Sora paced across his room, too agitated to notice his aches and pains as he strode back and forth.

This isn't me, I'm not myself right now
"Yes, you are Sora."
Get out, get out, you aren't me
"Oh but I am Sora. We're the same"

Had that voice been telling the truth? That darkness really was something inside of him, a part of him? Had Rage been right?

If they hadn't just been visions, and he had actually attacked Riku, then maybe the voice had been right. Maybe the voice had belonged to him.

There was something wrong with him. He was tainted, corrupted, broken, cracked, stained, wrong.

And because of it, he had almost killed Riku.

Was this why he still felt like this? Why he felt no joy in being with friends? Why he wanted nothing more than to hide away from them and the rest of the world? Why all he wanted to do right now was scream or fade away again?

He'd been back for weeks. He was safe, surrounded by the people he cared for, and who cared for him. He wasn't alone, or constantly under attack anymore. He should be happy. What possible reason could there be for him to feel like this? To feel the same pain and misery that had then been his constant companion in Quadratum?

He was back now.
The battle was over. The war was won. He had no reason to still feel this way. I shouldn't feel like this!

But he did.

Whatever darkness had haunted him there must still be with him. The same darkness that had hurt Riku. Whatever monster this was, whatever foul thing this was inside him, he didn't want anyone to see him like this. If they knew how much he had failed, that he had let this into himself... He couldn't let them see him like this. It was because of this that the Unversed had attacked Riku, because of him. He couldn't let this harm anyone else again.

For a few short minutes, that morning he had thought maybe this was over, maybe he was going to feel like himself again. Those few short minutes before Riku had left and the nightmare had come...

How had it taken him this long to realise what was happening between them? More importantly, had Riku realised as well? And did he feel the same way?

"I don't think there was a moment we weren't thinking of you... I know I never stopped."

Sora had a strong feeling he did.

If that was true, if Riku felt it as well, he had to stay away. He couldn't let Riku get any closer. Not while he was like this. Maybe not ever. He couldn't be with him. He wasn't even sure who he was anymore, but he doubted he was still the same Sora that Riku used to know. The one Riku thought he was. The one he maybe wanted to be with.

He couldn't burden him like that. Riku had already suffered so much because of him, he couldn't risk causing him more. He didn't want him to see him like this, even more broken than either of them had already thought.

He wasn't even sure if he would ever be able to look at Riku again without seeing his bloodied throat and chest, and that fear on his face. His stomach lurched. He never would have thought before now that seeing Riku's face would become something he was afraid of.

He couldn't let him, or any of the others, hurt because of him. He didn't ever want to do that to them, ever again.

He could avoid the others, and if not he could hide it in front of them, at least until he figured out what it was that was wrong with him. If he tried hard enough he was sure he would even be able to fool Kairi. But Riku would see through it... Riku wouldn't let him do that or hide away. If Riku was still here he would know something was wrong, and he would want to help.

He had to convince him to leave, that there was some reason he couldn't stay. He had to convince him that he would be fine, or even better of, without him around. He would convince him to leave, no matter what he had to say.

Riku had been getting more and more impatient as the day went on, uncharacteristically distracted while Yen Sid and the others discussed their next missions. He wasn't planning on taking part in these unless absolutely necessary anyway. He had little interest in anything other than supporting Sora during his recovery right now, and it seemed everyone else had taken this as a given already.

There were a smattering of reports of Heartless appearing in other worlds, as they had recently in San Fransokyo, but their numbers didn't seem large. This would be the first task for them to tackle, though Yen Sid believed it could be handled quickly. Aside from Riku, they were all to head off the next day to clear the Heartless away.

Their next focus would be exploring Scala ad Caelum and deciphering the many books and documents they had already discovered there. In the time Mickey had spent searching it in the previous months, it had become clear this world contained a great deal of the history of the age-old struggle and imbalances between the forces of Light and Darkness. There was no telling what secrets this enormous accumulation of knowledge may contain, whether they were ones that could be used for good, or destruction.

Even the potential of discoveries as significant and fascinating as these couldn't capture Riku's attention though.

