Chapter 78
Parva sub ingenti
"The small under the huge (The weak are under the protection of the strong)"

"I had no idea a living being
could sustain so much injury
and go on living."
—Life of Pi

Inuyasha gaped at him.

What the fuck?

How did that make any fucking sense?

The thing that you're born with—yeah, it's decided to fucking murder you while you're unconscious.

Well, in Miroku's case, that was probably actually more of a truth than a lie, but his youki was literally half of himself, and it had never been a problem before. If anything, it had saved his life more than the opposite.

There was simply no other option.

Miroku was a fucking idiot.

"How the fuck did you even fucking come to that fucking dumbass conclusion?"

Miroku sighed.

"It's a long story. Do you feel up to it?"

"I'm not fucking waiting! Explain, Miroku! Am I just supposed to be human for-fucking-ever?"

"No," Miroku started to explain and then stopped himself. "It's a temporary solution. That's all. We planned on turning you back once we were sure that you were out of the woods, and the poison was out of your system."

"Poison?!" Inuyasha recoiled so hard that he knocked against the wall, wincing at the sharp pain in the back of his head. "When the fuck was I poisoned?"

"That's what we were hoping you could tell us," Miroku rubbed his face, taking a long sigh, and Inuyasha noted that he looked every bit the definition of the word exhausted.

The dark circles under his eyes hadn't abated since he'd seen him last, and his robes weren't neat and orderly like usual.

There was a subtle motion to the cup of broth, and Inuyasha gulped it down quickly. Miroku refilled the cup with the last of it and handed it back to him.

"All we know is that you went beyond the barrier after Kagome, and then three days later, the barrier came down in an explosion. We found you unconscious under a tree, brought you back here, and then Shippo and Kirara fell ill. Then Sango and I began to feel the effects. That's when Sango realized that we'd all been poisoned. It didn't take long to figure out it was a poison targeting youkai specifically. But that particular one is still dangerous to humans."

"Who the fuck—" His voice drifted off as he strained to think about what else he'd seen. There hadn't been anyone else.

But there had been someone else.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked, leaning forward to touch his shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

"Kikyo," he whispered, turning his face towards his friend. "Kikyo was there, but why would she—?"

Because she wouldn't.

What reason would she have?

He'd already promised her that he would avenge her.

He'd given her his word.

If he died, she wouldn't get the vengeance she desired.

Not that she couldn't do it on her own, but he was there. He would help. He'd promised her that he would help her out.

This was one thing that he could do for her.

He couldn't bring her back—not fully—but he could help her find rest. After all his fuck ups, he'd do this one thing for her and show her that it hadn't all been for nothing.

What they'd had—it wasn't love—he knew that—well, he knew that now. What he felt with—for—Kagome, that was different from what he had with Kikyo.

He'd loved Kikyo in a way, but it wasn't the same.

Some days he wondered if he wasn't just solving a problem for her when they were together. Kikyo wanted to be a normal human, but to fit into that mold, he'd have to be a normal human man. And there were things that were too ingrained in him now to let go. Things that he didn't want to let go of anymore. He liked his youkai side; he liked the strength and the speed, and he liked being able to see and hear.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked. "What did Kikyo do?"

"Nothing, she just—" He strained to remember anything, but it all went vague and nonsensical.

"Talk me through it. What happened when you went through the barrier?"

"Kagome," he started, panic settling over his body. He hadn't seen her yet. If it had been three days, she must've been in bad shape too. "Kagome was there. Where is she?"

"Kagome's here. She's just—asleep."

Inuyasha glared at the monk, who winced at his own hesitation.

"What aren't you telling me, Miroku?"

Inuyasha snatched the front of Miroku's robe, trying to drag him forward, but all he succeeded in doing was jerking him just a little, much to Miroku's annoyance.

"We've been taking good care of her." Miroku's hand covered his shaking one. "I promise you."

"Bring me my clothes. I want to see her."

"That is not an option, unfortunately."

"How the fuck is that not an option? Bring me my fucking clothes!"

"I can hear you yelling from outside," Sango said, slipping in from around the edge of the privacy screen.

Inuyasha quickly tugged the blanket up higher on his waist, holding it in place even though it wasn't like he could fucking move on his own anyway. But like hell was he going to fall bear ass naked in front of Sango of all people.

