AUTHOR'S NOTE: Been wanting to write a fic about Ruby dealing with a sensory overload for a while, and then I decided to change up my usual formula and make this a pre-relationship story set in Beacon.
Trying to capture their Beacon Arc voices was a challenge, but a really fun one. Going back to explore the trials Ruby and Weiss faced before becoming the loving wives they are in the rest of the anthology was really fun to explore, and I hope others enjoy the brief change of pace.
This is a much heavier story than my other chapters, and certainly more personal, but I'm really proud of it and I hope you all enjoy.
Weiss may not have been a people person, but even she could tell when something was amiss with Ruby. It had started this morning, with Ruby waking up everyone individually instead of using her usual whistle. At first, Weiss had chalked it up to Ruby finally giving everyone some goddamn piece and quiet, but when her voice had less of that bubbly energy to it, that's when Weiss started to grow concerned.
Yang seemed to notice this too. Instead of going for the usual morning hug, she held her arms out and waited for Ruby to reciprocate. Aside from a small nod, she didn't. This was the first time Weiss had ever seen Ruby actively shy away from contact.
She tried not to think about it too hard. There was any number of reasons for this she couldn't know. Maybe this was always their thing and she just hadn't noticed… No, that wasn't it.
The next red flag was when Ruby didn't lead them to class in a jog. Instead, it was more of a leisurely walk. When Blake had asked the reason for this sudden change of pace, Ruby had brushed it off and said she merely wanted to take in the sights.
And now here they were, stuck listening to another one of Professor Port's highly exaggerated stories that barely seemed to qualify as a lecture. With each echo of his voice Ruby flinched, and Weiss couldn't see the usual enthusiasm in her deep silver eyes. Instead they were almost empty. Almost, but Weiss thought she could detect a hint of anxiety in there.
Throughout every class that morning, Ruby had kept brushing up against her, and it felt less like her usual affection and more like she needed something to cling to so she could stay calm. For Ruby's sake, Weiss resisted the urge to scold her for her clinginess and instead just let Ruby sit as close to her as she needed.
After class had ended and everyone readied themselves for lunch, Ruby excused herself. "I'm gonna go chill in the dorm for a bit."
Blake asked, "Is something wrong? Won't you get hungry?"
"I… I'm fine. Really. I just want to get some progress in on that new video game I've been playing," Ruby shrugged. Another oddity. Ruby took every chance she could to ramble about some of her favorite games. Calling it "that new video game" instead of its actual title was as far from Ruby as you could get.
Clearly not buying it, Blake opened her mouth to continue but was cut off by Yang. "Yeah, you gotta catch up to me, Rubes." She nodded slightly towards her sister, so subtly it was almost unnoticeable.
Before another word could be said, Yang had grabbed both Weiss and Blake and dragged them to the cafeteria. For her part, Weiss couldn't stop thinking about the odd behavior. Sure, Ruby was a dunce sometimes, but this was suspicious.
Weiss went through the usual motions of getting her food tray and a meal and sitting down with her teammates and the members of Team JNPR, but she couldn't take her mind off of Ruby. "You okay, Weiss?" Jaune asked. "You've barely touched your food."
"I'll take it!" Nora cheered.
"No, she won't," Ren deadpanned as he put a hand on Nora's shoulder to restrain her. Weiss pointedly ignored all of them.
She turned to Yang and declared, "All right, team meeting. Yang, get over here!" Weiss grabbed her tray, stood up and walked further down the long table to a quieter space.
"Okay, uh, Blake, you hold down the fort!" Yang cheered as she patted her teammate on the back. She grabbed her food and walked away to join Weiss.
"'Hold down the fort?'" Blake muttered. "What does that even mean?"
Yang walked over to Weiss and sat next to her. Before she could open her mouth, Weiss shouted, "What's wrong with Ruby?!"
"Not so loud!" Yang's eyes reddened and she gestured her arms in a downwards motion to accentuate her point. "That's not your business."
"It is when she's my leader!" Even in a whisper, Weiss's voice was sharp and angry. "She's like a completely different person today!"
Yang closed her eyes, took a deep breath and sighed. When her eyes opened again, they had returned to their usual purple. "We all have our off days," she shrugged.
