At first, everyone had been excited at the prospect of seeing their friends that evening. Even Riku had been looking forward to it, expecting it would be good for their spirits, and that would outweigh the downside of it being tiring for Sora. But now, he, Kairi, and Sora were all feeling less positive about it. Kairi and Riku were worried about Sora's health as usual, but Sora wasn't really sure why he didn't want to see everyone anymore. All he felt like doing right now was sitting in his room, alone.

It didn't make any damn sense. This wasn't like him. There were few things in this world he loved more than just being with his friends. Just spending time with them, talking and goofing off. Enjoying being together without anything else to worry them. There was nothing that filled his heart with more joy. But right now, the idea of doing those things made him want to curl up into a ball and hide.

You're just tired, that's all this is. You'll feel better once they're here.

He just had to keep telling himself that.

But he didn't feel better. There was a brief spark of joy at the sight of Donald, Goofy, and Mickey striding through the front door; of Hayner and Roxas racing each other up the castle steps followed by the other five from Twilight Town; and of Cid's ship carrying Yuffie, Aerith, Leon, and Naminè coming into land. But each time it was gone in an instant, and the urge to draw away returned.

What's wrong with me?

Kairi could see how uncomfortable he was, though didn't understand why. She practically clung to him all evening, never more than a foot or two away. Riku might have done the same if he weren't so focussed on distracting anyone who showed any interest in hearing more about Quadratum from Sora.

To Sora's relief, no one joked around about his hair. Most of them had seen it already. Yuffie thought about teasing him but Aerith elbowed her in the ribs before she could say anything, and Xion had given Hayner a preemptive lecture about leaving Sora alone. He and Pence, unfortunately, failed to hold in their laughter when they first saw him but stopped when he grumpily pulled his hood up.

"Aw, don't worry Sora, it'll grow back!" Hayner clapped him on the shoulder and grinned. Then he leaned in and whispered, "just say the word and we'll give Roxas and Axel matching haircuts." The laugh Sora gave was fake, but Hayner's quip did at least make him forget his annoyance. He probably would have struggled not to laugh if he was in their position.
Or maybe not. He didn't feel much like laughing right now.

Everyone seemed exceptionally cheerful. And why wouldn't they be? They were all together again. They spent the evening enjoying one another's company, some of them flinging a frisbee shield back and forth, some sitting on the grass and enjoying the treats bought from the Bistro in Twilight town. Xion, Pence, and Olette encouraged Naminè to show them some of the magic she had been learning. When she shyly cast a spell for them they were amazed to see she was already on her way to mastering light magic.

While Riku and Kairi did their best to act as a buffer for him, Sora did everything he could to keep a smile on his face. To all the others, he seemed the same old Sora. Perhaps a little quieter and less excitable than usual, but they knew he was still recovering from his injuries and assumed that was why. The encouraging comments of "bet you'll be feeling great again soon!" and "you'll be better before you know it!" continued.

Everything around him felt too loud. Too fast and bright and busy. A lead weight had settled in his stomach.

Something's wrong with me... I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't feel like this.

He wished he could leave, that everything around him could just stop for a little bit. This all felt so overwhelming.

After a few hours, he and Kairi found themselves sitting at a table in the living room with Yuffie, Leon, and Aerith, who were all curious about Sora's injured arm and how he was progressing. "Aqua's amazing, I can actually move it now," he said, showing them his re-acquired ability to form a fist. He gave a wry smile. "I still can't really hold anything though, I can barely manage a cup, let alone my Keyblade."

"Don't stress Sora! You'll be back on your feet, Keyblade in hand, in no time!" Yuffie grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

Leon nodded. "Yeah, you're strong. You'll be back to normal again soon."

Sora's face and shoulders stiffened. "Yeah... thanks."

