The next days are spend writing their eulogies for the coming funeral. Angela has rewritten it many times but is never satisfied with the results.
Tony has written his in one sit and then stashed it away, he won't reread until the day of the funeral arrives. He has checked with both Joe and Jonathan. They both tell him they've written their eulogies as well.
The day of the funeral has arrived. Tony feels heavy, his heart and mind are heavy. He doesn't feel ready, but then again he doesn't think he'll ever be ready. Angela had dressed the girls, one of the request of the will was not to wear black, but to choose an outfit in everyone's favourite colour. Maria wanted to wear her lilac dress and Sophia her pink dress. Angela has braided their hair to their liking. Nicky walks up to Tony, he is wearing his favourite pair of jeans and a light blue dress shirt with a dark blue tie.
"Your mom and dad wanted you to wear your favourite colour and clothes, you know?" Tony gives his grandson a small smile.
"I know. These are my favourite jeans. But this shirt and tie. It was the last thing mom and dad bought me." He looks at his feet. "It was meant for Nana and yours wedding anniversary." He looks up at his grandfather. "Mom said I looked so handsome."
"You really do. Your mom had a good eye when it comes to fashion." He chuckles but immediately stops, because he notices that for the first time he is referring to Sam in past tense. He can feel his own heart breaking.
But Nicky's smiling face lifts his spirits just enough to not break down. "Mom is the best!" Nicky chuckles.
"She is. I know." He gives his grandson the best smile he can. "Will you be okay buddy?"
"I will have to be. I need to stay strong for Maria and Sophia." He looks at Tony in earnest. "They need their big brother."
"Just know you have your family too. We love you all so much." Tony feels his heart break for his strong grandson.
"You look handsome Nicholas." Angela leans into his doorframe.
"Hi Nana." He smiles.
"You know Nonno is right. We are all here for your sister but also you. You don't have to be strong. You can show your emotions." She sits on his bed and takes his hands to hers.
"But you are always so strong.." Angela softly squeezes his hands.
"I know Nicholas, I've always been strong, but it has taken its toll on me. If it wasn't for Nonno, I'd still be bottling up all my emotions. I do miss your mom and dad very much and it hurts so much. But as long as we have each other, we will get through it all."
"I know Nana, Nonno told me that Micelli men can cry too." He smiles.
"We love you so much sweet boy." Angela cups his face with one hand.
"I love you guys too." He looks from Angela to Tony. "I will help the girls." He says before leaving his room.
Angela looks at Tony, who is wearing a suit with an off white dress shirt and a tie. "That's neither your favourite clothes or your favourite colour." She looks him in the eye. She is wearing a long dress, that buttons from the front. He didn't recognize it. "You have to honour Samantha's request." She presses. "Wear your favourite pants with your favourite shirt. Maybe wear the shirt she bought you last year."
"Is this your favourite dress?" He asks.
"No it's not." She caresses her own body. "But I love this shade of green, emerald." She looks him in the eye. "It was the dress we bought together. Samantha pointed it out to me and told me she always loved emerald green on me. So.." She chokes. "I feel like I am honouring her in every sense of the word." Tears start to form in her eyes. "I need to do this for her."
"Come with me." He says grabbing her hand and dragging her to their bedroom. He opens his closet. "I hardly have clothes appropriate enough for a funeral, let alone for the funeral of my.. I mean our daughter." He looks at her with tears in his eyes. "How can I honour her?"
Angela grabs his favourite pair of jeans, a nice dress shirt and his Mets jacket. "Wear this." She says.
He looks at her in utter confusion. "Angela that is not appropriate!" He is annoyed.
"Yes it is." As she lays the clothes out for him. She turns, again chewing the inside of her cheek. "It is the exact outfit you wore when Samantha and you went to your last game together. I remember Samantha saying you looked very handsome. She later told me that she loves that you have always dressed like yourself. Never pretending do be any different that you are. Honour Tony." He walks up to her and takes her in his arms.
"God, Angela I can't do this, I am so scared. Please stay by my side." He softly cries into her hair.
"That's the place I have been for 10 years now Tony. It's the only place I ever wanted to be."
Tony quickly changes his clothes and smiles at the sight of himself. The memory of the game comes back. Not that it was an interesting game, it was the fist time in a long time that he had some alone time with his daughter. "You are absolutely right, this is the perfect outfit." He smiles at his wife. "I love you Ange."