His ears had perked up briefly when the conversation turned to Quadratum. But the main conclusion the others had already come to was that they just needed to keep a watch out for any suggestion the man there had come to this world and that he might still be pursuing Sora. They had no desire to attempt to open another portal and go there themselves, the risks greatly outweighing any potential benefits. Despite how much Riku (and quite a few others) wanted to put an end to the person who had tortured Sora, he agreed that attempting to find them right now would be reckless.

When the meeting finally ended he had to force himself to walk down the tower staircase with the others, fighting the urge to sprint for the Gummi ship.

As he brought the ship into land he felt a rush of excitement and nerves. Inside the castle, they found the other three already gathered in the kitchen. Kairi and Ventus both beamed at them all as they came in and Sora gave them a smile, despite the tightening of the knot in his stomach and his intense urge to sprint from the room.

"You're back!" Ven called out, waving. "How was your super secret meeting then?"

"It's not secret Ven," Aqua told him, not for the first time. "It's just that those meetings are only for masters right now."

"Yeah yeah, sure, just tell us what happened!" He grinned expectantly at Aqua and Terra as they came to sit down.

Aqua rolled her eyes but Terra laughed at him, then pointed his thumb over his shoulder at Riku. "How about Riku shows you his new gear first?"

Ven, Kairi, and Sora turned to Riku, who hadn't followed the others to the table yet, and gawked at the new dome and dark metal plate that sat on top of his left glove. "You got some too!" Kairi cried out joyfully. "This is brilliant!"

All three of them jumped up to have a closer look. It was enough to even make Sora forget his dread and grin with excitement. "Put it on and show us!" Kairi begged.

Riku lifted his arm and struck the button, and in a flash of light, his armour materialised. It was made of dark indigo and silver metal, almost black in places, detailed with bright yellow gold. The bat wing-like shape of the fins on his helm reminded Sora of those on the handles on his Oblivion blade, and Riku's first Keyblade.

The armour looked incredible and Sora, like the other two, was in awe. But then Riku dismissed the helm to reveal his face and Sora glanced up to find him beaming at him. Riku had been looking forward to seeing Sora's reaction, expecting equal parts excitement and amusing jealousy. But instead, Sora's smile vanished and Riku was greeted with a sudden flash of fear in his eyes.

Sora looked away quickly and, before Riku had a chance to ask him if something was wrong, he strode away and sat down with Terra and Aqua. The vision of blood on Riku's throat had been so vivid.

Puzzled, Riku pressed the button again to dismiss the armour and followed Kairi and Ven back to the table, where Ven immediately resumed his interrogation of the three masters. Knowing Ventus wouldn't stop asking until they told him, they explained everything that had been discussed at the tower that day. Aqua and Terra would be leaving the very next day to check for Heartless in some of the neighbouring worlds but didn't expect to be away long.

"We should be back in two or three days, we'll let you know once we've assessed the situation," Aqua told them.

"What about you Riku? Are you and Mickey going anywhere?" Kairi inquired, with a hidden motive.

"No, I'm going to stay here for a while. Can't leave you three unsupervised." He smirked at them all and Kairi grinned, happy to have her assumptions confirmed.

Sora's heart sank even further. Hearing about the missions had given him a slither of hope that maybe he could avoid Riku that way, but he guessed there was no chance of that now. Riku turned to look at him and again was confused to see him looking away. He was staring blankly down at his plate, looking uneasy and seemingly avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Hey! We can take care of ourselves!" Ventus huffed, looking offended. Terra laughed at him and reached over to ruffle his hair.

They continued talking about the discussions at the tower, and how once the Heartless were dealt with they would be shifting their focus to the deserted world of Scala ad Caelum. Aqua and Terra would be disappearing for a few days every now and then over the coming weeks, and Terra hinted that the two apprentices might even get to come along sometimes. While important, that exploration wasn't something they had to rush, and with two apprentices to train, and Sora still recovering, they weren't planning on spending too much time away.

As they finished their meal Ven called out to Riku excitedly. "I was going to show Kairi some more glider moves after dinner, you should come join in Riku!"

"Oh, uhh maybe." He usually would have said yes — he hadn't had much time to try out the glider yet and was eager to do some more flying — but there was something more important he had been hoping to do. Sora immediately derailed his plans though.