The others continued their conversation, but Sora didn't hear them. A dull roar had started in his ears. Kairi reached over and squeezed his hand, but he didn't notice it. The room was full of people making conversation and laughing, but the roaring in his ears was growing louder and louder, drowning it out. The sounds around him turned to static. He stared at the table in front of him, unaware of anything but the roar and his heart throbbing in his ears. It was deafening.

"Helloooo, earth to Sora?" Yuffie bent her head down and waved a hand in front of his face.

"Huh?" He jumped and looked back up. The roaring in his ears was gone as quickly as it had come. Everyone around the table was staring at him.

"Sorry, what?"

"You OK?" Kairi asked, cutting Leon off before he could repeat what he'd been trying to say to Sora. She looked worried.

"Yeah, head's a bit fuzzy sorry. I... think I need some air." He stood up carefully and turned to leave. "I'll be back in a minute."

Though surprised, the others sitting at the table just assumed his concussion was still bothering him and didn't question his sudden departure. Riku had been watching Sora from the other side of the room and, seeing his tense expression as he got up and left, glanced at Kairi questioningly. She had turned to him as well.

"Actually, I'm going to go with him," she told the others at the table. "Back in a sec." She stood up and jerked her head at Riku, gesturing for him to come with her, and he followed her out.

They walked through the entrance hall, but when they opened the front entrance of the castle, there was no sign of Sora. He'd only left a few seconds before them, so there was no chance he could have gone further than the courtyard.

"Maybe he's in his room?" Riku suggested. Kairi nodded, and they hurried back inside.

Sora walked to his as room quickly as he could. He had to get away, had to be somewhere they couldn't see or hear him. By the time he closed the door behind him he was breathing hard, a tempest boiling up inside his chest. His whole body felt as though it were vibrating, like his muscles were shaking and grinding against his crawling skin. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to steady his breath, but his lungs had started burning. The ferocious energy kept building and building, until it was too much for his body to contain.

He reached up and tore off his sling, flinging it across the room and slamming his palms down on the desk, ignoring the stabbing pain it triggered in his arm. He scrunched his eyes shut, breathing sharply through gritted teeth, then let out a roar of frustration and smashed his fist hard into the wall above the desk.

The thick wood bent and splintered beneath his hand and he felt a sting in his knuckles. He stood still for a few moments, his fist embedded in the wood.

Then his chest tightened as he heard running footsteps in the hallway. Someone must have heard him yell. Dammit...

He lowered his hands to his sides and tried to pull his face back into a neutral expression, as someone knocked.

"Sora?" Kairi pushed the door open without waiting for a response. She and Riku found him standing by the desk, his sling discarded on the floor, and an obvious dent in the wall beside him. He was shaking and gripping the edge of the desk hard, but trying to keep his face blank to hide his anger.

Of course it was them... He wished they'd just leave him alone.

"I'll be back in a minute," he told them, and his voice sounded strained.

"Sora? What's wrong?" Kairi took a few steps toward him.

"Nothing. I'm fine." He wanted them to leave, but if he tried to say it he thought he might explode again.

"What Leon and Yuffie said bothered you, didn't it?"

He turned away so she couldn't see his face, trying to keep his voice steady while speaking through gritted teeth. "It's nothing."

Riku stood in the doorway, wondering if he should try to stop Kairi.

"Sora?" When he didn't reply to her she glanced anxiously at Riku, then back. "They're right Sora, you're going to-"

"Going to be fine? Going to get better?!" He spun around and glared at them furiously, voice rising, unable to hold it in anymore. "You all keep saying that, but what if I don't this time? Huh? What if I can't?"

The others were silent for a moment, both in shock. "Sora-" Kairi started, trying to speak soothingly, but he cut her off again.

"How many more times am I going to have to do this!?" He was yelling now, all the frustration and resentment that had been building up for weeks spilling over. "First I get my mind shredded and lose my powers and a year of my life while I get put back together, then Xehanort tries to turn me into another one of his puppets, and I wake up to Yen Sid telling me that because I'm an IDIOT I've lost my strength and have to start from zero AGAIN."

