A.N.: Me, last time: Six months between updates? We won't be letting that happen again!
*laughter*
*increasingly unhinged laughter*
*sobbing*
…okay. C'mon. we're doing this. We're getting back to this story. Especially now that you have some ideas and stuff.
…I should really update "Find a Way" though, seeing as that one actually has a TVTropes page and-
No! None of that! We are continuing this story! It's been more than long enough!
Right. Chapter 58, let's gooooo…
Chapter 58: I Want a New Drug
-HELGA-
The glamorous life of a superhero is not as exciting as I've been making it out to be.
Oh, sure, sometimes something really exciting happens. But the times I really get a chance to flex my muscles are few and far between. There was that alien biker guy, the rash of incidents with mystical artifacts a couple of months back, and occasionally you get someone finding themselves a gimmick and trying to make a name as a supervillain, like that "Steamship" or whatever guy I tangled with around Christmas. But at best, most nights, if anything, I find myself stopping a mugging or an assault or two, which doesn't really take a lot of time, and in between, it's a whole lot of nothing. Flying around, perching on ledges looking ominous, the occasional late night coffee-and-doughnut stop (I probably have a photo on the wall of every single Dinky Donut location in the Greater Hillwood Metro Area), and lots of times when I'll just plop down on a rooftop and check my social media or watch ToobToob for a half hour.
But like I said, every one in a while, something takes you by surprise. In this case, that something was four guys the size of gorillas smashing right though the wall of a Good Buy.
It looked like tonight I might actually get a real workout.
One hour earlier
Years ago, Hannah had been as straight-arrow as they come. Since her family had emigrated from Scotland a few years before, she had found her place in the Campfire Lasses, the Northeast's premiere Girl Scouts knockoff. Occasionally she got rough, like when that one girl stole her uniform, or when that Gammelthorpe boy started spreading scurrilous rumors about the organization, Hanna had been a pleasant girl in her youth.
Times changed, and as she entered late high school (well, technically; she did occasionally bother to show up), Hannah had fallen with a bad crowd. At first, it was just cutting class for a smoke, the occasional bit of petty vandalism or shoplifting; as she got older, she and her friends started getting into harder stuff.
Tonight, she and her gang were crashing in their usual spot, an abandoned warehouse on Shenkarow. It was the perfect place to get away from prying eyes and concerned adults and just do whatever you felt like.
"When's he getting here?" grumbled one, a guy named Dave who had once run with the same crowd Wolfgang and Edmund did before they'd been busted for the Dusk-to-Dawn job – it hadn't been much of a "job" job until one of them had pulled a gun on a cashier, and at the same time that Joule, by sheer coincidence, stopped in for coffee, but it still got all of them busted. Dave had gotten community service, but unlike Wolfgang who'd turned his life around since, Dave had blown it off after a few weeks and mostly just crashed here these days. They had pretty much everything they needed here anyways.
"Piss off," snapped Hannah back. "He'll be here when he'll be here."
"He'd better have something good this time!" a guy who was only known by his nickname, Rumble (due to his very loud and fragrant farts, rather than any particular skill at fighting; his ability to do it practically on command was an endless source of cheap entertainment) retorted. "Last time, that stuff was cut. And by cut, I mean, it was like 90% baking powder."
"Not this time," Todd Copely as he strode through the door. "This time, I've scored primo stuff. I'm talking Paragon here." He reached into his coat and produced five tiny vials of red liquid.
Barry Knowles, who had been on the football team until being kicked off after he'd been caught juicing, stared at it. "I ain't heard o' this stuff," he remarked skeptically.
"It's new," Todd exposited. "They say it's a taste of super."
"Super what?" Rumble asked, confused – not a rare instance for him, Rumble wasn't the brightest, but this time his confusion was shared by the rest of the group.
"Super-powers," replied Todd. "One sip, and you're bending steel in your bare hands. So they say, anyway."
"How much did ye pay?" asked Hannah.
"Nothing. These were free. Sort of a test marketing thing. He'll probably charge through the nose for more, but hey… nothing says we have to go back. Just think guys… if this works, we get superpowers for a day."
