Chapter 16 – A Ray of Hope

Author's Note: Just fyi, but we started releasing another Obi-Wan time travel where he time travels from after the OWK series back to ROTS. It is also very Anakin-Obi-Wan-centric like this fic, so if you like this fic, you will hopefully like that one, too. ^-^

If you are interested, the title is Fading. :')

WARNING: Depression (major depression), slight (or more than slight) possessiveness, codependency (does that need a warning? xD).

~ Amina Gila

It's been four weeks since Obi-Wan told Padme the truth when he and Ahsoka return to Coruscant after a somewhat lengthy mission to see a message from Padme waiting on his comm. The weeks have been… hard. More than once, he's reached for Anakin through the Force, or turned, expecting to see him there, only to see nothing. It hurts. It hurts more than it has any right to hurt. He has no idea how he's made it through these weeks except through sheer willpower.

Fighting with the clones again is hard, especially when he's fighting with them alone. Without Anakin. They've gone on separate missions, of course, during the war in the past, but it's – after everything which happened, it's not easy anymore. He's tired of fighting; he's not the Jedi Master he once was. He knows that he's slipping back into the same habits and patterns and mindset that he had on Tatooine for the past ten years, but… It's been giving him a sense of stability after everything has changed all over again.

He never would have thought that he could possibly end up in the past again, redoing everything all over, but here he is. Some days it doesn't even seem real to him.

Obi-Wan pushes those thoughts aside as he opens the message that Padme sent him. It's short and cryptic, only saying, "Contact me when you return to Coruscant." He has no idea what it could be about, what could have happened that would result in Padme needing to talk to him. If she discovered some useful information about Palpatine to help unmask him, then she should have gone to the Council already.

He tells Ahsoka about the message, and together, they head to 500 Republica once it's evening. Padme greets them, and something about her is lighter than it was weeks ago when they met. "What is it?" Obi-Wan questions once they've taken seats in her living room. "What did you need to speak to us about?"

"Anakin," she answers with a small smile. "Sabe reached out to me. He's with her. She set up a conversation between us, and we talked. It was a few days ago, now, but I imagine that, if you wanted, the two of you could speak to him as well."

Obi-Wan can feel his heartrate pick up, and he feels both nervous and relieved at once. "How is he?" he wants to know. What is he doing? Where is he?

"He seems… okay," Padme answers. "He didn't say much to me. We mainly talked about the past, about… what happened between us." That explains the strange sorrow lurking in her eyes, the feelings of bittersweet regret hanging around her, feelings which are still mingled with hope.

"And are you two…?" He can't finish the question, but she seems to understand it anyways.

"We'll be alright," she assures him. "We just need time. And so, I think, do you." She gives him a look, something hardening in her eyes.

Beside him, Ahsoka is completely quiet and still, watching with curiosity and uncertainty. There are so many questions buzzing her mind, most of which probably center around what the future between Anakin and Padme held, questions which only they can answer for her, if they tell her at all. Some things are better left unknown.

"He told me… what you did to him," Padme elaborates, and Obi-Wan stiffens.

He had expected it, of course, but for some reason, it never occurred to him that she would confront him about it. It makes sense that she would, since she is undoubtedly angry at him, and for good reason. Still, he never… expected it, or thought to consider it.

"I apologized to him," he says, almost defensively. "Anakin understands why I did it."

"He's still angry though," Padme counters, almost glaring, "And so am I. How did you end up on Mustafar? Did I bring you?"

Is that what Anakin thinks? Well, of course, it would be. It's not as if he would have any way of knowing since Obi-Wan never told him. It would explain the strange, seething anger that was burning around him in the Force and through their bond.

"You turned her against me!" Anakin had screamed at him there. Betrayal, for him, has always been a very personal thing. He doesn't react well when those he cares about betray him, because of how much he values loyalty. Anakin has always been loyal to his family, even as, bit by bit, Palpatine chipped that loyalty away. And Obi-Wan never did enough to stop it. He never noticed, or didn't notice enough, to do anything while his Padawan was groomed right in front of him.

