Harry Potter, Squatter
By Enterprise1701_d
Chapter 64
Harry stood, by himself, in the spacious garden behind the temple of Helios. They'd shared breakfast, and Harry had the impression that the half-faded deity adored the fact that Harry still used his temple as a not-so-secret hideaway.
Still, needs must, and Harry was determined to figure out Hammerspace.
He'd spent days working on the runic array he needed to build himself a pocket of Hammerspace, and today was the day he was actually going to execute it.
Ignoring the little thought at the back of his mind that reminded him he was supposed to ask Marduk for pointers – before the ancient mage had whisked them off on some horrific adventure – Harry started building Shen and threw the energy at the mental construct of runes.
It seemed to work, too, as the energy vanished into the construct and Harry could feel something taking form.
But then the feeling vanished and nothing happened.
Frowning, the young demigod looked left and right as if he'd somehow misplaced a pocket of subspace, yet he saw nothing.
Well, maybe it had worked and the Hammerspace was just completely undetectable, as Justin had told him. He shrugged, and threw some Shen at the invocation construct.
Sticking his hand out, he saw it vanish. He pulled it back. Nothing happened to it – it was fine.
"Yes! It worked!" he whooped, before conjuring a newspaper – the Conjured Times again – and stuck it in the pocket. It vanished, even as Harry pulled his hand back and invoked the closing construct.
He waved his arm; it didn't vanish. The pocket was inaccessible.
"Neat!" he crowed, before opening the pocket again and sticking his hand in. The newspaper came out easily. "Whoop! It worked!" he cheered, doing a silly dance of victory.
Feeling Helios' amusement, he froze immediately and tried to hide his blush. "Ahem," he fake-coughed, as if he hadn't just been doing the Dance of Victory. He stuck his hand into the still-open pocket of Hammerspace, trying to get a feel for how big it was.
His hand touched something, and Harry froze in confusion.
What the…
He pulled the object out, and frowned as he looked at the item present in a, supposedly, empty and newly-created Hammerspace pocket.
After years of being stuck in a cupboard, Harry's exposure to the mortal world was limited to a couple of hours of TV shows and movies a week, and almost a full school year of a very private, exclusive, magical boarding school in Scotland.
But even he recognized a padded jewelry box, like the kinds that people stored wedding or engagement rings in.
For a moment he wondered if one of the gods he knew was playing a prank on him; he definitely could see Hermes doing that.
He opened the box.
Empty, of course.
Harry snorted; this was starting to look more and more like Hermes was playing a joke on him, especially with all the comments he made about Zoë at every poker night.
He closed the box back up. Still, better make sure there was nothing else in the pocket so he stuck his hand in again.
And retrieved an envelope. It was addressed to him, too.
Harry Potter, Temple of Helios back yard.
Harry suppressed a laugh. Now definitely assured that his grandfather was playing a joke on him, he opened it, and retrieved the letter from inside. The smile on his face froze.
Self,
When I felt the box for my engagement ring vanish this morning, I remembered what had happened when I was your age, and I remembered the letter my future self wrote me.
Anyway, you may want to include a time-relative component into your Hammerspace and activation constructs, not just a space-relative one. The pocket exists outside of time as well as space, and without such a component you'll end up accessing some random point in time of the Hammerspace pocket's existence.
Harry looked up from the letter. That sounded like a great way to cheat with future knowledge!
And I can hear you thinking about cheating with future knowledge. A strongly worded piece of advice – DON'T!
There is a reason why seers and prophecies are worded in riddles. Definite future knowledge, and acting upon said knowledge, will result in a space-time paradox. Those are messy. And deadly. There's a reason why every pantheon of gods has Fates, or equivalent, to protect against such things.
And before you ask, yes, of course Marduk's an exception. When is that man not an exception? Still – unless you live to be 25,000 years old, you are not an exception. So include the time component, alright?
Harry swallowed, and nodded. Yes, he was going to include the component. The mere mention of the Fates made him shiver for some reason.
Anyway, before you do that, please return the box of my engagement ring. Yes, we kept it. We're sappy like that. Get used to it.
Harry frowned, not having considered until now that an engagement ring meant marriage. Which meant the disgusting perverted stuff, too. Was everyone right, and was he going to turn into a pervert?
And I can hear you thinking about the perverted stuff. Don't worry. I ended up marrying the woman of my dreams, and she hasn't molested me yet. We've been happily married for decades now, and I'm still good friends with Artie – so let that put your mind at ease. If you turn out to be me, you'll be fine.
Oh, and remember – at some point, if you feel your engagement ring box vanish from your Hammerspace, write a letter like this, and help out your younger self. Just don't give any specifics. Space-time paradoxes again.
Anyway, see you in a decade or three or so, when you look in the mirror.
The message was signed, Your older self.
Harry grinned, folded it, put it back in the envelope, and put the ring box back in the Hammerspace pocket before closing it up.
Closing his eyes, he focused inward, looked at the construct to open Hammerspace, and added the time-relative component his older self had suggested. Now modified, he re-opened Hammerspace and felt inside.
It was completely empty. No ring box, despite him having deposited it mere moment earlier, showing that he had successfully connected to the completely empty version of the pocket he had created half an hour ago.
He put the Conjured Times back in the pocket and closed it up again. Silently, he counted 60 seconds before re-opening it. The paper was still there, and the pocket was still empty except for it.
He whooped again, ignoring surreality of the entire thing. As far as he was concerned, it was just another morning. He vanished the Conjured Times, and put the message of his older self in Hammerspace instead. He was going to keep it, as a testament to avoiding paradoxes. And who knows, maybe in a few decades, it would come in handy for his younger self.
0000
It was late May now, and the mandrakes had matured enough for use. Remembering the push from his probability senses, and freshly equipped with a Hammerspace pocket that could store things indefinitely, Harry was now bent over a cauldron in the potions lab.
Despite it being a Sunday.
He was going to brew this potion, the Mandrake Restorative Draught, and he was going to store it in his Hammerspace pocket. If his probability senses told him he needed them, then he was going to listen.
Those senses had to be listened to.
"And just what do you think you are doing, Potter?"
Harry blinked, yanked forcibly from his pleasant buzz of pure focus, and looked up from the cauldron. Professor Snape had his arms crossed and was glaring – if Harry weren't used to Athena's glares, he would probably be intimidated by the mortal man's look.