"Can I come watch Ven?" he asked. At least if they were all flying he wouldn't have to worry about talking with any of them, Sora thought. If Riku joined in with them as well then would get to see him for a little while longer as well. He knew he'd have to talk to him eventually... but he'd take any extra time he could get.

"Of course!" Ven grinned at him. "Chip and Dale are probably working on more, you should call dibs on the next one Sora, then we can all fly them together!"

"Oh yeah!" Sora's face brightened for a moment, but the smile and light in his eyes were gone as fast as they came. "Actually maybe I'll wait, Roxas or Xion would probably get a lot more use out of it than me right now."

Kairi and Riku were shocked. If anyone was going to be excited about getting armour and a glider they would have thought it would be Sora. They doubted there were many people out there as enthusiastic or excitable as he was, but they hadn't seen much of that in the past week or so.

He'd been acting strange and distant ever since they arrived back, had barely said a word while they ate, and now this... Riku was starting to worry.

Kairi and Ventus raced down the stairs. Flying her glider was Kairi's favourite thing to do at the moment, and Ven was always eager to show off his skills. Riku found the sibling-like relationship Ventus and Kairi seemed to have developed very entertaining, it was like watching two little kids running around and bouncing off each other's energy constantly. It struck him suddenly how jarring it felt that Sora wasn't goofing off with them, prevented from joining in by his injuries.

As Riku reached the bottom of the steps though he glanced back up at Sora, who had sat down on the top step by himself. It seemed strange that he was staying up there to watch, rather than sitting in the courtyard where he could talk to them as well, even if he couldn't join in.

"Actually, you guys go ahead without me," he called out to Ven and Kairi, who had jumped onto their gliders already.

"Aw, you sure?" Ven asked, looking disappointed.

"Yeah, I'll sit with Sora and watch. Can't leave him sulking all by himself."

As he headed up the stairs Sora's pulse quickened. No, not yet, not yet. Just leave me alone!

He didn't want to do this yet.

"You all right?" Riku sat down and put a hand on his shoulder and Sora's body tensed.

No, and you're the only person I want to talk to about it.

"Yep, just tired," he replied in a strained voice, staring straight ahead and avoiding Riku's eyes. Now Riku was getting really worried. He didn't know what it could have been, but something had happened while he was gone, he was sure of it. Maybe Sora just didn't want to talk about it around the others? He gave his shoulder a small squeeze.

"Do you want to go for a walk or something? There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

The words were barely out of his mouth when Sora stood up abruptly, shrugging Riku's hand off in the process. "I think I'm gonna go to bed early."

"Oh," Riku made a small sound of surprise. "OK, do you... want some company?" It clearly wasn't the right time to try and talk to him about them, or maybe even talk at all, but there was something wrong and he didn't like the idea of Sora being alone right now.

Sora looked down at him, trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible. There was no hope of him faking a smile right now. "Umm..."

Yes

"Nah, I kinda want some time to myself." He turned away before there was a chance for Riku to say anything, or for his face to break. "See you tomorrow."

He got back inside as quickly as he could without running, he'd stood up too fast and there were stars in the corner of his vision again. As soon as the door closed behind him he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, sliding slowly down to the floor.

He sat there while he waited for the dizziness to pass, hoping Riku wasn't about to follow him in and find him here, slumped on the ground. Once it was gone, he stood up much more slowly and made his way back to his room alone. Part of him wished Riku had chased after him, but it was better this way.

Riku stayed where he was, rooted to the spot. He didn't understand what had just happened. How had things changed so drastically since this morning? Had he done something wrong? Overstepped some boundary? What had happened while he was away? Kairi hadn't said anything, and she and Ventus both seemed to be acting normally.

He took out his phone, checking if he had missed any messages or calls from them during the day, but there was nothing. He got up and walked down the stairs, and waved Kairi and Ven down.

"Change your mind already?" Ven called out as he swooped down. He was grinning broadly, assuming Riku wanted to join them on their gliders.

Kairi hovered on hers beside him, looking around. "Where's Sora?"

"Actually that's what I wanted to ask you about. Did something happen while I was gone? He seems kind of... off at the moment."

