AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'd been wanting to do a follow-up to the last chapter, only this time with an adult White Rose where they actually know how to help Ruby cope with an overload. Then I ended up getting a severe overload IRL and that made this even more topical to write. Also made this a borderline vent fic.
But I want to quickly preface this story by saying I based this off of what would help me though an overload, but what you read here isn't necessarily what's going to work for every autistic person. So if you see one of us struggling, please be kind, please be empathetic, and above all, please be patient.
Despite knowing deep down how unbelievably stupid it was, of course it had to be the damn hair dryer that finally set Ruby off. Already overwhelmed for no reason at all—an "off day," as she tended to call them—all she'd wanted to do was sit down, watch a movie and try to get her mind off the random, unprovoked anxiety that threatened to explode out of her. She wasn't even paying much attention to the film, but anything was better than complete silence and her own anxious thoughts.
But then Weiss had stepped into the bedroom's adjacent bathroom to shower. Nothing unusual there. Both of the young women were meticulously clean, after all. Why would Ruby complain about that? But in the aftermath, when Weiss had stepped out and started to dry her hair, the noise was just… too loud.
Ruby tried to drown it out, but when already on the verge of overload, the noise was all she could hear. It echoed and pierced her ears, and it was like a physical pressure was crushing her. She began to hyperventilate, barely able to breathe. Her hand reached up to her throat as if touching it would make a difference.
There was too much noise. Everything was too loud. She tried to get her thoughts together enough to prioritize. Reduce the noise, she thought. She reached over and grabbed the TV remote, muting it.
At this point, she may as well just turn off the movie, too. The sound of the hair dryer still bored through her and everything felt like it was squeezing in all around her. She became hyper-aware of every sensation as she slid off the bed. She tried to stand up, but she just sort've wobbled instead.
Trying but failing to block out the noise, she walked forward, hit the eject button on the disc player, and promptly fell to the floor. The noise was too much. She wanted to scream, but didn't. The last thing she wanted was to disturb Weiss.
It was stupid, she knew. Weiss had always been so patient and understanding with her struggles, only once casting judgment but quickly learning from her mistake. And throughout the last few days when Ruby had been especially sensitive to every sensation, Weiss had consistently been so calm and quiet. Ruby knew if she asked, her wife would stop what she was doing in an instant to help.
But how could she? How could she just keep asking for help over and over and over again? After a long and brutal war, there were times when Ruby just felt broken. How could she still be worthy of love when some days she barely seemed to function?
She didn't know when the tears had started, or when she had started screaming, or when Weiss had sprinted out of the bathroom to hold her, but by pure instinct she'd reached her arms up to wrap around Weiss's waist. Small, gentle kisses were pressed to Ruby's scalp as Weiss held her head and whispered reassurances. "I'm here, sweetheart," she breathed. "I've got you. You're safe. I'm here. We're here."
Ruby continued to spasm and sob, curled into a ball in Weiss's lap. She wanted to get up. She didn't want her wife to be stuck sitting on the floor with her because she was too exhausted to even stand. "I'm sorry," Ruby cried. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Shh," Weiss held her and continued to press light kisses to her head. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"Yes, I do!" Ruby shouted. "I shouldn't be getting overloaded because of a stupid hair dryer! What is wrong with me?!"
"Ruby," Weiss whispered and lightly cupped her wife's chin in her hand, going slow and making sure Ruby could see the contact coming. She gently lifted Ruby's head to face her, then moved her hands around Ruby's ears. She didn't apply pressure, and left part of her ears uncovered because she knew how much complete silence terrified her wife.
"My love, there is nothing wrong with you." Weiss bit her lip and tried to think. What was something she could do to calm her down? Weiss whispered, "I want you to close your eyes and focus on my voice. Anchor yourself to it. Can you do that for me?"
Ruby choked, "I-I'll try." Her thoughts were scattered in every direction, panic creeping in. But she closed her eyes and listened to Weiss. She let that soft, angelic voice ground her.
"Right now I want you to think back to that day on the beach, a few months after we'd confessed, after we'd won the war. Do you remember it?" Weiss knew the answer, but she kept talking to give Ruby something to latch onto.
