Hermione
April 1996
Hogwarts
Tears glistened against her cheeks as she barreled down a hallway towards the infirmary.
Harry hadn't said if he was alive.
With no one around, and mid stride, she performed a rough disillusionment charm. It would protect her loosely, but if anyone looked closely they would be sure to see something amis.
There was so much blood on Harry.
And Harry didn't say if he was alive.
A sob ripped through her throat as she picked up her pace down the corridor.
Spells and anti-curse measures were running through her head as she wound her way down to the infirmary. There was a blood replenishment spell, likely there was a potion that would stop the spread of any cursed severing spell.
She shook her head, sending tears flying from her cheeks. He was with Madame Pomfrey and likely Professor Snape, both of which were already taking life saving action.
Finally, there was only one hallway between her and the doors to the infirmary when she shuddered to a halt.
Her chest was quaking with quiet sobs, and thick tears were falling at a fever pace.
As much as she wanted to storm into the infirmary and find out exactly what was going on, she had to consider her response.
Just the night before she had seen Draco. Their conversation played over and over in her head that day, and a very hopeful part of her believed that he still cared for her, and that the torture on his face could only mean something much bigger than what she could understand was happening in his life.
So her barging into the medical wing would likely jeopardize whatever it was he was so concerned about.
Tentatively, Hermione moved to where the hall turned to the infirmary. As she grew closer, she could hear tense whispers up ahead.
In front of the infirmary door was a group of Slytherins, some trying to peer into the window for a glimpse of Draco. From what Hermione could see: Theo, Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle and Astoria were all accounted for. Missing was Pansy.
Theo's complexion was pale; his eyes looked down to the ground at nothing. Blaise had an air of attention to his features, which was subtle, but different than his normal bored disposition. Crabbe and Goyle both looked serious and grumpy.
And Astoria was pacing dramatically while sniffing and falling into Blaise's arms from time to time in distress.
Hermione took a few deep breaths, silencing the after shocks of her whimpers, and stood steely at the edge of the hallway, watching the door for any movement.
After some time, Snape pushed his way out through the door, edging Slytherins away in the process.
"Professor, what is happening with Draco?" Astoria cried out perilously after the teacher. Snape paused, but did not turn to face the students.
Regardless of the theatrics of how Astoria asked the question, Hermione watched Snape with bated breath for any response.
"He'll survive," Snape said flatly, the answer just barely making the distance to Hermione's ears.
Hermione felt her legs go out from under her in relief, but then steadied her breath to not attract any attention. She looked back up and saw Snape had already turned the corner, likely on his way back to his office where Hermione faintly recalled Harry being instructed to go.
Her body tensed when remembering the fact that her best friend in the world, almost killed the wizard she…
Hermione was trying to come to terms with what she felt. Because she knew something about what she was feeling towards Draco, was not at all normal.
When Hermione looked up, she saw that Astoria was smiling at the news, hugging Blaise again who seemed to look mildly uncomfortable with her strange affection.
Then, Pansy Parkinson emerged from the infirmary, the doorway having already been cleared by Snape.
Theo approached Pansy straight away.
"Pansy what happened?" Theo asked seriously. Pansy looked over at Astoria who was again, making a bit of a show of it all, and stifled a sneer before she looked back at Theo.
"Someone cast a cursed severing charm on him, I don't know who," Pansy cut in, seeing Theo getting ready to ask. "He lost a lot of blood and will be scarred severely for the rest of his life." The color drained from Theo's face.
"But Snape was able to stop the curse from spreading, and mend the wounds. Madam Pomfrey has been giving him blood replenishing potion and casting additional replenishing charms for good measure," Pansy paused, now looking at Theo. "It was close, but he'll be alright."
Theo nodded and patted Pansy's shoulder uncomfortably as a way to say thank you.
Pansy looked up to the crowd. "Everyone needs to clear out, He is resting and no one can see him so no reason for you to stay."
Astoria looked mutinous. She marched up to Pansy and stuck a finger in her chest. "I need to see him."
Pansy rose to full height, measuring several inches taller than Astoria. "No, you don't," Pansy said firmly, stepping into her.
Astoria withered slightly, looking like she may retaliate, but instead huffed, tossed her hair over her shoulder and began walking down the hall in the opposite direction from where Hermione stood in vigil.
Hermione went rigid as she saw Pansy look in her direction. Her eyes lingered where Hermione stood, possibly seeing that something was off in the air; a telltale sign of a hastily performed disillusionment charm.
The rest of the Slytherins began to disperse, some coming Hermione's direction. She looked for where she could hide, but then she heard Pansy call out.
"Don't go that way, Peeves was throwing dung bombs down that hallway".