He stopped to catch his breath, oblivious to the pain in his chest.

"Sora..." Riku walked forward and put out a hand to touch his shoulder, worried he was going to make himself pass out again, but Sora knocked his hand away and kept yelling.

"And I did it, I got better those times! Then guess what?"

He threw his arms out to the sides, displaying the bandages and yellowed bruises he was still covered in. Blood was dripping from the knuckles on his left hand, and the fresh scar across his chest extended above the neckline of his shirt, an awful dark reddish-purple against his skin. Without magic, it had healed slowly, so that scar would never fade.

"Back to being useless! Back to being NOTHING! Another year of my life gone! And everyone keeps telling me I'll be fine, just like I always am. 'Sora messed up again, but don't worry, he'll bounce back, he'll be fine!' Well, what if I'm not? Huh? What if I can't do it this time?"

He'd be worthless. If he couldn't wield the Keyblade he had no use to anyone anymore.

"And what's the point anyway? How long until I'm back here again? How many more years of my life do I have to lose?! I'm nothing now, I can't- I just..."

He trailed off, bitter tears running down his face. The others didn't say anything. For a while, the only sound was Sora taking sharp breaths.

"I can't do this... I can't do this again... "

His exhaustion had caught up with him and he dropped to his knees, too dizzy to stand any longer. He would have crumpled to the floor, but then Riku was at his side. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into his chest, pressing his cheek against Sora's messy hair, holding him as close as he could without hurting him. Kairi dropped down in front of him and summoned her Keyblade. "Heal..." she said softly, pointing the key at his hand, and the cuts on his knuckles stopped bleeding.

They'd both known he wasn't OK, that he was in much more than just physical pain, but they still weren't sure how deep it went.

For a moment Riku forgot Kairi was there, forgot about trying to hide his feelings, forgot everything other than Sora and the pain he was in, and kissed the top of his head without realising he was doing so. There was nothing in the world he wanted more right now than to be able to take this burden from him, to take this cruel and unjust suffering away.

He put a hand on the nape of Sora's neck and ran his fingers back and forth through his hair in what he hoped was a comforting way. Sora wept into his shoulder and clutched at Riku's shirt like a drowning man, the blood on his knuckles staining the white fabric.

None of them spoke for several long minutes, instead just sitting together, Kairi and Riku doing their best to share in Sora's misery, staying by his side through the worst of it.

"You're not nothing," Riku told him when he eventually broke the quiet, face still pressed against Sora's hair. "You'll never be nothing."

Sora took several deep breaths before responding, in a voice still choked from the tears. "If I can't use my Keyblade anymore, I will be."

"You're more than just the Keyblade Sora," Kairi said, as she put her hand on his knee.

Neither she nor Riku understood where this idea had come from, that his entire worth was dependent on his Keyblade abilities. That he was nothing but a weapon to be used. That he was just some tool that could be discarded if it broke or was no longer needed. When did he start to see himself this way?

"Yeah," Riku agreed. "You could never be nothing. There's nothing that could ever happen, or that you could do, that would make you worthless."

They weren't sure how long it would take to repair the damage that this belief had done to Sora, but they would tell him this again and again until he believed them instead.

Riku was still running his fingers back and forth across the back of Sora's head. The motion was soothing and he closed his eyes, feeling the whirling storm in his mind and heart gradually settle as he leaned against Riku's shoulder. The tears finally stopped, but the aching weight in his chest remained.

After a few minutes or so the others began to wonder if he had been so weary that he had fallen asleep, but then he opened his eyes and gazed down at his blood-smudged knuckles. "I don't know what's wrong with me... I feel like I'm never going to get better."

"Since when are you the pessimistic one?" Riku asked jokingly.

"Heh, not sure..."

Riku had meant it lightheartedly, but it struck a chord for Sora, and the others heard it in his voice.