"I'm brewing Mandrake Restorative Draught, Professor," Harry replied honestly and politely, completely ignoring the man's angry look.
The Potions Master strode over and almost-but-not-quite stuck his nose in the cauldron, then straightened up and looked at Harry. His glare was still in place. "You are on step seven?" he demanded.
Harry nodded. "Yes, sir," he answered, still not the least bit intimidated. When you were used to gods glaring at you, no mortal could ever hope to intimidate you.
Snape gave a sharp nod. "And just why are you brewing an advanced potion?" he demanded next.
This put Harry into a bit of a bind; he couldn't very well acknowledge that he had divine inspiration for future events. "It just seemed like fun, Sir," he said instead. Because yes, potions were fun – Hestia's own brand of magic if ever there was one. He could happily lose hours stirring cauldrons just like he could spend hours in the kitchen.
Snape narrowed his eyes further, as if trying to determine where he was being cheeky and making fun of the subject.
Harry didn't move for a few moments, then turned. "Sorry, sir, I need to do the next step now." Completely ignoring the Potions Master glaring at him from the side, Harry turned to his workstation, and carefully moved the next ingredient into the cauldron before performing a gentle stirring motion.
The book said to stir clockwise, but Harry kept an eye on the potion and when he saw the ingredients start to react too vigorously, he stopped stirring entirely, before making a single counter-clockwise motion to slow the reaction and give the potion time to stabilize.
It was as intricate as temperature control was while tempering chocolate.
Harry loved it.
Snape remained silent until the reaction finished and the potion needed to sit for a few moments.
"You are adept at the Art of Potions," Snape stated, sounding as if he hated admitting it.
"Mom loved potions," Harry admitted. "I read it in her letters. And I love brewing," he added while keeping an eye on the brew. It had to simmer for a few minutes but that didn't mean it couldn't still separate.
The dour professor was silent for a few moments, looking at the cauldron. "Your base is stabilized," he said. "It is easy from here on."
Harry looked up, and gave a faint smile. "That's no reason not to pay attention. It's my first attempt after all," he answered.
Snape's glare weakened, and he gave another sharp nod. "Very well," he spoke, before turning around and striding to his desk. His robes billowed impressively and Harry stored it for future reference, that looked like a neat piece of magic.
Snape sat down at his desk. "I have some grading to do," he said. "Try not to bother me."
"Of course, sir," Harry said, turning back to the book and the potion. Despite everything, the young demigod had the impression that Snape didn't really have a lot of grading to do and was instead keeping an eye out and making himself available should Harry have questions.
He smiled to himself, trying to make sure that the professor didn't see it. Snape was a lot like Athena, he figured – neither suffered fools in their presence, but both were willing to help those that worked for it.
He rubbed his chin for a moment while studying the next step. As the professor had said, the next few steps were easy ones, but it wouldn't do to screw up a potion with carelessness.
And it was, after all, his first attempt at brewing the potion. He knew from experience that making complicated recipes had a way of curdling or separating on you when you became over-confident.
He didn't want that to happen, especially with the professor basically looking over his shoulder.
0000
"How did you do it?" Justin asked as they left the Potions Laboratory.
"Do what?" Harry asked, wondering what his friend was talking about.
"Snape," Justin said, as if it explained everything. Then, he actually did explain everything by adding, "Everyone else's potion got examined and stared at it, as if he's hoping to find a fault. Yours? He barely looked at yours and gave you full marks for the day."
"Oh, that," Harry said.
"Yes, that," Justin replied with a snicker. "Come on, man. Share the wealth!"
The other first-year Hufflepuffs had crowded around Harry now, having heard the subject of the conversation and hoping to get their share of the wealth. And if a couple of Ravenclaws who had dropped eaves listened in, Harry wasn't about to rat them out.
"Well," the young demigod started explaining, "it goes like this. Snape caught me in the lab one Sunday afternoon. I was brewing some Mandrake Restorative Draught, because I was bored and I like cooking, and like I said, Snape caught me. He tried to intimidate me, but his intimidation check failed because I was focused on the recipe and not him."
Justin and his other Dungeons and Dragons buddies chuckled at the description, while Harry continued to explain. "Anyway, we had a chat about the potion and the fact that I like Potions and stuff, and he sat himself down at his desk pretending he had grading to do. After I finished the potion, we had a long chat about the various ingredients and their potential reactions and stuff. It was fun."
The children that had gathered around him stared at him as if he were absolutely crazy.
"An afternoon – a Sunday afternoon – spent with Snape sounds like one of the circles of Hell," Justin stated, causing nods from most if not all of the surrounding students.
"Maybe you need to see Madam Pomphrey?" Susan suggested. "I think there might be something wrong with you."
"Very funny," Harry said with a sulking expression, before breaking down and snickering. "Still, like I said, I love cooking, and Potions is about as close to cooking as it comes. Except for the parts that are chemistry, of course. But still. It's a neat subject and I like it – hence me brewing on a lazy Sunday afternoon when I was bored."
He couldn't very well admit to divine forethought, so the 'bored' excuse would have to do.
"So it's another example of our Harry being Harry," Justin muttered. "And here I was hoping to an easy way to Snape's heart."
"If he even has one," a random student muttered from the small gathering.
"He does, and it is easy," Harry said. "Just be good at Potions."
He was the recipient of various foul looks from the gathered students. "No, really," he added, seeing their looks. "Look, Snape is a genius." They groaned at him before he could continue. "I mean it," Harry repeated. "Snape is a genius at Potions. Potions comes to him as easy as breathing. He just can't understand why it takes a normal student so much effort, or why a normal student can't see the – to him – obvious things. So he dismisses normal students as fools and dunderheads and blames our problems on lack of effort or lack of intelligence."
Susan grunted. "That explains quite a lot."
Harry nodded. "He's great with Potions, but he isn't a very good teacher, simply because he sees things and notices things and knows things that regular people don't – so he gets frustrated when regular students don't make the same leaps he does. Imagine you teaching a class on how to breathe, and you keep seeing people try to exhale without inhaling first. You'll probably get frustrated too."
There were various nods from the surrounding students, although the group was noticeably smaller now. Apparently quite a few students had wandered off once they realized Harry didn't, in fact, have a magical cure for Snape's behavior.