"No," Obi-Wan admits, shaking his head, knowing how bad of an outburst this little… tidbit could cause, "I snuck onto your – her – ship. She wouldn't tell me where Anakin had gone, and I… Master Yoda gave me strict orders. I – I felt that I had no choice. No one was thinking clearly then. I – the Jedi Order and the Republic has just fallen. Neither she nor I were in the right mindset to confront Anakin and successfully help him. Not then."

He had gone there, knowing all the while that he would have to do something that would destroy him. He knew it, but he did it anyways, because Yoda told him to. And if there was a way to save Anakin, Obi-Wan had thought that, for sure, Yoda would know. But Yoda hadn't known, and Obi-Wan had trusted him far too blindly. He should have followed his instincts and his personal experience with Anakin instead of listening to the Grandmaster. He'll never know, now, what might have happened if he had reached out to Anakin to help him rather than to kill him.

He made the biggest mistake of his life there, and he doesn't know if Anakin will ever forgive him for it. He doesn't deserve that forgiveness anyway. He doesn't know if he can ever forgive himself for it, either.

"I'll tell you the same thing I told Anakin, then," Padme decides. "You both need to see a mind healer. You need family counseling. Both of you. You've been through a lot, and I don't expect either of you to sort any of it out overnight, or at all, without help."

The idea of going to a mind healer is very unappealing, but perhaps Obi-Wan can see her point. It would help Anakin, he knows, and though it will be hard for both of them, it would probably also do them a lot of good. Being able to have an outside person who is knowledgeable about the mind and who can give them advice for how to deal with and recover from everything would be immensely helpful. Getting Anakin to agree, however, won't be easy.

"I am inclined to agree," he finally admits, no matter how distasteful it will be to tell a complete stranger about what he did to Anakin… and vice versa. "I will have to talk to him about it, though. I doubt he'll be very agreeable."

Padme huffs out a quiet laugh. "No, not really."

"I want to hear the details about all of this," Ahsoka announces suddenly, nearly making Obi-Wan jump; he'd almost forgotten she was there. "Not right now, necessarily, but… sometime."

"Sometime," Obi-Wan agrees, noncommittally.

There's a brief lull in the conversation, one which lasts no more than a minute. "Would you like to speak with Anakin?" Padme questions.

"Do you even need to ask?" he returns wryly, and she laughs.

"I'll try contacting Sabe then. Wait here." She rises, leaving the room, and not for the first time, Obi-Wan can see why Anakin likes her so much. She's strong. She's… dominant. She's a leader. And Anakin can be, too, but he, first and foremost, prefers to follow. It's hard for him to lead when he's so passive by nature, and it's often been hard for Obi-Wan to predict when he'll listen and when he'll push back. It's never made sense to him, because he's never been able to truly understand why Anakin does things even if he can predict the 'when'. Maybe Padme has the right idea that seeing a mind healer will help.

"What happened between you and Anakin?" Ahsoka asks once Padme is gone.

Obi-Wan turns to look at her, seeing the innocence and curiosity in her blue eyes. He doesn't know if he can tell her, but she'll find out eventually, won't she? It's inevitable. Would it be better for her to hear it from him? Or from Anakin? She is, rightfully, Anakin's Padawan. Obi-Wan never wanted to train her. He meant her for Anakin. He wasn't ready for a Padawan, with the war and being on the Council, and besides, he couldn't imagine getting someone else when he still had Anakin and couldn't let him go.

"We fought," he tells her, "And he was left with critical injuries. I'll spare you the details. If he wants you to know, then he can tell you."