He looked back up at Kairi with half-closed eyes that were completely devoid of light. They looked so empty. She carefully considered her next words, not wanting to repeat more mantras of 'but you'll bounce back!' to him. They were certain he would, but they couldn't see the future. Telling him he'd get back to full strength in time was an empty promise, even if she, and everyone other than Sora, believed it.

"Well... if you didn't get better, that would be awful, but things would still be OK." He stared at her in surprise. It was the first time anyone had acknowledged this possible future, rather than dismissing the idea entirely.

"Yeah," Riku nodded and gave him a gentle squeeze. "It would be difficult, and I'm sure it won't happen, but even if it did, things would still be alright."

"As long as the three of us are together, things will always be OK," Kairi smiled at him, meaning every word. "And we aren't going anywhere, no matter what."

The worry had been brushed away so many times, by others and by him as he tried to bury it away and ignore it. This anxiety, this terrible fear that he would be stuck like this, exhausted and a burden on them forever. But now here his friends were, telling him that even if the worst came to pass and he never got better, his life could still go on. They would still be with him.

"Everyone else would still be there too. Even if for some reason you didn't start feeling better, your real friends are still going to be your friends. It won't matter to them. Anyone who doesn't stick by you, well... screw them! They don't matter." She glared at him, demonstrating what her reaction would be in that scenario, and despite everything he cracked a small smile.

"We'll help you get there too," Riku said, rubbing his shoulder. "You're not in this alone."
And I will never let this happen to you again, he vowed silently.

He smiled at them again, more widely this time. Of course, they would be there with him. He should have known they would stand by him. They were like that.

"Thanks guys."

The faint sound of raised voices from the other side of the castle drifted through the door. It was getting late and they had been gone for a while now, and Kairi assumed it must be people looking for them, wanting to say goodbye before they left. She reached out and squeezed Sora's shoulder. "I'm going to head back before they send out a search party. I'll make something up, tell them you guys can't come say goodbye for some reason."

"Thanks Kairi," Sora sighed, extremely grateful. "If you have to tell them I puked, or something embarrassing like that, I'll cope."

The others both snickered. Kairi leaned forward and hugged them both, holding on a few seconds longer than usual. "I'll be back soon," she pulled away and hurried back to the others.

"Sick of sitting on the ground yet?" Riku asked.

"Yeah, let's move." They both sat down on the bed, and Sora stared out the window. That look was back in his eyes.

"Everyone coming over so soon wasn't such a great idea then huh," Riku said with a wry smile.

"Heh, yeah," he scratched the back of his head. "I guess I was alone for so long that being around so many people again is sort of…"

"Overwhelming?"

"Yeah."

Riku chuckled and Sora looked at him with a surprised and hurt expression. "Don't worry, I'm not laughing at you" he said. "It's just, I said almost exactly the same thing to Mickey a long time ago."

"Really? When?"

"Castle Oblivion, the first time we were there."

It took Sora a moment to connect the dots. "Oh right... So, after the Island disappeared, that was the first time you had someone with you? A friend I mean."

"Yeah," he smiled sadly. "It was."

And Sora had had Donald and Goofy by his side that whole time. It was cruel what Riku had been forced to go through, controlled and exploited by Maleficent and Xehanort's Heartless. "Imagine how different things might have been if we both landed in the same place," he lamented.

Riku's face darkened a little. "Pretty different I'd say." For a start, he probably wouldn't have tried to kill his best friend.

They hadn't talked about that time as much as Sora felt they should have, those months between when they woke up so far apart in two different worlds, and when they both reached the door to the realm of darkness. He knew what an awful time it had been for Riku, but he realised now that in the whirlwind of the past few years he had barely asked him about it. Then he had been mostly alone again for over a year, trapped in the body of the man who once possessed him.

Riku had been through so much, and come through still so strong and kind.

"All that time you spent alone then, and again when you looked like Ansem... I wish I could have been there for you then. You did so much to help Naminé put me back together and then I couldn't help you at all."

"Well, it wasn't exactly your fault you couldn't," Riku pointed out. "I was the one constantly running away from you."