"I can see that," Susan said. "But if I see everyone making the same mistake over and over, I would make it a point to explain that people need to inhale first."
"Which is why you would make a good teacher," Harry answered. "Snape doesn't have the personality or the patience for it. But, take it from me, get him in his element, and he's a font of knowledge on the advanced topics. I could see him do well at a university, for example."
"What's a university?" Susan asked for the magical students.
"Advanced education," Justin answered her. "Like, taking studies after Hogwarts so the students would already know the basics and you can focus on the advanced stuff."
"Like going for a Mastery," Hannah replied, nodding. "Yeah, with what you said, Harry, I could see Snape doing well for a student doing a Mastery in Potions."
As they had been talking, they had wandered back up to the ground floor, and most of the other students had deserted them. It was just Harry and his group of friends now, simply having a chat about their fearsome (and feared) Potions Professor.
"There he is!" Someone shouted, drawing the small group's attention. Harry swallowed and dismissed the first thought that came to his mind – that this was going to end badly.
Melinoe, Goddess of Ghosts, strode through the halls of Hogwarts as if she owned the place. She was dressed in a Hogwarts Uniform that was decidedly against the rules, as it included a corset in the bodice, and her skirt had too much lace in it. It looked like a Gothic-Steampunk version of a Hogwarts Uniform.
Apparently, she had decided that she was part of whatever House Harry was in, as the skull stud in her left nostril was now black metal with yellow eyes, and her top lip had golden lipstick while her bottom one had pure black lipstick.
"Hi Mel!" Harry greeted her, having decided that he better get along with her insanity. Resistance was futile, after all.
She grabbed him in a hug and practically lifted him off the floor. "See? I told you I'd come and visit!" she declared, putting him down and releasing him. "So, are these your little friends?"
Harry nodded. "Mel, these are Justin, Susan, Hannah, Sally-Anne, and Ernie. Everyone, this is Melinoe."
"The princess you saved?" Justin asked, before realizing he was probably being rude in front of said princess.
"Princess? What have you been telling about me, Harry?" Mel asked with a chortle.
"Apparently someone in the magical world's writing books about my life, and they wrote I saved you from a castle somewhere. I had to correct a lot of people because it was a cave, not a castle. And your dad is, technically, a king, so…"
"So I'm technically a princess," Mel said with a nod and a giggle. "I can live with that."
"It is an honor to meet you, Your Highness," Susan said, the first of his friends to regain their wits. She managed a perfectly good curtsy, too.
Mel waved it off. "Friends of Harry's are friends of mine," she declared, before the smile froze on her face. "Until they prove otherwise, of course." The mortals froze as the temperature in Hogwarts seemed to drop suddenly.
"Mel, please don't scare my friends," Harry asked with a sigh.
Melinoe chortled again. "Just making sure they know to stay on my good side," she answered.
Trying desperately to distract her from permanently scarring his friends, Harry asked, "How's the Overlook doing?"
Like a leaf on the breeze, her mood shifted, and she smiled widely. "Absolutely brilliant! I have a six month waiting list already, and some people are even offering twice my rates to be bumped up. The place is a goldmine!"
"Mel has a small hotel in the Rocky Mountains," Harry explained to his friends.
"It's the scariest hotel in existence," Mel reported proudly. "People can't wait to test their bravery against it, it's awesome." She grabbed Harry in a kind of grapple-hug and pressed him against her chest. "And it's all thanks to this one who freed me and gave me the idea!"
"Aww," Hannah vocalized at the cute scene, before realizing what she was doing.
"That's our Harry," Justin replied with a nod, hoping to cover Hannah's faux-pas. Hufflepuffs stood by each other, after all.
Melinoe, feared Goddess of Ghosts, bane to many mortals, laughed. "You have interesting friends, Harry," she told the boy she had still pressed to her chest. Deciding she'd used him for a stuffed animal long enough, she released him, and asked,"Say, how about I take you all out?"
"We have lessons-" Harry started to say.
"Pish-posh, you work too hard," Mel waved it off. "What that quaint little town called? Pigsbeer? I'm sure it has a pub or two we could drink dry."
"Hogsmeade," Harry answered. "And please don't drive my friends to alcohol."
"Why not?" Mel asked, actually, honestly, pouting. "Drunk people are fun!"
Harry had a very bad feeling about this situation. If Mel had her mind set on something… this could end up very bad. "Please remember last time," he pleaded.
Mel pouted harder. "Fiiine," she whined like the teenager she looked like.
"Ehm… what happened last time?" Justin asked, actually raising his hand as if he were in class and trying to answer a question.
Melinoe looked more than just a bit ashamed. She also looked like she didn't want to answer the question.
"Let's just say that alcohol poisoning is a thing," Harry replied. "And you don't need to know more."
Melinoe looked grateful at not having her screw-up spelled out for everyone to hear.
Harry's friends nodded, suddenly recognizing his very strong recommendation regarding alcohol and sticking to a single drink. It explained a lot.
"Instead of alcohol," Melinoe changed tack, "how about we try and buy out every shop in town? It'll be hilarious to see the shopkeeper's faces."
Harry sighed, at least a shopping spree didn't have the potential to end them all in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Because he didn't think that this time, he'd get away with an under-the-cover-of-darkness visit by Apollo.
"We still have lessons today," Harry tried to explain. "And we're not that rich."
"Meh," the Goddess of Ghost replied. "I have unlimited credit, you know that." She pointed to the ghost of Nearly Headless Nick, who had the misfortune of choosing that exact moment to float by. "Hey, you. Go tell your boss I'm taking these kids out for an afternoon of fun and games."
Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington was, among other things, the House Ghost of Gryffindor, House of the brave. He had simply been floating by, not suspecting a thing. When Mel therefore, pointed to him, and gave him an edict, he pointed to himself as if making sure that yes, she really was addressing him, and paled to a strange beige color that looked distinctly unhealthy on a ghost.
"Mel, manners," Harry muttered.
"But…!" the goddess protested.
"You know Hestia wants everyone to be polite," Harry said, refusing to give in to her kicked-puppy look. "Now, please say 'please' to Sir Nicholas," he finished, as if addressing a small child.
Mel frowned and glared at him, but he refused to back down. Eventually, she sighed. "You're taking all the fun out of this," she stated, before looking at Nick, who was still there, looking beige.