The others glanced at each other. "I don't think so," Ven said. "He was in his room most of the day, but when he was hanging out with us he seemed fine."

Kairi tilted her head, trying to decipher Riku's expression. "Off how?"

"I'm not sure... Something's bothering him though."

He turned back up to the castle. What had changed while he was gone?

Sora locked the door behind him, leaned back against it, and let himself slide down to the floor again, drawing his legs up and wrapping his arms around them. He suspected Riku would come by sometime tonight to check on him, and see if he would let him in. Hopefully, the locked door was enough to deter him.

A deep ache had started in his chest and he curled in on himself, pressing his forehead into his knees. Maybe it would have been better if they had just left him there. Left him in that city, walking through empty streets and sitting beside concrete-bordered rivers.
Left him to end his battle with the cloaked man.
Left him alone.

Maybe all of them would have been better off that way.

The sky outside Sora's window was grey when he woke up, covered in a blanket of clouds that seemed to threaten rain at any moment. He stayed in bed all morning, dreading leaving his room. He would have stayed there all day if he had the choice but knew someone would come looking for him eventually.

The combination of his nightmares and his desperate desire to avoid them had kept him up for much of the night. He'd spent most of it staring at the dent his fist had made in the wall. At least he had managed to cry himself out. That raw misery had been replaced by something new. Emptiness.

It was as if a deep hole had appeared inside his chest, sucking everything in. That dull ache was still there, as though his heart itself were being crushed, but other than that he simply felt numb. He wished he could just sleep, sleep without dreams. That was all he wanted right now. To fade away. For everything to stop.

A few hours after he had left Riku alone on the steps last night, he had heard a knock at his door and Riku quietly calling his name. On the other side of it Riku had waited for an answer, and when he didn't hear one, tried to open the door, just wanting to glance inside to check if Sora actually was in there. But, to his surprise, he had found it wouldn't open. As he heard Riku's footsteps fade away Sora let out the breath he had been holding. He was glad he had locked the door, and that Riku hadn't resorted to his Keyblade to open it.

It took all of Sora's willpower to leave his hiding place in the early afternoon, although being hungry helped. He was relieved to find the kitchen empty. Cooking had become something he enjoyed, after spending so much time with Little Chef in the bistro kitchen, and he'd even gotten quite good at it. Today he didn't have the energy to do much though, so just raided the cupboards for snacks.

He'd thought he might have managed to get in and out of the kitchen without having to interact with his friends, but just as he was about to get up from the table he heard their voices. As the door at the other end of the room opened he turned to find the other three walking in, grinning at him.

All of them were relieved to see he had finally emerged from his room. He grinned back, but his heart was sinking.

"Hey Sora!" Ven called out. "We were starting to wonder if we'd ever see you today."

"Hey, yeah I had a bit of a sleep-in," he said as he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"How're you feeling?" Riku asked as he came to sit next to him.

Sora glanced at him, then looked away quickly. "I'm good!" he said cheerfully, then asked hastily "What have you guys been doing?", looking from Kairi to Ven.

"Not much," Kairi sighed as she flopped into a chair on his other side.

"Slacking off while Aqua and Terra are away mostly," Riku said with a snicker.

"Hey, I don't see you doing any work!" she scoffed back.

Sora stayed sitting with them at the kitchen table, not wanting to draw any extra attention to himself by leaving too suddenly. Riku was already suspicious though. He had seen the way Sora's smile slipped when he looked at him, and the shadows under his eyes were enough to give away that something was wrong.

Their plan for the afternoon was to train indoors since the weather was looking dubious, and Ventus wanted to spar with Riku after hearing Kairi had managed to beat him a few times.
Training together seemed to have brought out both his and Kairi's competitive sides, a side of Kairi that Riku and Sora hadn't seen much of before. Terra and Aqua had started joking about the two of them being much more like twins than Ven and Roxas ever could be.

As they made their way to the large hall where Ven had once woken from his sleep to clash with Vanitus, Riku fell into step beside Sora. He raised his arm to put it around Sora's shoulders, wanting to ask if he had slept alright, worried about his exhausted appearance, but the moment he opened his mouth to speak Sora sped up to walk beside the others. Riku lowered his arm and frowned at his back, wondering again if maybe he'd done something wrong.

