A/N: Thanks to everyone who left reviews or PMs for this, and to those that favorited or followed it. I hope you all like this chapter, too.

Beta thanks to Captainrick944, once again.

In this chapter, Sarah will tell Chuck about her past, hoping it doesn't put him off her…

Shot
Chapter 5: History

Sarah took a deep breath. She knew this was the right thing to do, to tell him everything, but it terrified her. If he didn't want to be with her after hearing it all, she knew that she'd be devastated. However, she was done with lying and done with hiding things, at least from this man.

"I told you that I haven't been with Mom since I was seven. That's not completely true, but I'll come to that later. I did leave her when I was seven. She and Dad were not happy and always arguing. Dad kept disappearing and reappearing, only to say we had to leave our home and move somewhere else. Their arguments got louder and louder. Then one day, Dad came into my bedroom and told me he was leaving for good. I could stay with Mom, who was quite strict, by the way, or be on an adventure with him where we'd have fun."

She looked at Chuck sadly. "You know what I chose to do. Mom wasn't there when we set off, but he told me that he'd left her a note." She shook her head. "As if that was good enough."

Chuck took her hands in his. His warmth encouraging her to continue. "It was fun for a seven-year-old. No schoolwork. We ate what we wanted when we wanted it. Dad even let me join him in what he did."

She took another deep breath. "Dad was a con man. He conned people out of their money, their possessions, anything. That was what Dad involved me in. It was a few years before it stopped being fun, and I realized it was wrong, but I continued with him until I was seventeen."

"But you stopped then," Chuck said.

"Only because he was taken by the police, and I was by the CIA."

Chuck mulled this over. It was a shock, and it was awful, but it changed nothing for him. Sarah was looking at him expectantly, dreading what he must think. He cleared his throat, then said, "Sarah, if my dad had stayed with us, I would have done whatever he said to do, and that was when I was twelve. You were seven when this started. That's not your fault at all."

"But-" she started.

Chuck didn't let her talk. "Did you have any friends?"

"No."

"Did you even go to school after leaving?"

"Not until I was sixteen."

"So, the only person in your life was your dad, from age seven until sixteen."

She just nodded.

"That is so wrong!" he said.

Sarah looked down, and tears started to form. "I told you it was bad."

He grasped her hands from her lap, which made her look up at him. "Sarah, what's worse is that the only voice in your ear was his, and he made you think it was okay to do what you did."

"But-" she tried again, wanting to point out she knew it was wrong from age twelve.

"No buts, Sarah. You only had your dad. It is only natural to seek approval from the only person in your life."

Sarah was frustrated that Chuck was not seeing how bad she had been as a teenager. That frustration must have sounded in her voice. "Chu-uck! I was as bad as Dad! I was a criminal too!" She glared at Chuck. "Stop making excuses for me!"

He sat back, looking surprised at what seemed like her being angry with him. "Do you want me to dislike you? Not to want to be with you?"

That got to her. She really didn't want that. She shook her head. "No, but I don't want you to just dismiss my criminal past so easily."

He looked at her for a while before saying anything else. She thought he must finally be taking it in. She was surprised by his next words. "What could you have done differently?"

"What?"

"As a teenager, what could you have done other than what your dad told you to do?"

That was easy. "I could have refused to participate."

"And you didn't?"

"Well, I did with some at the end," she admitted. "When I was at school because that would have drawn attention. I didn't before that, even though I had known it was wrong for years."

"So, I ask again. As a younger teenager, what if you had refused?"

She hadn't thought about it that way. "Dad would've persuaded me, probably."

"And if he didn't?"

She remembered that one time when he'd been mad at her and had locked her in a large suitcase to think about what she'd done. She shivered, thinking about that now. It had been extremely claustrophobic. He had left her in there all afternoon and overnight. When he finally let her out, she had been crying and was in a state of shock. She was so relieved at being released she had wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed. She saw him as her savior. It was shortly after she had decided what they were doing was wrong, so she was only twelve. She'd buried that memory, but now it was back. She looked at Chuck. She wasn't going to tell him about that, though. She just said, "He probably would've punished me in some way."

Chuck sighed. She wasn't getting to the point he was trying to make, so he'd have to push more. "Would you have run away?"

She frowned. "Where would I go?"

He clicked his fingers. "Exactly! When I was that age, I had no parents, but I had an older sister who would do anything for me. You had no one."

She nodded. He was right.

