Sweet Surrender: Transgressions

Chapter I: Running Away

The dawn was breaking over the sapphire waters of the Aegean Sea. Out the window, Xena could see the morning sky pinkening on the horizon. Ares still slept. Long sleeps were a rarity for him and Xena let him have the indulgence even though she wanted to pepper wet kisses along the strong cord of his neck. Tiptoeing out of bed, she made her way over to the wardrobe and retrieved a silken black robe. She decided a walk around the island compound was in order. Xena belted the robe, poured herself a cup of water, swigged it down, and grabbed a bronze oil lamp before quietly slipping out of the bedroom.

As she padded barefoot down the corridor leading to the courtyard, Xena realized that she hadn't come down this path since the first night Ares had brought her to the palace. Their time had been spent between the bedroom and the bathhouse grotto. Of course, she'd wanted to take in the rest of the complex but it always felt like they didn't have enough time, like she was always rushing to get back to Gabrielle. This was the first morning that she had the freedom to just explore the place.

The black slate walls of the hallway were adorned with erotic paintings. Xena remembered catching glimpses of them before but her need for him that night, as most nights, had been too pressing to warrant a gallery showing. Now, as she stood looking at the images of her and Ares in the throes of passion, she blushed. Xena had to tilt her head to understand what was happening in one particular panel. Well, who knew that Ares had studied the Kama Sutra? She'd only seen pictures like that in India. Maybe when he woke up they'd try out a position or two, Xena mused.

The flame in the oil lamp danced as Xena continued on down the hallway toward the courtyard. Xena studied the small flicker of light and marveled at how the tiniest speck could illuminate the darkness. It reminded her of the flame that she'd carried within her for years. She wondered what recess of her dark soul had harbored and sheltered the embers of her love. Whatever alcove had secreted it, she solemnly thanked it. Xena had denied her feelings for years, telling herself they were wrong, dangerous even. That he was vile, corrupt, not capable of love. But he did love. Ares loved her, of that she was certain. When Xena reached the central atrium, she no longer needed the oil lamp. She blew the flame out gently and placed on a stone bench that had been carved near the juncture of the main corridor and the soft light of early morning brought the room to life. Rich green ivy wrapped itself around chalk white marble columns reaching toward the cloudless sky that was the room's only ceiling. The crystal clear water in the fountain trickled lazily, singing its eternal song. Xena found herself awed by the beautiful frieze Ares had crafted that told the story of her life. Xena re-read the tale. The sun broke the horizon at the precise moment that her eyes landing on the golden apple. Bright rays brought the fruit to glittering light. Her forever was there, she only had to reach out and take it. One day, she hoped that she would deserve it, but that day was not today. She still had too many sins to pay for. Though she'd walked the path of redemption for years, atonement eluded her yet.

Xena ripped her gaze away from the pull of the apple and splashed cold water from the fountain on her face. Her stomach growling made her wonder if Ares had had the foresight to give the place a kitchen when he was designing it. Xena tried one of the other doors that led away from the courtyard. The long hallway was lined with doors on either side. Xena peeked into the first door, it was a bedroom. Two more rooms turned out to be bedrooms, as well. They were simple and sparsely furnished. It didn't take a genius to know that they were meant to be quarters for servants. The rooms gave Xena hope, if he had considered having staff here, at some point, then there would definitely be a kitchen, and hopefully one with food.