The dull roar in his ears started just minutes after the match began. He watched as Riku and Ven dodged and weaved, Ven's unique fighting style giving Riku some trouble before he quickly adapted to it. Sora had already been on edge before they started and the longer it went on the more overwhelming the world around him felt.

The clanging of Keyblades against each other echoed through the hall, reverberating inside his skull and making him wince each time they clashed. The flashes of light from their magic startled him each time and made his chest tighten. His heart was racing and he had no idea why.

As Ven and Riku darted back and forth across the room their bodies became smears of colour, shifting across a blurred gold and white background. It was as though he were watching them from behind a frosted pane of glass, one that seemed to sit right behind his own eyes, as if he was just a spectator in his own mind.

Everything was so loud. So bright.
Too loud. Too bright.
Too fast. Too much.
Can't breathe.
Just stop.
JUST STOP

"Sora?"
He jumped and turned, and found Kairi peering at him with a worried look. They were sitting on the floor together at the side of the room, and he realised she had probably been talking to him for a while without him hearing.

"Are you sure you're feeling OK today? You don't look very well"

The roaring in his ears was gone again, but his heart was still pounding.

"Yeah... yeah, sorry, zoned out for a bit there. I'm fine." She tilted her head questioningly at him, clearly unimpressed with this answer. "My headaches come back today, so I guess I'm just a bit distracted."

"That's not good," and the concern was back on her face. "Did something make it come back? Maybe you should call Baymax if it's gotten worse all of a sudden?"

Crap. He hadn't been expecting follow-up questions. "Uhh, yeah I already called him, he said not to worry about it, just 'get more rest' as usual," he said. There was a note of bitterness in his voice. Even though he was making up the conversation, he imagined it was what Baymax would have said anyway.

"Oh! OK." Kairi was taken by surprise, she wouldn't have expected Sora to talk to Baymax about that without someone else nagging him to do it.

"I might do that now actually." He stood up abruptly and immediately regretted it as he saw stars and reached out a hand to steady himself against the wall. Seeing him sway Kairi leapt up and grabbed his arm, convinced now that it was a good idea for him to go rest.

"Careful! Do you need a hand getting back to your room?"

He felt a sudden flare of anger in his chest at her words. It was stupid, her caring shouldn't make him angry.
"No, I'm fine. See you later."

Riku noticed him stand and watched as he left.

Every time he'd tried to speak to him today he'd gotten one-word answers in return, and then Sora would immediately talk to Kairi or Ven instead before Riku had a chance to continue the conversation. He even seemed to be avoiding looking at him, refusing to make eye contact and turning his head away whenever Riku tried to speak to him. Whatever had been bothering him the night before was clearly still on his mind.

He received a hard blow to the chest from Ven, a consequence of letting himself be distracted for so long. Preferring not to get winded again, he decided he'd wait until the evening to talk to him. Ven was extremely pleased with himself.

Sora waited until he was sure the others had finished dinner that evening before venturing out of his room again. He'd been listening at his door for at least an hour before he finally heard their footsteps and relaxed voices passing through the hall, presumably heading for the living room or back outside onto their gliders again. As their footsteps faded he snuck back to the kitchen, wondering if maybe he should take some food back to his room so he didn't have to leave it as often.

He tried to cook and clean as fast as he could and again thought he might have managed to avoid the others. But as he made his way towards the door it opened, and the last person he wanted to see right now came in.

"Hey." Riku stopped when he saw Sora and gave him a serious look. He'd been hoping he'd catch him in here before he disappeared again, expecting he'd be forced out of his room by his stomach at some point.

"Hey," he replied, quickly averting his eyes, staring down at Riku's knees rather than his face. Riku wasn't going to let him dodge the issue any longer.

"Sora, what's going on? You've been avoiding me all day."

"Nothing. My head's just a bit cloudy today." His heart was thumping loudly in his chest. He had to get out of here, had to get out of here fast.

"Come on Sora, I can tell you're lying." He crossed his arms and gave him a knowing smile, hoping Sora was going to pout or glare at him for calling him out, and finally talk to him about what was bothering him. But he didn't, and he was still refusing to look at him.