Dave raised an eyebrow. "You've got a lot of faith in what could just be a few shots of '5-Hour Power'.
"Where'd you even get this stuff?" Barry asked.
"I have my sources," Todd replied with a smirk. "Hey, if you're not interested, more power for me."
"Todd would na' lie tae us," Hanna declared suddenly, snatching one of the vials. "Maybe this stuff works, maybe it desnae, but I'm willin' tae give it a go."
She unstoppered the vial and downed it in one gulp. It tasted bitter as it slid down her tongue and throat; like old memories of cough syrup.
And that was it for the minute. Hannah didn't know what she had expected, but whatever it was, it wasn't happening.
"Todd got ripped off by a dealer again, what a surprise," Dave grumbled.
"Give it time… maybe it takes a while to kick in," Todd suggested.
"I din' know, love," Hannah said. "All I got is a bad taste in m- AAAARRRGGH"
Hannah screamed in pain as every cell in her body seemed to catch fire. The other four watched in horror as Hannah's muscles swelled, tearing her clothing, while her skin seemed to thicken into a rhinolike hide. By the time the transformation was done, she had gone from a petite 5'3" to well over seven feet tall, and as wide as a linebacker and a half, her skin grey and having a rough scaly appearance.
"Babe…?" whispered Todd, taken aback at his girlfriend's rather drastic downgrade in attractiveness. "Are… you…"
"I feel pretty great, actually," Hannah said, grinning as she brough her fist down on an old washing machine, crushing it flat. "Why… is there a problem?"
"N-no!" Todd said. "I'm… I'm just glad the stuff works."
"Well, I'm convinced, Barry said as he, Rumble and Todd all downed their vials and transformed similarly.
"Well?" Todd said, eyeing Dave.
"…forget it, man. I'm out," he said. "I did not sign up to try Hulk Juice. I mean, have you guys seen what it's done to you?"
"All I know is I feel amazing. Like I could do anything. It makes me… wanna…" He cut a particularly noxious one, prompting laughter.
"Yeesh, whatever," Dave said. "Good luck with… all this. I'm quitting before you guys wind up like that thing from Tribune Quadrangle." He hastily departed, wondering if maybe if he showed up for his next community service date they'd go easy on him.
"…you don't think that's gonna happen to us, do you?" Barry asked apprehensively.
"Nah. This stuff's only temporary. We'll be fine."
"So what do we do now?" asked Rumble.
"Wha'ever we feckin' want," Hannah replied with a smirk.
-HELGA-
When I entered the Good Buy, I figured that this was going to be a standard robbery situation. Sure, these guys could break through a solid wall, but they were probably here because they wanted stuff. If I were them, I'd go straight for the phones and stuff; small, expensive, probably easy to resell. Or maybe they were just here to grab a flatscreen or a console for themselves.
…or maybe they were just in here to run around and smash stuff for fun, because that was what they were doing.
I whistled to get their attention. "Hey!" I yelled. "Store hours are over! But I hear tomorrow there's a sale on smart fridges!"
They took the bait and I got a look at them for the first time. Each one was huge, taller and wider than me unless I spread my wings to full span, with muscles that looked like boulders. What clothing they wore was ripped, as if they'd only recently had a massive growth spurt (probably very likely), excposing greyish, scaly skin, and their faces were concealed behind stretched-to-their-limit ski masks. One of the four was somewhat smaller and shaped vaguely like they maybe were female, but the differences were so minor that it was impossible to tell.
"New game," one of the four, their mask blue, snarled. "Catch!" They hefted a dishwasher and hurled it in my general direction. I dived out of the way, but a second, in a green mask, tackled me before I could react. So they weren't just strong, but fast too. Using jiujitsu training from long ago classes at the YWAA, I rolled backwards and threw him over my shoulder. By now, the first, joined by the two others, piled on. Together, they were probably stronger than I was, but I did have one advantage. I ignited my hands and gave them each a good, hard slap, making sure to strike as much surface area as possible. Their clothing caught fire, which startled them enough that I was able to wriggle my way free, but I couldn't help but notice they didn't seem to be feeling much in the way of pain. In fact, after a few moments, they started laughing. It was like they were on some kind of battle high.