Finally, Xena reached the last doorway, at the very end of the hall. She turned the silver handle and pushed it open. Xena gasped. It was a nursery. A blood red crib was draped with white chiffon. A rocking cradle, the same color, sat next to the crib. In the corner by the fireplace was a rocking chair crafted from the blackest ebony wood that Xena had ever seen. An ebony chest with silver buckles sat at the foot of the crib. Xena lifted the heavy lid. A single blanket was folded in the bottom. On the other end of the room, sat a wardrobe. Xena opened the large door. It was vacant. A lever in the back of the wardrobe caught Xena's eye. She fingered the catch. Suddenly, she felt the floor moving. Xena realized that she was standing on a rotatable panel, as the floor turned. When she came to a stop, she was standing in the castle's true master suite. The differences between it and the suite they'd been fucking in were night and day. The sun poured into the room from six floor-to-ceiling windows, lemony yellow curtains flapped in the seabreeze. Thick bunches of white orchids and golden daffodils grew in planters than sat between the windows. The Elysian fields hadn't smelled as sweet. There was a sitting area with white velvet couches and chairs on golden frames. Fat, plush cushions begged Xena to sink into them. A vanity sat near one of the large west-facing windows, it was delicately carved, painted white and trimmed in solid gold. A huge king sized bed dominated the room. It's massive white oak headboard had a ram's head emblazoned in its center. Xena knew she'd seen too much. Ares hadn't meant to show her this, yet. This was his dream for them. This was how he envisioned forever. Xena wanted to run from the room, from the island, from him. It was all too much, she didn't deserve any of it. Still, she couldn't quit exploring the paradise. She meandered over to the closet. Dresses in blues, purples, golds, and whites filled the space. They were exquisite, she'd only seen such frocks on the likes of Aphrodite. These were for his queen. For her. All she had to do was say the word.

Xena shook her head and walked to the double doors on the south wall that opened out onto a balcony. The view was heart-stopping. The azure Aegean lapped at the black shores of their own private world. This was wrong. How could she even think about living in such finery when there were people starving? People, like Rina and Aleta who had to sell their bodies just to make ends meet? How could she make him understand that her transgressions barred her from ever being able to relax into a life of plenty. Would he ever understand the extent of her monstrosity? No. He couldn't. He was a god. He'd been born to this and better. In her heart, she knew that living here would be a sacrifice to him. He was willing to give up Olympus to live here with her.

Xena had to give him credit. Ares had been trying. He'd built the hospice, the academy, and the retirement home for mariners. It irked her that his actions had been motivated by his desire to win her rather than his need to help humanity. Still, she was glad he was moving in the right direction. The need to see him was suddenly overwhelming. She found the main exit to the master suite and followed the corridor that led away from it. This hallway was decorated with master paintings and bronze statuary. Xena could feed a village for a year with one painting. When she reached the central courtyard, she headed down the hallway that she knew led back to the playroom. Her growling stomach would have to wait. Her soul was hungrier than her gut. She needed to see Ares.

Xena opened the door to find him sitting shirtless at the latrones table maneuvering the pieces around.

When he saw the direction from which she'd come, he looked at her in surprise. "Oh, I assumed you were enjoying a bath."

"Ares."

"Everything okay?" The look on her face scared him. He couldn't place it. It wasn't anger, it wasn't disappointment, it wasn't disgust. It was, what? Regret? Sorrow? What had happened?

"What's going on, Xena?"

"I - I - uh went exploring . . ." She stammered.

He held up his hand to stop her. He knew what she'd seen. His face flushed red. He'd wanted to share those things with her, but not yet. Ares mentally scolded himself for not putting locks on those doors. "Before you start, there's no pressure. I don't expect. Look, this is my dream world, my fantasy. A place I can come and just pretend we are - - you know - normal."

"That's just it, Ares. None of this is normal. Most people don't live like this. I know this is a step down for you but for most this is. . this is heaven."

Ares locked in his eyes on hers. "Is it heaven? Is it heaven for you, Xena?"

Tears spilled from her eyes. "Gods, yes. This is heaven. You, this, a family. Of course this is heaven but Ares. . ."

"You can stop right there," his jaw twitched, "I can fill in the rest, Oh, Ares, I've killed so many, the pain, the suffering. . . yeah, I get it."

"No, you don't or you wouldn't belittle it. Do you know how many innocents?" Xena shook her head.

"Xena, there are no innocents."

"I think we have reached an impasse on that account." She sighed and held her head down.

