at almost twice the rate of Cornerian combat veterans. And research by the StarTrauma Academy in Corneria City shows that pre-adult trauma or a chaotic childhood can disrupt brain development in multiple and complicated ways.
"...These anomalies in brain development may cause a persistent and pervasive unusually high fight-or-flight response that can include attention issues and oppositional defiant behaviors," the social worker explained. Or they might develop a dissociative response that can give credence to detachment and withdrawal behaviors.
Alicia was thirty nine, already had two great children, and had fostered and/or adopted several others in the past fifteen years. Most of them were older, in their teens. She'd harboured a fear of having more of her own children, since the death of Taissa at eight months from Sickle Cell Anemia. Derek blamed her for it, not knowing how else to handle it, and that was the major nail in the coffin. Of course, she knows the basis of her fears are ludicrous, but she'd been running away from those deep, dark parts of herself for this long; why not burn the calories and keep running? Besides, if motherhood was no longer on the table for her, why not explore other ways to sate her maternal instincts?
Derek fought in The War, and thought this whole thing was nuts: the idea of a program to absorb them into Cornerian society, let alone a Venomian sharing a home with Alicia and their children. But she still wished he was there with her. Nothing scared him - not even an unruly Venomian.
"Hosting them might be challenging - it could be like having a rowdy teenager. They might test patience and boundaries. For example, they might steal your car in the middle of the night."
Alicia felt a little nervous - until she remembered doing things like that when she was a teen herself.
"Another example: a family took in a Venomian ape girl, ten years old, and she set the backyard hedges on fire…"
What? A fire? As in combustion, smoke, flames? That sounded terrifying. But then, Alicia remembered when she accidentally burned down her aunt and cousins' home when she was eight after playing with a lighter in the closet.
"It isn't unheard of for there to be accusations of sexual violence, either from the host or the one being hosted," the social worker continued. "In either case, an investigation will be required by law, from The Protective Services of Children and Families and/or the Corneria City Police Department, depending on the age of who you'll be hosting. If you are falsely accused, try not to let it rattle you. But if you yourself make a false accusation, then you will likely be dismissed from this program."
By the end of the meeting, Alicia darted out to her car in the parking lot. She wanted to cry. Not from sadness necessarily, but because this was all a lot to handle.
The social worker had spoken in no uncertain terms. He wanted prospective hosts to understand the challenges of living with a traumatized Venomian child or adult. The last thing social welfare workers want to do is place someone in a situation that they can't handle. Many people self-selected out of the process. Alicia almost did.
On one hand, misbehavior of a Venomian foster might simply be a child being a child (or a young adult being a young adult). When biological children and natural-born Cornerains act out, it's handled a certain way. With a Venomian, child or adult, foster or not, it's a different story. Because of the stigma, many of them make a poor decision, and the host says, "I can't handle this. They need to leave my home."
On the other hand, behavioral issues with this sector of society aren't the same as those who've been brought up in nurturing, abundant environments. It isn't something that happens once or twice. It's chronic, and it puts them and others in danger.
One key feature in addressing these health and behavioral issues, in addition to providing a stable, safe environment for as long as possible, is to understand the root cause of the behavior.
"Sensory issues can look like defiance, but it's not. For example, a child might act out because they miss their parents. A phone call - if possible - can help them cope with regulating their overwhelming emotions," the social worker said during the meeting. "Hosts need to educate themselves on positive disciplining techniques that address the behavior and root cause."
He assured Alicia and the rest of the potential hosts that they could develop a real relationship with them, and that the size of the problem might look bigger in print than it actually is. Still, Alicia was trepid about taking on this task.
Over time, Alicia's life didn't feel incomplete from a lack of children or child-care obligations. It felt full with meaningful connections and work she loved. Yet, she always returned to the thoughts of fostering and hosting, especially when she heard news and statistics of Venomian children that have been orphaned by The War, how many struggle to find stability and solidarity whether it be on their homeworld or Corneria. How many of them are born into dysfunctional environments as a result of circumstances out of their control; resorting to substances and violence to cope. The reports keep bringing her back to the crisis at hand.
Alicia's friend, Amber Rose, a lawyer and advocate for battered women and children, has dedicated her life to her work. She said that she has seen outstanding improvements in the behaviors of Venomians, especially children, when given the same opportunities that others have, such as a chance to learn to play an instrument or attend summer camp. She even opened a non-profit called Smiles for a Change so children could get orthodontic services and arranges for scholarships for after-school activities.
"Kids especially need love, safety, and support, and they need opportunities and resources that other kids inadvertently take advantage of, such as a chance to go to a theme park, or prescription glasses," Amber said once.
There is a big debate as to how to best handle those in this program who have been handled incorrectly. Ideall, resources should be poured into those who are susceptible to things like homelessness, poverty, substance abuse, and mental health concerns. The real world is full of those who need safety and love right now, and they should not be told to wait and put their lives on hold while everyone finds that perfect world for them, Amber concluded.
Amber's monologue turned out to have flipped the script on Alicia. It opened her eyes to the hard truths of reality without making her despair. After hearing her friend's thoughts, Alicia walked away with an important understanding: being a host or foster parent to a Venomian might be hard, but being a Venomian might be harder.
In the past summer, Alicia had signed up for this program. In class, she learned about all of the different situations - good, bad, and ugly - she might face: how to handle a repeat runaway; what to do if one acts out by constantly getting fired from employment for behavioral issues; what to do if one, removed from a home because of hoarding, ends up introducing bed bugs.
Alicia didn't have all the answers, but she did have some: if they want to run away, let them go, and call the police; address the self-esteem and anger issues with their social worker and therapist; and pest control is just a phone call away. She's gaining confidence she'll learn what she needs to learn. Receiving proper training is helpful, support groups exist, and the program has a hotline. Even so, there are points where the fear of behavioral issues crept back.
"Lock up your prized possessions," the social worker once warned.
There are moments where Alicia glanced at the door. Her running shoes were on her feet. Alicia wondered whether the most difficult choice isn't going to be anything like how to handle a grown man who wets the bed, or an eight year old who slashes the sofa with a blade. The most difficult decision is the one she faced right then:
The decision to stay.