Looked like close combat wasn't going to be the best option. Luckily the Good Buy had high ceilings, so I could exercise my other advantage; my wings. They were strong and fast, sure, but they were also pretty clumsy and didn't have much in the way of agility or reflexes. I lifted myself out of their direct range and picked one, the one with a yellow mask, the one I suspected might be female, I dived for her, grabbed on with both sets of hands, and took off. She may have been strong, but she was still well under the amount of weight I could lift.
"Hey! Let goo, ye mugger!" my cargo yelled. The voice was definitely more of a soprano than the one who had spoken earlier, with some kind of accent, Scottish maybe? Yeah, most likely this one was a female, though assuming gender was probably a bias on my part.
"If you insist," I replied, dropping her at the apex of my ascent. She landed on one of her friends, knocking them to the ground. It didn't keep either down for long, but I had a gameplan. Keep to the air, strike fast, don't give them a chance to recover. It wasn't easy playing keep-away from four roided-up lizard monsters (or maybe rhino monsters? Whatever they were, they were gross), but it was my best play and I was sticking to it.
As the fight wore on, it became clear that for all their power, the creatures didn't have my endurance. They were visibly slowing down, and looking more strained. I overheard the one with the accent say "Todd, I dinna feel so good ennamore. Maybe we should stop…"
"It's… getting boring anyway," Blue Mask/"Todd" replied, sounding strained himself. "Later, freakshow," he said as the gang ran for it. Seriously? Had they taken a look at themselves? I am downright gorgeous compared to these guys!
One of them, the red-masked one, stumbled as he neared the hole they'd come in through. The other three continued on, not looking back. Well… I could at least nab one. The rest could wait. I dived at him and tackled him. "Sorry," I said. "looks like you're the fall guy. Your buddies cut you loose."
"You know what else is getting cut?" he asked, obviously setting up a joke.
"*eye roll* Okay, fine what's getting c-" My nose was suddenly assaulted by one of the foulest odors I've ever encountered. "Oh, come on! Seriously? What are you, five?"
Red Mask giggled idiotically. "I can't believe I farted on a superhero." For a moment, I considered whether it would be wrong of me to just kill him and quietly dump his body somewhere. It's not like anyone would know… would they?
Nah…. It wouldn't be worth it. Besides, these places had cameras.
"All right, funny boy, joke's over," I said, putting him in a double headlock and wrapping my tail around him for good measure. "So here's what happens now. You're going downtown with me and you're gonna explain just what you're supposed to be and where you're friends a-"
He suddenly convulsed in my grip. I could hear a hideous sound as his skin began to crack. His scaly hide fell off in chunks, as if he was molting like some kind of snake. Underneath, his muscles were softening, deflating. I was left with what seemed to be a perfectly ordinary (if tender-skinned and flaccid) boy. He was completely out, seemingly unable to be roused.
I heard sirens outside. Sounded like the authorities had been alerted. I picked up Red Mask, who now felt like he weighed practically nothing, and carried him outside.
I didn't recognize the officer in front, but then I don't exactly know everybody at the department. He held a gun on me as I exited. "Hold it," he said. "I want an explanation for this and you loo like the only one who can give it to me."
"This is the guy who did it. Well, one of them," I replied.
The cop raised an eyebrow. "That guy? He doesn't look like he can break wind, much less a wall. You, on the other hand…"
"You should have seen him a few minutes ago," I retorted. "And believe me, he can definitely break wind." I waved a hand in front of my nose for emphasis. "I'm still smelling it."
"Oh, what… are you saying that this guy is like, a Hulk or something?"
"Pretty much," I said. "And I don't know if he's going to change back so you might wanna get this guy locked up as soon as you can…. Preferably with access to a doctor, because he is not looking too healthy at the moment. Oh, and there's three more out there just like them, so you might want to keep an eye out for-"
"Don't sass me, kid," he said, not lowering his gun. "From where I'm standing, only one person here can do this kind of damage, so why don't you come with us and-"
"Bill, you're not serious, are you?" his partner asked.