Hermione peered around the corner again, and the group of Slytherins that had previously chosen her route changed course.
Once everyone had left, Pansy stood in front of the medical wing looking fatigued. Down the hall, Hermioine waited with bated breath for her to leave so she could sneak to the door and attempt to get visual confirmation that Draco was actually alive.
Then Pansy turned to where Hermione stood.
"Granger," she spoke evenly.
Hermione straightened, looking down on herself to see if her disillusionment charm had worn off. It hadn't.
Pansy shook her head.
"I know you're down there, come out," Pansy spoke again, her voice so worn but with all the authority one would come to expect from Pansy Parkinson.
Hermione considered her options. She could run away and hope that Pansy only thought she saw her, or she could contfont this head one, and hopefully get more information on Draco.
Wordlessly, Hermione dropped her disillusionment charm and walked out from behind the corner.
The look on Pansy's face was unreadable. It could be in part that Hermione knew nothing of the witch, only that she was a snobby pureblood Slytherin who was the best dressed witch at Hogwarts. But even with all that considered, Pansy's expression was different than Hermione had ever seen. Like it was holding on to toughness but weakness was beginning to bleed through.
Hermione approached the dark haired witched, and came to a stop right in front of her.
"Yes," Hermione offered weakly in response to Pansy having caught her spying.
"Why are you here?" Pansy asked flatly, watching Hermione closely.
Her mouth opened and closed a few times. Pansy rolled her eyes.
"Let me start with something more simple. How did you know he was hurt?" Pansy asked.
Hermione felt her eyes well up as she looked up at Pansy. "Harry cast the curse."
Pansy's look was murderous; like she was ready to Avada Hermione in place of Harry. A tear fell when Hermione blinked. Slowly, the murder faded from Pansy's eyes.
"He's going to be under for a few days," Pansy spoke, Hermione's face whipping up to hers at the new information. "He lost a lot of blood"
Hermione's head fell again. She could have assumed as much from the way Harry looked.
"I'm not going to make excuses for what Harry did," Hermione felt her breath waiver as she spoke. "I will tell you whatever you want to know about what happened."
Pansy considered Hermione for a moment, her perfect face looking quizzically down at Hermione's, like she had been studying her from afar for ages and now had the opportunity to examine her up close.
"Why did he do it?" Pansy asked firmly.
"He found Draco in a bathroom, he was very upset apparently," Hermione offered "It sounds like Draco began to duel Harry when he discovered him. Then Harry used that curse from a book he was reading. He didn't know what it did. It only had the description 'for your enemies'"
Pansy was quite for a moment. Hermione chanced a glance.
"Potter is a right idiot for using a spell he didn't know anything about," Pansy muttered.
"I agree" Hermione nodded.
Pansy evaluated Hermione again, inspecting every twitch of her body to understand why she was there.
"He is going to be OK though?" Hermione croaked out, breaking the silence.
Pansy's look softened. Hermione's tone was so tortured it more or less told Pansy everything she needed to know.
"Yes," Pansy replied coolly.
The two witches stood face to face for a point longer, neither looking as if they would move from their spot.
"How were you able to get in there?" Hermione finally asked, looking to the infirmary door.
"I told them I was coming in" Pansy explained drolly. When she saw Hermione's perplexed look, a slight smirk formed at her Pansy's perfect lips. "Don't give people the option to tell you no, Granger."
Hermione nodded, looking again to the door.
"Astoria looked upset," Hermione added, hesitantly looking to Pansy.
Pansy rolled her eyes. "She's putting on a show. Draco hasn't been seen with her in weeks now"
A part of Hermione felt lighter in hearing what Draco had said confirmed. She looked up to find Pansy giving her a grievous look.
"This isn't some game you're playing with him, right?" the Slytherin witch asked with an accusing tone. Hermione looked taken off guard and confused.
"What? With Draco?" I don't understand." Hermione sputtered.
"This isn't some ploy to mess with him right?" Pansy asked again, angling her head to the door. "If it is, and you break his cold heart I will murder you. That is a promise"
Hermione was completely bewildered. She began shaking her head 'no' without realizing it.
Pansy shifted her weight to one leg, rubbing her fingers over her eyes in a way that didn't smudge her makeup one bit.
"It's a good thing I was in there in the room," Pansy finally said, her tone now more conversational. "After he was stabilized he kept saying your name."
Hermione's heart raced.
"I had to put a silencing charm on him to make sure Snape didn't hear, I guess also Madam Pomfrey shouldn't hear but she's trivial in the matter. But I'm going to have to come here every day now to make sure he doesn't do that in front of anyone else" Pansy looked slightly annoyed.
"What can I do to help?" was all Hermione could muster saying.
