I stare at Remus in the mirror as he gently kisses my shoulder then skims his nose against my flesh.
His hands splayed on my hips, holding me against him, gently caressing my skin there. He is so gentle with me, always giving me what he thinks I need. Always trying to take care of me.
He is so giving yet I know he holds so much back from me because he is afraid I'll leave.
"Remus, we need to talk"
I feel his hands still. His face lifts from my skin, a worried expression fills his face. Our eyes meet in the reflection.
"I've been thinking about us and I want you to mark me".
Anger fills his eyes. "No" he says in a forceful voice as he pulls away from me. I see in the mirror that he has turned away from me.
"No? Why not?"
"Why! So you can be discriminated against because of me! So you can be a pariah with most of the people you know! As I've already told you, once I mark you, there is no going back. You're trapped with me for the rest of your life."
His voice breaks as he says "I won't do that to you after everything… I can't"
My arms ache to hold him, ache to kiss the pain away. He is always complementing my bravery and yet with him I can't seem to muster the courage. "I don't care what other people think if they think poorly of me because of you…"
"You say that now Hermione, but you won't when people look at you with disgust. When you are passed up for promotions at the ministry. You deserve better."
"Remus, I love you!". I say it in a forceful voice. I always thought I would say it to him while staring in his eyes, cupping his jaw in one of my hands while my other hand covered his heart, kissing his soft lips. I never thought that the first time I would say those words would be to his back while looking at his reflection.
"You what?" Remus turns back around and faces me eyebrows lifted, mouth slack.
"I love you". I say it in a soft voice that I know his sensitive ears can hear. "You make me so happy. I feel complete with you". I slowly walk toward him and touch his forearms, run my hands gently up to his face. "As long as I'm with you, I have everything I could ever want. You mean everything to me.
The silence becomes awkward and strained.
I sigh and pull away. I use wandless magic to put on my jammies, tears running down my cheeks. I apparate to my flat, fall to the floor and cry.