"So, you stayed with the only person you had."

She nodded again.

"And you didn't want him mad at you, so you did what he asked." Chuck spread his hands, showing he thought that explained it all. Then he said something else unexpected. "Ellie and I broke the law, probably around the same time." That Sarah found hard to believe. "I know it is not in the same league as what your dad got you to do, but Ellie and I were breaking the law back then, too. We should have turned ourselves in. She wasn't old enough to be my legal protector. I even stole food so that we were able to eat. I have felt bad about that ever since."

She hadn't thought about how they must have survived back then. She didn't know what to say to that.

He continued, "I also broke the law later, but didn't steal anything, so it wasn't the same."

She wanted to know more about that, but this was her confession time.

"So, I'm not perfect either, Sarah. In my mind, you are perfect… now, and your past is just that… past."

Sarah couldn't fault his logic. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Thank you, Chuck." He frowned, so she explained why she had said that. "For not hating me."

He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him so he could hug her.

Sarah clung to him for a couple of minutes. Then, she pushed away. "I need to tell you about joining and being in the CIA."

This wasn't going to be easy, so she decided to get drinks for each of them and they took a short break.

"I came home from school and saw my dad being taken away by the police, so I left the area. I had money buried in a small wooded area, so I went to get it. The man who 'recruited' me, Langston Graham, surprised me there. I immediately threw a knife at him, but he dodged."

Chuck looked shocked at the knife. She nodded. "I used it to protect myself. I often wonder what would have happened if I had hit him. Would I have escaped and carried on as a criminal? Maybe."

Chuck frowned. "And then I would never have met you."

She looked at him. He was listening, but his focus still seemed to be on them having a future together. She leaned closer, placed her palm against his cheek, and kissed him softly. "I hope you still think that way, Chuck, after I have told you everything."

She pulled back, but she pressed her forefinger over his lips to discourage him from saying anything.

"He gave me a choice, but it wasn't really one. Join the CIA, and he would make sure my father was safe, or go to prison, like Dad, but obviously not with him."

Chuck frowned. "Making you join the CIA can't have been legal. You were only seventeen."

"Probably not, but I didn't know that then. I didn't have any choice, anyway." She remembered back to that time. "I was the youngest student going through CIA training, but because of the life I had led, a lot of it was easier for me than for the older ones. They didn't like that, especially when I was transformed."

"Transformed?" he asked.

She waved her hands to indicate herself from the top of her head down. "I didn't look anything like this back then. I always tried to be invisible, fade into the background. I had mousey, frizzy hair, pale skin, and braces. I walked with a stoop and never wore makeup. They transformed me into a younger version of what you see now.."

He looked her up and down. "Beautiful!" he breathed.

She smiled at his praise. "I needed to be that as a CIA operative, but it brought the attention of the other students. The men wanted to be with me, and most of the women felt jealous. It gave me confidence. I liked it, but there was resentment."

She smiled. "I discovered I am very competitive. So, I always strove to be the best there. I came out top on most tests. That even upset the men, especially the ones I turned down. However, Graham was happy. He had plans for me."

She stopped and had a drink.

"One of the things I was good at was languages. Now, don't forget that I didn't finish school. Graham, however, wanted to use me abroad, so I got a crash course in languages. I got a degree in a year. It was hard work, but I loved it. That was the last really happy time I had, because after that, I got sucked into the spy world."

She looked into his eyes. They looked sad. She wondered when they would change.

"A beautiful female agent is expected to use her looks and training to infiltrate enemy organizations, including drug cartels. The female form is an enticement. I had to use mine that way." She watched Chuck as she said this.

He looked shocked. "You were expected to use your body to get what was required?"

She nodded, and he looked disgusted. This was what she'd dreaded. She hoped this next bit helped. "I never had sex with any marks, unlike some agents I know." She looked away. "But I have had more hands on my body than I would choose."

"That's awful!" he said. She mentally agreed but was struggling to speak now. He was disgusted with her, just as she'd feared. "I am horrified that they would expect that of you."

Her eyes shot up. "Wait! You're not disgusted by me?"

His brown eyes were full of sympathy, not horror, as he looked at her. "By them, not you, Sarah."

She found him hard to believe, but she shook her head. "There's more to tell, Chuck." She was sure this would cause him a problem. "Seductions weren't the worst. You have probably guessed that I have killed people." She looked at him.

Chuck nodded. "I don't like it, but that is what I expected when you told me you were in the CIA, Sarah."

