Set before, during, and after the series. Just some snippets of shenanigans.
Birkhoff was paying attention to Percy. He had been called into his office to discuss the latest mission. The hacker was interested in learning about it and in knowing what he had to do for it. But Percy had left his door open. It was so Michael could easily slip back in after he dealt with something. Yet the secure door was still open, which meant distractions could come in.
The worst distraction was Nikita.
She just so happened to walk by. When she noticed Birkhoff, she made a little face. He tried to wave her away without Percy noticing. Only the hacker could see her. He didn't want the two of them to get in trouble for messing around. They could act up around Michael, but not Percy. That man was not one to be messed with.
Nikita was undeterred, however. She made even more faces behind Percy's back and did everything she could to throw Birkhoff off. It worked. He couldn't concentrate on a single thing that was being said. All he could focus on was not reacting to the childish and stupid faces Nikita was pulling. If he was being honest with himself, it was a little funny; he also needed a laugh after all the stress he had been facing. Except then wasn't the time. He couldn't risk anything in front of Percy.
Fortunately, Percy soon turned to grab something. Birkhoff was able to steal a pen off his desk and chuck it at Nikita. She finally left the doorway. He finally paid attention.
After some time, Michael returned to Percy's office. His first move, however, wasn't to update his boss on what he had been doing. Instead, he handed Birkhoff the pen he had thrown at Nikita. Whereas the hacker stared at it wide-eyed, Michael fought a smirk, "You dropped this."
Michael woke to Nikita throwing the covers over herself and groaning. At first, he believed she was having a nightmare. Yet the way she curled into the blankets (and the fact that the bathroom door was left open) proved she was wide awake. Something else was wrong. Michael shot upwards and reached for Nikita. When he touched her back, however, she pulled away; she groaned in pain once more. Regardless, he reached for her again, "What's wrong?"
"Go away," Nikita muttered harshly. She buried completely under the covers with no intentions of coming back out.
"Are you okay?" Shifting closer to his girlfriend, Michael asked. If she was in pain, he wasn't going to leave her. He had to help her feel better, despite how much- and how angrily- she pushed him away.
"My head and uterus hurt. Just go away," Nikita seethed. She almost sounded like she was close to tears. Michael wanted to hold her tight and comfort her. But he knew better than to push her when she was menstruating. He had to comfort her with words instead.
Reaching for his tablet, Michael searched for the best ways to alleviate menstrual pain. He soon found some options for Nikita and gently told her, "I know you feel bad right now. But moving around and exercising is the best way to combat cramps. Eating some fruit, like bananas, should help too. Also orange juice and water. Pain pills, like ibuprofen, can eliminate symptoms, but it's not long lasting. The best…"
"Michael. I swear to God. Shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone," Although she was curled in a tight ball and was dwarfed in the comforter she had wrapped around herself, Nikita was beyond menacing. If Michael said one more word, she'd rip out his tongue. It didn't matter if she loved him; she could not stand him at that moment. He had to go, or else. He didn't waste any time in following her command.
He left her in their bedroom, gently closing the door and hurrying to another room. Michael tried not to hold Nikita's anger and annoyance against her. She had every right to be upset and hormonal- she was in pain, and she felt like shit. It just made him upset as well. She wasn't the only one who needed space then.
Fortunately, Birkhoff was in the kitchen and could provide Michael a distraction from his thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, as he joined the hacker, he became annoyed all over again. Despite how early it was, Birkhoff decided to make chicken nuggets and tater tots for breakfast. Michael rolled his eyes and huffed, "Nice breakfast choice."
"I keep telling you man, the types of food we eat should not be regulated by time. If 'breakfast foods' can be eaten for dinner, then 'dinner foods' can be eaten for breakfast. Our stomachs don't care, as long as we're fed," Birkhoff instantly defended himself. He wanted to eat nuggets and fries, who cared what time it was. Some restaurants sold the food all day, so why couldn't he eat it all day. It wouldn't hurt him. As long as he was fed, who cared.