"So you want me to take you back, is that it? If I can't accept your self-judgement then I can't have you." Ares sat back in his chair forgetting about the latrones pawns.

"I didn't say that." She protested.

"Then what?" He asked.

Xena walked over to the sideboard and grabbed an apricot then joined him at the table.

"Let's just keep things the way they are for now, okay? I am comfortable with this. I can't promise you more. I need to work on forgiving myself."

"Have you forgiven me?"

"Forgiven, yes, Forgotten no."

"What does that mean?" Ares started moving the pawns around again.

"That's not going to work, Not with that mountain range there." Xena pointed at the map. "The enemy could split into smaller forces and attack from here and here. That's assuming your army here is fighting in phalanx formation."

"What if the army you were fighting were Romans?"

"How many cavalry?"

"One unit. Veterans all."

"Archers?" Xena sat down and started shifting the opposing army.

"Yes, three hundred."

"Ouch," Xena grimaced.

"Are you going to answer my question? What does it mean that you haven't forgotten?"

"It means, Ares that as much as I don't hold all the things you've done against me, it is still hard for me to trust that you won't hurt me again. But the hardest thing is knowing that we have diametrically opposed worldviews."

"What, you mean the innocence thing?"

"Yes. Ares, war hurts people and not just the combatants."

"So you don't think war can ever be used for good?"

"I didn't say that. I think that war can be used for the greater good but someone is always going to get hurt and some of those someones will invariably be innocents."

"So, I should hate myself the way that you do."

"I don't hate myself. I don't hate you. I just do my best everyday to minimize the suffering of others. I live to seek justice, to right the wrongs."

"Even if you are not responsible for those wrongs?"

"We all share responsibility for the world we inhabit. If we want to live in a better world then we have to create a better world."

"I see," Ares nodded.

"Do you?"

"I understand the logic behind what you are saying. But. ."

"But you're a god. I don't expect you to get it. And, I am saying that that is okay as long as you respect my choices to fight for the good of others." She wanted to run into his arms and just forget this whole conversation but this was the hard work. If they were ever going to have happily ever after, they had to get through this.

"You're never going to find it, are you?"

"What?"

"Redemption. I'm fighting a losing battle, aren't I?"

"I dont' know. That's not something I can answer. I seek it everyday."

"You feel guilty for being here right now, don't you?"

"Yes,"

"Because you're with me and I am bad?" He asked for clarification.

"No, because Rina's murderer is still out there. He raped and killed her and then dumped her in the toilet, Ares. It doesn't get uglier than that. And I wasn't able to find him."

"What's his name?" Ares sat up in his seat. This was something he could fix.

"Ander."

"What does he look like?"

"I'm not asking you to find him, Ares."

"I gave her the gold that got her killed, not you."

"I told you to." Xena reminded.

"I can't win with you," he shook his head. "What are you doing here?" He pointed to her placement of a troop of soldiers on the latrones map.

"Split your spearmen. Send your javeliners and your bowmen up this ridge. They can rain down on the archers from above while the bulk of your spearers rush in headlong against their cavalry. It's a suicide mission essentially for them but if they can diminish the Roman's numbers and create confusion among the horses, then your main body of men has a chance in hand to hand combat."

"I miss you," he smiled.

"Why because I just sent a group of men to certain death in order to win a battle?"

"Yes, because you always see the bigger picture. Whether those men live or die doesn't matter to the final victory They will have served their purpose and victory will be ensured."

"Those men may not matter to you Ares but they matter to their mothers, their wives, their daughters and sons."

"They will have died an honorable death."

"But they will be dead all the same. Who's gonna help with the harvest? Pay the rent? The men may not be innocents but their families are, Ares. There is no victimless war."

"White flag," he waved his hand back in forth in the air.

Xena smiled. "White flag," she answered and knocked the soldiers down. "Let's do the one thing we can agree on."