"We-we got engaged," Ruby sniffled, a small smile creasing her lips. "How could I forget?"
"You can't," Weiss smiled. "Now I want you to think about that day. I want you to listen to my voice, and I want you to think about the sensations you experienced that day.
"Think about the feeling of the sand, of the wind blowing through your hair, of the cool, gentle waves giving respite from the warm summer heat. Can you do that for me?"
Ruby could picture it clear in her mind. She could picture Weiss's hands in her own, the calming warmth of her future wife's presence. She could remember the comfort and joy when their souls bonded for the first time.
She smiled weakly, "I can see it. I can feel it."
"Good," Weiss said. "While you think of that feeling, we're going to focus on our breathing, okay?"
Ruby exhaled unevenly, "Okay."
"You're doing amazing, my love. Now I want you to breathe in through your nose for four seconds, okay?" As Ruby inhaled, Weiss counted, "One, two, three, four.
"Now hold for seven. Three, four, five, six, seven." Ruby's shaking started to decrease, and the rate of tears escaping from her closed eyelids started to slow.
"Now exhale through your mouth for eight seconds with a little 'whoosh' sound. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Good work. You're doing excellent, sweetheart. Just like always."
Weiss smiled when she felt Ruby release a soft giggle. Good, they were making progress. "We're going to repeat that a few times, okay?" Ruby nodded. She didn't need to, nor did Weiss even need to say anything. By now they'd been though this enough times to know the drill.
But still Weiss talked her through the whole process, every step of the way. She knew how important the repetition was. "Let's do this together now. In through your nose…" Weiss held onto Ruby the whole time, keeping her touch light enough for Ruby to escape if she wanted to, but firm enough to be noticeable and make sure her wife knew she wasn't alone.
After talking her through it three times, Weiss quieted, both of them going through the exercise together without a word needing to be said. Several minutes passed of them sitting on the carpeted floor and taking deep, deliberate breaths.
Just once, Weiss gently brushed Ruby's hair with her thumb in a circular pattern. That was their signal, a silent question, and when Ruby nodded slightly, Weiss knew it was okay to speak again.
"You're doing so amazing, my love. Now do you still have that beach in your mind?" Weiss asked.
"Yeah," Ruby replied, her voice low and hoarse.
"Good." Weiss knew now was the time to bring it home. "Now bit by bit, I want you to focus on something else. Think of the wind in the air that day. Focus on that feeling."
"I am," Ruby nodded.
"Then I want you to think about what you feel now. Feel the light breeze?" Weiss said.
"I can feel it," Ruby said unevenly, her breathing more relaxed but still labored.
"Good. That breeze is coming from the air vent on the floor just a few feet away. That's your wind." Ruby slowly nodded and Weiss continued, "Now think of the texture of the sand under your feet.
"Think of that texture, then touch the ground under you." Ruby took another shaky breath and pressed her palm flat on the floor.
"Carpet," she said a little awkwardly.
"Yes," Weiss smiled. "Now with your permission, I'm going to hold onto you."
"Okay," Ruby nodded. Carefully and gently, Weiss moved her arms from Ruby's head down to her waist and pulled her into a soft hug. She resisted the urge to rub circles into Ruby's back, instead making herself a static but noticeable presence.
"Think of the warmth you felt on that day, then think of what you feel now." Weiss closed her eyes, letting her own calm wash over her wife.
"I feel loved," Ruby whispered.
Weiss smiled, "You are. You always will be. I want you to think of all the sensations you feel at this exact moment, and I want you to process them. Where does that leave you?"
"Home," Ruby smiled and pulled back. She opened her eyes and felt her breathing return to normal. The loud, overbearing feelings from minutes ago replaced with a gentle warmth from her wife's support.
"I love you," Weiss whispered.
"I love you, too." Ruby looked down for a moment, a small frown on her face as another tear slid down. "I'm sorry you have to keep putting up with me…"
"No, none of that," Weiss quickly interjected. "Ruby, I'm not 'putting up with you.' I'm here because I love you. Because you're the most amazing person I've ever met and every day is brighter with you in it."
Ruby's face was uncharacteristically blank. "How?" she asked, her voice empty. "How can you still love me after all this? After my stupid autism and my constant nightmares and trauma and… and…" Ruby felt herself break as a wave of tears flooded her face.