She hugs him from behind. "Not as much as I love you Tony."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The family meets earlier at the funeral home. They speak to the funeral director.
"I will open the funeral and welcome everyone. Have you all decided who will be the first to speak?" The funeral director sees the panic in all the eyes.
"No, no we haven't." Angela is the first to break the silence.
"I think this should be decided by the parents." Jonathan looks at the four of them. "I can speak whenever you guys want me to."
"I'd like to start." Joe looks at his feet. "If that is alright with you two?" He looks at Tony and Angela.
"That is fine." Angela smiles.
"I think Nicky should speak after Joe. Then Jonathan." Tony looks at Angela. "That just leaves you and me." He swallows. "Who will speak first?"
"It doesn't matter to me darling. Whatever you feel more comfortable with." She grabs his hands and caresses it.
"Maybe we could go up together. And then figure out who will speak first. Is that alright?" He looks at Angela.
"I'd like to have you by my side when I give my eulogy." Angela sighs not to cry. "Is this okay?" She looks at the funeral director who has start writing down the order of names.
"Of course it is Mrs. Micelli. Will you stand with Mr. Thomopoulos, Mrs. Thomopoulos?" The young woman looks at Fran. Who looks at her husband.
"It's the place I need to be." She smiles at her husband. "But please don't make me say anything." She gives Joe a pleading look.
"Of course not my sweet Fran, I would never pressure you." He kisses her forehead.
"Okay. So you will all be sitting in the front row. As the rest of the people walk in their first chosen song will be played.
Before everything starts. The family walks into the room to say their final goodbyes to Hank and Samantha. Nicky clings to Angela as Maria clings to Tony and Sophia to Joe. Jonathan took Mona and Fran and stood at the foot of the coffins.
"Fuck.." His eyes filled with tears. "Sam.." as the tears roll over his cheeks. "Why? How will I do this without you? I know I didn't say it often enough, but I love you. You have been such a rock to me." Adam puts his hand on his shoulder. "Come here." He says, taking Jonathan into a hug. "My sister Adam, that's my sister." He sobs.
Mona looks at Hank. "Oh Hank." And then turns her eyes on Sam. "Sam.. I didn't want to believe it and now I can't deny it anymore." She cries as Stanley takes her away from the coffins. Fran just looks at her son, he looks like he's asleep, no signs of the marks or bruises they did see before. She smiles at him. "My little boy." Joe puts his arm around his wife. "it's so unreal, isn't it?" Sophia lets go and walks towards her parents.
"Are they sleeping?" she asks. Maria lets go of Tony and takes her sister's hand. "I think they are." She says. Maria looks at her mother. "Mommy? Daddy? Can you wake up?" All adults looked like they were kicked in the guts. "Nonno, why aren't they waking up?" Sophia looks at him hoping he could answer questions.
"I.. I.." Tony didn't know what to say and looks at Angela for help but she is just as frozen.
"That is what death means." Nicky broke silence. "David told me that when his grandpa died, it looked like he was sleeping." He is still holding on to Angela. "Nana? Will you walk up to mom and dad with me." Angela squeezed him tightly against her body, she releases one hand to take Tony's hand. "Let's all do it." She looks Tony into his eyes.
Angela watches Nicky and Tony like a hawk. She hasn't even looked at Samantha and Hank. She needs them to be okay first. Silent tears fall from Tony's eyes as Nicky puts his face into her stomach and starts crying uncontrollably. She picks him up. "Come here my boy. Shhhtt. We're here sweetheart."
"This is the last time I am going to see them ever again." Nicky sobs. "It's not fair Nana, I need my mom and dad. I can't.. I can't.." tears just keep falling. "I love them so much, I need them here. Nana why can't they be here." Tony has hugged his grandson from behind. The girls have also started crying Sophia has been picked up by Fran and Joe and Maria is now in Jonathan arms with Mona by his side. "Why Nana? Why Nonno?" Nicky keeps screaming. "It's not fair."
"You're right sweetheart. It isn't fair, all of this because one person made the worst decision one could ever make." Angela caresses his hair.
After the kids have settled down, Mona, Stanley, Jonathan and Adam take the kids to the waiting area, where Bobby and Katie are waiting with the funeral director.