In her expression, he can see her puzzling over everything, trying to piece together what she knows. "I felt it when you first… came through," she admits finally. She doesn't look away from him, not the way Anakin would have by now. Anakin, Obi-Wan has noticed, struggles with holding someone's gaze for an extended period of time. He always tends to look away, to look down, (to be subservient). "I felt the storm in the Force. I had to shield from… both of you. It was strong, and it didn't make sense. I thought about going to see what was happening, but I – it was a little scary, so I waited."

This isn't something she's ever told him before, and he wonders why now? Why is Ahsoka telling him all of this now? He doesn't have a chance to even try voicing the question as she continues speaking.

"I knew, then, that something happened, and I knew it was bad. I just… I hate it when you fight." She tilts her head slightly, eyes going a little distant. "The Force is… It doesn't seem to like it when you're at odds."

"Is that so, young one?" Obi-Wan asks, bemused. He doesn't know if he should believe her or not, if she's really speaking about a true Force feeling or something of her own. And he doesn't know what it would mean, either.

"Yes," she states emphatically. "I want you both to sort this out and fix it."

Padme reenters the room at that moment, expression radiant. "I got through to Sabe," she reports. "She said that Anakin will have a few minutes to talk to you. Apparently, they're in the middle of something… important."

"Important," Ahsoka echoes, raising her eyemarkings.

"They're on Tatooine," Padme shrugs. "I'm sure you can probably guess what they're most likely doing there, especially given that Sabe went there to help the slaves."

Oh. Oh. Oh yes. That definitely sounds like something Anakin would do. He never could sit still for long, and his time as Vader has only enforced that mentality, no doubt. They rise and follow Padme to her office where the hologram is blinking, and Obi-Wan's breath catches in his lungs when he sees Anakin and feels him. He's shielding their bond, but his presence is unmistakable over a hologram.

"Anakin," he says, stepping into the transmission field. He doesn't know if he feels more relieved or desperate right now. If he could, he would go to Tatooine right now to help Anakin. They're too far apart, and he needs to fix that. He needs to fix their relationship, and they can't do that on opposite sides of the galaxy. (He knows that this… drive and desperation to be with Anakin probably isn't healthy in the slightest, but he doesn't care.)

"Hello, Master," Anakin replies, smiling. He looks tired, even over the hologram. Tired yet focused. He's throwing himself into his new mission to distract himself, isn't he? And probably even as some sort of atonement for his actions. Obi-Wan wishes that he could be there to help Anakin, to make sure that he's still taking care of himself. He hasn't forgotten how self-destructive Anakin had been when they first came back here.

"Hey Skyguy," Ahsoka chirps, stepping into the transmission field as well. "It's so boooring without you here."

Anakin chuckles lightly. "Yes, I imagine it has been. Are you keeping Obi-Wan on his toes at least? He could probably use the excitement."

"I resent that –" he protests, half-heartedly, his heart swelling with fondness and a deep-unwavering affection for the young man in front of him. Sort of in front of him. That they can slip so easily back into their old roles, bantering like nothing has ever changed, gives Obi-Wan hope that they can find healing and peace. Eventually.

"Of course, Master. You know me," Ahsoka answers proudly.

"Don't give him too many gray hairs before I come back though," Anakin warns. "That's my job, not yours."

"You're ganging up on me," Obi-Wan sniffs. "You have absolutely no respect at all."

Anakin laughs again. "Only because we love you, Master."

"How is it on – well, where you are?" he queries, almost remembering too late that someone could potentially intercept the transmission. If they do, he doesn't want to be responsible for giving away Anakin's location.

"It is… good, actually," Anakin answers, almost sounding surprised. "I wish you both were here though. I could use your help."

"We can be on the next transport," Ahsoka assures him, and Obi-Wan isn't really surprised by how certain she sounds. If Anakin says the word, she'll drop everything and leave everything and go to where her master is because he asked her to. There's a loyalty there that he admires, and one which he knows he, in part, shares as well. If Anakin were to ask him to come… nothing in the galaxy could stop him. Not now.

"That… will not be necessary but thank you for the sentiment." Anakin glances away, seeming distracted by something. "We are planning an important operation. I will have to go soon."

