Author's Note: Song used in this chapter is I Knew I Loved you by Savage Garden
As Rachel entered the dorm, her head was a mess. She minute she entered the classroom and saw Jesse, it did not prepare her for what her heart would feel. She knew she was hiding from her feelings she had for Jesse but when she saw him, those feeling hit her full force that she never expected. She felt like she could breathe again, and that and that fog had lifted that she felt she had been living in for so long.
As soon as Jesse let class out for the day and she had left Samantha to talk to him, she came back to their room as fast as she could. She had been back for thirty minutes, and she was having trouble breathing and she was scared.
That's how Samantha found her when she came back to their dorm room. Rachel was sitting against the headboard of her bed. Samantha kneeled in front of her on the bed.
"Rach, breathe. Follow my lead in and out nice and slow, nice deep breaths. Come on, Rachel you can do it."
Finally, Samantha could see she was getting through to Rachel and Rachel could finally get her breathing under control and could realize Samantha was in the room and kneeling in front of her.
"What happened?"
"I think you had a panic attack."
"Well, that's never happened before."
"Well, you have been through a lot today."
"I didn't think seeing him again would affect me so much. I have had a few tiny panic attacks before, but nothing like what you walked into when you came in the room."
"Do they happen a lot?"
Sometimes it really traces back to my treatment from the student body at McKinley as part of the Glee club. They considered us lower than dirt regarding the social hierarchy. What would cause my panic attack was usually a frozen drink being thrown in my face, but I haven't had a panic attack like that in a long while. "
Samantha rubs her shoulder . "It's okay Rachel, you'll see."
"I should have realized, but I didn't but to see him again that it would affect me so badly."
"Rachel, it will be okay."
"No, Sam, you don't understand the minute I entered that classroom today and finally saw him again. My whole body felt its self being pulled to him once again. It was like I had no control and I finally felt like I was alive again and like the fog had lifted and I could see the world in color again."
"Oh, Rachel."
"Sam, I'm not ready to deal with all this again. I barely survived last time."
"Hey, try to calm down. I don't want you to have another panic attack again."
"I never thought he'd still have this pull and power over me."
"He only has the power you're willing to give him. If you take that power back, he won't be able to affect you."
"My head knows that but my heart is a different story."
"Rach, like I said before, this is your choice, your life, and your future."
"I know that but my heart and head want two different things."
"Rachel, whatever you decide for, only you don't allow Jesse to factor into the equation. If he truly loves you, he will respect the decision you make for your future."
Rachel smiles at Samantha and gives her a hug. The two sisters decide to watch Chicago and forget about Rachel's love life drama for the time being.
#
Meanwhile, Jesse is trying to think of a plan to get back in to Rachel's good graces. He needed to get her willing to talk to him. He knew he had hurt her badly. He just hoped that he still had a chance and that everything wasn't irreversibly broken between them. All he was hoping for at this moment was that she might be willing by a slim chance to talk to him. He needed to make amends with her before they had any hope of and he needed to listen to Samantha's advice because she knew from his talk with her Rachel wasn't ready to just jump back into a relationship. Logically, he understood this, but in his heart; he needs the other half of his soul back.
He knew he needed to think of the perfect way and a grand gesture to win Rachel back, which would take some planning. He just hoped that once he had the perfect plan, Rachel would not hesitate to come back to him. First off, he knew he needed to apologize for everything he put her through as the thought about it he couldn't believe what he put her through from the funkafication and the egging to prove his to Vocal Adrenaline it really didn't surprise him that Rachel was resistant to be with him again.
He was still thinking about how to get his apology across to her, without it being obvious to the other students. He figured he could set up an assignment about emotions and feelings, so they would need to choose songs based on that topic. He knew it need to really be an actual assignment, but in the end he just hoped he could get his point across to Rachel.
#
Jesse sat in his office/ music library trying to pick the best song to show what he ment by emotional love song. He didn't want sappy or overly dramatic song; he wanted something that would tug at Rachel's heartstrings, but it couldn't be too obvious to everyone in the class.
He thought about is he could do classic love song like Elton John's "Your Song" or"The Power of Love" by Celine Dion to show off his range but he knew he really needed something that would unlock his soul to the love of his life. He thought back to everything he and Rachel had ever sung together, but he didn't want to do a replay he had already done. He looked through his music sheet books, trying to find just the right song. Pop no not right, classical no, indie no . Jesse felt like he would never find the right song to express his feelings, and he even started doubting he was the right person to teach at NYADA. After what felt like hours, Jesse stumbled on to the perfect song. He found "I Knew I Loved You" by Savage Garden. He just hoped he could get his message across without the rest of the class realizing to whom he was singing to.
#
They enter the music theory classroom before Jesse arrived, for which Rachel was. greatly thankful, she takes a seat in the back of the room, hoping to blend in. Samantha smiles and sits beside her. Samantha squees her hand in support as Jesse walks into the classroom. Rachel slides down in her seat, hoping not to be noticed.
Of course, Jesse noticed Rachel. How could he not? But if she wanted to blend in, he would let it slide for now.
"Good Morning class today. We will do an assignment about "love songs." but first I want to give you an example if I may." he can see both Rachel and Samantha roll their eyes and he smirks. For this I am going to go back to a 90s pop ballad. I think will express what I expect from all of you in the coming week."
He turns on a bluetooth speaker behind him, and the instrumental notes fill the room. Rachel sits up when she realizes she knows this medley. She never thought Jesse would even know this song existed .
Just then, Jesse's voice blended with the background music.
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy but I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy but I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
Ooh, ooh, ooh
A thousand angels dance around you
Ooh, ooh, ooh
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I loved you before I met you (ooh, ooh, ooh)
I knew I loved you
I knew I loved you before I met you (ooh, ooh, ooh)
I knew I loved you
I knew I loved you before I met you (oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)
I knew I loved you before I met you (yeah)
I knew I loved you
Rachel know this song as she listened to the lyrics. Truthfully, she is surprised Jesse would go with this pop ballad, but-without reading too much into the song, Rachel sat back and let the lyrics wash over her. She knew Jesse was trying to apologize, but Rachel knew she needed to protect her heart. One song would not fix all the damage Jesse inflicted on their relationship or on her heart in the past.