"Oh, wow," she said, taking a good look at Nick for the first time. "That sucks. Would you like me to fix it for you?" she asked.
Nick floated over carefully; well aware of who and what she was. "You mean it, My Lady?" he asked submissively. "I would love to fix my little… problem."
Mel grinned. "Want me to reattach it, or finish the job?" she asked, casually. Harry and his friends finally realized that Mel was talking about poor Nick's nearly-beheading, leading to his unfortunately nickname of Nearly Headless Nick.
Nick obviously hadn't considered the fact that his head could be reattached, and looked indecisive for a few moments. Finally, he answered "Please finish the job, My Lady."
"Sure," Mel said with a grin, and motioned with her hand through the unfortunate ghost's neck. "There, complete beheading."
Nick, excited, took his head with both his hands and lifted it clear off his shoulders. For the first time in hundreds of years, there was no flap of skin keeping it attached. "Thank you very much, My Lady!" the ghost shouted, excitedly. "I'll go deliver your message to the Headmaster straight away!"
Nick didn't even bother using the hallways and flew straight through the ceiling.
"That was a nice thing you did," Harry said with a grin. "But we still have-"
"It got me out of saying 'please'," Mel replied with a grin, ignoring him once more pointing out their lessons, and grabbing him in a headlock. "Now, come on, let's go see if we can't buy Hogsmeade dry," she said, turning around and walking to the entrance, Harry's head still in her hold and forcing him to keep up.
"Well," Justin said, "now we see why Harry said she's an experience."
"She really is a princess," Hannah muttered. "She doesn't take 'no' for an answer."
They all just nodded.
"Aren't you kiddos coming?" Mel demanded. "I'll come back and grab you all too, you know!"
"Better follow her, because that looked painful," Ernie decided, making them all nod in agreement and race to catch up to goddess and demigod.
0000
Harry sat the platter down in the middle of the table, ensuring that everyone would be able to get to the little platters of different tapas he'd made. He proceeded to turn to the bar, pour himself a shot of coffee liquor, and threw it down his throat.
With a groan, he sunk into his seat, massaging his temples.
"It's not like you to shoot alcohol like that," Hermes commented as he sat down, already grabbing himself some of the deliciously smelling food on the table.
"I sense a story," Thor stated as he casually walked out of the technicolor special effects of the Bifrost bridge. Seeing Harry rubbing his temples, the Norse god simply grabbed both some food and a seat and watched Harry expectantly.
"Is our young friend hungover?" Bai asked casually, strolling up as if he'd been there all along.
"No, not hungover," Harry said. "Although I wish I were – at least I'd have had some fun then."
"That definitely sounds like a story," Triton stated as he took a seat; the Messenger of the Seas never was one for dramatic entrances and had simply come in through the door.
Seeing his four godly friends stare at him, Harry nodded. "Mel decided to come for a visit."
"That is the Goddess of Ghosts vying for your heart, isn't it?" Thor asked. Harry shot the God of Thunder a nasty look.
"She's my friend," he replied, testily, making the four gods shoot grins at each other. Harry was so much fun to tease.
"And what's wrong with her coming for a visit?" Bai asked, completely ignoring Harry's nasty look.
"She came for a visit at Hogwarts," the young demigod grouched. "And beheaded one of the ghosts, albeit at his request, grabbed me and my friends, and dragged us off to Hogsmeade. Despite us having lessons. And she then proceeded to drag us to each and every shop, and tried to single-handedly destroy the economy of the Wizarding World by spending gold like water."
Hermes, Thor, and Bai laughed loudly while Triton had a very amused look on his face that may as well be laughter.
"Girls do that," Hermes said, still snickering.
"No, I mean it literally," Harry continued to grouch, now that he found no help or sympathy from his friends. "She spent so much gold that the value of it is bound to fall. I mean, remember Mansa Musa?"
"He's the richest guy in history, right? The one that went on pilgrimage and spent so much gold along the way that its value dropped?" Hermes asked, never the best at history but remembering that story. As God of Thieves, one did not simply forget about the richest man in all of history.
"Yup. I think Mel read that story and thought 'that sounds like fun', because she definitely tried to emulate him," Harry's grouching continued.
"When one's father is God of Wealth, it is hardly surprising," Triton stated. "I trust that she didn't actually succeed?"
"I managed to stop her. I think," Harry said, softly. "I definitely tried. Which is more than can be said of my friends – they encouraged her."
"I suppose so," Thor laughed. "Watching the expressions of the shopkeepers must have been fun."
Harry's lips twitched, as if he were doing his best to grouch and not laugh. "I suppose that part was fun," he admitted.
"There, that's better!" Thor boomed, throwing a huge hand on Harry's shoulder. "It is better to laugh than cry!"
"I suppose," Harry sulked, although the dark cloud that had metaphorically hung over him had vanished and he was now firmly just pretending.
"Come, let's play," Bai stated, grabbing a deck of cards from… somewhere. "Unless you are real men, and would prefer we play with tiles?"
"You and your silly Chinese game," Hermes teased.
Bai shot out of his seat, brandishing his fist as if it were Thor's Hammer. "It is not a silly game, and for that insult I demand deadly satisfaction!"
Hermes laughed. Thor laughed. Triton didn't laugh, but he did look highly amused again.
Harry laughed, too.
Bai grinned. "We should do that when the kid invites someone new," the Chinese deity said as he sat down. "Their reactions would be hilarious."
"I could invite people?" Harry asked, wondering.
"Sure," Hermes stated casually, as if it were no big deal. "We've all invited people, so why wouldn't you?"
Harry looked at his grandfather as if the god had just turned his world upside-down. "I thought I was just your guest and all," he said, softly.
"The first couple of times, maybe," the God of Thieves remarked. "But you've been coming for years."
Thor laughed. "You're stuck with us now!" he declared.
Harry grinned. "Thanks, guys," he said, suddenly wondering why he hadn't considered that before. He had been joining them for a few years now…
"Meh," Bai commented. "We can't kick you out now. We'd miss the food."
"Yes! And that!" Thor agreed, pointing in the direction of the Chinese god.
Harry pretend-sulked at that statement.
"Come, let's play cards," Triton stated, somehow having grabbed the cards from Bai.