"I'm going to bed," he said tersely, ignoring what Riku had said, and turned to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hold up!" Riku made to follow him, not willing to drop this again, when his Gummi phone rang.

"Dammit..." He cursed at the terrible timing and thought about ignoring the call but when he pulled it from his pocket he saw Terra's name. Not answering when he knew they were on a mission seemed like a bad idea. He glanced up to see Sora closing the door behind him. He'd just have to hope it wasn't a long call.

As soon as he shut the door Sora broke into a run, thankful his ribs had healed enough to make the pain of doing so endurable, at least for a short amount of time. He had to get out of the castle as fast as possible. He had to get away from Riku, that way he could put this off for one more day... just one more day.

Back in the kitchen, Terra spent five minutes updating Riku on the situation in the Enchanted Forest and then let him know they'd be back in two days. Riku said a hurried goodbye when he was done and hung up, a little unceremoniously, and rushed to Sora's room, wishing the call had been shorter.

Something was wrong, something was distressing Sora and he wouldn't let him keep avoiding them like this. When he got to his room and knocked he wasn't surprised when he didn't get a reply and was relieved to discover the door was unlocked this time. But he found the room empty.

Why do you keep disappearing Sora?
He headed straight for the living room where he knew Ven and Kairi were, hoping Sora had changed his mind and decided to sit with them instead. But when he got there it was still just Kairi and Ven.

"Have either of you seen Sora?"

They glanced up from their game. "Yeah he was just here, we asked him to join but he said he was going for a walk," Ven replied.

Kairi was looking concerned. "Is something wrong?"

But Riku was too preoccupied to register the question and left without replying, heading for the courtyard. Again, he found the place empty and rushed down the winding path that led to the training area and ponds. As the path opened up he finally saw him, walking on the other side of the water, face almost entirely obscured by the hood he had pulled up.

"Sora!" he called out, but Sora didn't seem to hear him so Riku chased after him. He couldn't let him go back to pretending he was fine, he thought they'd gotten past that, that Sora knew he never had to do that in front of him. "Hey Sora, wait up!"

Sora kept walking though, acting as if he hadn't heard Riku's yells. Why wasn't he stopping? When he reached him Riku grabbed hold of his wrist and Sora finally came to a stop. He kept his back turned though, not letting Riku see his face.

"Sora there's obviously something wrong, what's going on?"

Sora didn't speak. He didn't even move.

"Sora please, say something!"

He didn't want to do this, but he couldn't keep putting it off. All he wanted right now was for everyone to leave him alone, to just stay away, leave him be. He wanted to get away from them all, he had to get away from them. Especially him.

Riku was getting desperate. "Just talk to me, what can I do to help?"

"Leave me alone."

"What?"

"You can leave me alone."

Riku froze. Sora's voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking what he had said, or how deadly serious his words were. This wasn't just another request for a few hours to himself, or an off-hand remark because he was angry. This was more than that.

"Sora...?"

Riku didn't know what to say, or what to do. He felt as though the ground beneath him was disappearing.

"Riku, I don't want to see you for a while." Sora had no idea how he was managing to keep his voice even right now. Maybe it was the all-encompassing feeling of numbness. "Please, just go away."

Riku let go of Sora's wrist and watched his hand drop to his side. He waited a few seconds, hoping against hope Sora was about to turn back to him. Whether he was crying, furious, dead-eyed, or even grinning because he somehow thought this was a good joke, he didn't care. He just didn't want this to be real.

But Sora didn't turn around. He just stood there, still and silent.

"Alright."

Sora heard the small crack in Riku's voice and almost changed his mind, hating himself for hurting him like this. But he had to. If he didn't hurt Riku like this now he knew he would only end up causing him more pain in the future. He had to stay away. He couldn't risk harming Riku again, or dragging him down into these dark depths with him.

This darkness was his alone, and he wouldn't let it stain him as well.

Maybe one day... maybe if he dealt with Rage, maybe if he could get rid of whatever this thing was that was gnawing at his insides, making him feel as though they were rotting away... maybe then he would be able to explain this all to him. Then he could apologise, explain why he had done this...
If he did, he just hoped Riku would forgive him.

And so Riku turned back to the castle, and Sora was alone again, just like he had wanted.