"What are you hiding?" Weiss hissed.
"Nothing she doesn't want me to," Yang retorted. Weiss was taken aback and felt fury grab her, but she stopped when she noticed what seemed like a subtle, deep sadness etched into Yang's face. Weiss may not have been a people person, but she had been trained to observe them, and she'd been trained well.
"Is… is she okay?" Weiss asked, the venom in her voice replaced with concern.
Yang frowned. "You know she struggles with people sometimes. It's… related to that. But that's not for me to tell. Sometimes she just needs some time alone."
"Then why was she weirdly clingier than usual in all our classes?" Weiss asked.
"I…" Yang paused. "I think you help keep her calm. I've never seen anyone have that kind of effect on her like you do. Maybe she just needed you there."
Weiss chewed on her lip a little. How could she have been so stupid? She was supposed to be the best teammate Ruby could ever have and yet she utterly neglected her mental health.
Without another word Weiss stood up and made to walk away before Yang grabbed her wrist. Weiss quickly pulled her hand away. "What?!"
"Just… be gentle with her." The concern evident on Yang's face was on a level Weiss had never seen before.
"I promise," Weiss replied. She turned around, but stopped after a few steps when she pointed back to her food tray. "And Yang? Just let Nora have it. At least then it won't go to waste." With that, Weiss walked back to their dorm.
Weiss gently knocked on the dorm room door. "Ruby, are you there?"
When she didn't get a response, Weiss rolled her eyes and opened the door anyways. Seeing Ruby laying down in her bunk immediately infuriated her, but then she noticed how Ruby had wrapped her cloak around her eyes like a blindfold. One hand holding her scroll and the other tapping along to a beat Weiss assumed she heard through her headphones, Ruby's facial expression and the rapid rise and fall of her chest made her seem anything but relaxed despite initial appearances.
Weiss hesitantly stepped forward and stood next to Ruby for a few minutes. Her breathing was loud and forced and her fists and jaw clenched over and over. Weiss had never seen Ruby quite like this. She knelt down next to her and nudged Ruby, causing her to scream and leap in the air in surprise, knocking her blindfold and headphones off.
"Wh-what is… oh, Weiss." Ruby held a hand to her heart as she tried to control her breathing and lower her heart rate. Weiss noted she heard very little from the headphones that flew off Ruby's head. Usually she listened to her music loud enough that one could hear them even when she was still wearing them. But now all that was audible was an extremely faint melody, and not just any melody. It was hers.
"Were you listening to Mirror Mirror?" Weiss asked.
"I-um, I…" Ruby's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Yeah. Your voice is really relaxing." Weiss tried to suppress the small blush the admission elicited, but before she could say anything Ruby's eyes widened in panic. "Oh, Weiss, what about your lunch? You didn't… you didn't throw that away just to be here, did you?"
"I gave it to Nora. It's fine, Ruby. I… I was worried about you." Weiss reached to take Ruby's hand in her own, but she recoiled immediately.
"Don't… don't touch me!" Ruby blurted. "I mean…" Her body trembled and she gripped the bedsheets so tightly her knuckles whitened. "I'm sorry."
"Ruby, what's going on?" Weiss asked. "Talk to me."
"What do you mean? I'm fine," Ruby laughed, though it was so obviously forced she couldn't even keep up a fake smile for more than a moment. She looked down and sighed.
Weiss set her hand on the bed, close enough to Ruby for her to notice but not close enough to touch. "Ruby, I promised you I'd be the best teammate you will ever have. I intend to keep that promise. So please, talk to me. It's okay."
"You don't understand, Weiss…" she trailed off.
"I happen to be quite smart, you know," Weiss retorted, offense clear in her voice.
"I know," Ruby said. "I admire that about you. It's just… this is different. Personal."
Weiss wanted to press for more, but instead she held her tongue. This clearly wasn't going anywhere, so she stood up and turned around. "If you don't want to talk, I'll leave you alone." Before she could take a single step, Ruby quickly snatched her hand.
"Don't!" she blurted. She let go of Weiss's hand, fell back down on her side and curled into a fetal position. "Unless you really want to..."