"Well, that is a specialty of mine." She held his gaze as she said, "I was an assassin."

His jaw dropped then.

She continued. "As a teenager, I had been good with knives, but I was just as good with all forms of distance killing. Many assignments were remotely training rifle sights on targets and killing from far enough away that no one would know it came from where I was."

Chuck was having a hard time getting his head around this. The gentle, tender woman he had come to know had been able to kill like that. He tried to talk a couple of times, but no words came out.

Sarah watched him struggle. She wasn't surprised. If their roles were reversed, she would be in the same state. Would she be able to cope if he was an assassin?

He eventually cleared his throat. "Can I ask you some questions?"

She sadly nodded.

"What would have happened if you hadn't killed them?"

She almost smiled. He was asking a similar question to earlier. "They would have continued with what they were doing until someone else took them out."

"Okay. Two things there. We'll tackle the second first. Someone else would have assassinated them if you hadn't, so they were doomed anyway."

"Yes."

"Okay. That's important, Sarah. Were the things they did going to hurt people?"

She nodded. "Yes. They were all going to kill other people."

"So, you were saving lives by doing what you did."

This was the man she'd fallen for. Finding something good to say about the awful things she'd done. "Yes."

He nodded. "So, what you had to do was awful, but it resulted in lives saved. I think that makes you a wonderful person."

She didn't, but she wasn't going to argue with him about it. He then asked another question, "How did you feel after each one?"

She had never talked about this, not even with the CIA psychiatrists afterward. "For a long time, I threw up when I got back to my hotel room. I knew I had become a habitual killer when that stopped."

"Is that all?"

She shook her head. "I have nightmares about them."

"A habitual killer wouldn't have nightmares, Sarah. You are a good person forced to do terrible things to save people."

She really wished she could believe that.

His next question brought her back to the conversation. "Why did you leave? If you can tell me."

She considered this. She had never expected to tell anyone about her mom but felt she could tell him. Someone else would know. That wasn't his question, though. "I got disillusioned."

"With the job, the killing, or what?" he questioned.

She sighed but had decided to tell him everything. "Some of the later assassinations seemed wrong, but I never questioned them. They weren't enough on their own, but then I had two problems with other operatives. I was paired up with one. That ended badly for me. We got the required intel on our last mission together. He had it when I was surrounded. He left me." Chuck looked shocked and was going to say something, so she held up her hand to stop him. "That was the right thing to do. The mission objectives were the top priority, not the safety of either operative. I was tortured, but gave nothing up. They would have killed me then if I hadn't been rescued by the local CIA team. I assume my partner told them who had me, but I never saw him again to ask.

"I was a mess after that. Two months of rehabilitation followed before I was allowed out into the field again. I wasn't sure I wanted to, but it was all I knew, so I did.

"They assigned me to a more senior operative who acted as my handler. They didn't want me going solo. I traveled to Budapest, where there was a package to retrieve. An armed gang had broken into a wealthy couple's mansion and had, apparently killed them. They were still in there, with the package. He didn't know what they would do next, but had obviously been trailing them for some time. They kept slipping away and finally ended up killing that couple. He was worried they might leave at any time and taking the package with them. I was to go in in the middle of the night, kill the men and retrieve the package. Basically, using my ability to kill.

"I got in easily. They were drinking, and all seemed to be downstairs. I burst into the room, armed with two machine guns. I started firing immediately and mowed them down. Some pulled out guns as I jumped onto the table, still firing but hitting those armed men first. I think I killed ten men that day.

I then went up the stairs and into the room at the top. When I saw what the package was, I was shocked." She paused for a second. "It was a baby."

Chuck gasped, "A baby?"

She nodded. "My handler demanded I bring the package to him. I realized he had his own agenda; he obviously wanted to sell the child himself for her inheritance. I had to get away from him, with the child.

"I'd never been around babies before, Chuck, and I'd certainly never held one." She paused. "I found and put on a baby carrier and then lifted the baby into it. The baby immediately started to wail. I was glad to have already killed all those men."

She took a deep breath. "I managed to evade my handler. I got to a cheap hotel and bought a room with cash. I couldn't go back to the room I'd been staying in as he would be there. I was now on the run and needed to get back to America. The child had settled, so I called contacts who could help. I needed false identification for my daughter and me. Yes, it was a little girl. We also needed a flight.