"Yeah, that's true, heh, you dumbass." He gave a small smirk. "I get it though. I think I'm starting to understand how you felt then."

Riku was about to ask him what he meant when there was a knock at the door, and Kairi came in carrying three mugs. "Looks like the others drank all the hot cocoa, so I hope you're both happy with tea!" She handed them theirs and sat down on the bed.

"So has everyone headed off?" Riku asked, and Kairi nodded.

"Oh no!" Sora cried. "I didn't say thank you to Baymax before he left!" He slapped a hand to his forehead, and the others couldn't help but laugh.

Despite the late hour they sat in Sora's room together and talked for a long time. They'd spent so much time doing the exact same thing these past few weeks that it was amazing they still had anything left to say. But somehow they did. Best friends are often like that, and once they were too tired to keep talking they lapsed into comfortable silence. Eventually, they found themselves lying in a heap, Riku with his arms trapped beneath the others' heads, each of them using him as a pillow, and Kairi with her arm across his stomach so she could hold Sora's hand.

The two boys both fell asleep before Kairi, she had been trying to stake awake until they did. After they both finally dozed off she got up to head back to her own room and tried to leave quietly, but as the door opened Riku turned and watched her go. It seemed strange that she would leave right now. Was this yet another sign that had been wrong about her and Sora? If they still had feelings for each other, still wanted to be together, surely she would have stayed as well, wanting to be as close to Sora as he did? But instead, it seemed she wanted to let the two of them be alone.

He couldn't keep dismissing all these signs.

Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow he would do it. He turned over and pulled Sora a little closer to him.
Strange to think that in all this misery, he could still feel this much joy.

Riku woke early the next morning, roused by the sunlight streaming through the bedroom window they'd forgotten to pull the curtains over. He didn't want to open his eyes. He was so comfortable, so warm, and so happy. If he opened his eyes he'd have to accept that it was morning and that he had to get up and leave for the day. He must have rolled away at some point in the night and Sora had chased him because he had pressed himself against his back and wrapped an arm around his chest. Riku could feel his breath lightly on the back of his neck.

He didn't want to go. He didn't want to be anywhere but here. But he had to. Maybe by the time he got back, he would have decided whether or not to take the risk. Maybe he would finally, finally, tell him, and find out if he felt the same way as well. His heart beat a little faster at the thought. He was sure by now that Sora felt it too.

He slowly began extricating himself, trying not to wake Sora, but when the arm he was trying to move was still causing him pain it wasn't an easy task and after a few moments, he stirred. He put his arm back around Riku and mumbled a faint protest.

"I've got to go," Riku said as he carefully lifted Sora's arm off himself again.

"Aww... why...?" He whined sleepily, eyes still closed.

"Master stuff with Terra and Aqua." Riku finally managed to sit up, and ruffled Sora's hair as he opened his eyes and looked up at him. "We'll be back this evening."

Sora gave him a dopey, half-asleep grin, that almost made Riku change his mind about leaving. "OK... I'll see you then... then," he said with a small wave and Riku laughed.

"See you later." He ran his hand through Sora's hair once more, knowing now that his mind was made up. Then he left, closing the door behind him, and wishing it was evening already.

Still half asleep, Sora watched him go and found himself immediately missing him. He frowned. This whole time he'd been putting the way he had been acting with Riku, and how physically close they both liked to stay, down to him simply being so happy to be with friends again. He'd thought it was just because he had missed Riku so much, just like he had missed all his friends.

But he was starting to wonder if maybe there was more to it than that. He wasn't like this with anyone else, not even Kairi. He'd never been like this with anyone in the past.

Had something changed?

He slipped back into sleep, confused thoughts of Riku following him into his dreams.

Terra and Aqua were both up and ready, waiting for him in the kitchen. "So, where are we actually going today?" Riku asked as he sat down at the table to join them.

"Disney Castle," Terra replied. "And then to Yen Sid's Tower to discuss the plans for exploring Scala ad Caelum."