"Hey! You could have asked!" the Western Wind stated.
"And you could have dealt," Triton replied, dealing the cards.
"Heavily insulted, deadly satisfaction," Bai muttered, half-heartedly shaking his fist before picking up the cards he'd been dealt.
"So, Harry, anything else happen to you recently?" Thor asked, ignoring the sideshow.
"Well…" Harry started, making all four gods look up from their cards. When Harry hesitated like that, it usually meant a good story and the demigod trying to order his thoughts to tell it correctly.
"I think I'll swap three," the demigod said, as if he'd been contemplating his cards. He was the recipient of three new cards and for foul looks, making his chuckle.
"It started with a session with Marduk," Harry said, deciding he'd teased them enough. "Either I was early or Marduk was late, but I found myself alone, somewhere on the plains of Africa."
"Any way to narrow it down?" Triton asked, ignoring how the three other deities glared at him. "Africa is rather large."
"Nope," Harry said with a shrug. "Marduk decides where we meet, and I never know exactly where it is. He sets up the fire, and I can travel to it, but there's no way for me to know its exact location. It's never the same place twice, that I can tell you for sure."
"Interesting," the Messenger of the Seas said, rubbing his chin.
"No, it really isn't," Hermes grouched. "Go on, Harry. You were early or Marduk was late – despite him having set up the fire you traveled to."
"When it comes to Marduk, little things like the flow of time don't matter, you know?" Harry asked. "I've never known the fire destination to not be there when I decide to travel to it, so maybe he meets me, then sets up the fire in the past or something."
"It sounds like you've learned time-travel, which is likely to be another story," Thor declared with a grin.
"Oh, yeah, time-travel," he answered his huge Norse friend. "Yes and no, and yes, it's another story, but I'd better finish this one first, or Bai is going to suffer a heart-attack."
"Forget Bai, I am about to have a heart-attack," Hermes grouched playfully. "So you arrived somewhere in Africa."
"And there was no Marduk," Harry confirmed. "So either I was early or he was late. Anyway, I decide to have a nap in the shade."
"That could go really wrong really fast," Bai commented. "Humans aren't the top of the food chain there."
"I was reminded of that when I woke up, finding myself surrounded by a lion's pride. Apparently, they decided that shadow was a good place for a nap, too," Harry said. "I think it was something Granny Rhea did."
"Gran-" Hermes started. "Well, I suppose, now that Aunt Hestia adopted you, she technically is you grandmother…"
"She's totally awesome, and I love her," Harry stated with conviction. "Anyway, Marduk apologized for being late, and I reminded him that I am willing to help him if I can."
"I can't see that old man ever needing help," Hermes mused.
"Turns out, he did have something I could help with," Harry explained. "So he took me to this really eerie, creepy place. Apparently, it's the first city Humans ever built."
Four gods sat up straight. "He took you to the nameless city?" Hermes demanded, the first to speak.
"He said he couldn't tell me its name, because it's been sealed up and stuff," the demigod said, hesitating at the intense look his friends suddenly sported.
"It was sealed for a reason," Thor declared.
Harry nodded. "Marduk gave me a sort-of explanation without naming names, because names have power. He needed to go check on the seals, and recharge stuff and things like that, so he walked me through the city and then we descended into this majorly creepy temple."
Four gods shuffled uncomfortably.
"I do not like where this is going," Triton stated. Three other deities nodded.
"He walked me to the lowest level, where there was a trap door; he went through it, I had to stay behind and make sure nothing… ah… escaped."
"And knowing your luck, something did. Or tried to," Hermes postulated.
Harry nodded. "It was a [Xenomorph]," he explained, actually using the strange Parseltongue word he'd heard Queenie use.
"Did anyone else get chills at that?" Bai asked. He received a couple of nods and a thoughtful look. "Not just me, then."
Harry pressed on. "Marduk said she was a Xenomorph. She called herself [Queen of the Universe]." He once more used that strange version of Parseltongue to recount her name. "Queen of the Universe," he translated in English.
His friends' reactions were stony and icy silence. In the awkward and tense atmosphere, Harry recounted his experience with Queenie – a name which got Thor to grin and Hermes to facepalm.
He ended the tale with the return to the planes of Africa, and the odd feeling of having failed a test.
"Only you could give a pet name to one of the deadliest creatures in existence," Hermes muttered.
"That was a good test to fail," Triton declared, ignoring the God of Thieves. "You kept it busy, Marduk killed it, and now you are no longer in danger of losing body and soul to the darkness that creeps between the cracks of reality. I have grown rather fond of you, and would rather not risk losing you to things that are not yours to dabble with."
Harry nodded silently, somewhat agreeing with the terse god. He'd just wanted to help Marduk, but that place really had been frightening on a level he hadn't experienced before.
"On a change of subject away from that mood-killer," Hermes said, "I believe we were also promised a story about time-travel?"
"Yes!" Thor boomed, picking up the ball and running with it. "That promises to be an excellent tale as well!"
"Alright," Harry acquiesced. "It starts with me finding a book in the Hogwarts Library called 'The Joy of Extradimensional spaces'…"
0000
"… in conclusion, when you start receiving messages from your future self, it's best to be careful," Harry concluded his tale.
Four gods nodded. "Definitely," Thor agreed. "Three of a kind."
Three gods disgustedly threw their cards down.
"Whoa, that's a good hand," Harry admitted, causing the God of Thunder to grin and start reaching for the loot on the table. "And all I have is two pair."
Thor was really grinning and started swiping the pot. "This pair of sevens," Harry went on, "And this second pair of sevens."
Thor's grin fell at the four of a kind on display, while the three other gods burst out laughing at his expression. "Hel take you," the Norse God muttered darkly but without heat.
"She's awesome," Harry answered casually.
Four gods stopped what they were doing and looked at him. "You met Hel?" Thor asked, sounding stumped at the development.
"Yeah, she's a friend of Mel's and I met her a couple of times. She's great. She could do with a couple more friends so she gets used to being around people more, but she's still great," Harry replied as if it were no big deal. "In fact, she dropped by for Mel's Halloween Party. Mel invited her and Makaria. And me, of course."
"Hang on, you met the Goddess of Blessed Death? The infamous shut-in who almost never leaves the Isles of the Blest?" Hermes asked.
