One Last Tim Chapter 11, a castle fanfic

One Last Tim

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is AU; Kate's mom is alive, and still happily married to Jim.! The experiment of Kate and Rick living together, happily ever after is killed when she takes the Fed job only 7 months into their coupling. Only to return to New York 13 months later, BUT Rick isn't there.

I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement purposes, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this more believable fiction, thanks. A different outcome from Watershed, at least for now. No Guarantee this will be Caskett Ending, but leaning that way now.

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Chapter 11

The Swings

One Hour Later

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Rick arrived at the swings, just as he had on that day over three years before, the difference was Kate was already there, sitting in the same swing she did that fateful day. He took the same swing and faced the opposite direction than her, he promised to be nice, not to look at her. If she started to cry, she knew he was a sucker for that, but not today, not anymore.

She felt the swing set sway under his weight, like in the first meeting, both waited for the other to speak first. Rick finally got agitated, Beckett, you're the one that wanted to talk, so I'm here, talk if you want or I'm going home. I've had a pretty tough day, in case you weren't aware of it." He said, not with malice, but more business, a matter of fact, a tone that no one could miss. She had heard it only on a few occasions before, but he was about to become agitated.

"I'm sorry Rick, I was just trying to gather my thoughts, I know you're tired of hearing the same old thing over and over again. I swear I'm trying not to do that,"

"Beckett, at this point don't you think it would be a better use of both of our time to just say what's on your mind, you have nothing to lose. What's the worst that could happen, that I get up and leave? I made a promise to be as kind as I could to you, and I owe her my best effort, so go for it." He said,

"Rick, who did you promise to treat me kindly, Cathy? Oh God, it's even worse than I thought, I have her feeling sorry for me now, well, I don't need that. I don't need your new love's kindness, or care, you can tell her that," She barked out at him never looking,

He sat in his swing for a moment, counted to twenty then went to rise when he heard,

"Rick, please don't go, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, I'm just so pissed off at myself, I guess I wanted to lash out at someone," she said softly,

"Well, while we're on the subject there are some ground rules if you want to continue with this conversation Beckett, FIRST don't EVER make the mistake of insulting or saying what you just told me to tell Cathy, she is one reason WHY you and I are meeting. She made me promise to be kind, not the pushover you knew.

"You admitted in your letter, which by the way was more of an assignment for your doctor than for my benefit, that you lied to me for the entire time using your apartment to set up the interview, I suppose with your Mother's support. But I didn't bring her into this, so be careful what you say, I am not nearly as tolerant of your smart mouth as I once was.

"About my letter, I didn't know if you got it, or read it, or just tossed it in the trash," Kate half cried,

"That's your first and last lie Kate, you knew I received it, I had to sign for it, and I saw the tablet send you a scan of the email while the messenger was still in my doorway, using my WIFI. NO MORE LIES, what is it with you, is there a reward for how many lies you can tell and get away with?" Rick asked, disgusted with the untruths and it had only been less than five minutes together.

"I'm sorry, you're right, old habits, but no excuses, I did know you received the letter, but I never got a feel for how you felt when you read it. I can guess it wasn't one of your preferred choices of reading material, she tried to solicit a small smile, but nothing, he was stoic as he kept his eyes peering straight ahead.

"I don't know if you were aware of this or not, but I got a visit from your mother, right after we broke up, she wasn't the most pleasant person in the world when she was trying to intimidate Eduardo," Rick said, almost just as a matter of fact,

"My Mother? What on earth would she be visiting you at the Loft, I didn't think she was even on the approved visitor list. What did she say, well, if you'll share, I mean." She suddenly found a dose of humility,

"You'll have to ask her, I don't share, at least information that doesn't involve me. I think she wanted to visit me to intimidate me into at least listening to you if you called, but she didn't know you did call, ONCE, and even though you can't remember what you said, I'll never forget it when I heard it" he had a look on his face that Kate wasn't familiar with, not of hate, or disgust, it was almost like he really didn't care one way or the other how she felt.

"Well, if you know what I said Rick, can you put me out of misery and share the message? I swear I have tried since that night but can't remember anything but calling you. I know I was angry, hurt, well upset mostly at myself, but as usual, I took it out on you." She asked, almost pleading with him,

"Are you sure Beckett, sometimes things are best not remembered" he quoted one of her lies, back to her, and it not only stung, but she finally realized the hurt she caused him.

"Rick, I'm"

"It's a yes or no question Beckett, what's your answer?" He asked, not cruelly, but not willing for her to debate internally for a great period of time either. She looked at the ground, she knew it was bad, how bad she would never know unless she garnered the courage to listen. As her therapist had said in one of her DC sessions, "if you had the guts to say it, at least have the courage to listen to it and try to make it right." Finally, she got out, "I have to hear it, Rick, I'll never know how badly I hurt you until I do, and I know you aren't interested in anything but resolution tonight, I mean, that's what it appears, I mean you have Cathy,"

"Who has nothing to do with our PAST, your decisions, or my plans for the future with us, hell I can see clearly now that there never was an us. There was you with me chasing you so badly I lost my manhood, even allowing other men to share thoughts, and yes, a kiss, with no real resolution from you for US. I guess I wanted it to work so badly, I was willing to do almost anything, take almost any embarrassment, but thanks to you, I'm free from that now, you decided for the both of us, all by yourself."

He pulled out his phone, accessed the cloud account, and found the voicemail, it was time-stamped at 1:37 AM, he didn't bother to look at the date, but it had been less than two weeks since she left, he remembered that from the first time he listened to it. One last chance Beckett, are you positive you need or want to hear this? " He asked with a firm, but even tone,

She was squirming in the seat of the swing, knowing it had to be awful for Rick to give her this many chances out of listening to the vitriol she had spewed. She looked down and sadly replied, "I don't want to Rick, but I know I MUST, in order to move forward with what I have done, I mean I've tried to apologize."

