a/n: reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

"Y'know, if Batman's been getting laid this much, then it just adds to my theory that he's a vampire," Hal Jordan was saying as Diana walked into the room. "Although if he tried to have sex with me, it'd probably be a ruse to try and suck all of my blood."

Shayera snorted and crossed her arms. "You overestimate how much of a snack you are."

"Hey! Rude."

The redhead ignored him in favor of Diana. "Hey, princess." There was no bite to the nickname anymore, so Diana just offered her teammate a nod in return. "You're here early."

"No earlier than you both," she pointed out.

"That's because we're nosy." Hal grinned, leaning forward in his seat as Diana sat near the head of the table. "So, gonna give us the inside scoop before the others get here?"

"Hal, there is no 'inside scoop.'" Diana paused, a mischievous idea coming to mind. "At least, nothing involving me. I can't say about the others."

The door slides open behind her just as a gust of wind rushes past her face. She was more than used to Wally's dramatics at this point and therefore didn't even blink in surprise when the speedster came to a stop in front of her.

"Can't, or won't?" Wally asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes as Diana stared back at him placidly.

"If I answer yes to one, you'll believe the true answer to be the opposite."

"I'll believe whatever explains you answering Supes' phone earlier," Wally shot back.

"Flash, do you think I would've answered Superman's phone if we were having a secret affair? That would defeat the purpose entirely."

Wally narrowed his eyes at her. "You win this round, but I'm watching you!"

"Do we know who else is expected at this meeting?" Diana turned her attention back to the others as she walked to her seat, briefly glancing up at the sound of the door opening again to see Green Arrow and Black Canary enter, the two bickering loudly.

"—and for the LAST TIME, babe: I didn't hook up with Bats!"

"Then how would else would the list writers possibly know about our sparring sessions being foreplay?!"

"Well clearly you've been talking about our sex life at your girls' nights out!"

"You say that like there's much to talk about lately!"

The silence that fell at Canary's final shouted words was so thick a non-enhanced person would've heard a pin drop. Not even Wally had a sarcastic comment to break the tension, partly due to the way his mouth was hanging open in shock. Shayera's expression was one of amusement, and Hal's concentration had been so interrupted that his Green Lantern uniform briefly flickered to reveal his regular clothes.

"Wow. You two need a sex therapist, like, yesterday." Zatanna's shocked laughter finally shattered the awkward moment as Arrow and Canary practically jumped apart and spun to find her in the doorway.

"And a regular therapist," John Stewart muttered from behind her. "Just going to stand there, Z?"

"Oh! Sorry." The magician side-stepped so John could pass her and take his seat. She used the moment to murmur under her breath quickly and snap her fingers, a business card (truly) magically appearing in her grasp. "Here's my recommendation. They did wonders for me and John—Constantine that is."

Diana herself nearly laughed at the fury that lit in Canary's eyes as Zatanna handed the card to Arrow, who audibly gulped.

"Thanks, Z," Canary said in a dangerously sweet voice. "I'll let you know how it goes."

Superman and Batman only arrived once everyone else was in their seats, although both men immediately noticed the new and very obvious distance between Canary and Arrow's chairs. Clark's expression shuttered and made it clear that he didn't want to even know, while Bruce's slight smirk had Diana certain that he knew exactly what the cause was.

"I'm sure everyone knows what this emergency meeting was called for," Superman began haltingly once he and Bruce were settled at the head of the table with Diana. She couldn't remember a time when he'd ever sounded this uncomfortable when addressing their fellow Leaguers. "There was… a breach in security—"

"Not the only thing that was breached, if you know what I mean," Hal interrupted in a loud whisper.

Shayera voiced what the majority of them were thinking. "Gross, Hal."

"—and we believed it best to clear the air of any misunderstandings," Clark continued loudly, "particularly amongst us leaders. It's times like this where it's most important that we present a united front."

John snorted. "Way to make it sound like the end of the world, Supes."

"For Kansas boy, it might be," Diana replied with a sly grin.

Superman groaned. "Not you too, Diana."

Martian Manhunter's prominent brow raised in mock surprise as Danny exited the zeta-tube behind Jason.

"Danny Johnson," he rumbled in his deep baritone. "I did not think there was any truth to the list that has been shared, but now that you are here…" He trailed off with a rare quirk of his lips.

Danny narrowed his eyes. "You could've been my favorite Leaguer, Manhunter."

Manhunter stared steadily back at him. "What a shame."

Jason loudly snickered at the interaction but stopped with an indignant yelp when Danny elbowed him in the side. The Batbrat wasn't allowed to get amusement out of this situation as long as Danny was convinced he regretted his involvement in the making of this stupid list.

"The meeting?" Danny asked, crossing his arms impatiently.

"Level five. You will know where when you hear it. The argument is quite loud, even mentally."

"That seems to be a trend around here," he muttered before rolling his shoulders back with a deep sigh. "Fuck. Fine, let's go. C'mon, Jason."

Jason began to protest loudly as Danny grabbed the hood of his sweater and dragged him toward the lifts. "Woah, hold on! I only said I'd help you get in here! I did not agree to help deal with the meeting!"

"Frankly, I don't give a damn. Get in the elevator, Jason."