"Well, if someone would just fucking listen, I wouldn't have to yell!" Inuyasha glared at the monk.

"I think he's feeling better," Miroku stated as Sango sat down quickly with a heavy exhale.

"Where are my clothes? Where is Kagome?"

Sango groaned, rubbing her face with her hands.

"You can't see her," Sango answered, giving him a firm look like she wasn't going to back down from this.

There was a beat of silence between everyone, and Miroku's eyes were glancing frantically between Sango and Inuyasha.

He couldn't—he couldn't—he couldn't see her?

She wasn't going to allow him?

"What—the—actual—fuck, Sango!" Inuyasha roared, lunging towards the slayer.

"Inuyasha!" Miroku said, already leaning towards him. "You need to calm down."

"No!" He tried to swat the hands away from himself, but his human body felt awkward and off balance. "You don't get to play gatekeeper! Not with her!"

His vision wavered, and he put a hand out to stop himself from collapsing. Everything was going to blurred shit, and he was not going to fucking pass out bare ass naked in front of them.

He was not.

He was not going to pass out.

"Inuyasha?" Sango asked as her hand gripped his arm.

He tried valiantly to shove her off of him. He was going to get his ass up off the ground—wrap the sheet to hide parts from prying eyes—and go out to find Kagome himself.

She couldn't be that far.

He'd crawl around on his hands and knees to find her if he had to.

Except the blackness was being replaced by white, and the already muted sounds were drifting away from him. He turned his head to look at Miroku, who was already moving and stopping him from crashing into the floor.

"Fuck," he muttered, cracking his eyes open.

The room was dimmer than he remembered.

How long had his human body made him sleep for?

Because he was definitely still fucking human. Shit didn't hurt this bad for this long as a hanyou.

Holding up his hand just to check, and sure enough, no claws.

Why was his youki such a problem?

He had half a mind to just rip the damn thing off and have at it.

Pushing himself up, he found his body was still too much of a fucking weakling to do anything worthwhile.

Shifting his legs under him, he was keenly aware that the monk hadn't had the common decency to bring him anything to wear.

He should just go balls out around this place, that would teach them.

Rip off the ofuda, and then just—well, that would just confirm to everyone else that he was little more than an actual animal, wouldn't it?

Taking care to ensure he didn't pass out ass up in the air again, he shifted his weight onto his arm, which shook at the strain.

There was a quiet shuffling, and then Miroku appeared around the edge of the screens.

"I was coming to check on you before I went to sleep. Sango is with Kagome. She's taking the first watch tonight."

"Is she awake?" Inuyasha asked, and Miroku hesitated for just a fraction of a moment.

"Kagome? No," he answered with a slow shake of his head. "I will explain things, but you must listen and not jump to conclusions or rush out of here," his eyes drifted to the sheet currently wrapped tightly around his waist.

"It wouldn't be a fucking issue, if you would just get me my fucking clothes," Inuyasha grumbled.

"I think that your hakama are currently drying, but I will get them back to you when they're ready. I promise."

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow at that, and Miroku let out a long breath. His hand uncovered hand rubbed against his face.

Miroku took a seat in front of him.

"Kagome's situation is—precarious," Miroku explained quietly. "It's best if we don't disturb her too much.

"Explain," Inuyasha growled out, hands fisting in the sheets. If he'd had his claws, there would holes and blood to accompany it.

Because if there was any reason that he should be there with her, it was because her situation was precarious.

It wasn't like the poison was contagious.

"We gave her the same antidote we gave you and Shippo and Kirara, but it's not working as well. It worked fine for Sango and I when we started to feel ill, and Shippo and Kirara recovered quickly. We don't know why it's not working, and neither does the healer."

Inuyasha could feel the sounds muting as Miroku continued to speak.

"Sango has been mixing a variety of antidotes for similar poisons in hopes that these would work instead, but we haven't seen much improvement."

It was—it was happening all over again, wasn't it? That tenuous thread that kept her attached to this plane felt like it was unraveling, and he needed to be there to make sure that if it snapped he could grab both ends to keep her here with him.

"I need to see her," he rasped. His chest suddenly felt too tight and the air felt like he was climbing the mountain peaks.

"In the morning, Sango is bathing her at the moment, and the healer is present."

Inuyasha caught the reference there. He was an animal and shouldn't be let inside with the humans.

