Jasper
"Do you think we're doing the right thing?" I ask Alice curled up next to me on the bench outside.
When Emmett arrived, both he and Alice insisted I go hunting. It was a demand that made logical sense, but I was still wary of leaving. What if something happened and she needed us? My fears were not alleviated by Emmett's promise to text us at the first sign of trouble, but I had no reason to doubt him, so had grudgingly allowed Alice to drag me away.
Our hunt had been incredibly fast, even by our standards, with us simply getting what we needed and heading back to wait for Emmett to tell us we can come up. So, we'd found a bench outside the building, just out of earshot.
"What do you mean?" She looks confused, with a hint of accusation.
"I'm not leaving, but I worry we aren't the best people to help her. Maybe she would be better off with family or professionals or something."
"You said it yourself that she is getting better, why are you suddenly doubting yourself?" Alice looks up at me worried.
I think for a moment, trying to figure out why I have these reservations. What changed?
Part of me can't help but think about how I would feel if there were something wrong with Alice. She's my mate, and I'd want to know if something was wrong, and I'd like to think I was the best to help. Shouldn't Bella's mate be helping her?
No. There is no way I am going to trust Edward to clean up this mess, and besides, he's the idiot who started it. He should have listened to us in the first place. Should we give Bella the choice, though?
Is it even safe for me to be around her this much? Just because I can't feel any fear from her, doesn't mean she isn't terrified. Last time I saw her I took a snap at her. Surely, she would remember something like that.
It is then that I realize the real reason. I don't want to fail her.
When we were living in Forks, I hadn't developed much of a relationship with her. It is something I always regretted. Now I have the chance to know her properly but having her fragile human life in my hands is starting to make me nervous.
I know nothing about humans. I know nothing about the way they work, how to look after them, the best things to do. Sure, I have book knowledge, but no actual experience. What if I do something wrong? What if, as a result of my actions, I inadvertently make her situation worse?
I can't bear the thought of losing this incredible person.
Even though I hate it, the emotions of those around me affect me more than I would like to admit. They worm their way inside me, overtaking what would normally be my own.
Being around Bella's emotions is hard.
Every tiny flash of them I feel puts me straight back into the past. The memories. The feelings.
I want to run from them, hide, never have to deal with those terrors again, but I can't. Running never helped before and it won't help now.
Alice doesn't need an explanation. I can tell from the waves of understanding and compassion that she has read the reasons on my face. I hate the undertones of worry which I wish weren't there, I shouldn't cause her more grief.
She hugs me closer.
"We'll do what we can," Alice says, "but I think we need to consider someone who can genuinely help."
"I think you might be right, but who?" I ask, feeling lost.
Getting tired of waiting, we enter the apartment block and start walking upstairs together. Although this is a large block, there don't seem to be many regular tenants, so it's reasonably quiet.
"There are the obvious options," Alice says. "I just wish I could see the outcome of telling any of them. It would be so much easier."
I laugh gently. "As they say, hindsight, or foresight as the case may be, is 20/20. We'll have to do this the human way."
As we draw closer to the door, I start to feel the emotions from inside, the panic and worry. We can't move any faster in case someone sees us, but I pick up the pace, Alice following suit.
Suddenly, there is an ear-piercing scream.
Dropping all pretence, I practically break down the door in my haste to get inside, only to find Emmett staring at the door, hands grasping his hair.
"I don't know what happened!" he stammers. "She was going to come and eat, but then, I don't know!"
I fight back the urge to growl at him and step up to the door, turning the handle. It's locked.
"Bella," I say, hopefully loudly enough for her to hear. "Unlock the door. Bella, please." No response. Not that I really expected one.
Breaking down the door would be easy for us, like ripping through paper, but she is on the other side and I didn't want to hurt her by forcing myself through.
"Do something," Emmett demands, clearly shaken by the whole ordeal. I ignore him.
Bella's screams are starting to taper down, but I can still hear the frenzied breaths and rapid heartbeat.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her.
Knowing it's unlikely to make a positive impact in the long run, but desperate to do something, I push as much peace into the small bathroom as I can. I know when it hits her because her body starts to calm, though not fully.
Alice is slightly dazed from the amount of power I'm pushing out, but I also feel her flicker of confidence. "Bella, I know you can hear us. Can you unlock the door now?" She must have seen this, for only seconds later I hear Bella reach forwards and move the catch on the door.
She pushes the door open slowly to reveal Bella perched on the toilet seat.
"Bella, I'm sorry, I don't know what I did," Emmett starts to ramble, distressed by what he's seeing. She doesn't reply, and I feel his distress start to grow.
We both watch as Alice gently helps Bella to her feet and guides her out of the bathroom and into the living area. I'm surprised by that, but don't let it show, just keep the calming influence going.
Alice guides Bella onto the couch and wraps a blanket protectively around her. She plonks herself down next to her, grabs the remote, and switches the TV to some random channel.
"Soon," she says, leaning into Bella's ear and stage whispering, "those two are going to realise that we're princesses and deserve a hot drink and a foot rub."
Realising that Bella is now starting to settle, I relax my influence. Taking the hint, I make my way into the kitchen and heat some water for tea. It doesn't take me long to be sitting back with the others, Bella's tea ready for her on the side table. Alice can forget about the foot rub, to her obvious displeasure.
Bella stares at the mug briefly, then reaches over and grabs it. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she holds it between her hands and brings it into her chest. It's as though she's trying to bring the warmth into her soul.
No one speaks for the duration of several shows, though I can tell that Emmett is having a hard time staying still. Bella leaves her tea to go cold, even though it's still grasped in her hands.
