chapter 4
caitlyn
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Caitlyn could feel every pull of her shoulder blades. The pressure twisting down her back, through the length of her thighs. All of her muscles stung under the showerhead.
Basic training turned out to be difficult. She wasn't so brainwashed as to be excited about it. If she had known the fitness exam counted twice as much as the written exam, she wouldn't have had her nose stuck in a book for the past three weeks.
Serves her right.
She was the only recruit who assumed that "advanced detective theory" would be more of a hurdle than basic weight training. Nobody gave a shit about the rules and regulations.
It was all one giant big dick competition. Not that Caitlyn was expecting anything less, but disappointing still.
It was the same set of rules as anything in Piltover. Do what was expected of her, keep her mouth shut, then nobody could control her. They could dismiss her at every chance, ridicule her, but they knew better than to take it too far.
House Kiramman had a reputation after all. Death by paperwork. One complaint, and Caitlyn could smother them with legal fees.
She would never bother, but she didn't mind the intimidation.
Thinking like this, it was hard not to believe most of this stress was deserved. Karma always had a way of sneaking into her subconscious.
With the disaster that was the Medarda dinner, it could only be expected. Everything Caitlyn had done that day, and that night, should be punishable by law.
She wanted to hide her face in her hands, never see her reflection again. Steam clouded the shower room, but the memories of that night were clear as day.
Those hands fumbling over that belt. The feel of them racing up her dress. The stretch of Vi's back, as she bent down for her shirt.
That single glimpse of a tattoo Caitlyn hadn't even known was there, hiding on the other side of her, all this time.
She only wanted to look. It was all she could think, once she finally got her hands on her.
I want to see you.
She tried not to let it affect her studies.
Even in the crucial moments of her police training, when all she needed to do was run a mile and focus, Caitlyn found herself veering off path. First it was mindless thoughts, now it claims her entire sight.
It being Vi.
Those lips, really. Those eyes. So pretty, so soft. All of it so unexpected.
It still set her aflame just thinking about it. How at her mercy Vi had been. She was always so hard-pressed at all the parties.
Even before Vi made a spectacle of herself, no one ever really wanted to get close. There was always a step between her and those who asked something of her. She was too defiant, it showed in the toothy pull of her lips. The wild rise of a brow. The face that told you to stop talking and fuck off already. Often seen used towards friends, more so her boss. Along with other esteemed guests: such as Caitlyn's mother.
She was so different up close. Behind all of that. Seeing her turn into a sensitive, shuddering mess with one press of Caitlyn's fingers—
It was dangerous how much she wanted more of it. The way Vi looked at her, like she was nothing but trouble. Trouble she couldn't resist.
Because she never really did close her eyes. Only for a second, if so. Accompanied with another breathy sigh Caitlyn took as her own. All of it, she took as her own.
She would drown in this discovery if she could. Knowing that there was a version of Vi that shivered and squirmed, caught so defenselessly against her— Caitlyn was impossibly charmed.
She could only want more of it. Of what was beneath. Of what would reveal, once she pressed that finger deeper. Underneath all the arrogance, and the smirks, and the promise of all things she could do to her.
When there was nothing left but a girl, pressed up against Caitlyn, with a pretty face and pretty eyes, and a voice so weak it almost didn't sound real.
She loved it.
But, she got greedy. She asked for too much.
The hot water spat out cold, and Caitlyn was reminded again that all of this ended with Vi running from her. Furious or frightened, she didn't know.
It broke her, seeing that. It made her feel fourteen again. She probably looked as pathetic as one, too. Because it always ended up like this.
Vi wasn't the first, and she wouldn't be the last. To get overwhelmed with Caitlyn. With all her wants and needs and that stupid mouth of hers.
How could she be so careless?
After that humiliating debacle with her mother, and then the way she had crushed Vi right there in front of the whole table, with the same decision that disappointed everyone?
She was the only one who had the right to hate it. Who made Caitlyn second guess everything.
Who made it real.
She could only sink in that chair, hope it would swallow her whole.
She ruined everything. Twice, in one night.
"Gonna lather and rinse all day, Kiramman? Or do we not get the privilege?"