A part of Michael could see Birkhoff's point, so he just shrugged and let it go. He searched the kitchen for his own breakfast, and that was when he noticed the kind of nuggets Birkhoff was preparing to throw in the oven. They weren't made of chicken. They were the tofu and vegetable nuggets Nikita had found and had excitedly bought. There was no way Birkhoff would actually want to eat those. He was about to make a grave mistake in more ways than one. Michael should take pity on him and warn him, "Those are Nikita's."
"So? She eats my popcorn all the time. It's only fair I eat her nuggets," Birkhoff ignored Michael. Nikita didn't run the household, even if she wholeheartedly believed she did. She couldn't control what he ate, especially since she stole his food all the time.
"Have fun with that," Michael scoffed. He couldn't wait until Birkhoff took a bite of a veggie nugget expecting chicken. And (a bit selfishly as it'd take some heat off himself) he couldn't wait for Nikita to tear the nerd's head off for stealing her food. It'd be great entertainment as he enjoyed the cereal he had settled on.
Birkhoff rolled his eyes as he began to preheat the oven. He wasn't afraid of Nikita. What could she actually do to hurt him.
Since they were on a team together, what could she do to hurt him.
If she found out, what would she do.
Maybe Birkhoff should hide the fact that he was a thief. He could quickly make the nuggets and tots and eat them in his room. Hopefully he had enough time to do all that, "Where is Nikki, anyway? Aren't you two usually up and annoying me at the same time?"
"She's sleeping in. She has a migraine and a cramp," Michael muttered. Maybe after some more sleep, Nikita would be in a better mood. She'd definitely feel better. And that was the most important thing. Though, Michael would also feel better if he didn't have to walk on eggshells around her.
"She went on a run already?" Confused, Birkhoff wondered. He hadn't heard an alert of anyone entering or leaving the safehouse. And it still wasn't light enough outside for Nikita to have gone on a full run. So how was she in pain.
"Not that kind of cramp," Michael clarified. He cast his gaze to Nikita's veggie nuggets as a way of warning. Birkhoff caught on quickly.
"Oh," Returning the nuggets to the bag (only then did he notice they were vegan) Birkhoff decided to only eat tater tots for breakfast. No food was worth Nikita's hormonal wrath.
Returning to the safehouse after a supplies run, Birkhoff and Michael were met with screaming. Their first reaction was to rush to the source of the sound, weapons at the ready. But as they took a brief second to listen, they realized it was just singing. It was bad, awful, and more shouting than actually singing, but it was singing nonetheless. The men quickly relaxed and chuckled softly at their paranoia. Things didn't have to always be that dramatic; they were allowed some mundane moments. Nikita was certainly enjoying one of those. Birkhoff laughed louder as he realized she was the one who was trying to sing, "Is that Nikki?"
"Nikita?" Michael called out, placing the shopping bags on the table. There was no response. She just kept screaming/singing somewhere on the other side of the house. Michael smirked, "I think she has her headphones in."
While Birkhoff put away their supplies, Michael went in search of Nikita. He soon found her cleaning their bathroom, blasting music through her headphones. She didn't notice him standing behind her in the doorway. She was completely in the zone, belting out songs without a care in the world, "'The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out/ You left me in the dark/ And no dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight/ In the shadow of your heart'."
Michael couldn't help but chuckle. Nikita was just so cute. She wouldn't let cleaning the bathroom ruin her day; she'd make it as fun as possible by being her goofy self. He was so glad that she was able to find moments like that. No matter what, she could find joy. It made him want to always find joy with her.
Eventually, Nikita turned around. When she spotted Michael, she gasped. She fought the embarrassed blush on her cheeks at being caught. Hastily, she paused her music and removed her headphones, "How long have you been standing there?"
"Throughout the chorus," Michael beamed at her. Nikita rolled her eyes. He couldn't help but chuckle again as he finally closed the distance between them, "You having fun?"
"Yeah. I am," Nikita decided to just own up to her terrible singing. The way Michael smiled at her, how could she not. Yet before she could pop her headphones back in and play her music, her boyfriend disconnected her device. She was going to snap at him, but then he played her music out loud. The two laughed, sang, and cleaned together.