Studying his attire, Obi-Wan realizes that yes, Anakin is dressed for battle. He's wearing armor, the same armor he wore to Zygerria, but it's painted black. Like Vader's was. Something twists uncomfortably inside him, and he wonders if Anakin is really as alright as he's pretending to be. Likely, pretending and burying his emotions is the only way he's coping. He has seen Anakin do it in the past, and he himself is very well-acquainted with such behavior; he's been doing it recently as well.

"Fine," Ahsoka says grumpily, "But we miss you. You'd better contact us again."

"I… I don't think that will be a problem actually. Given what we've done here, the Republic will find out sooner or later." Anakin pauses for a moment, glancing away again, before his eyes find Obi-Wan's. "I actually had a little… run in with Maul," he tells him. "He and his brother are dead. You needn't worry about them."

Obi-Wan doesn't know what to say to that. He doesn't know how to say that he completely forgot about both of them. It's not until Anakin says Maul's name that Obi-Wan realizes Satine is still alive. She's still alive. He's long since let go of her and moved on, and while he does, of course, care, he isn't going to make an effort to reach out to her. For him, their friendship ended years ago. He learned how to live with her death and move on. Anakin is all that matters to him.

"Whatever you're doing, Anakin, stay safe," Obi-Wan finally requests. It's not a Jedi-like sentiment, but it's the one that he'd wanted to say to Anakin before he left. "We'll meet again soon, if the Force wills it, and in the meantime, do try to stay in contact."

Something tormented flashes across Anakin's face. "I will," he murmurs hollowly, nodding. Somehow, Obi-Wan doesn't think he actually means it. And he can understand the feeling. Having Anakin so near yet so far is torture, but it's easier to know that he's okay than it is to keep wondering and wishing and hoping.

Ahsoka seems to pick up on that, too, because her gaze flashes to Obi-Wan before she looks back at Anakin again. They say their goodbyes, because Anakin has something else demanding his attention, though he looks as if he'd much rather stay and talk if he could. Obi-Wan knows that he certainly would.

The office is still for a few seconds after the transmission blinks off, and it leaves Obi-Wan feeling bereft. He crushes back that feeling, slowly inhaling and then exhaling again. All is as the Force wills it, right? He simply needs to be patient. If the Force brought them back here, defying time and space and reality, so that they could make amends, then surely, they'll meet each other again, sooner rather than later.

That night, long after they've gone back to the Temple, Obi-Wan can't find rest. It's late, and he knows that he needs to sleep; it's the only reason that he hasn't gotten up and gone to work. He hardly slept at all the past few days because of the mission they were on, and he's exhausted. But his mind is too restless, his emotions too troubled.

In truth, he can't even pinpoint what it is, exactly, that's bothering him so much. Anakin, perhaps. Probably, in fact. Talking to him earlier was infinitely relieving, but Obi-Wan… does not like the idea of Anakin being involved in freeing slaves all on his own like that. What if something happens to him? Or maybe – maybe the real problem is that… he's afraid. He's afraid that something will happen to Anakin when he's not there, something which will result in him losing Anakin again.

And Obi-Wan knows that he could never bear that. The grief alone would probably kill him, irrespective of whether or not he has something else of importance to do. There will always be something important to do, something else to fight for, but if he doesn't have the strength or energy? Then it will all seem so pointless.

He trusts Anakin… but he doesn't. He doesn't trust the sway that the Dark Side – and Sidious – have over his once Padawan. That will probably never change, but if he can't trust Anakin fully, then he needs to trust the Force. The Force brought them here, gave them a second chance. He needs to learn to have faith, to trust. Healing isn't easy, though. It never has been. There is a saying that time can heal all wounds, but Obi-Wan doesn't know if that's true. Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps merely being here in the past, knowing that he can reach Anakin anytime he wants, will be enough to bring him some sort of peace and solace.

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