"I don't." Weiss knelt down next to Ruby again and waited. Long minutes passed, the only sound emanating being small sobs from the young leader. Weiss reached over to the nearby nightstand and grabbed a tissue out of a box, then handed it to Ruby. She took it without a word, blowing her nose then crumpling up the tissue and tossing it in a nearby trash can.
Finally Ruby stretched back out and shifted to lay on her back, her head on Weiss's pillow. She took several deep, deliberate breaths before closing her eyes. "Weiss, do you know what autism is?"
The question caught the heiress by surprise. "Isn't it some kind of handicap? Like people with it are kind've stupid and can't function or something?"
Ruby shot up in a rage and hissed, "Do I look like an idiot to you?!" She quickly slid off the bed and walked to the center of the room where she just stood for a long moment. Her fists clenched, she turned her head to look at Weiss. "Do I, Weiss?!"
Weiss said nothing, instead just sitting there blinking a few times as Ruby continued. "Do you want to know why I was listening to your stupid song?! It was because I can relate to it! Aside from my family, no one cared about me! I was always just 'the weird girl' and the few people that did talk to me still treated me like an immature child!"
Her head lowered and her voice dropped to an almost whisper. "That's why I stopped writing them when I came here. Because all they could do was ask if it was too much for me or if I could even handle it." She looked up, making eye contact with Weiss for the first time this encounter. "That's what I liked about you, Weiss. You were skeptical of me, but at least it wasn't because of… it wasn't because of my autism.
"And after that, you treated me better than any friend I've ever had. You've got your thorns, but you've also got a good heart in there. I can feel it." Tears escaped Ruby's eyes. "But you know what? You can also be pretty narrow-minded sometimes."
And with that, she wiped her eyes on her sleeve and left. Weiss sat on the floor and buried her head in her hands. "Weiss Schnee, what the hell have you done?"
Weiss didn't know how much time had passed. Certainly enough that she'd have missed several classes by now. That should frighten her, but strangely it did not. Not now.
But even if she was not in class, intently she studied. Oh, did she study. She opened her scroll and looked for every piece of information on autism she could find. Right away, almost everything she saw was exactly as narrow-minded as she herself had been.
Parents complaining about how hard their autistic children's struggles made things for them, horrendous bigotry disguised as "jokes," people complaining about the special needs of their autistic coworker or friend or even partner, awful mainstream "representation" written to demonize and make autistics nothing more than the butt of a bad joke. Even the most widely supported advocacy organization Weiss could find had no actual autistic members and in truth was nothing more than a hate group hellbent on genocide. Everywhere she looked was complete ignorance and hatred. Just like she'd perpetuated.
The few actual autistic voices she could find showed a broad spectrum of perspectives, each one different but beautifully unique. Quite often she saw the same heightened levels of kindness and empathy that she'd found so precious in Ruby. So she continued to read, wafting through the bigoted neurotypical commenters to find the too-often drowned out voices of actual autistics speaking about their experiences. She read these posts and took the words more closely to heart than any information she'd ever learned.
As she continued to read, the dots started to connect. She realized it was highly likely Ruby had been suffering from a sensory overload, and that Yang had been trying to protect her. And more than anything, she realized how alone Ruby must have felt. How lonely she must still feel.
She thought of Mirror Mirror, and how Ruby said it was something she could relate to. Weiss herself had written Mirror Mirror not to entertain, but to vent by putting her deepest thoughts and feelings into song. It was a song about a loneliness she never let on to anyone. Perhaps she and Ruby had more in common than she'd first realized.
"Oh, Ruby, I am so, so sorry." Weiss finally stood up and checked the time. Classes would be letting out for the day any minute now. She opened up her messages and saw several from Yang, Blake and Team JNPR. Had she really been so focused on her research that she didn't notice?
It didn't matter. She sent a text to Ruby telling her to meet her in the courtyard when the crowds have died down enough for her to feel comfortable, and prayed she'd see it.
Weiss stood next to the large statue in Beacon's courtyard and waited. She didn't know how long she'd been waiting, but she'd stay as long as she had to. Crowds of people walked around, chatting and going about their day, and it was only by nightfall when things finally cleared out.
Weiss yawned. She was tired, but she couldn't go to sleep yet. Most other students were probably fast asleep by now, and it was entirely possible Ruby was too, wherever she was.