"For one," Pansy started, "make sure none of your idiodic friends try to kill him again, OK?"
Red flushed over Hermione's face, she nodded.
Pansy was silent again. Hermione was beyond confused at their conversation. She had thought that Pansy and Draco had been an item for years, yet she was acting almost cavalier about Hermione and his suspected relationship.
"I'm sorry if this is forward," Hermione said, driving Pansy to offer an amused look before she went on, " but I'm surprised at the way this conversation is going."
"You're surprised?" Pansy laughed. "Believe me, no one is more surprised about this situation than I am."
"But it seems like you know something…" Hermione added, not wanting to provide too many details.
"If you're asking if Draco had told me anything about you guys, no he hasn't" Pansy replied, this time more coldly, "but I had a feeling something was happening"
"Why?" Hermione asked
Pansy took a breath. "Because that one day, when everyone came back from break but the rumor wasn't out, I had never seen him happier"
Hermione's insides squirmed at the revelation. Pansy went on.
"Then the rumor was fully out, and suddenly he was with Astoria. And each day from that point, he looked more miserable than I had ever seen him," Pansy looked at Hermione with a lifted brow, "and that's saying something, because he's a miserable git. So I figured there had to be truth to the rumor."
"But, and Pansy I'm so sorry…" Hermione began and Pansy looked beyond frustrated.
"Seriously Granger, just say what you have to say," Pansy huffed
"I thought you two were together, for awhile at least." Hermione rambled. "You seem OK with all of this"
Pansy laughed. "Wow you are daft. I thought you were suppose to be smart? Do I look OK with all of this?" Pansy remarked. But when Hermione scrutinized Pansy, she looked perfectly poised and seemingly together, not a sliver of concern blemishing her face.
Pansy shook her head. "Draco and I haven't been together officially for awhile. We were only ever really together forth year and a bit of fifth."
Hermione didn't say anything, not wanting to pry. But Pansy continued on.
"This is something you wouldn't understand, Granger, but the pureblood hierarchy and match making from a young age is a very real thing. Do you know what it's like to be 12 years old and your parents are putting the seeds in your brain that you should try to woo over the Malfoy boy?"
Hermione felt sick at the thought. Pansy rolled her neck.
"Him and I ending up together was something that adults around us had always talked about. It's honestly very messed up, but when you're young, and all that matters in your world is status, you just do it"
Hermione carefully observed Pansy's expression. She looked pensive and more human than she had ever seen in the Slytherin before.
"I love Draco," Pansy finally said, making Hermione feel as if she may lose her balance momentarily. Then she looked down at Hermione. "But as a friend. I would do anything for him."
Hermione put herself in Pansy's shoes and thought about how she would feel similarly. She loved Harry, and she loved Ron. And would do anything for either of them.
But the introduction of Draco made her realize there were different levels to these emotions.
"I realized that for Draco, you were the first choice he ever made for himself," Pansy offered.
When Hermione glanced up again, Pansy was looking at her intently.
"We don't get to make choices. We are bound to follow a certain path that is acceptable to our status," the last bit was said with an air of sarcasm.
"He's pushing me away," Hermione said, beyond shocked that she was being forthcoming with Pansy Parkinson.
"He needs you," Pansy told her seriously, holding Hermione's stare. "Look I don't know why he pushed you away and then made a show of it pretending to be with Astoria. I just know whatever it is, it's more than having to live up to pureblood standards."
Hermione thought Pansy was right, and over the past several weeks, a similar thought had crossed her mind.
Maintaining status in the pureblood arena was always a factor in the back of Hermione's mind when it came to her relationship with the Slytherin, but Hermione was certain there had to be something beyond just his social standing that drove his current behavior. Like there could be imminent repercussions if he decided to stay with her.
Pansy cleared her throat, focusing Hermione who had been lost in thought.
"I convinced Madam Pomfrey to let me lock up each night for the week while I watch over him," Pansy said lowly. "I'm going to lock it, but you will be able to break it with a simple alohomora. Understand?"
Hermione pieced together that Pansy was giving her instructions on how to see Draco nightly, but she couldn't rightly say she understood why.
Other than the fact that, if she had been in Pansy's shoes, she would have done the same for any of her friends if the person they needed was being kept out.
Hermione nodded. She made a mental note that she was going to need to charm the Marauders Map to keep her off Harry's radar on the off chance he looked.
Pansy looked as if she was going to turn to go, but circled back one more time.
"Granger, seriously," Pansy looked her up and down. "Don't fuck this up"
Meekly, Hermione acknowledged Pansy's sage wisdom. She couldn't fuck this up, Hermione told herself. It just wasn't in the cards.