Harry nodded. "I think that, now that Mel and Mister Hades are starting to get along, she's also able to hang out with Makaria, you know?"
"The Goddess of the Blessed Dead, the Goddess of the Restless Dead, and the Goddess of the Dishonored Dead had a party," Triton mused. "There has to be a joke in there somewhere."
Harry snorted. "I suppose," he said. "Still, Mel and Makaria were figuring out how to act with each other, and I had to play therapist. It made me wonder when I became therapist for gods and goddesses, though, considering the amount of counseling I have been doing."
"Aunt Hestia will no doubt be very proud of you for that," Hermes said with a small smile.
"I hope so," Harry admitted softly.
0000
Harry stood at the edge of Black Lake, staring out at its dark waters. Around him, Hogwarts students were doing whatever Hogwarts students did in the warm weather.
The end of year exams were nearly upon them, and so everyone was taking advantage of the warm weather to relax and unwind before study season was open.
Except for Hermione, of course. Harry chuckled to himself. That girl would study herself to death one of these days, and so he was contemplating a minor intervention to drag her away from her books and into the warm embrace of Apollo's sun.
"I am pleased to see you are enjoying your day," a wizened old voice suddenly sounded from right next to him, expertly popping him out of his daydream of 'rescuing' Hermione and planting him firmly back into reality.
"Albus," the young demigod said, unsure whether to be pleased or displeased at the interruption. "Enjoying the sun like the rest of us?" he finally asked, deciding on being perfectly polite.
"I am, indeed," the old Headmaster confirmed. "Although honesty compels me to admit that I sought you out for a reason."
Harry felt his insides clench; he hated it when people in authority looked for him. Nothing good ever came from it.
"No need to worry," Dumbledore stated, no doubt seeing Harry's rising stress-levels. "After all, I didn't seek you out when your… friend… absconded with you and your friends for an afternoon."
"When Mel has an idea… " Harry started.
"I kept an eye out, of course. And that afternoon will likely inspire a holiday next year – 'the day gold rained from the sky'."
Harry snorted. "No doubt. Although I wouldn't say it too loud, or Mel will take it as an invitation. Fun as she is, she can go a bit overboard."
Like with the drink that nearly killed him.
Not that he held a grudge. Or anything.
But still, forgive, but not forget, seemed like the best policy to him.
"So I have come to notice," Albus stated, sounding amused and drawing him from his inner thoughts regarding Mel and alcohol poisoning. "Still, there was something I would like to discuss with you. Again, nothing serious."
Harry looked inquisitive at the Headmaster, who took it as an invitation. "It has come to the attention of myself, as well as your teachers, that the Hogwarts curriculum doesn't seem like a challenge to you."
The young demigod shrugged. He couldn't admit out loud that he had received a boon from, a regular tutoring from, the Greek Goddess of Wisdom. "It's okay," he said.
"Of course, it does give you time to tutor your housemates," Albus continued as if Harry hadn't spoken. "And may I say that I am beyond proud at the way you are ignoring the House barriers?"
Harry felt uncomfortable. He hadn't forgotten how Albus had him placed with his aunt and uncle. Then again, he also hadn't forgotten how that, technically, had also caused him to meet Hestia.
So it was no surprise his feelings regarding the Headmaster were rather conflicted – and receiving compliments from the man in question was simply muddling things up even more.
"Since it is beyond clear that you will sail through your end of year exams with no difficulty," Albus continued, diplomatically ignoring the conflicted looks on Harry's face, "the teachers and I thought that, perhaps, you would like a bit of a challenge."
Harry blinked, drew himself to the here and now, and anchored himself. "A challenge?" he asked.
Albus Dumbledore nodded, a boyish smile on his face. "A challenge," he repeated.
"What kind of challenge?" Harry asked, suspiciously.
"A challenge where each of your teachers, as well as I, myself, construct an… obstacle course would be a good word, I believe, with the goal of you retrieving an object at the end of it," the Headmaster said, suddenly sounding as if he were Harry's age and talking about doing mischief.
Harry reminded himself about what the Headmaster had done and told himself not to like the man.
Not so quickly, anyway.
"What kind of obstacles would be on this obstacle course?" Harry requested politely, if still a touch suspiciously.
"Challenging ones, of course," Dumbledore said, laughing. "Any more would be telling."
"Of course," Harry replied with a nod. "And for what reason would I take this challenge?"
"A good question to ask," Dumbledore answered, affecting a wise air. "What is in it for you? Well, as I said before, we are quite sure that the regular exams would be simple for you. Perhaps high scores on said exams without having to take them?"
Harry was interested in that – it would save him a lot of time.
"Or perhaps, a permanent pass to the restricted section, considering the amount of time you spend in there?" Dumbledore offered, his eyes shining and lips twitching.
Harry managed not to pout at being caught, but it was a close thing.
"Or, indeed, perhaps some lessons in alchemy. I am a rather accomplished alchemist, according to others anyway, and I would enjoy a chance to teach again."
"That sounds interesting," Harry admitted.
"A-hah!" Dumbledore crowed. "I believe the muggle expression is 'jackpot'."
Harry snorted.
"Very well, should you complete the obstacle course and retrieve the item at the end of it, I will personally tutor you in Alchemy next year." The Headmaster looked mischievous. "And wave your exams this year. It is only fair. I am sure that you will continue to peruse the Restricted Section even without a pass, so I will forego it and allow you to continue to practice your stealth and evasion skills."
"How did you know, Albus?" Harry asked, wondering where he'd made a mistake.
"Ah, Harry, that would be telling," the old man said with a grin. "All I will say is that you have impressive skills; I did not know you were in there until books went mysteriously missing."
Harry nodded. That meant there were tracking charms on the books themselves, raising an alert whenever he took them out of the section without a pass. He'd need to find a way around that.
"And from the look on your face, I have said too much," Dumbledore admitted. "I will leave you to your afternoon and your thoughts. Enjoy the sunny weather, Harry."
"You too, Albus," Harry said, absentmindedly. He had protections on books to crack. Getting caught was just bad form, even if the Headmaster covered for him. Hermes would never let it go if he found out.
Suddenly, he thought of something. "Oh, Albus?"
The Headmaster stopped and turned around, curiously. "Yes, Harry?"