"You say your goodbyes." Tony looks at Joe and Fran. "Then we will say ours." Joe nods at Tony. Tony and Angela disappear in the direction of the waiting area.
After a couple of minutes, Fran and Joe walk out. Joe nods at Tony again.
Tony looks at Angela and sighs. "You read mi Amore?" She shakes her head but gets up and they make their way back.
The two of them stand in front of the coffins, holding on to each other and are just staring at the two young people. Both their minds are racing, both hearts filled with so much sadness. Angela loosens her grip and walks towards Hank. "Thank you for being there for Samantha, for giving us our 3 grandchildren and always making us smile." She caresses his cheek. "We may not have said it often, but we love you. Just for who you are and who you've always been. A great father, a loving husband and a wonderful son-in-law." She kisses his forehead and then turns to Samantha. "Oh baby girl I can't." Tears streaming, Tony has taking his place behind her, his hand on her shoulder. "How will we ever get passed this? How will we ever overcome this pain we feel. You know we love you very much, I've told you ever chance I got and now I won't ever be able to tell you again. But when I look at your girls and your boy.. I see you.. both of you. And we will tell them every day of our lives how much you two love them and how much we love them. I promise you Samantha, your babies will be loved and taken care of till my dying day. I am going to miss you two so much, our lives will never be the same again." Angela caresses Sam's face and bends down to kiss her. "Oh baby." She takes her face in both her hands. "Oh sweet baby." She kisses her again. She then turns to Tony and sees his tears. She just falls into his embrace as they both just stand there crying.
Tony holds on to Angela's hand. "Hank my boy, take care of Sam up there like you did when you were still here." He kisses his forehead. "Sam, say hi to mom. And you know what your other mom said.." he squeezes Angela's hand. "Goes for me too. I love you so much my sweet baby girl." He bends over and kisses his daughter.
Hand in hand they walk back to the door, before opening, they both turn back to look at the coffins. Then share a look. Their eyes say everything they can't. They both have a hard time leaving their daughter lying there, they both feel suffocated by the finality of this day and they both wish they were anywhere else but there. Then they look back one last time. "Bye sweetheart." They softly say in unison before exiting.
The family is escorted to the room where the ceremony will commence as the rest of their guests say their goodbyes.
When the ceremony starts Nicky is sitting int between Angela and Tony , Maria and Sophia each have taken a seat on their grandfather's laps. Fran is holding Maria's hand as Jonathan is holding Sophia's.
The first tunes of 'Knockin On Heaven's Door' by Guns n' Roses is heard and Angela and Tony share a look and then smile. Remembering how many times Samantha had listened to that song. Jonathan looks down, Mona squeezes his hand. He looks at her, a tear escapes his eye. "You knew, didn't you?" Mona was hinting towards the song they are listening to. Jonathan nods.
When the song finishes, the funeral director welcomes everyone and holds a short speech about Hank and Sam. Angela finds she has a hard time focusing on the words that are being said. Only when she hears Joe and Fran being called up, she looks up again. Maria crawls onto Angela's lap when Joe is holding his eulogy.
"Hi everybody." Joe starts. "Thank.." his voice cracks as Fran takes his hand, he looks at her and then at Angela and Tony. "You all for coming. I.." He looks at his wife and gives her a loving smile. "We are overwhelmed at seeing all of you here for our son Hank and his wife Samantha." Joe sighs. "We still live in disbelief, Hank is.. I mean was our only child, our son. We feel empty." He looks at Angela and Tony. "And I think this emptiness will never be filled. We will never be the same again. Hank was a wonderful boy, growing up he was always sweet and kind. He was much more like Fran than he was like me." Joe chuckled at the thought. "He was so bright. And when he married Sam, we were over the moon. Although I honestly have to admit that him telling us he was dropping out of medical school to follow a career in puppeteering, did kinda upset us.." Angela saw Fran squeezes his hand. "Well mostly me. But I should have never doubted him, because he did make a career out of it. And he did great. I know many of you are here because of his puppeteering." Joe smiles at the crowd. "I just wish I told him I was so proud of him, because now it's too late." Fran softly starts crying as Joe looks at the coffins. "I am proud of you son. I am sorry it took me too late to realise and say this to you. You did wonderful, with both your personal life and your career. You chose a wonderful wife, with a supportive and amazing family. You two intertwined our 2 families and we, your mom and I, promise you, to keep loving all of them and to take care of them as best we can." Tears have start falling on his cheeks when he spoke. "Please wait for us when arrive. Your mom and I love you so much. Thank you everyone."