"Look what I found discounted at the store," Proudly, Birkhoff showed off his latest grocery find. He handed the actual things the team needed to Ryan and Michael, who proceeded to go through them and put them away, but the rest he gave to Sean, Alex, and Nikita. Sean and Nikita were the most excited by his discovery.
"Oh, fuck yeah," Pulling out the candy, Nikita dug through it for all the blue raspberry flavored ones. She knew it was purely artificial, but she loved how blue it made her tongue. Sean and Birkhoff accepted her thievery and just settled for the other flavors.
"What are Pop Rocks?" Alex was the only one who held back from the pile Birkhoff dumped out of the grocery bag. She had no idea what the others were so excited about. She had seen the item on shelves before, but she had no clue what it was.
The three stopped their excited candy stealing to stare at Alex in bewilderment. Sean was soon the first to ask, "You've never had Pop Rocks before?"
"No. What are they?" Shaking her head, Alex reiterated her question.
"It's just hard bits of flavored sugar. It's good. You'll like it," Nikita offered Alex a pouch. The young woman loved super sugary things; she practically ate anything sweet that was put in front of her. She was going to absolutely love Pop Rocks. She just had to get over her confusion first.
"And I just shovel it in my mouth like Birkhoff's doing?" Alex glanced over at Birkhoff, who just poured the entire content of the candy package into his mouth. He then moved to Michael, opened his mouth, and held it up to the other man's ear. Alex had no idea what that was about, yet it pissed Michael off. She could've sworn he was about to commit murder.
Sean and Nikita could've told Alex what to expect when she poured Pop Rocks into her mouth. But after a quick shared glance, they decided not to, "Yeah."
With a shrug, Alex ripped open the packet and dumped all of the candy into her mouth. As it began to fizzle and pop in her mouth, her jaw gaped open in surprise. The candy just kept sizzling on her tongue. It didn't hurt, but she definitely didn't like the feeling. She stared at Sean and Nikita in utter shock, but they were of no help. All they did was laugh at her. Although she wanted to cuss them out, the candy distracted her, "Oh! What the fuck!"
Mostly to get away from how annoying Birkhoff was, Michael took pity on Alex. He pulled her over, explained what exactly Pop Rocks were, and told her that it was supposed to be eaten in increments, not shoveled in like a gremlin. She calmed down once she knew that. Also, the fizzing stopped and the sweetness of the candy settled in. She liked how it tasted then. Maybe she could eat more of it if it was in bits at a time.
Nikita and Sean just kept laughing. The surprised and somewhat betrayed look on Alex's face had them in hysterics. They needed to give her more candy like that. When Sean was able to control himself, he suggested they keep feeding her shocking pieces of candy. The worst ones to have on the tongue, the better, "Do you think she's had a Warhead before?"
"Birkhoff keeps a stash at his desk," Nikita was already on her way to steal a piece of the sour candy to give to Alex.
"Steal me one!" Sean called after her.
As soon as Nikita had a few Warheads, she and Sean convinced Alex to eat one. Once again, as the intense flavor hit her tongue, she looked at them in shock and betrayal. The two burst into laughter. At least Alex could cuss them out that time. Though, when the sourness faded and she was left with the sugary sweetness of the candy, she reached for another one.
Heat swelled through the stiff air, creating beads of sweat all over her sweltering body. It felt as though she was about to die of heat stroke- or something dramatic like that. Taking one of the many blue pens around her apartment, Sonya attempted to change the thermostat on the broken A/C unit. However, all her effort did was to make the room seem even hotter.
Every window in the hacker's apartment was wide open; though, the outside air pushed the heat around more than anything else. Sonya grabbed the ice cream container she was using to combat the stiff heat and pressed it firmly against her forehead. She had once welcomed the chill of her ice cream, but its sweatiness then only added to hers.
Steadily becoming miserable on her first day off in- well- forever, Sonya desperately reached for her phone. She hoped her idea wouldn't back-fire.
"Hey, Sonya, open up," Seymour Birkhoff knocked on her door twenty minutes later.
"You came!" Sonya beamed. She was beyond excited to see Seymour stride into the apartment carrying a tool box.