But still Weiss stayed right where she was. She'd fall asleep on the concrete if she needed to, but she'd stay right where Ruby would know where to find her. She found herself drifting off, her eyes slowly starting to close when she heard footsteps approaching.
"Hey," Ruby waved. Her voice was tired, but Weiss got the feeling the exhaustion was more mental than physical. Weiss immediately stood up, but she was careful to keep her movements slow and calm. She walked close to Ruby and stood in front of her.
"Can I hold your hand?" Weiss asked. Ruby's eyes widened and she blushed slightly, but finally she nodded.
"Yes." As gently as she could, Weiss took Ruby's hand in her own. It was rough and calloused, clear signs of her engineering hyper-focus. But it was warm, too. Warm in a way that was distinctly Ruby.
"Come with me," Weiss said, keeping her voice low and quiet. She waited for Ruby's nod, then led them to the large emblem of Vale etched into the courtyard concrete.
"This is where we first met," Ruby whispered. A small, sad smile crossed her lips.
"I didn't know it then," Weiss started, "but you falling into my luggage was the best thing that could've ever happened to me, you know that?"
Ruby looked up at her, eyes slightly wet. "Weiss, I…" she trailed off.
"You don't have to say anything, Ruby, but I do." She took a deep breath and sighed. "I was wrong. About so many things. More than anything, I was wrong about you.
"Ruby Rose, you are the kindest, most intelligent and empathetic soul I've ever met." Weiss lightly traced random patterns into the back of Ruby's hand. "I can't even imagine all the struggles you've faced over your lifetime, and how much of that you've had to carry alone.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. It was ignorant and bigoted and… probably exactly what you feared."
Ruby looked down and felt small tears slide down her face. "I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to be seen for who I am, not what I am. I just wanted normal knees." She choked back a sob. "I didn't want to be alone again."
"Normal is subjective, boring and overrated anyways," Weiss said. She lifted her hand near Ruby's cheek and waited. When Ruby leaned into her hand, Weiss gently brushed her tears away. "Ruby, you're the most unique and extraordinary individual I've ever met, and if you'd have me, I promise you will never be alone again."
Weiss's body stiffened when Ruby pulled her into a tight hug, but quickly she relaxed and reciprocated. Weiss whispered, "I won't insult you by pretending to know what you've gone through, but I want you to know that I will always be here to support you and help you through it however I can. Just tell me what you need, and I'll be here."
Ruby's knees buckled and she fell, dragging Weiss with her. She let go of Weiss and started hyperventilating, "I'm so sorry, Weiss! I didn't mean to-"
Weiss slowly pulled her into another hug, careful to make sure Ruby could easily escape it if she wanted to. "Don't apologize," Weiss whispered. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"Aside from burdening the rest of you with my stupid problems…" Ruby muttered.
Weiss pulled back just enough to cup Ruby's cheek and look her in the eyes. "You are not a burden. Never. Just because you might process the world a bit differently doesn't make you any less deserving of love."
"'Love,' huh?" Ruby smiled softly, causing Weiss to blush and sputter.
"I-I m-meant, I m-mean-" She was cut off when Ruby gently kissed her cheek.
"I know, Weiss. You're the bestest friend anyone could ever have." A small blush colored her cheeks.
"If that were true, I wouldn't have been an ableist prick earlier," Weiss muttered.
"But you learned," Ruby said. "The gentleness, the waiting for my permission, do you think I didn't notice? That's not something you really know to do unless you've been told about it or done your research. I'm guessing that's why I didn't see you at any more classes today."
"You went back?" Weiss asked, shocked.
"Yeah," Ruby shrugged. "I didn't really want to, but I had a feeling you might not be in so I wanted to take notes of everything so you wouldn't be behind."
"After I insulted you like that, you still pushed through an overload just for me?" Weiss was stunned that anyone would go to such lengths for her.
"Well, it's not like I didn't insult you either. I'm sorry I called your song stupid. It's not. It… it's actually my favorite," Ruby admitted.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Your voice is so soothing and the lyrics are something I've always been able to relate to a lot. It's been my favorite song since before we even met. When I realized it was you that had written and performed it, well…" Ruby giggled and looked to the side at nothing in particular.
