Cocaine's the name of the game here kids. Just like it made Rick James fuck up Eddie Murphy's couch that one time, it'll fuck up your whole life all the same. One day you're hitting a fat line or two with your buddies in the club bathroom, the next you're selling your neighbour's catalytic converter for some rocks to smoke. Keanu, however must've been asleep during all the anti drug PSAs that he had in school. That boy's nose went through more snow than Shaun White. And as those who tend to enjoy such substances tend to do, Keanu went on a week long bender. After a lot of unprotected sex, regardless of species or gender, crashing his car on four separate occasions in the span of an hour, gambling almost all of his money away and making a lot of "friends" in low places, our main character was at something that closely resembled "rock bottom". But just like god's strongest soldier, armed with a glock, three grams of coke in each of his pockets and a strong desire to start a podcast, he stumbled towards his apartment where an unexpected guest was waiting...
The key turned in the lock, making a distinct clicking sound. The door opened and Keanu lumbered his way inside. His dark apartment was filled with empty bottles, clothes littered about and cocaine residue on every flat surface. A distinct stench of wet dog could be felt ever so slightly, not by Keanu of course, but by whatever soul occupied this space. Keanu groaned, took off his shoes and started undressing, throwing his clothes on the floor, his glock still tucked firmly in his underwear. He made his way to the living room where he flicked the light switch on.
-"Ah, if it isn't-" A wolf was rudely interrupted, sitting on the couch drinking tea.
-"CUNT!" Keanu screamed, pulling his gun out and aiming it at the animal. The wolf instantly froze, not even daring look at Keanu. He took a moment to examine the situation, and he lowered his gun. "Johnny you can't just creep like that, you know how fucking WIRED I am!?" Keanu exclaimed, slightly calmer seeing a familiar face.
-"I can tell... Lay off the blow Fido." Johnny commented, relaxing himself before taking a sip of tea.
-"Why don't you lay on my dick, what are you doing in my apartment, uninvited, uncircumcised and unkempt, sitting on my 300000 couch with your musty 20000 yen suit" Keanu cut back, unloading his gun and throwing it on the table, picking up half a joint from an ashtray. Johnny clearly thought it was funny, but he tried his best not to smile.
-"Right. I'm here cause you're acting like even more of a degenerate than usual, so the boys decided a little wellness check was in order. Ever hear of a little thing called a reputation, Keanu?" Johnny asked, rhetorically.
-"Yeah, my ex-girlfriend was into Taylor Swift." Keanu blew off, inhaling smoke, crossing his arms and looking at Johnny.
-"See when you act like... you... It sends a certain message to the black market, hell, Cherryton in general. What kind of respectable organization would associate with someone like you?" Johnny continued.
-"Not a single one. That's why y'all adopted me. Not like I had much of a choice anyway, I liked eating and sleeping in a warm bed, so I picked up a gun." Keanu cut back.
Johnny was now very clearly annoyed. He stood up and pulled the joint out of Keanu's mouth, putting it out in the ashtray.
-"Will you cut it out already? Who keeps pissing in your coffee to keep you like this all the time!?" Johnny raised his voice. Keanu's gaze widened, before slowly morphing into a scowl. "Everyone's dealing with shit, you don't see us terrorizing the neighborhood! Why do you have to be so goddamn extra!?"
-"You're acting a bit above your FUCKING station there Johnny." Keanu growled, pushing Johnny back. Johnny was shocked, he started slowly backing away from Keanu while he started inching closer. "You don't get to raise your goddamn voice at me. I am the wrath of GOD! Your little pep talk failed. Get out of my apartment." Keanu commanded.
Johnny backed away further from Keanu, he got to the apartment door and opened it, before letting out a sigh.
-"You know we love you... Or you should know I do at least... I hope it gets better for you." Johnny remarked, leaving the apartment and closing the door behind him.
Keanu stood there, motionless. He fumed for a bit...unable to calm himself. He reached into his stash and made two lines, inhaling them like muscle memory at this point. He sat on his couch and stared into the wall. His leg bouncing, ears twitching and claws scratching. He was restless. In that moment of neurons firing off like howitzers, a bright idea, no, an overwhelming impulse emerged. He got dressed and walked out onto the dark street, illuminated by streetlights.
It was nighttime, around 10 p.m. He marched his way towards the black market. Once there, he headed east, taking side alleys to avoid being seen. During the way he developed a bit of a headache, but he carried on nonetheless. Eventually he reached the entrance. The Shishigumi hideout. It's been a long time. For Keanu anyways. Time was a bit murky to say the least. He snuck around the back, a much easier task now that the Shishigumi was cut down to only key members. He looked around for a bit, conked out of his mind, before spotting a cherry tree close to a balcony. He climbed up on it and jumped on the balcony, making a not quite loud but not too quiet thud. He quickly hopped on the railing of the balcony and climbed up onto a piece of roof above. He repeated this process several times before getting to the top floor's balcony, where the door was wide open. He snuck inside, and slowly and carefully walked around the room, feeling a tingling sensation. He slowly opened a door and saw Louis standing in front of a window, drinking a glass of wine. He made his way inside and closed the door.
-"Ibuki, I told you not to bother me, I need some alone time." Louis reprimanded, a bit agitated but not turning around.
Keanu stayed silent for a moment, while his brain's gears were turning when he came up with an amazing plan.
-"Sorry boss, but this was kinda important." Keanu spoke in a clearly exaggerated, deep voice. The hairs on the back of Louis' neck stood up, and he quickly turned around. He wasn't relieved, but was at least familiar with who stood in front of him.
-"The fu... How did... What the hell are you doing here!?" Louis exclaimed, setting his glass of wine down.
-"I felt like our chat was cut short." Keanu replied, in his normal, sexy as always voice.
-"And you just... Appeared!?" Louis questioned, still just as confused. Keanu looked around the office for a bit humming to himself.
-"Real nice office you got there. How'd a deer like you get a position like this?" Keanu asked, unbothered.
-"You can't be here. If the Shishigumi see you here they'll-" Louis warned, but he was cut off
-"Oh so you're not Shishigumi? Those guys are though? That's funny." Keanu responded, his headache now getting worse somehow. He grabbed his head and groaned a bit.
-"This really isn't the time for this. Get out of here right now. I told you I don't wanna see you again." Louis responded, now quite agitated.
-"Yeah well you're unlucky, cause I wanna-" Keanu stopped, his pain spiking. "I wanna..." He turned pale, and his knees got wobbly. Louis noticed.
-"Keanu?" Louis called.
Keanu's legs stiffened up and his eyes rolled back into his head. He face planted right on the floor and started groaning slowly while his whole body stiffened and twisted on the floor. Louis jumped and kneeled on the floor next to him
-"Keanu!? Keanu!" Louis called out, but to no avail, he turned Keanu over and looked at him, in panic.
Keanu started convulsing violently, and a urine stain grew larger and larger on his pants. His mouth was drooling while he was still making that awful quiet groan with his blank white eyes rolled back. Louis dropped every shred of anger he had and held Keanu close, trying to calm the convulsions. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and shoved it in Keanu's mouth.
"You'll be okay, please... please be okay!" Louis cried out, upset.
Keanu kept shaking, and shaking, and shaking.
And then.
He stopped.