"I thought you'd be out celebrating the death of Division with your team," Honestly, Sonya didn't care that she was standing in front of Seymour in a tank-top and boy shorts while strands of her hair not being held in a bun clung to her sweaty frame. As long as he fixed her A/C unit, Sonya was perfectly alright.
Seymour shrugged, "Nah, that's later. Right now, I have to witness the hacker who always claimed she was better than me actually ask for my help."
"It was either call you or suffer a heat stroke. For some reason, I find you better than death."
"Nice. I do something for you and you insult me," A half smile started to form, "I can't work in these conditions. I guess I'll have to leave you to your…"
Seymour glanced around the broken A/C unit in utter confusion, "Blue pens and ice cream? That's how you were going to fix it?"
"I thought I could change the temperature with the pens. The ice cream was to cool myself down. It's more like soup now though," Sonya tossed the warm ice cream container in the trash. It had done its purpose.
Examining the air conditioning unit again, Seymour nodded, "Yeah, I can fix it. But there's a price."
"You said you'd do it for free! After all, 'that's what I'm here for'," Sonya imitated Seymour's voice as she finally allowed the heat to get to her.
"Yeah. Yeah. That is what I'm here for. But I was… I was just wondering if you'd actually want to go on a date with me? After we fix the A/C unit, of course."
Sonya paused for a long moment, "Oh. Yeah. I'd love that."
"Great," Seymour's half smile grew into a bright and shining full one, "So you wanna help me out? You can't use your pens if you do."
"Pfft. You wish," Sonya picked up a blue pen from the floor and joined Seymour.
"Do you think I can pick Michael up?" Nikita asked Alex while they were in the training room. Sean, Michael, and Owen were sparring in another corner, and she couldn't help but glance over every once and awhile. Alex had wondered what Nikita was thinking about. As it became clear, she laughed.
"Yeah, probably. But why would you want to?" Sizing Michael up, Alex shrugged. Nikita was incredibly strong- she was able to lift herself out of chains. She could probably pick her fiancé up. But there was never any need for her to. Unless he was unconscious or something.
"Because he knows he can pick me up, and he does it all the time," Nikita admitted. Although she loved it when Michael picked her up and carried her to bed, she was beginning to get annoyed at how often he did it to mess with her. Just the other day, he kept picking her up and moving her around the apartment. She had to pay him back.
"So you need to repay the favor," Alex assumed. She always returned the kisses Sean gave her. Maybe the picking up and carrying thing was just how the engaged couple expressed their feelings.
"No. I need to reassert my dominance," Thinking about how she was going to interrupt Michael's sparring session with the others, Nikita clarified.
Doubling over in laughter, Alex shook her head. There was never any doubt about who was the whipped one in the engaged couple's relationship. Nikita didn't have to reassert anything, "I don't think anyone questions that."
"I'm gonna do it," Honestly, without much thought, Nikita hurried over to the men in the corner. When they saw her coming, they broke apart in confusion. No one could tell what she was about to do, especially not Michael.
When Nikita managed to lift her fiancé over her shoulders and smiled proudly, he broke into surprised laughter. Sean and Owen did as well. Only Alex wasn't laughing. She thought Nikita was going to actually pick Michael up, not heft him over her shoulders in a fireman's carry. That was designed specifically for carrying heavy weights. Of course she could lift him that way- most people could. Alex had to call her out for her coping-out, "That's a fireman's carry. That's cheating."
"No, Michael. There is something up with that tattoo parlor," Entering Alex's penthouse apartment, Nikita argued. She should've let it go by then, but she knew she was right. She'd argue with her husband about it until the day she died- much to his annoyance.
"I'm sure there is, Nik. But not to the extent you're thinking of," Sighing, Michael rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. They had intended to go on a drive in the city to relax and spend peaceful time alone. But of course something had to ruin that. He just didn't think it'd be an argument about a sketchy tattoo parlor.
"It's absolutely to that extent. You have tattoos. You've bought jewelry before. You know those prices are bullshit," Nikita had probably made that point before, yet she had to get her point across. There was no way the place they saw was a real business.