"Can I invite some friends on this challenge? I mean, a hero doesn't quest alone," the young demigod said, being perfectly serious.
Dumbledore looked amused and gave a hearty chuckle, obviously thinking Harry was jokingly playing things up. "I'm afraid, Harry, that inviting friends along would defeat the purpose of the exercise. We would need to ensure your friends' safety while, at the same time, take into account the fact that you would no longer be taking the challenge alone. So I'm afraid that I must say 'no'."
Harry nodded, he could understand that.
0000
Harry was waiting in front of a locked door on the third floor, literally twiddling his thumbs. Demigods, possessing demigodly reflexes, were often confused with having ADHD. Therefore, telling one to go somewhere and hurry up and wait, was a special kind of torture test in itself.
"Ah, Harry," Dumbledore said as he strode up.
"Hey, Albus!" Harry greeted cheerfully, ignoring the fact that he had been bored out of his skull moments earlier.
"I am glad to see you made it," the Headmaster said. "I hope you were not waiting long," he added, making it sound as if he was completely unaware of the fact that yes, Harry had been waiting.
"No, of course not," Harry replied, now presented with an open goal and a written invitation. "I was only able to count to 1,357,849 before you showed up," he added sarcastically.
Dumbledore obviously found Harry's grouching hilarious, and was nodding with a very wide grin. "I am glad to hear it," he said with a widened grin, completely ignoring Harry's sarcasm. "On to your challenge," he finally said. "This door is locked. You must unlock it. Beyond it are a series of challenges; at the end is a chamber – your goal is in that chamber."
"Alright," Harry said with a nod, turning to the door. He tried it, because it would be the first time that a teacher said one thing before doing another, and found out that the door was indeed locked.
It was also a magical door.
Meaning it had no keyhole for him to use Hermes' lockpicking set on. Thinking up an unlocking charm he then threw Shen at the problem until it went away.
Unfortunately for him, he had thought up a construct that would open the door.
It did so by removing said door.
Now presented with a doorway with no door, Harry blinked, looked embarrassed for a moment, and then shrugged before entering the door for his first challenge.
For a moment, he thought he was faced by Cerberus, before realizing that the triple-headed Rottweiler had different markings.
The not-quite-Cerberus-sized three-headed Rottweiler growled menacingly, but Harry just smiled widely.
"Aw, who's a good boy?" Harry cooed at the giant killing machine, not at all afraid. "Such a good boy you are!" he added, reaching up and rubbing the center head's muzzle.
The Cerberus offshoot looked surprised at the lack of fear, and gave the unusual demigod a sniff; Harry felt it pull at his hair. "Want to play fetch, boy?" Harry asked, conjuring a basketball-sized red rubber ball; he knew the original Cerberus liked those, so maybe this off-brand version would as well.
Turns out, he was right. The three-headed hound yipped like a puppy at the ball, hopping up and down until Harry threw it out the room. The large ball bounced off the wall on the opposite size, then bounced further down the hallway.
The three-headed guardian yipped again, and jumped after it.
Harry grinned; he loved dogs. Dogs were cool.
Now alone, he examined the strange room more closely, and found a trapdoor set in the floor. Now knowing he was to descend from the third floor to the second, he pulled the door open.
Instead of a chamber on the second floor, he was met by the darkness that could only come from a deep cavernous space.
Conjuring one of the float-lights he had created to light the path to Hogwarts for his fellow first-years, Harry sent it down into the cavern.
There was a curious slithering sound that didn't sound like any kind of snake – or even reptile – that Harry was familiar with. He sent the float-light to examine the rest of the room, only to see the light reveal a huge ball of Devil's Snare.
The murderous plant had pulled itself into a tight ball in an effort to escape the light of the float-light, and in doing so had literally backed itself into a corner.
Harry immediately yanked the float-light back to give the plant the darkness it needed, and changed its property to instead create a 'wall of light'. This allowed him safe passage as well as built a border which the plant could not cross.
Without harming it, even.
He smiled to himself. Just because a plant was murderous didn't mean it didn't deserve a life. Hestia had told him to only use violence when needed, and this poor plant only did what it did because of its genetics. It didn't hate him, it just reacted by instinct to protect itself.
And so Harry wasn't about to kill it, or even seriously hurt it. Instead, he scanned the cavernous room and found a stone passageway in one of its walls. Grinning to himself, he strode to it and followed it.
It sloped gently downward, and he heard water trickling down, which made him realize he wasn't really on the second floor of Hogwarts anymore. That strange trapdoor must have transported him to the cellars of Hogwarts or something similar deep underground.
Finally, the passageway terminated into a brightly lit chamber, the ceiling of which was arched and high above. For a moment, he had an uncomfortable flashback to vaulted ceilings in a certain temple beneath a certain unnamed city, before reality asserted itself and reassured him that this was definitely human architecture.
He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and looked around.
On the opposite side of the chamber was a heavily reinforced wooden door; high above him, against the PTSD-inducing vaulted ceiling, fluttered many bejeweled birds. Against one wall stood various flying brooms.
Shrugging, Harry brought out his shield in case the bejeweled birds were to attack, and calmly walked to the door.
There were no pings of impact against the Celestial Bronze of his shield, and he reached the door unscathed.
He pulled the heavy metal ring that served as a handle.
The door did not move.
Harry shook his head, brought up the unlocking construct he'd built earlier, and threw more Shen at the problem.
The door vanished.
Still unsure what the idea had been with the bejeweled birds that didn't attack and a locked door, Harry strode further in.
The next room was dark, but the moment he stepped into it, gentle illumination turned on.
Harry swallowed at the unexpected reveal.
The entire room was a giant chessboard; he was standing behind the black pieces. Across the giant room stood the white pieces, behind which was a door leading forward.
"I can either blast my way across, or play my way across," Harry muttered, half to himself and half to the room.
The chessmen seemed to animate for a moment, and glared at him.
Harry grinned. "Hestia told me to only use violence when I absolutely had to," he stated, this time clearly for the room. The chessmen returned to their neutral positions, causing his grin to widen.
Rubbing his chin, Harry though for a few moments. Chess wasn't his favorite pastime, but Athena had insisted it was 'part of the education of a proper young demigod', so he'd had to learn the game. Besides, it felt a bit like 'predict the dummy'.