"What are we going to Disney Castle for? Won't Mickey be meeting us at the tower?"

Terra tapped his shoulder pauldron, just below the button that activated his Keyblade armour, and he and Aqua both grinned and Riku. "Chip and Dale have a surprise for you."

"Sora!"

Riku?

The voice was only a faint echo through the empty city, but he was sure it was Riku's. He sprinted in its direction, afraid to hope but wanting to so badly.

"Sora!"

"Riku! Riku, can you hear me?"

It had to be him, it was his voice, he was sure of it.

"Sora!"

He ran through streets and alleys and sprawling roads, surrounded by tall buildings and neon lights.

"Sora!"

He was getting closer, his voice was getting closer. Please let it be him.

"Riku! Over here!"

"Sora!"

He rounded a corner and his stomach dropped. He was back at the crossing.

Riku stood at its centre, Keyblade in hand, blood on his face, surrounded by Towers of Shadows. As Sora watched he fell to one knee, holding himself up with his blade, hurt and near the end of his strength. Then he looked up and saw him. "Sora!" The Towers began to churn, thousands of eyes turning from yellow to red as they reared up and prepared to dive.

Get away from him!

Sora's fury engulfed him in an instant. He was streaking forwards, black wisps trailing behind him and claws at the ready. He roared as he leapt upwards into them, twisting and flinging his Keyblade in a frenzy, desperate to take as many down at once as he could. He had to protect Riku.

He sprung from one column to the next, ripping through, clawing his way up their sides as he raced for the top of them. He launched himself high into the air above them. As he reached the peak of his jump he flipped and pointed his Keyblade down towards them as he began to spin. He dived between the towers, red bolts of energy from his blade cascading down on them, his hatred tearing each and every one of them to shreds.

He landed lightly in the middle of the road, and the remains of the towers melted away around him. He twisted around, desperately looking for Riku, and found him standing just metres away. He was covered in blood, but he was still standing, and he was smiling at him. Sora beamed with joy at seeing Riku alive.

But then the grin contorted into something new. It wasn't a smile of joyful relief anymore. It was one of relish, and it didn't belong to him.

His skin began to burn.

Riku's smile faltered, a look of concern and confusion on his face. Sora crouched back down into a battle stance and spun his Keyblade in his hand. But Rage wasn't planning on fighting alone tonight. Killing someone as important to Sora as Riku was a special occasion, so he summoned assistance. As the bloodlust rose in Sora's chest, so too did the Unversed.

They began rising from the tarmac, twitchy little things flitting back and forth, every edge of them sharp enough to cut through skin. A few at first, then more were emerging, waves of them darting out from around corners and down side streets. There were hundreds, thousands. Riku was whirling around, Keyblade back in hand, trying to come up with a plan for dealing with them.

Sora knew there was no use though. There were too many, they would strike him down. They would kill him at Sora's own bequest. He dismissed his Keyblade, baring his teeth and claws instead. And he would help them do it.

Riku turned back to him, a look of fear in his eyes. "Sora?"

Please, don't hurt him, please... not him

But Rage didn't care.

Not him, not him

He pulled Sora's mouth open in a snarl and Riku flinched, not willing to raise his weapon against him.

Please, not him

Rage sent him flying forward, claws aiming for Riku's throat, and the Unversed followed his lead.

He woke with a scream, sitting bolt upright in bed, drenched in a cold sweat and gasping for air. His heart was racing. He jerked his head down and stared at his shaking hands, certain he was going to come face to face with blackened claws.

It was because of him.

It was because of him the Unversed were there. It wasn't that man who had summoned them. They hadn't been some strange reflection of the Heartless.

It had been him.

Him, and Rage.

That night when the Unversed had almost killed Riku, it was because of him. It was his fault he had been hurt. It hadn't just been a vision. He really had tried to kill him.

He'd almost killed Riku. The most important person to him.

He knew what had changed between them now, and it terrified him.