Emerging from the other room, Alex stared at the married couple in bewilderment. The friends had gone out to dinner together. But afterwards, they lost track of Michael and Nikita. They had assumed the two went somewhere to get some privacy. Instead, they were fighting. Alex couldn't make sense of it, "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Michael tried to brush it off. The friends' time together shouldn't be ruined by something as stupid as the tattoo place. It was better just to move on and forget about it.
"No. Shut up. Alex will agree with me," Unfortunately, Nikita couldn't forget about anything. She just had to keep going until she was proven right, even if it meant dragging everybody else into her argument, "So after dinner, Michael and I drove around. We took random turns and routes, just talking and enjoying our time together. Well, eventually, we ended up in a sketchy part of town. And we drove past a tattoo parlor that's completely fishy. But Michael doesn't think so."
"No. I know it's fishy. I just don't think it's worth investigating," Shaking his head, Michael tried to explain. Yes, the tattoo place gave him awful vibes. But it wasn't their problem. They weren't agents anymore. Unless there were actual wrongs that needed to be corrected, they didn't have to do shit.
A part of Alex wanted to agree with Michael and just drop the whole thing. But Nikita's passion had her intrigued. Maybe she was onto something, "What's up with it?"
"First, tattoos start at ten dollars," Excitedly, Nikita made her list of points and paced the apartment. She started with the least strange thing first. She felt that if she built up to the tipping point, she could sway the others to her side of the argument.
"That doesn't seem right," Finally joining the conversation, Sonya commented. She shared a look with Birkhoff and he nodded. That certainly wasn't right.
"That's cause it's not. Then, they only charge five dollars for piercings," Listing her second point, Nikita spared a glance at Michael. He rolled his eyes, but he didn't stop her.
"What about jewelry cost? Do you just bring your own?" Alex was becoming increasingly intrigued by the tattoo parlor. There was no way prices like that could exist for a real place. Something else was going on. It could be just basic criminal stuff like Michael suggested. Or it could be so much worse.
"Exactly. And last, but certainly not least, ladies get service for free," Nikita finalized her argument with the worst point. Michael did agree with her that that was suspicious and creepy. Specifically advertising that women get free tattoos and piercings felt like a trap. It was almost as if they were luring certain people and not for anything good. The place should be avoided at all costs, and it should probably be shut down for good.
"Oh. Don't ever fucking go there. That has to be a front for something," After that last point, Alex was ready to kick ass and take names. She couldn't let something as suspicious and creepy as that slide, and neither could Birkhoff and Sonya.
Whereas Michael did agree that the tattoo parlor should be investigated and shut down, he held to the belief that they shouldn't be the ones to do it. Other people can do the saving, especially when it didn't seem that dire, "A front for what? Trafficking? Guns? Mob activity? Look. I'm not saying criminal activity isn't happening. But I do think you guys are digging way too much into this."
"It's called Drago's Tattoos. It could be Russian mob," Ignoring her husband, Nikita told her team her last thought about the tattoo parlor. The others were completely on her side, and they were ready for action.
"Let's look into it," Birkhoff reached for his laptop. Sonya, Alex, and Nikita quickly gathered around it. Michael sighed.
There was no use in trying to reason with his wife- just because they were married, didn't mean Nikita listened to him more. But maybe Michael could still try to talk sense into the others. Someone else had to be rational, "What are you going to do? Take down the Russian mob just like that? It's nine o'clock on a Tuesday."
"He's right. We should start recon tomorrow and strike this weekend," For once that night, Nikita agreed with her husband. Michael sighed. He should just take that win and go along with the team. Besides, he could be proven right- that it was just normal criminal activity, nothing extreme- while they did recon. No one had to go to war or fight conspiracies. They just needed to beat up a couple of creepy guys with a back room.
After some brief research the next day, the team realized how true that was. The Russian mob wasn't involved, only some guys. They were just selling drugs; it wasn't an intensive criminal organization. And the team of former rogues and agents managed to ruin the criminals' operation and pass the ringleaders off to the authorities by Thursday. That gave them the weekend to act like normal people. Unfortunately, that would never be the case. The family of former spies and secret agents just couldn't be normal. And that was completely fine with them.