The second song 'Forever Young' by Bob Dylan starts. As Fran and Joe are crying, Joe and Hank had shared their love for Bob Dylan.
When the song ends, the funeral director invites Nicky to speak. All the colour is drained from the young boy's face. "Nana, Nonno.. I can't." He whispers.
"Do you want us to come with you?" He looks at his grandparents and his sisters.
"Maria, Sophia, will you stand with me?" He asks, both Angela and Tony are trying to hold back the tears as they watch their grandchildren walk up to the lectern but then make a turn before it as they stand next to the coffins. The funeral director grabs the microphone and holds it for the young boy. "Mommy, daddy. I'm here with Maria and Sophia, we know that you're gone and are not coming back. I just wanted to let you know, we will miss you so much and I will make sure Maria and Sophia will never forget you."
"We won't!" both girls say in annoyance, which lessens the tension in the room.
"Nonno, Nana, Grandpa, Grandma, Grandma Mona, Uncle Jonathan, Uncle Adam, Bobby and Katie will take care of us now. I know they will love us dearly. But mommy and daddy.." the little boy breaks. "No one can ever love us the way you love us. Please .. why did you have to leave us so soon." Angela jumps up and quickly makes her way to the kids with Tony on her heels. Both kneeling down and holding all three of them. "Why Nonno? Why Nana?" Nicky cries. "It's not fair." Even the funeral director, who has seen a lot is wiping away a tear before inviting Jonathan to say a few words.
For a moment he just stands there, looking out over the people. Seeing some familiar and some not so familiar faces. His eyes fall on Bonnie, whose eyes are swollen by all the crying. He gives her a small smile in their shared hurt. He looks at his note, he has only scribbled some words down. "Most of you know me. Know the special circumstances of our family.." he stops talking when he notices Michael and Heather in the background. Michael nods towards him. "Of my family. It almost feels like mom and dad were destined to meet. It was this destiny that gave me an older sister. Even though we didn't share a single drop of blood or DNA, Sam was my sister. I loved her like a sister, I still love her like a sister. She did everything her own way. This was something I respected and admired about her. She knew me through and through. Over the years we had become closer and closer. I love her family, she loves my family but most of all we lover OUR family. One big happy blended family. When Hank and she eloped I kinda outed them but when they tied that knot, we all knew it was forever. Although I could have done without all the sappy stuff that happened in the weeks after their wedding." He laughs thinking back. "But I felt so happy for the both of them. Hank really completed her heart as she completed his. Nicky was the first demonstration of their love for each other, they were so proud of their little boy and his accomplishments. Then their family was crowned by two beautiful little girls, Maria and Sophia, the spitting image of their mother. Their family was perfect and complete. And now we are here, Hank and Sam, pulled away from us. And we have to find away to get through this, to keep their legacy protected, healthy and happy. And we will, because one thing this blended family has taught me, is that we are always here for each other. Hank, please take care of Sam up there. Sam, please.." his voice cracked as the tears stream. "If you can, show me that you still check in on us. Thank you everyone."
'Stand by me' by Ben E. King starts and Jonathan chuckles through his tears. He looks at his sister. "You actually used this song. Jokes on you.. it's also on my list." Angela and Adam look at him and both put their hands on his lap. "I'll miss you sis and please stand by me." His tears just keep flowing, he can't stop them.
"What is wrong with daddy?" Katie asks Mona.
Mona is also crying but looks at the little girl. "He is sad, honey. He will be okay, but sometimes daddies cry too." Katie nods at her great grandmother.
When the song ends, the funeral director appears again. "The last speakers of he day are Mr. and Mrs. Micelli, could you please come up here." Angela turns to Nicky kisses his cheek and says. "Go sit with uncle Jonathan." She kisses Maria and puts her in Fran's lap and Tony places Sophia on Joe's lap after giving her a little kiss on her cheek. Tony and Angela immediately clasps their hands as they walk up, they look at all the people who have arrived. Both stare for a second. Angela locks eyes with Michael, she has never felt more confused. Tony's eyes fall on Mrs. Rossini, he can see and hear her heart breaking.
"Hi everyone." Tony starts but freezes.
"Thank you all for coming." Angela adds. "You have no idea how much this means to us."