"About that Beckett, your letter read like an assignment from your shrink rather than a letter to express your guilt and sorrow. Don't listen to this, just for that assignment, just tell him we're good and both have our lives to live. You don't have to put yourself through this just for an assignment from a shrink. Your letter wasn't so much an apology as it was a chronological catalog of our time together, there were a few moments but reevaluate it with your shrink to see what he thinks. One last time, are you sure you want or need to hear this?"

She shook her head, yes, so Rick raised the volume so she would have no doubt in what she had said, unlike the last time he heard it, this was on full speaker, not his earbuds.

He pressed play and out it came, Beckett, slurring her words, obviously drunk, in a bar, and not alone, it was obvious that she wanted him to know that. "Come on Rick, grow a pair, pick up the phone, I know you're home, hell you're always at home. Maybe that's why I let Vaughn kiss me, he wasn't so boring.

"Come on, Castle, what's the matter no guts, you don't want to talk, well I do. I want you to know I'm getting ready to fuck the brains out of, hey what's your name, you, Ray? OK, I'm going to fuck Ray's brains out, maybe he can get me off.

"I don't know why every man I had in my life couldn't fuck worth a damn, none of you, not Will, not Tom, not Josh, and certainly not you Mr. Celebrity with a starlet on each arm, bet you couldn't fuck them either. I bet that's the real reason Meredith had someone taking care of her, not what you said, you were a terrible fuck, don't know how you got her pregnant if she's "BEEP tone sounded indicating that she had reached the time allowed for a voice mail.

There was silence, Rick could tell she was crying, but no handkerchief, no tissue, no condolence was offered, just silence. Finally, he spoke, "you really have no idea of how close you came to me never acknowledging you were even alive anymore, do you? She had come very close to the line that NO ONE crossed and stayed in his life in ANY capacity, insinuating that Alexis was not his real child. He had heard it all before and had taken steps to squash that rumor.

"I can take a lot of things but you hit low, lower than some of my enemies even did Beckett. Just for the record, and not that it's any of your business, but to clear the air, here" He handed her a certified copy of the DNA results showing that DNA proved he was the father of Alexis Castle within 99.999654% margin of certainty. They never would say 100% because of the chance of a lab error, but as he spoke to the DNA Analyst, it was as close as they would ever come to 100% on paper.

He watched as she read it, tears streaming down her face, he knew she was sorry, but words like nails in a board even once removed still leave holes. "I could have expected this from others, but even on our worse day, I would have bet my life it NEVER would come from you, not if you EVER cared even a little about me.

"Is there anything else you need to talk about Beckett?" He asked after she had time to compose herself.

"Rick are you and Cathy going"

"Beckett, what happens between me and Cathy stays between us, it's not for discussion, we were supposed to meet to go over your letter, and I guess if you haven't figured it out by now, for me to tell you we are done. Really Beckett, Three Years? What was I supposed to do, cry myself to sleep every night after you left, which by the way I did for a few weeks, hoping you would come home?" He said a little more firmly,

"I guess I had to hear it for myself from you, everyone else has already told me, especially my Mom, but I was still hoping for a miracle. I'm sorry, Rick, there's nothing left for me to say, I mean, I truly am and I want you to be happy. IF you ever get the urge to drop into the precinct, I'm sure your friends would love to see you." She said,

"Well, I was told as well, that until I told you, you wouldn't believe it, so I'm sorry it took this long. Go live your life Beckett, you had dreams once, go live them, on your terms. As for the precinct, I'll pass, those were your friends, I keep in touch with anyone I want from there whom I consider a friend. I don't need to visit, it would just be awkward for all of us, plus you forget I don't live in New York anymore." He said, still same tone.

"Well, at least I know what I did, it was worse than I even imagined, and"

"It's over and done with Beckett, all forgiven, we are good," Rick said, anticipating another I'm sorry.

He stood and faced her, looked directly into her eyes, and said, "Well, take care of yourself, Captain Beckett, I wish you the best" he pulled his hand from hers and walked across the park so familiar to another day and time.

She walked home, thinking she had gotten the job she set out to get, but at what cost? She opened her apartment, got a cup of coffee, and hit the remote from the stereo, of all the songs in the world it had to be this one, at this particular time, Bluest Eyes in Texas.

That lonesome Texas sun was setting slow
And in the rearview mirror, I watched it go
I can still see the wind in her golden hair
I close my eyes for a moment, I'm still there

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight
Like the stars that fill the midnight sky, her memory fills my mind
(Where did I go wrong?) Did I wait too long? Or can I make it right?
The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

Another town, another hotel room
Another dream that ended way too soon
Left me lonely, prayin' before the dawn
Searching for the strength to carry on

For every heart you break, you pay a price
But I can't forget the tears in her blue eyes

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight
Like the stars that fill the midnight sky, her memory fills my mind
(Where did I go wrong?) Did I wait too long? How can I make it right?
The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight

She curled up on the couch, with the little bear Rick had gifted her so many years ago and cried. She had failed to follow the most important piece of advice her Training Officer had given her, never having to look back and think IF ONLY.

The End

A/N: Sorry for the long delay in this chapter, my wife is still ill, still in rehab, but in the last few days, we may have turned the corner. Thanks to everyone who reached out, and sent kind notes, I am uncertain about the future at this time but this is it for the foreseeable future, thanks for your support and encouragement. Always, Tim