Obviously, he had to play with the black pieces, which didn't bother him half as much as the fact that it had been arbitrarily decided for him. It was unsportsmanlike.
So, he was going to play through this quickly. He touched the knight on square b8, the chessman and his horse animating immediately. "I will need your space, please," he said politely.
The knight nodded, and stepped off the board to allow him room.
Immediately, the board recognized he had started, as the white pawn moved from e2 to e4. Harry directed his king's pawn on e7 to move to e5 to counter. The two pawns glared at each other as they faced one another, which made Harry chuckle.
White brought the knight from g1 to e2, plugging the hole made by the pawn and adding protection to the king. Harry grinned; good, this stupid board had just made an elementary mistake.
He directed the queen to move to spot h4, all the way across the board and taking a threatening stance against white's right flank.
Come on, stupid board. Do something stupid, Harry though uncharitably.
White decided on ignoring the queen, and instead brought the other knight out to play, and played it to c3, developing the piece and allowing it to take a defensive posture.
Harry decided that black should do the same, and brought himself out to c6.
White obviously decided that black's queen had been on is side long enough, and played pawn g3, threatening the queen; Harry grinned and told the Queen to move to g5 instead, threatening to slam into white's front line.
White moved the threatened pawn at d2 to d4, thereby directly exposing black's queen to white's bishop. While white's bishop was protected by white's queen, Harry's black queen had no such protection; obviously white wanted to either force harry into exchanging a bishop for a queen, or force him to pull back his queen further into a non-threatening posture.
Harry grinned, all according to plan. Instead of moving his queen, he used himself to take white's d4 pawn. The pawn was protected by the knight still at e2, but he was betting that white…
The black queen squawked angrily at the move, as white's bishop raced over and clobbered her into submission.
Exactly as planned.
Harry himself went for position g5; directly attacking white's king and gaining checkmate. That knight white had used to 'plug the hole' also ensured that the king couldn't get out of the trap.
The white king angrily threw his crown at Harry, while the chessmen all stepped aside. That was rather unsportsmanlike of him, the young demigod thought.
"Good game," Harry said, sportsmanlike, extending his hand to the defeated white king. Normally, one would do this with the opposing player, but since the board itself was his opponent, he figured this was the next best thing. The king shook his hand and nodded.
Harry calmly walked through the door and into the next passageway, whistling to himself. Despite everything, clobbering that chessboard at its own game had been fun.
He reached another door, and pushed it open. A smell hit him that made him reach for an air-insulation magical construct to filter out airborne toxins.
Now able to breathe without his eye watering, Harry looked into a room that contained just one thing.
A giant troll.
It roared at catching sight of him, and raised a club that seemed to be a giant oak tree without its branches.
It charged.
Harry brought out Hestia's Lasso, and threw its loop out.
The troll looked confused as the ground rushed up to meet it when the divine weapon roped it up like a sausage.
"Can you hold him?" Harry asked his first-ever weapon. The Lasso gave a purring sensation, which Harry took as acceptance, and he conjured an iron spike halfway into the ground before wrapping the Lasso's handle around it.
The troll made further confused noises as it gave experimental tugs, looking completely out of it and incapable of comprehending what had just happened.
Still whistling, Harry walked through the troll's room, and pushed the door open.
The next room held nothing dangerous or scary; there was just one table holding seven different bottles of various sizes and colors. The moment he stepped over the threshold, black fire ignited in the passageway leading ahead, and purple flames filled the doorway behind him.
"Huh, a trap," Harry commented, not put out in the least. He walked over to the table to study the bottles, only to find a piece of paper.
"Oh, it's one of those," the demigod muttered when he noticed the paper had a poem on it, with cryptic clues in it. Apparently, three poisons, two nettle wines, one potion to go forward, and one to go back.
With Athena for a teacher, logic puzzles were an every day occurrence for Harry and so he made short work of it. A tiny bottle held enough for two mouthfuls of potion, and would get him trough the black fire going forward.
Supposedly.
Sure of himself and his logic, Harry took a mouthful, felt like his blood had turned to ice in his veins, and stepped through the black fire going forward, feeling no pain at all.
He emerged into a chamber that was barren except for a large mirror in its center.
At the top of its frame was a cryptic message. Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.
Harry cocked his head one way, then another, then narrowed his eyes.
"Oh!" the demigod said, as his natural-born dyslexia due to a brain hardwired for ancient Greekthrew the letters into a jumble. "I show not your face but your heart's desire! Never thought that the stupid Dyslexia would come in handy. Miss Athena is going to be so chuffed when I tell her."
Chuckled, he looked into the mirror.
And found himself confronted with an image of himself, getting a hug from Hestia.
It made him realize that he really wanted one of those. He blinked, shook his head, and looked away. When this was done, he was going home and hugging his all-time favorite goddess.
He wondered what the deal was with the rest of this room. Was he supposed to find something? He wondered if something was hidden or otherwise camouflaged.
He glanced at the mirror again, to find that the image had changed. He was now confronted by an image of just himself, an image that held up a report card of some kind, before putting it in its pocket.
Harry felt his own pocket flutter, stuck his hand in it, and pulled out a report card.
He looked at it, before chuckling. These wizards were strange, but it was a good strange, he decided. This had 'Headmaster Dumbledore' written all over it.
He walked back, passed the logic trap that was no doubt Professor Snape's work, through the fire by using the other potion, passed the troll that was no doubt Professor Quirrell's work, retrieved the Lasso, which released the troll, but he slammed the door shut in its face before it could get to him.
He walked passed the chessboard that was no doubt Professor McGonagall's work, even if the board was unsportsmanlike. He was still confused by the enchanted birds that looked like Professor Flitwick's work as he walked passed them, and enchanted some flight magic to take him back out the trapdoor, passed Professor Sprout's Devil's Snare that was still backed into a corner by his float-lights.
He was met by Hagrid's Cerberus impersonator, and roughhoused with it for a bit before managing to break his way free – only to emerge into the third-floor corridor to be confronted by the teachers in question.
0000
Meanwhile, in New York, a black-haired, green-eyed boy swung a sword at his math teacher… only to see her burst into golden motes and vanish.
AN: I just couldn't resist putting Harry through the protections of the Philosopher's Stone. It did turn this chapter into one of the longer ones in the story. :)
Next chapter, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. Something for everyone to look forward to! :)