Ares grinned but it was for Xena's sake. A part of him knew that she was never going to achieve the redemption she sought. It rankled him that she didn't give herself enough credit for the things she'd done in the name of good. Still, he knew it would be a waste of a beautiful morning to keep beating a dead horse. Ares reached for her hand across the table and urged her over onto his lap. "And what is it we agree on, my sweet Xena?"

Xena leaned in to kiss him. But she came up short as Ares ran his hand up her back and fisted his hand firmly in the hair at the base of her head. "No kisses yet. Uh-huh, you haven't made me an answer. What is it we can agree on?"

"Fucking," Xena whispered.

"Fucking, Sir," Ares reminded with a tug at her hair.

"Fucking, Sir," Xena corrected.

"Mmmm, that's better. I'm assuming we are resuming this little game, unless. . . . unless, of course, you want to go to the other room. It would be different in there. Not just fucking." Ares moved his free hand along her inner thigh, up under the silk robe.

Xena closed her eyes. She could picture them there on the ram's head bed, making love in the soft morning light. Kissing, holding, whispering, promising. She wasn't ready for that yet. Xena pointed to the bed beside them in the playroom with its wrist cuffs and various other ties.

"Fucking it is, then," Ares growled. Ares stood up and took her with him. He walked them to the bed and laid her down on her back. Nimbly, he untied the belt at her waist and peeled back the fabric to either side. Ares slipped the belt out from under her and ran the silk along her smooth belly, across her sex, and down her legs. "Your legs, Xena. So powerful and deadly, but so graceful and beautiful." Ares wrapped the silk around her ankles, securing them fast together. He waved his hand over the binding a golden sparks played across the silk. Xena tested the knot, it was unbreakable, he'd sealed it with his powers. The feeling of being captive thrilled her. Ares turned her body so that she laid crosswise on the end of the bed, facing the headboard. Ares stood at the foot of the bed behind her. "You know the one thing I don't like about your legs?" Ares asked.

"No, sir," Xena answered.

"They are always taking you away from me." Ares walked to the bedside table and picked up a small urn. He tipped it over and golden-green olive oil poured into his palm.

Xena didn't respond. She only watched as he walked around her to take up his position behind her again. With his right hand, Ares pushed her face to look forward. "No peeking."

Xena was surprised at how warm the oil felt as he slicked it between her thighs, coating them generously. She heard the catch on his pants coming loose and knew he had pulled himself from his pants. She ached to reach around and take his cock in her hands. But she knew that would warrant a punishment. "I think I'm going to have to teach these legs of yours a lesson, my sweet." Ares said as Xena felt his head prodding at the space where the flesh of her thighs met. "Tense your muscles, Xena," Ares ordered. Xena did as asked. Ares pushed hard against her clenching thighs. "Just like that baby, keep flexing," he breathed and then he went to town fucking her thighs with the same ferocity that he usually fucked her pussy. Xena looked down and could see his head coming through with every thrust.

"You want it, don't you?"

"Yes," Xena whimpered and reached for him.

"Uh-huh," Ares smacked her ass. "Gotta teach these legs a lesson," his breathing was growing more erratic as he neared orgasm. "Mmmmm"

Xena licked her lips watching his head, in and out, in and out, growing impossibly fatter with every pass. It was a dark plum now and Xena wanted to pop it into her mouth. Ares pushed down hard on her leg pressing her top thigh roughly against her bottom one. "Flex, Xena."

She squeezed as hard as she could.

"Yes," Ares grunted as he forced his cock through her legs one last time, coming all over the front of her legs and the black silk robe that had bunched up beneath her.

Ares held on to her hip to steady himself as he recovered from his orgasm. After a few seconds, He popped one leg playfully. "That'll teach you to run from me." He waved his hand and the silk binding on her feet gave way and slinked onto the floor. Ares crawled onto the bed next to Xena and rolled her onto her back. "Now, I'm gonna have a word with pussy," Ares kissed her on the lips and then smiled as he slid down to make good on his promise.