"I actually have no idea how to start." Tony honestly shared. Tony grabs his note and Angela has hers ready.
Tony opens his and looks at the words, they all seem to tussle on the page. Angela puts her hand on his shoulder. "Would you like me to start?" Tony shakes his head, he wants to start because he doesn't know if he can start once she has spoken.
"Sam.. You've always done things your own way. Sometimes to much frustration of me." He looks at his daughter. "I remember when you were way too little I stood in an exact same room I'm standing in now. Today I look at your kids, your boy and your girls, who look a lot like you at that age. All those years ago, I had to keep going because of you. You had just lost your mother and needed me. Back then I didn't think anything could hurt as much as losing your mom. And now.. here I stand, looking at your kids and it feels like the whole process has repeated itself. They will have to go on without a mom and a dad. Losing your mom was so painful and so hard, but losing you Sammie. My baby.." He swallows hard. "Losing you proves that there is a worse pain than losing your mom. The biggest difference this time around is that I won't have to do it alone. I have Angela.." He looks at her. "Your chosen mother, to help me. Mrs. Rossini, Hank's parents, Mona, Jonathan and Adam to help us navigate. Hank, I know I gave you a hard time every now and again. But you know I love you, I know you love Sam. You are a good husband, an amazing father and the best son-in-law I could ask for. You took care of my baby girl and your family. I know you guys won't be alone up there, my parents will be there, grandpa Nick and most importantly your mom." Tony looks up at the sky. "Please take care of our little girl Marie. Please guide her…" tears stream. "Please let her know how much we love and miss her and that our lives will never be the same again." Tony just steps back and gently pushes his wife to the front.
Angela puts on her glasses, unfolds her note and looks at it. Then she takes off her glasses and puts them down. "I.." she clears her throat. "I had this whole eulogy written out, every word was perfect, heartfelt and meant. But not worthy." She looks at the coffins. "I have so much to say to you two. And I feel that it is all useless. I remember every small detail of the day you came into my life Sam. From the shiner to our first breakfast together. I also remember every small detail of the day you married the love of your life, Hank. I remember talking to you, noting that it was different with Hank, serious. And Hank, I remember you tying Tony to my car." Chuckles can be heard. "Everything. I remember how you looked in your wedding dress.. me telling your dad 'can you believe our little girl.' I remember you guys telling us you were expecting, me going to doctors appointments. I remember our girl's trips. I remember it all and that is why it hurt so bad. I may not have given birth to you my sweet darling daughter, but you were mine as much as you were Marie's. We loved you both so much. And now I can never tell you how much you mean to me. How much you both mean to me. Because Hank, you were our son-in-law and we love you dearly. I will promise you that we will take care of Nicholas, Maria and Sophia. I promise you we will love them and I promise you that we will never let them forget you and all you've meant to our family." Angela had tears streaming down her face. "Oh baby.. I just wish I could hold you again. I miss you so much." The entirety of her speech Angela had been looking at Hank and Samantha. "I love you with all my heart and then some." That's when she turned to the crowd again, everyone in tears. "Thank you." She quickly grabbed her things and walks away while grabbing on to Tony for dear life.
Just when they sit down. 'My way' by Frank Sinatra starts, first Tony and Angela smile, because of the meaning of the song, soon they find themselves hugging and crying at the words of the song.
When the song stops the funeral director comes up and thanks everyone for attending. That the family welcomes all to go into the next room for some drinks and snacks. She invites the people in the back to come up first to say their final goodbyes to Hank and Samantha. 'Unforgettable' by Nat King Cole starts as people make their way down. Isle after isle. The family watches everyone go by. Angela still in shock at the sight of her ex-husband. 'Unforgettable' is played until the last of the people have left. Only the family, including Mrs. Rossini, Al, Bonnie and some of Hank's friends and family are left.
"It's time for the closing of the caskets." The funeral director says. Automatically Fran, Joe and Hank's friends and family form a circle at his casket, as Tony, Angela and their family and friends are around Sam.
"You are here with the people that love you the most." Angela says before putting her note under Sam's hands. "So you can read it. My sweet girl."
The kids kiss both their parents before the caskets are closed.
"Their plot is ready and we will bring them down there when most of the guests have left. Hank and Sam had clear instructions." She looks at the people around her. "For only the people in this room to be in attendance. The people that mattered most to them."