"Is that why you kept asking me to autograph your headphones?" Weiss asked. "I thought that was just a weird team-building thing."
"That was the cover story," Ruby chuckled. "But really, I just wanted you." Ruby's eyes widened when she realized what she'd just said. "I'm sorry! Th-that came out totally wrong and-"
She was interrupted by Weiss placing a kiss to her cheek. "It's okay," Weiss smiled. "I'm flattered."
"Oh," Ruby blushed. "Um, well… good. I'm glad." She paused for a moment. "I'm sorry about resting in your bed, too. It's just that anything that reminds me of you helps me calm down easier."
Weiss's face was a bright crimson, but she smiled, "It's okay. I don't mind if you need it."
"Thanks, Weiss," Ruby smiled. She suddenly stretched her back and yawned. "Man, I am really tired."
"Me, too," Weiss admitted. "Want to get off the pavement?"
"Yeah," Ruby nodded. They stood up and turned to walk back to the dormitories. Weiss blushed when Ruby slipped her hand into hers, though she tried not to think about it too hard.
As they walked back, Weiss looked over at Ruby. "By the way, was there anything in particular that caused you to have a sensory overload earlier?"
Ruby was quiet for a moment, deep in thought. Finally, she answered, "Not this time. At least not that I know of. Sometimes I just have… off days."
"You really have no idea?" Weiss asked, careful to keep her voice neutral and supportive.
"Sometimes I just get overwhelmed for no apparent reason," Ruby shrugged. "Oh, and before I forget, while I know you did your research, just keep in mind my autism isn't like everyone else's. No two autistics are alike. It's a pretty broad spectrum. My experience isn't always going to line up with what you read online or in a book."
"I know," Weiss said. "But I want to learn more about you specifically so I can better help you when you need it. But at your own pace. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
"Thank you." Ruby's arm started to lightly swing, carrying her and Weiss's limbs back and forth while their hands never separated.
They finally reached the dormitories and stepped inside, and Weiss lowered her voice to a whisper. "Are you going to tell the others?"
Ruby sighed and whispered back, "I'll probably have to eventually."
"You go at your own pace," Weiss reiterated. "I'm sure they'll be supportive, and you deserve to feel proud of who you are."
Ruby said nothing, and before long they'd reached the dorm room for Team RWBY. Weiss quietly opened the door, but the moment she did she immediately found herself face-to-face with a red-eyed Yang.
"How could you be so cruel, Weiss? What is wrong with-"
"Don't," Ruby interrupted with a hiss. She entered behind Weiss and shut the door, all the while refusing to let go of her hand. The instant Yang saw their interlocked hands, she blinked and her eyes returned to purple. She backed away to give them space to enter.
"Right, sorry," Yang sighed.
"Don't apologize," Weiss responded. "You're only looking out for her."
Blake hopped up from where she was laying in her bed. "Are you two okay?"
"I'm fine," Ruby said. She looked at Weiss and beamed. "I think we're fine."
"We most certainly are," Weiss smiled.
"Good," Blake said. She looked at Ruby and nodded. "We'll all be here for you if you need it."
Ruby brushed another small tear out of her eye. "Thanks, guys." All four of the girls returned to their bunks and Ruby reluctantly let go of Weiss's hand. Already they both missed the warmth, but they climbed in their beds and did their best to fall asleep.
It wasn't long before Yang's gentle snores echoed through the room and Blake had unconsciously buried herself entirely under her blankets like she always did when she was asleep, but still Weiss stayed up. It's not like she wanted to, but so many thoughts kept racing through her head.
She heard the bed above her start to creak and saw Ruby's upside-down head lower from her bunk to look at her. "Weiss, are you awake?" she whispered.
"Yeah," Weiss whispered back.
"Can I sleep with you?" Ruby blurted. "Just tonight?" Even in the darkness Weiss could see the anxious look on Ruby's face.
Weiss scooted to the edge of her bed and patted the empty space. As quietly as she could, Ruby hopped down and crawled into the bed next to Weiss. Laying side by side and facing each other, Ruby nuzzled her forehead to Weiss's and draped an arm over her torso.
The unhesitant affection startled Weiss at first, but she pulled the blankets over top of them and rested her arm over Ruby and rubbed small circles in her back. Cramped as they might have been, Weiss was surprised just how comfortable having Ruby here with her was.
