This story ha been knocking around my head in many forms for too long now. I have versions of it that are based off Kyoko being pushed into some growth, but ultimately I think everyone in the community is ready for a more mature version of Kyoko. So let's watch her retrospectively talk about her healing journey. I'm not a therapist, and although I write for a living this is my first time writing a story that feels important to me in a long time, so please be gentle with your feedback.

******* Chapter 1 *******

Time stood still she couldn't breathe for herself anymore it was like her stomach had imploded. Kyoko did the only thing she could think of, she ran to her bike.

Kyoko peddled faster. Her breath and occasional tears mixed with her sweat to serve as a concentration of fog in the already crisp Tokyo air. She didn't notice that other pedestrians, and cyclists stood still momentarily and then somehow shifted around her too. Everyone felt so suddenly alone, and like they were stuck in a void that they could not get out off. The feeling didn't leave them after she passed.

Her tears started to fall now. She couldn't think. How could she be so stupid? Not again. She didn't know who to talk to. She thought of Taishou and Okami and Kanye but could they relate? Rain or Coon with Corn? Whatever his name was. How could she be so stupid? She helped betrayed a similar to the way she felt betrayed after Sho but worse. They had been friends for over 5 years now, and in all that time she had felt like the stupid invalid Kohai. But recently with the new intimacy co-ordinator acting as a therapist on set she felt like slowly she was walking through a swamp at night. She could feel the light coming, but the last few months of noticing those around her, and looking back on her acting career with actual support felt different. With Kanye's help and the Taisho and Okami... she finally felt like she could give up on the idea of perfection. With that came the belief that she deserved better. She didn't deserve to be pushed around, and put in situations with men old enough to be charged for sexual assault as an adult, when she was still a minor.

She had never appreciated why Kanye left LME as soon as she could afford to... but she did now. The Love Me Section was basically a set up by the president, and his God- son as a buffet for entertainment staff to profit off their hard work. If Takada really wanted to help ... he would have given them mental health support earlier. Provided them with good managers, helped them all focus on their careers. Not put them in risky situations with no benefit or recognition to further their careers.

She knew she deserved better. She had finally had enough. She couldn't really think straight. She knew that Darumaya would always be home to her. The Taisho and Okami felt like her parents. They provided her with unconditional safety whilest still expressing their worries. They never judged her and would often go out of their way to show support for her at events. But she didn't know if she wanted to work in the service sector again. She had fun cooking food for other people…but was that just her and her ... perfectionist? Kyoko exhaled. She didn't know what to think. She wanted some space.

She was trepidatious about her upcoming audition for Bridge Rock. She didn't currently have that many permanent projects going now, and the series she was working on would funnily enough be finishing in the next few weeks. She had never been a big spender... not that LME had increased her pay by much due to the "Love me Tasks" but she could afford to slow down for a couple of weeks, and due to her time as Aya she knew that she could create a character to push back more during negotiations. She had begun in recent months to understand how much marketing power she really bought to a project, and if she really tried to understand social media more that might help too.

She took a deep breath and slowed down. The void like feeling was still there but she had space, and focus. She could do this. She had an audition and she could cancel, but somehow she felt like Bridge Rock was home. She missed the calming steadiness the laughter with the Ishibashi brothers provided her.

She looked around and noticed that she was near the Bridge Rock studios, and she tried to gather her wits about her like an old itchy polyester cloak. She looked and felt that it was early enough that she could possible get away with going to the greenroom before her audition without making it seem like something was wrong. ... So it was decided then. Off to the studios she would go. She tucked her head back in after she started noticing people going a bit slower than usual. She focused on putting on the cloak that was her public persona, and cycled at a more sedate rhythm trying to enjoy the crisp air before it got too cold to cycle again. She looked down at her wardrobe and noticed that she had somehow managed to leave her big thick coat somewhere, and started to feel the cold seep into her skin a little more. She leaned into the next few turns. Steadying her heart for what was to come.