"We need her help," Miroku explained, hand grabbing onto his shoulder and giving him a slight squeeze. "We probably would've lost Kagome already if not for her."

"I want to see her," Inuyasha insisted.

"I know, my friend, just—we have to wait. Just for a bit longer."

"I'm not waiting!" Inuyasha started to rise to his feet, as un-gracefully as he'd ever moved in his life, but Miroku quickly clapped his hands down on top of his shoulders, shoving him back down to his bedding.

"Inuyasha, I will go find your hakama, and then we will see Kagome when everyone is done and gone." Miroku stared at his face. "But please, please, promise me that you will stay here."

Miroku watched him

Inuyasha gave him a slow nod, to which Miroku released his shoulders and seemed to deflate.

"I'll be right back. Please, just stay here until I return." He waited until Inuyasha gave him another slow nod before rising to his feet and leaving the small room created with privacy screens.

He waited—as patiently as he'd ever fucking managed to in his life—for the monk to return. If Miroku was telling the truth, then he couldn't risk Kagome's welfare on his temper tantrum.

True to his word, though probably not as quickly as he could've, Miroku returned holding a familiar red pair of pants.

"They're still a little damp in places," he answered, but Inuyasha was already snatching them out of his hands and trying to stand, which involved him face planting into the floor.

"Fuck," Inuyasha groaned.

"Here," Miroku said, slipping under an arm, and helping the currently resident human up to his unsteady feet.

Leaning back against the wall, Inuyasha managed to get his feet into the legs and slide them up to his hips, tying the belt off with a fumbling ease. There was still a lot of breeziness but not as much as with the sheet. Or maybe that was all in his head.

"Are you okay to move?" Miroku asked.

"What do you think?" Inuyasha quipped with a significant amount of animosity towards the monk.

Miroku gave him a sigh full of long-suffering, like the fucker had really suffered at all.

"I don't want you to pass out again, and I doubt Kagome would want you to risk hurting yourself."

"Don't you fucking talk about her!" He snarled, snapping his teeth like he still had his fangs. All he succeeded in doing was making it feel like he was going to crack a tooth.

"Inuyasha, stop it!" Miroku snapped back, making Inuyasha wince a little bit at the anger in the monk's voice. He half-expected Miroku to slam him in the head with his staff like he usually did. Taking a deep breath, Miroku shifted his grip on Inuyasha slightly. "We have been doing our best for over a week! Sango and I are exhausted, and you don't know the half of what we've done! So if you would, friend," Miroku emphasized that word, and Inuyasha scowled to avoid a wince, "give us some measure of allowance."

"Keh," Inuyasha said, dragging his eyes to the floor to avoid looking directly into Miroku's face.

Another long sigh from Miroku.

"Thank you," he answered quietly. Miroku kept an arm wrapped around his neck as he walked the both of them to the edge of his small cage. "Just please, remember, we have to avoid disturbing Kagome as much as possible."

"Ain't like I'm going to fucking punch her in the face."

"We need to minimize the touching altogether."

It was Inuyasha's worst nightmare come to pass: no touching allowed.

That had been his whole intent. He just needed to touch her, make sure that she was alright. Maybe just seeing her would be enough to scratch the itch that felt like it was burrowing just under his skin.

Miroku moved them out into the room, and Inuyasha fought against his grip, trying to urge the monk to move faster. He wanted—needed—to see her.

Kagome was everything, and she was hurt. Poisoned. By someone.

His mind drifted back to Kikyo, but it didn't make sense. Why would Kikyo want her dead? It wasn't like killing Kagome would make her human again. Even if she had all of Kagome's soul, she'd still be made of clay and graveyard dirt and ashes.

It just wouldn't make sense.

What would she—

Inuyasha's brain ceased to create any coherent thought as he came within sight of Kagome. His hand clenched a fistful of robe as Miroku moved them both slowly towards her.

She was under a blanket, but her arms showed that he was wearing his haori.

Something possessive darted through him at that, and he consoled himself with the notion that at least it would offer her some protection.

Sango turned to look at them both from where she sat, wiping Kagome's face with a wet rag.

Miroku walked them both to the edge of her bed, and both he and Sango helped Inuyasha fall to his knees beside her.

"I think I'll go help Shippo with the laundry," Miroku said, withdrawing and leaving out the door, lightly patting his friend on the back.