"Hey, Weiss?" Ruby whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For having my back, for supporting me, for… well, for everything. You help keep me grounded."
"Of course, Ruby. I promised you I'd be the best teammate you'll ever have."
Ruby's hug around Weiss tightened slightly. "You are. Good night, Nice Weiss."
"This is the only time you're getting away with that name," Weiss muttered. "Good night, Ruby."
Though rarely an early bird, something compelled Yang to wake up early that morning. Eyes still half-lidded, she reached under her pillow and grabbed her scroll. Why she felt this urge, she had no idea, but her sisterly instincts proved sound when she saw multiple messages sent by Ruby in the middle of the night.
She scrolled through the conversation, feeling brief anger when she saw Ruby's initial text that things had gone poorly with Weiss and that she was returning to class, but then she saw the new messages.
Ruby: Hey, Yang. You and Blake are asleep right now, but I kind've get the feeling Weiss isn't. I'm going to ask to sleep with her tonight.
Yang looked towards Weiss's bunk, and sure enough, there were two sleeping dorks holding onto each other like their lives depended on it. Yang looked back at her scroll and read the rest.
Ruby: I know you were angry with her for how she acted when I… came out. But do you want to know something? She's the first person I've seen who reacted poorly but then actually stepped back and learned. She wasn't at class later because she spent all that time learning how to be there for me. Tonight she's made me feel more supported than anyone aside from you or Dad or… or Mom has ever made me feel.
Ruby: So please don't be upset with her. She's trying. She really is. She's come so far, and… and I think I have, too. She helps keep me calm and focused, and when you manage to break through her walls, she's really, really sweet. I like her a lot, Yang. She's the best friend I've ever made.
Ruby: When I'm with Weiss, I don't feel so lonely anymore. She's special and I really care about her, and I know she cares about me, too.
Ruby: I don't really know why I'm rambling about all of this. I guess… I guess I just wanted you to know that I think I finally am breaking out of my shell, and I owe a lot of that to her.
Ruby: Anyways, I'm gonna put my scroll down and hopefully cuddle with Weiss. Good night, Yang.
Yang could hardly believe what she was seeing. Her baby sister had her first crush, and she was crushing hard. She looked back at Ruby, sleeping more peacefully than Yang had ever seen, and smiled. Yang's scroll vibrated and she opened it up.
Blake: they're pretty adorable, aren't they?
Yang: howd u know i was awake
Blake: heard the bed creak.
Yang: makes sense
Blake: you didn't answer my question.
Yang: yeah yeah, theyre pretty cute
Blake: i think Weiss will really help her through her sensory issues. i know Ruby struggles with her autism.
Yang: u knew?
Blake: kinda figured. had friends growing up that were on the spectrum. Ruby reminds me of them.
Yang didn't know much about Blake's past, but she was glad to know her teammate at least had experience. She supposed that explained why Blake was always so gentle towards Ruby.
Yang: let her come out bout it at her own pace tho
Blake: i know. i'd never take that from her.
Blake: she's strong, Yang. and not just physically. she'll find her way.
Yang: think shes already found her future gf thats for sure
Yang heard a small chuckle from the bunk below her.
Blake: i think they're good for each other.
Looking back at the sleeping pair, Yang couldn't help but agree.
Yang: me 2
A soft, stirring yawn came from Weiss's bunk.
Yang: be sleep
She closed her eyes and just knew Blake was doing the same. They listened intently as Ruby and Weiss whispered sweet good mornings to each other before Ruby reluctantly crawled into her bunk. After a few minutes, she hopped off, grabbed her whistle and blew.
"Good morning, Team RWBY!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: When talking to the people on the White Rose Discord server (who are absolutely wonderful and I love them with all my heart) about my experiences with autism, I suddenly realized that the only autistic characters I can think of in media have all been written by neurotypicals. Even the few that were actually well-researched still weren't written by us. At best, we might just be consultants.
I want to change that. As an autistic, I've written and headcanoned Ruby as autistic throughout this anthology, but here I really wanted to focus on it as a central plot point. I hope that through this chapter and others in the anthology, maybe I can help people learn more about us.
With all that said, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, and as always feedback is appreciated.