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Shepard paced her quarters anxiously. Joker was getting them to Earth as quickly as possible, but the mass relays were backed up as the fleets all tried to use them, and there was a limit to how many places in line even the Normandy could jump.
He had made it plain he did not want her nervous energy in his cockpit distracting him, so she'd retired up here to be alone, to try to mentally prepare for what was to come. But how could she? No one had fought a full-scale all-galaxy battle against the Reapers in many, many cycles, if ever, if Leviathan was to be believed.
And if Leviathan wasn't to be believed? If it simply didn't show up, and all the work on the Crucible was for nothing? If they were doomed before they began because Shepard had misplaced her trust, or because her pleas had fallen on deaf ears?
She tried to concentrate on battle plans, to read readiness reports, to calculate how many ships they had and how many were needed to take down a Reaper while dodging Reaper forces, and what effect the remnants of Cerberus were going to have, but she simply didn't have the focus right now.
Frustrated, she grabbed a data pad and headed for the door. Joker was just going to have to put up with her presence over his shoulder.
But even as she stepped through the door, the elevator doors were closing behind Kaidan, who stood in the entry with the bottle of whiskey she'd brought him in the hospital. That seemed like such a long time ago now. So much had happened in between.
"Can't sleep, either?" Kaidan asked.
"No."
"I didn't think so." He gestured at the data pad. "Making yourself crazy with this won't help."
Shepard followed him as he went inside her quarters, the doors closing behind them. "Kaidan. I need to—" She couldn't even begin to list all the things she should be doing right now.
"Shh," he said, reaching for her glasses. He poured a shot into two of them. "Just take five minutes. A quick drink. Then I'll leave you to it."
"Okay." It couldn't hurt. It might even help.
He handed her a glass as she joined him in the sitting area. Kaidan's eyes met hers, his soft with concern. "Juniper, you know that you've done everything you could, right?"
"I hope so. I keep running the numbers to see if I've missed something." She closed her eyes and sighed. Too many numbers in her head. She wished she had something in front of her to shoot. Clear-cut and simple.
"You don't have to take this all on yourself. Look to your crew—to the talented people fighting by your side. What you've accomplished since the Reapers arrived is … it's just nothing short of amazing." They both sat down on the couch, finishing their drinks. Kaidan reached for her glass and put it on the table, along with his. "It's—it's going to be … Well, it's going to be what it is. You've done everything possible to prepare the galaxy." He looked into her eyes.
"What are you thinking right now?" she asked softly.
"The good times. The … the hard times." He laughed a little. "It's been an unforgettable few years."
Juniper reached for his hand. "I'll never forget the first night we were together."
Kaidan smiled. "Yeah. Of course not. I was … pretty spectacular, if I remember right."
"Mm-hm." She rested her forehead against his. "You are exactly what I need right now. And … and always. Kaidan."
Gently, his hands lifted to cup her face, and they kissed, soft and slow. Then Kaidan pulled back, smiling, "I have to confess something."
"What?"
"I lied. I didn't come here for a quick drink."
"Tell me something I didn't know." She pulled him to his feet, winding her arms around his neck. "In case I haven't been as open as I should be—you mean a lot to me, Kaidan. I love you."
"I love you, too. Until the end of time." He kissed her again, longer this time, their hands slowly moving on buttons and zippers until they lay naked in her bed. They took their time together, exploring and relearning each other's bodies, committing each other to memory, just in case. Because no one was promised tomorrow, Juniper knew, so she intended to hold on to today as best she could.
She woke later to find Kaidan still asleep. Outside her window, the stars rushed past. They were on their way, no longer in line. They would be there soon, and then the final battle could commence, the fate of the galaxy could be decided.
As Shepard sat up, mentally preparing for the battle, Kaidan stirred and stretched. "What's up?"
"Are—are we going to make it, Kaidan?"
"We're ready," he assured her … but that wasn't an answer.
Because no one knew. Countless people were alive right now who wouldn't be tomorrow. The battle had to be worth the cost, and it couldn't be unless Shepard was prepared for herself, for those she loved, to be among the lost.
"You've put the people together, the vision," Kaidan continued. "And what you've done, Shepard, is build hope."
She wished she felt more of it, in that case. Shepard sighed. "I'm glad I inspire that in you, but sometimes …" Stop, she said to herself. There was no time for this. She touched Kaidan's face gently. "You're right. Give us hope and a fighting chance. Hell, the Reapers better watch themselves." Giving him one last kiss, she got up to get dressed.
Kaidan dressed as well, and they left her quarters together to face whatever the future held.