"Deadly serious. These kids have been getting away with this kinda stuff for far too long."
I turned to his partner. "Is he new?" I asked.
"Recent transfer from Yakima," he replied.
"Well, then, you should probably explain to him that if didn't want to co-operate, there isn't much he could do, seeing as I'm bulletproof and can crush his gun like a cupcake." I turned back to "Bill". "I'd demonstrate but they'd probably take it out of your pay and I'm just not that mean." I am absolutely that mean, but I didn't want to drag this out any longer than necessary.
"And what happens when you decide that you don't feel like cooperating?"
"Well, hopefully we'll never have to find out, right?"
The argument would've probably kept going in circles, but Red Mask (I was considering just calling him "The Flatulator" but I have some class, thank you) began to stir.
"Good to see you're still with us," I said. "Maybe you can answer some questions for us?"
"M-more…" he mumbled.
"More what?" Bill's partner asked.
"S-stuff… the stuff… more… pahhh… parughgahnn…"
And he was out again, but at least we had a word to go on. "I think he said 'Paragon?' Does that mean anything to you?"
The partner shook his head. "Never heard of it."
"It sounds like it might be important. If you're done, I'm going to see if I can find this guy's friends. Kaythanksbyeeeee," I said, handing over the unconscious perp and taking off, Bill's objections fading into the night. Ah, the joys of having the gift of flight.
I spent another hour trying to find a trace of the "Rhino Gang" or whatever I was going to eventually decide on calling them, but other than some cast-off skin, which didn't lead anywhere, they were gone without a trace. I had no idea what they looked like in their non-monster form, so I really didn't have any other lead to follow. Just the word "Paragon". The way Red Mask acted, maybe Paragon was some kind of super-steroid with a bunch of really gross side-effects… if so, that was something new to worry about.
But I could worry about it later. It was time to call it a night. Tomorrow, I could ask around, but I'd had enough for one day.
If Helga had kept looking, she might have noticed the manhole cover a block away from the store. Todd, Hannah, and Barry had pried it open while they still had the strength to do so and dropped into the sewer to ride out the reversion process as the outer skin covering they had grown cracked and sloughed off and their muscles shriveled and went slack.
"Aww, man… I don't wanna go through that again…" Barry groaned, barely able to move.
"Hey… yeah, maybe the stuff didn't last as long as the guy said it would, but you can't tell me you didn't have fun, right?"
"Fun?" Hannah asked. "Is Rumble havin' fun, do ye think?"
"He knew the risks," Todd replied dismissively. "Besides, we can always bust him out the next time we-"
"Next time?" Barry interrupted. "NO. I'm thinkin' Dave had the right idea when he walked out. Maybe I'll walk too." He tried to get up. "When I can walk, anyway."
Hannah considered. Sure, in the euphoric state induced by Paragon, she didn't care about what it had done to her. But in the tumult of fleeing from Temper, the three had ditched their masks and she had gotten a glimpse at her grotesque reflection. Was a taste of worth it if it did that to you, and left you in this state? And yet, deep down, she craved more. No matter what it did to her.
"Our bodies probably have to get used to it, that's all," Todd handwaved. "You're still with me, right babe?"
"I-"
"I mean… what's there to go back to? Mommy? School? The Fireside Girls?"
"Campfire Lasses."
"Whatever. It's all the same. People telling you what to do. Or you could stay with me, and we could keep on doing whatever we want."
"…I…"
"C'mon… you know what you want. Right?"
"…yeah. All right," relented Hannah.
After all… what else was she going to do?
A.N.: Yes! I did it! I actually wrote a chapter! And I might even write a second one a reasonable amount of time from now!
Rosali: De nada!
Jose: Yes, she didn't just fall ass backward into popularity (though being the richest kid in school sure greased the wheels)
Bunny Girl: Thanks for sticking around! Sorry I'm not updating like I used to, but I appreciate that you're there when I do! Although if you like frogs, I've been pretty busy…
Veganmama: Well, we won't find out this chapter, but we may next time…
Next: No chapter title… because I haven't thought of it yet! But when we return, the Hillwood gang gets some very surprising news!