I've been slowly reducing my gift so that Bella is feeling, or not so feeling, for herself.
We spend a quiet evening together, just enjoying the gentle sounds from the television, and the company. At one point Emmett makes his excuses and leaves, probably before Rosalie shows up demanding he leave. Bella watches him go, the tiniest flicker of sadness as the door shuts.
As the clock nears nine, I stand and arrange some simple food for Bella. Having seen how she took to the mug, although admittedly not drinking any, I decide on some simple soup. It's one of those very faint memories I have from being human, curling up with my mother and a mug of something I can't even begin to remember the taste of.
Making sure it isn't too hot, I pass the large mug over to her and dispose of the cold tea.
To my surprise, she starts sipping it, relaxing back into the couch.
Alice just looks over to me and smiles.
Eventually the soup is gone, and Bella's eyes are starting to droop. Alice gently helps her up and guides her into the bedroom to sleep.
When she comes back, I can see the dark look on her face that she'd been hiding. "I can only see so much," she says, "tiny snippets that suggest something positive, but then there are the not so positive ones, too."
I pull her onto my lap, send a quick message off to Emmett, and settle down for yet another night of listening to the human sleeping.
Over the last few weeks, I've come to realise what Edward had found so relaxing about spending the nights with her. Although we can't sleep, and Bella's sleep is far from peaceful, the moment of serenity it brings in a never-ending world of alertness is refreshing.
As the sun starts to break through the clouds, Bella also starts to stir.
Nothing from her emotions tells me if today is going to be a day of hope or frustration.
I lift Alice off of me, stand up, and return her to the chair. "Any idea what to make?" I ask her.
"Something warm?" is the only response I get as her eyes glaze over slightly, the clear sign she's seeing something other than what's here and now.
Deciding on a simple bowl of instant oatmeal, I get up and start making it. Generally, I've been trying to avoid cooked foods, given how awful the scent is, but an open window will have to make do this morning.
When I finish, I place the bowl on the small table along with honey, raisins, and blueberries; I'm not sure what she likes to put on her oatmeal .
I walk over to the door and knock gently. "Breakfast is out here for you, Bella."
Once again I sit back with Alice.
It doesn't take Bella long to creep out the door and grab the warm bowl. Although she doesn't add anything to it, she does sit and finish most of the bowl off, and even takes it into the kitchen herself.
When she's done, I can feel a slight amount of uncertainty as she stands in the doorway, trying to decide where to go.
Neither of us rush her, just continuing to sit quietly, enjoying each other's company.
Finally she decides to go back to her room.
I sigh and bury my face into Alice's shoulder.
Around an hour of near silence later, my phone pings. It's a message from Emmett.
I'll be over tonight, bringing take out with me.
He's trying after what happened yesterday, but I can't help thinking that greasy fast food may not be in Bella's best interests. Deciding that me letting him down gently would be better than Bella throwing up, I send a quick reply.
I look over at Alice, who has the glazed look again. I gently place my hands on either side of her face and say, "What will be, will be. It's not on you to fix everything perfectly."
She hears me, but doesn't leave her trance, so I pull her close, ready for any outcome that might be shown to her.
The rest of the day passes slowly and, thankfully, without any drama. Bella cones out for every meal, eats what she can, and then cleans up after herself. She isn't interacting, but eating is surely good.
Emmett joins us for our silent evening, but is annoyed that I won't let him into the room with Bella. If she's starting to come out, then I feel it important that she be given a little space.
He watches her eat and then retreat once again behind the closed door before storming, rather loudly, out of the apartment.
"Soon," I whisper, not really to anyone. "She just needs time."
Days pass in much the same way.
Bella is looking after herself, but doesn't seem to be making any actual improvements in terms of her mental wellbeing, and I am running out of ideas. Any time we push her, it just ends up in a breakdown, though she never tells us what happens in her head.
"I think we're hindering her progress," I admit to Alice one evening. "Maybe we are just too much of a reminder of the past for her ."
Alice's face is stony. She doesn't want to admit that maybe I'm right, and that we might have to leave Bella for her own good. None of us want to, but maybe if we can arrange an alternative, we can observe from a distance.
I can't help thinking about the words that Rosalie said not two days ago. "She's a grown woman, she's capable of looking after herself without some hovering lumps of rock."
Having exhausted all other ideas, I figure that we may as well try it.
"We're going to give her some space for a while," I say, standing to knock on Bella's door. "Could you come out here a moment, please, Bella?"
Alice suddenly starts whispering, "What are you talking about, we can't leave her right now. Are you crazy?"
"Have you seen something to suggest this is going to be dangerous or worsen the already horrible situation?" I ask, just as quietly. From her face I know she hasn't. "Then what do we have to lose?"
"Everything…" But she can't continue, because Bella has just pulled open the door.
"We are off hunting for the evening, will you be alright here? I can't get ahold of Emmett or Rosalie, and, well, sometimes it's best not to disturb them."
She doesn't reply, but does look at us with a confused expression.
"There's plenty of food in the kitchen, or you can order in, there's money on the table by the phone. And you can have the TV to yourself. We'll be back around sunrise." I pull Alice towards the door..
Her undercurrent of emotions is still practically mute, but there is a flicker of something, possibly excitement, under the depth of drowning which helps push me out of the door.
I can feel Alice stop and refuse to move. "Are you sure this is ok with you, Bella? We can go separately if you'd prefer."
Bella still doesn't say anything, but she gives Alice a small smile and a nod, which is enough to allow me to drag her from the room.