Inuyasha's fingers twitched, itching to reach out and touch her, let her know that he was here.

She was so still again.

And there were bandages under his haori. He could see the edges of them wrapped around her chest.

Her breathing was fast and raspy, a wheezing sound that made his own chest and throat burn.

Her hand was right there. He only had to reach out and grab it.

"What happened?" He whispered to Sango. He was afraid that if he spoke any louder then his voice would crack and break.

She'd kissed his hand that night before. He remembered the feeling of her lips on his skin like it had been a searing burn, and he'd said nothing. She probably thought that he didn't give two fucks about it, when that was the complete opposite of the truth. It haunted him.

He cared.

He cared so much.

Probably more than was actually healthy or normal.

"We don't know. Miroku told you about the barrier?" She asked, continuing to wipe Kagome's face and neck with the damp rag. Inuyasha nodded, before making a grunt of assent. "The best we can tell is that she was exposed to the same toxin as you, but for some reason, the antidote isn't working. She has burns across her chest and stomach, so she must've been close to whatever took the barrier down."

"Miroku said it was an explosion," he spoke quietly, watching his fingers move of their own accord towards the edge of her pinky. Just a touch. That's all he needed.

"You can hold her hand. Just don't move her too much. Parts of her are still—sensitive."

With the granted permission, his hand moved quickly, wrapping itself around hers and holding it. Her skin felt hot to the touch, and it was damp and clammy against his.

She'd had a fever before too. It had gotten really bad right before—right before—

He shook himself mentally.

This wasn't like before.

She wouldn't leave him. She couldn't leave him. Not before he gathered up the balls to tell her everything.

To her face.

When she was awake.

She deserved to know.

Even if she didn't return any of those thoughts, she still deserved to know that he—what he felt for her. Because it was so much—so much more than Kikyo, so much more than his mother.

Everyone in his life had taught him so many things—so many different things, but she was the only one who'd taught him that he was worth keeping—he was worthwhile.

"How bad—?" He couldn't bring himself to finish the question.

Sango didn't answer for a long moment, and when she inhaled as if to start speaking, Kagome burst into a deep, raspy fit of coughing that sounded too wet to be anything near healthy.

A brownish-green phlegm seeped from her mouth, and Sango quickly wiped it away. Inuyasha watched in horror as blood poured from her nose.

"Shit," Sango muttered, wiping the rag across her face.

Inuyasha vaguely remembered a similar motion across his own face though it seemed so distant and far away that he couldn't be sure that it was real or not. It felt almost like a distant dream he'd had.

He kept his fingers firmly wrapped around hers as he watched the blood continue to seep from her nose. Had this been what had happened to him?

It took a long time to get the bleeding to stop, and Sango continued to wipe and rinsed, running the rag along the inside of her nostrils, cleaning out the blood.

Sango threw the rag into the bucket of water and clenched her hands into her skirt. Her arms shook with the effort.

"It's not—The healer said that she's done everything that she could. We wanted to move her, but she's too delicate. And bringing Kaede here would take too long."

"She's—she's survived before." His voice cracked, but Sango said nothing about it. "Kagome's tough."

He blinked heavily for a few moments, trying to ease the burning warmth in the backs of his eyes that was making them water.

"I know, but nothing is working, and I don't understand why!" She slammed her hands onto the wooden floor. "I don't understand. It worked for everyone else! What am I doing wrong?" She shook her head. "What am I doing wrong, Inuyasha? Why am I failing her?"

He didn't have an answer for her, because he'd failed her too. Whatever had happened, he'd failed her. He wasn't able to protect and save her, and she'd been alone for three days, and he'd done shit all about it.

Now he was faced—again—with the reality that she would fade away and disappear from him.

He couldn't even stand on his own two feet, and he thought that he could do something to save her this time?

It was time to face facts. Kagome was dying, and there was fuck all that he could do about it this time.

A/N: Happy Thursday!

So this is the last chapter that I'm planning on posting until December. I'm hoping that I can work on it a little bit here and there while I'm in the process of moving and setting back up, but I'd hate to commit to it and then not be able to produce.

If I find that I can update before then I will, but I don't see it as a real possibility.

If I don't speak to you before then, I hope you enjoy the season and the holiday.

I'll see you all in December.