"By this time, she was crying again. I had to go to a nearby store and buy baby food, diapers, and blankets. All the time, she was screaming. People glared at me, but I just ignored them. I got back to the room and changed the diaper." She shook herself at the thought.

"I heated water and made up some milk. She took it and settled a bit, but not completely. I had no idea what to do, so I called the only person who could help. My mom."

Chuck wasn't surprised to hear this. "Was this the first time you'd talked since you left?"

She nodded. "We'd not talked in twenty years, but she heard the crying baby. She asked no questions when she heard my panicked voice. She calmly told me how to burp the child, which I did, and how to sing to soothe the child. It was a lullaby she had sung to me. We sang it together and the baby settled and then fell asleep. The silence was amazing!

"The next few days were a nightmare. I managed to get everything I needed and somehow got her back to the States. I think everyone on the planes hated me. I had to take a few flights to ensure my handler couldn't find us, so I followed an evasive pattern. The last flight got us into Los Angeles. I then hired a car and drove to Mom's."

Chuck looked surprised. "She lives near here?"

"She lives in San Diego. I couldn't think of anywhere else the little girl would be safe. When Mom opened the door, she looked shocked. She instantly knew who I was, and after all that time, I still don't know how. Seeing the child, she ushered us in.

"I spent the following hour telling her the story. She never asked for any details of the twenty years apart. She was wonderful." Tears formed on thinking about her mom. "In the end, I told her what needed to happen. She'd already guessed. I left her with a burner phone to contact me if she needed. She had to keep them both safe. I haven't seen either of them since then. That was a year ago." She brushed away the tears.

"I went back to Budapest. My handler was still there, searching for the baby and me. I dealt with him and his men in the same way as I had the men in the house."

She shook her head. "I wasn't sure that the CIA would treat her any better than him, so I didn't tell the new director about her when he called me in. I told him that I had only escaped with my life but had been unable to achieve the mission objectives. Fortunately, he accepted that but was only too happy to accept my resignation. I had become unreliable.

"So, that's how I ended up here in LA. Close to Mom, but not in contact with her." She sat back and looked at him, waiting to see what he would say next.

She now felt this was going to be better than she had first thought before telling him anything. He was so caring and really did seem to just brush her faults aside. He didn't disappoint. "You are a wonderful person, Sarah. I feel so unworthy of your love."

She beamed and opened her arms, wanting him. He closed the distance, and they kissed.

As they pulled apart, she told him, "You are everything I want, Chuck. I was convinced you wouldn't want me after you heard about my past."

"Are you kidding?" he immediately replied. "I am so in awe of what you have become after going through all that."

They embraced again, and she kissed him, full of gratitude.

Sarah had to drink again after all that talking. As she did so, she remembered something he'd said earlier. "Chuck, tell me about your criminal past."

He looked panicked for a second, then his features relaxed. "Only Ellie knows about this. And I've sworn never to do it again."

She nodded her acceptance of what he'd just said.

"Before I went to Stanford, I used to be a hacker. I continued it while I was there, but haven't done it since." He could see she looked shocked, so he hastened to say, "I never stole anything. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it."

Sarah was shocked. "And I thought you were goody-two-shoes."

He shook his head. "Obviously not."

"Would I know your hacker name?" she asked.

"Hmm. I doubt it. I haven't done it for five years now."

She grinned. "Try me."

"Piranha," he said tentatively.

Her jaw nearly hit the floor. "Piranha?!"

He nodded, now getting nervous.

"I remember the CIA was hunting you for a long time. I was never involved myself, but I know a number of operatives that were."

"Hmm. Yes, but not as many as the NSA," he said.

"You never stole anything? No secrets?" she asked, quite amazed at this.

"No. I wasn't doing it for that. In fact, I left messages telling them how they could improve the security to stop hackers."

She burst out laughing. "I didn't know that. They obviously kept that quiet."

"So, two ex-criminals!" he said, smiling.

She nodded and then grinned. "Not wanting to sound conceited, but the best agent and the smartest hacker. Both from broken families and in need of someone special. Feels like we were made for each other, huh?"

"I love the sound of that," he said as he pulled her in for another kiss.

She let the happiness wash over her. He wasn't put off by her past, and, if anything, it made him want her more. She certainly wanted him.

A/N: I deliberately kept the history brief here as it was so close to canon, with only slight differences. I hope that didn't spoil it. So, they both shared stories of their past and neither was put off.

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter.