A/N: Hello, hello! *taps microphone* Is this thing on?
So, it's officially been just over 4.5 years since I last touched this story. I got an email about a week ago that said one of my other stories, Crooked Halo, was nominated for the 911 Circle of Excellence, which I didn't even know was a thing. I'm incredibly flattered that anyone might still be reading anything I wrote for this crazy pairing after so long. And well, I read the email and accepted the nomination and proceeded to binge watch the entire first season in 3 days. It's been such fun getting to know these characters again, and Buck and Abby are still my favorite. I don't know if anyone will even be interested in reading this anymore, but all my brain wants to do is write them, so I dusted off my outline and my chapter notes…and here we are. If anyone is still interested, welcome back!
Oh, and also, consider this story AU at this point, because even though I did watch a few episodes into season 2, I'm going to pretend it never happened.
True to his promise to Bobby, Buck waits until late the next afternoon after his shift before acting on his decision. He composes and deletes a text to Emily at least three times before he comes up with something he feels comfortable sending.
Hey Emily, this is Buck. I want to do the DNA test. How does it work?
It takes her a few hours to respond, but when she does, her text sounds polite and unemotional.
Hi Buck, thanks reaching out! My doctor recommended an independent testing lab to me a while ago that my ex and I used. I'll make an appointment and they'll take a sample from you to test against the sample they already have from Liam. Results take a few business days to come back.
He gives her his shift schedule for the next week, and she promises to set everything up as soon as she can. The only thing he has left to do is wait. That, and figure out how and what to tell Abby. He's suddenly grateful that they aren't planning to talk again until his day off tomorrow. By the time he gets back from the gym and makes himself some dinner, he thinks he's decided to tell her the whole truth from the beginning. Unfortunately for him, sleep doesn't come any easier once he's made his decision.
"Hiya, Handsome."
Buck can't help but to grin to himself at Abby's playful greeting. As nervous as he is about telling her his news, the sound of her voice is music to his ears.
"Hey, Gorgeous," he says affectionately. "How are you?"
"Really good," she answers sincerely. "Buck, this place," she continues, her voice full of wonder, "Mom would have loved it here. It's so beautiful and there's so much to see and to do. I'm so glad I decided to do this."
She drifts off, but he stays quiet, sensing that she's not quite done. He finds that he's right when she wistfully adds, "I miss you, though."
Buck gives their living room a bittersweet smile. "I miss you too, Abs. But I'm glad you're having a great time. Are you still in Dublin?"
"Mmm-hmm. I'm using it as a home base and traveling out to different locations in other cities from here."
He nods along with her explanation, then thinks of something to ask her that he's always been curious about. "What's it like driving on the left side of the road?"
Abby laughs. "Easier than you'd think, actually. The panic goes away after the first ten minutes or so."
Buck chuckles and asks her a few more questions about her sightseeing adventures over the past few days. They haven't spoken since she first arrived in Dublin, and that was when she'd been severely jetlagged and ready to fall into bed. Abby happily chatters into his ear for a couple more minutes about everything she's been doing and Buck tries his best to be fully present in the conversation, but his real attention is on the pit of nerves in his stomach. Eventually, she picks up on his split focus and calls him out on it.
"You're distracted." she says, concerned. "Are you okay?"
He sighs, wishing for a moment that she weren't so damn insightful. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry, Abs. I really do want to hear about everything you've seen. I just have something to tell you. I don't know if it's real yet, but I don't want to hide anything from you."
There's silence on the other end of the line at first. When she eventually answers, her tone is a little apprehensive. "Ok, go ahead."
Buck closes his eyes and takes a breath. He presses a fist to his forehead and lets it rip before he has time to lose his nerve.
"I might have a son." He drops his hand back to his side and opens his eyes cautiously even though she can't see him. He hears an exhale of surprise, then more silence. Buck's palms go clammy as the seconds tick by. "Abby?" he asks tentatively.
"I'm here." Her tone is very carefully neutral when she finally speaks, but he's just glad she didn't hang up on him.
"Abby," he repeats, relieved. "There was this woman, Emily. She showed up at the firehouse the other day and I thought that she was just someone else that the dead guy ghosted, but she actually knew me. She says we slept together at a Fourth of July party a couple of years ago and now she has an 11-month-old kid. She pretty sure he's mine."
Abby still doesn't say anything, so he continues his explanation. "She's setting up the paternity test for some time this week."
"Well, that's a good place to start," she comments. "Is she single?"
"Abs," Buck groans, "not you too."
"It's not a crazy question, Buck. You're a sweet guy with a great job, and well, have you looked in a mirror lately? You're a catch. And what do you mean you too?"
"Bobby asked the same thing." he answers, pacing around the apartment. "And it didn't come up, but it doesn't matter anyway because I'm with you."
"Oh, Buck."
Abby says his name with the same hint of condescension that he'd picked out of Bobby's voice before. It's frustrating, and he wonders how much longer he'll have to defend himself.
"I'm not that guy anymore, Abby. Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
She sighs. "I know you're not, Buck. That's not what I mean. It's just that she's your age, right?"
"Yeah," Buck confirms reluctantly.
"And if the test is positive," Abby continues, "she's the mother of your son. If she's single and cute and attracted to you…well, you'd have the chance at a real family. You'd have a perfect nuclear family in an instant if you wanted it. I'm in my forties, Buck. I'm not going to be able to give you that."
"You're my family," Buck stresses stubbornly. "Abs, I love you more than any perfect family I could ever have. I never even thought about having kids before this happened. I didn't even want to be in a real relationship until you. I want you, Abby. I don't want anyone else."
There's silence on the line again and he can almost feel her thinking. "Abs?"
"That's the first time you've said that."
His brow furrows in confusion. "What?"
Her voice is quiet when she answers. "That you love me." He opens his mouth to respond, but she beats him to it. "Ugh, I'm being such a girl."
Buck laughs despite himself. "I like it when you're a girl," he teases. She goes quiet again and he takes the opportunity to venture, "You're not mad at me?"
"Oh Buck, how can I be mad about something that happened before we met? If the test is positive, I'll support you no matter what you decide to do."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out together. Like with my mom and like with this crazy trip I'm doing. Just don't be afraid to talk to me, ok?"
"Yeah," he says, nodding to himself. "Yeah, ok. I will. Talk to you, I mean." He pauses for a moment and lets out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Abs."
"You're welcome," she answers sincerely. "And Buck?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you too."
She hangs up before he can reply, but a slow smile spreads across his face. She was going to be the death of him.
Three days later, Buck finds himself staring down the business end of a sterile cotton swab.
"You don't need to take my blood?" Buck asks the lab technician, surprised.
She shakes her head and smiles a little. "Nope, we just do a cheek swab."
He opens his mouth obediently and lets her swab the inside of his cheek, then watches as she pops the flip top back over the swab and packages it up.
"And uh, this will take how long?"
She smiles kindly. "About a week, give or take a day. We'll let you both know when the results are in."
"Both of us," he repeats. Suddenly this whole situation was starting to feel more real than it had when he'd walked into the lab.
"You and Ms. Parker," the technician clarifies.
"Emily," he says. "Right. Am I ok to go now?"
She nods. "You're all set, Mr. Buckley. Have a good day."
The wait is excruciating, and Buck soon finds that the only thing that seems to keep his mind off the eventual results is work. When he volunteers to cover for the third person to ask that week, Bobby finally pulls him aside.
"When's the last time you actually went home, kid?" he asks him once they're alone in the locker room.
"Yesterday," Buck answers without missing a beat, only faltering when Bobby raises a skeptical eyebrow. "Maybe? Definitely two days ago. Or three. I'm not sure. Look, Bobby, you gotta let me work, ok? It's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now."
He drops unceremoniously down onto the bench and gives Bobby a pleading look.
Bobby sits down beside him and squeezes his shoulder sympathetically. "How much longer?"
"Any day now," Bucks answers honestly. "This is killing me. I like kids, Bobby. I do. But having a kid? What if I screw it all up and he hates me forever?"
"Ok, hang on there." Bobby holds both hands up, palms out. "Before you go down that road, let's make sure he's yours first. But if he is, he's not going to hate you."
"You don't know that" Buck immediately counters. "There's a million reasons he could choose to hate me some day."
"I do know that" Bobby replies calmly. "Parents screw up, Buck. They get mad, they yell, they say the wrong thing, they're embarrassing. But what's important is that you love your kid, Buck, and you always try to do right by them. That's what matters."
Buck looks unconvinced. "It's that simple, huh?"
His expression makes Bobby chuckle, and he gives his back a friendly clap. "Yeah Buck, it's that simple. Never said it was easy, though."
He stands up then and looks down at the younger man. "You can cover this next shift, then go home and get some sleep. Or go to the gym, burn off some steam."
"But Bobby, I – "
"Buck, take some time. Rest, come back fresh. We need your whole head in the game here. Running yourself into the ground isn't going to make the results come back any sooner."
"Yeah, ok." Buck stands as well and follows Bobby toward the door. "After this shift, I promise I'll go home."
"Good," Bobby says, eyeing him searchingly. "And Buck, whatever happens, everyone here, we've got your back, ok?"
Buck nods. "Yeah," he agrees. "I know. Thanks, Bobby."
Buck doesn't have to wait much longer, though, because he barely makes it back to the apartment after his shift before a text from the lab pops up on his phone to inform him that the results are in. Unable to help himself, he texts Emily right away to ask when she'd be free to meet him there. They'd agreed previously to have the results sent to the lab so that they could read them together on neutral ground. He's a little surprised when she answers quickly and suggests they meet there the next morning but figures the wait must be hard on her too.
They arrive within minutes of each other, and he's a little heartened to see that Emily looks as nervous as he feels, at least if her white-knuckled grip on her coffee cup is any indication. They don't have much time to talk before the receptionist takes their names and then hands them both matching sealed envelopes marked confidential. She then waves them into an empty conference room off the front lobby and closes the door, leaving them completely alone.
"So," Buck chuckles awkwardly, "I guess it's best to just do it, right? Like ripping off a band-aid?"
They'd already been prepared for what to expect no matter how the results turned out, so there wasn't really anything else left to say.
Emily nods and tucks a strand of dark hair behind one ear. "Yeah," she says weakly, "I think that makes sense." She steals an uncertain glance at him. "God, I don't know why I'm so nervous, it has to be you."
Buck's throat is suddenly dry, and he swallows hard in response. "Well, ok then. I guess we should…yeah."
With that, they rip into their envelopes in unison and unfold the documents inside. Skipping past all the explanatory jargon for now, they reach the bottom of the page where the results were listed in one simple statement.
"Based on the analysis of the sample provided, the probability of paternity of the tested child is 99.999%"