"Oh, honey," Weiss gently pulled Ruby into a loving embrace, pressing kiss after kiss to her neck. "Being traumatized doesn't make you any less deserving of love, and neither does being autistic.
"Ruby Rose, you are the single most amazing person in Remnant's history. You saved everyone, and you saved me, too. You gave me hope when I thought there was none to be had. You inspired me to be the best person I could be.
You're my hero. You always have been and you always will be, and I will always love you with all my heart. Loving you is never a burden. Not even close. It's the greatest experience of my life."
Ruby's body shook as she sobbed into Weiss's arms. She buried her face in the crook of Weiss's neck, whispering "I'm sorry" over and over.
"It's okay, my love," Weiss whispered. "You have nothing to apologize for, and I will always love you."
"I-I love you, too," Ruby choked.
"It's okay if you're not okay," Weiss whispered. "It doesn't make me love you any less, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
"Okay." Ruby's voice was weak and tired.
"How about we get off the floor and I get you some water?" Weiss smiled. Ruby said nothing, merely nodding and doing her best to stand, pushing on her knees but promptly falling as soon as she was upright.
Weiss quickly caught her and held her up. "Together, now," she said, and step by step she held onto Ruby until she could safely crawl back in bed. She leaned over and kissed her wife's forehead. "Do you want me to put your movie back on?"
"No," Ruby replied. "Too loud."
"Okay," Weiss nodded. She stepped back to the disc player and grabbed the disc from where it dangled ejected, then she grabbed the movie case off the nearby shelf, popped the disc back in and returned it to its spot. She was careful it was right where Ruby wanted it. She liked having their movies and games organized in alphabetical order.
Weiss turned around and stepped back to Ruby, grabbing her almost-empty water bottle off the nightstand. "You okay if I go refill this for you really quick?"
Ruby nodded, "Yeah, I'll be okay." Weiss leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"I'll be just a moment, my love." After Weiss left, Ruby closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.
Weiss stepped back inside and set the newly-refilled bottle next to Ruby. "There you go, sweetheart." Ruby reached over and took a swig. Then a swig became a gulp, and a gulp became a chug as she quickly downed every last drop of water.
She panted slightly to catch her breath when the bottle separated from her lips. "Thanks, Weiss."
"Of course," Weiss responded. "Want me to get you more?"
Ruby nodded, "Please." Weiss grabbed the bottle and left again, and Ruby started idly tapping her leg. She reached around and grabbed the TV remote, idly flipping through looking for random videos to watch while still keeping things muted.
New trailers, funny memes, cool random game videos, the usual. Nothing really appealed to her right now. She sighed and pinched her temple.
She was grateful Weiss returned when she did. Weiss carried with her Ruby's water bottle in one hand—an as-needed pill to help with Ruby's anxiety held between her fingers—and a small plushie in her other hand.
Weiss set down the water bottle and pill on the nightstand. "There's your water and some medication." She then sat the plushie next to Ruby. It was a gift from Weiss, a soft recreation of one of Ruby's favorite video game characters. "I know you usually leave this guy in the game room, but I thought you might like to have it now."
"Thank you, Weiss," Ruby smiled as sat up, chugged down some more water and swallowed the medication. She laid back, grabbed the plushie and held it to her chest. She closed her eyes and sighed.
Weiss crawled into the bed next to her and inched closer to Ruby. "Can I hold you?" Weiss asked.
"Please," Ruby replied quickly. Weiss gently took Ruby in her arms and planted soft kisses to her cheek, causing Ruby to blush and giggle.
"Hey, guess what?" Weiss grinned.
"What?" Ruby smiled.
"I love you." Ruby gleefully giggled and opened her eyes to look at Weiss. She gently set the plushie aside and grabbed the back of Weiss's head to pull her down into a kiss, but she suddenly stopped. Weiss frowned, "Ruby, don't even think about apologizing for my hair."
"But it's still damp. If I'd just-"
"If you'd just tried to push through it, you'd be in even worse shape. Having my hair dry a little sooner isn't worth sacrificing your mental well-being. Nothing is."
Ruby's eyes closed, obviously unconvinced. Weiss gently ran her hand along Ruby's cheek. "Honey, will you please look at me?"
Ruby slowly opened her eyes and looked up into her wife's face. Her soft, beautiful and angelic face. "Ruby, you are my wife and the light of my life. Your happiness is my priority, now and always.
"I want to be there for you. I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy and to feel loved. You are deserving of love." Weiss caressed Ruby's face and brushed away a few more soft tears.
Ruby's hand returned to the back of her head and she pulled Weiss into a slow, loving kiss. Weiss gently lowered herself onto her wife, and Ruby pulled her closer to feel the warm pressure of Weiss's body on hers that relaxed her so much.
"I love you," Ruby whispered. "So, so much. You're my hero, Weiss."
"I love you, too," Weiss smiled. "You mean the world to me." She nuzzled into Ruby and wrapped her arm around her waist. Ruby held onto her with one arm and held her favorite plushie in the other.
Weiss leaned up to Ruby's neck. Usually she would pepper her lover's neck with small nibbles, but tonight she merely planted soft, affectionate kisses up and down her neck and face. Ruby giggled and held Weiss tighter to her.
"You're amazing, my love," Weiss whispered. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Ruby softly exhaled and yawned, worn out by a long night. "I'm tired," she whispered.
"Get some rest if you can, love," Weiss smiled and kissed Ruby's cheek. She sat up and Ruby quickly grabbed her hand.
Weiss turned, and Ruby didn't let go. "Please stay."
"I'm not going anywhere," Weiss smiled. "I'm just going to turn the fan on." She looked at the fan they activated every night so Ruby had white noise to help her relax, and gestured towards it.
Ruby reluctantly let go and Weiss walked to the fan, turning the knob on top as quickly as she could to activate it. Weiss stepped over to the bedroom light switch and looked at Ruby. "Want me to hit the light?"
"Yes, let it be as dark as my soul," Ruby joked, her voice light and mischievous. Weiss beamed, glad that Ruby had recovered enough to joke around again. She turned off the light and quickly hopped back in the bed, nuzzling back into Ruby.
Ruby smiled. "Thank you, Weiss. For everything."
"Whenever you need me, my love." Weiss leaned up and kissed Ruby's cheek. She sighed and bumped her forehead into Weiss's.
Ruby focused on the calming sensations. The room was dark, sparing her from having to deal with bright lights. Quiet auditory stimulation came from the fan running nearby the bed, making it easier for her mind to run blank instead of panicking in pure silence as she often did in this new, post-war era. And in her arm she cradled her favorite plushie that Weiss had bought for her so long ago, providing warm memories to cling to.
But by far the best sensation was the feeling of Weiss nuzzled into her. She felt her heart rate relax and focused on the feeling of Weiss's body pressed into hers, or her hot breath blowing onto her skin at a steady pace. Having her here was blissful.
Her thoughts calm, she slowly found herself drifting into sleep after a long, stressful day. As she fell into slumber, she whispered, "I love you, Weiss."
Weiss watched her fall asleep, waited for that characteristic slow rise and fall of Ruby's chest when she was sleeping peacefully. She leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I love you, too, sweetheart."
She nuzzled back into Ruby and closed her own eyes. She wasn't particularly tired, but cuddled up to her beloved, the warmth began to overtake her. Drifting off, she held onto Ruby protectively, always ready to keep her safe just as her wife had always done for her. "Good night, my love."
And together, in a calm, quiet room, in a loving and warm embrace, a calm rest washed over them.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Aaannnddd that's yet another fic I've ended with two wives falling asleep together. In hindsight, I wonder if that's because my insomnia makes the idea of sleep seem more relaxing… hmm, that's probably some self-discovery to go through later.
But I also want to give a special thank you to @SchneeDoTTy for helping me through the aforementioned sensory overload I experienced the other day. That's the first time someone's really helped talk me through one until I could calm down, and I based a lot of this fic off how she helped me. So, if you're seeing this, @SchneeDoTTy, thank you for being one of the best friends anyone could ever have.
And with that sappiness out of the way, I hope you all enjoyed this little fic. As always, any feedback is appreciated.