The hoots and hollers dragged Caitlyn back into a tedious reality. The Enforcer Academy, more specifically, where her name followed her like a shadow she couldn't rid of. Even during her showers, apparently.
Most saw it as a crown. Something to poke at until it turned her neck crooked. She refused to give them the pleasure of losing her mind. Though it was all she wanted to do these days.
Another bang on her stall had Caitlyn looking up, wishing the water might drown her instead.
The night was young, but Jayce was nowhere to be found.
Caitlyn would be offended he left her behind at these stupid parties, if she didn't come to expect it by now.
He was always sneaking off to go be with Mel somewhere. Or Viktor. Anywhere, other than here. She couldn't really blame him. She would do the same, if she could.
If her mother didn't watch her like a hawk.
The chocolate frosting was more interesting, anyways. A better friend. Caitlyn kept herself busy, licking a cupcake off her thumb and silently wishing the wine was stronger.
There was a presence beside her that she recognized instantly. The shadow, looming over her.
"You could at least pretend to be enjoying something other than all the sweets, dear. Try not to look so miserable."
That frown cut deeper at the sight of her mother. The rest of the cupcake thudded into the trash. A period, to end the conversation.
Caitlyn turned with long, tall strides down the table.
"And let's not forget, you're the one who wanted to come tonight," Cassandra reminded, over her shoulder. "Even though all I hear anymore from your father is how much you hate these things."
A decision soon regretted, upon arrival. For reasons beyond her. She knew better than to question it.
"Well I'll be speaking for myself from now on, how about that?" Caitlyn picked up a chocolate strawberry and bit into it. The sugar went straight to her mother's tooth. Stung like a cavity.
It was a blessing and a curse, how alike they were. Only Cassandra had outgrown all the dramatics years ago, and Caitlyn reveled in it.
"That's perfectly fine," a hand tightened around the crook of her elbow. A mother's grip. "So long as you keep a hold on that tongue, this time?"
"My tongue?" she lashed. "After what you did the last time?"
That arm tore away and Caitlyn carried on again, all fists and frenzied. They were running out of desserts to ignore.
"Oh, are you still whining about that?" she hushed. Cassandra had to trot a bit just to catch up, "You have to be the only person still upset about it."
Caitlyn had been ignoring her mother for days now, but it wasn't long enough. She still refused to listen to anyone other than herself. Or see the wrong in her actions.
So yes, Caitlyn would still be upset about it, because someone had to be. Her mother was hardly sympathetic, and Vi had brushed it off as another day at work.
It wasn't right. None of it was right.
Why did it always come down to Caitlyn to care about things? Why was everyone else so incapable of it?
It made her furious. Endlessly furious.
"I'm sorry, Caitlyn. How many times must I say it?"
Cassandra tugged at her again until she turned around, "Until you're actually sorry, not just spewing words you think I want to hear!"
"Caitlyn," she warned. A few eyes had loomed their way. Rearing their ugly heads, sniffing for weakness. Both of them straightened their backs, but only Cassandra bothered with a smile.
Caitlyn swirled her wine around, eyes stuck to the glass. "It shouldn't even be me getting this apology."
The suggestion surprised Cassandra. It took a second for her to get the hint, but eventually it clicked. There was a laugh, one that turned Caitlyn red.
"Oh, now I see."
"What?" she hissed.
"This is all about that girl?"
Caitlyn stilled, while everything inside of her shifted. "Of course I mean that girl. You humiliated her in front of everyone. She's the one you should be apologizing to."
She took a long sip of wine. Hoped to god it wasn't written all over her face.
"Oh what? Don't tell me it's another crush."
That lurch returned. It twisted Caitlyn up. She couldn't even put her glass down without it wobbling. Cassandra only followed the movement, amused. "Mother, spare me? Please?"
Another crush. An offensive oversimplification, but Caitlyn would never admit that.
"I'll never understand your choice in women, truly I won't," Cassandra muttered, "But be careful with this one?"
Caitlyn whipped around. "Be careful, Mum?" she echoed. "Seriously? She's not dangerous—"
"But she's different."
Caitlyn fumed.
"Not like that, Cait," she went on, "I just mean, she's different from the others you've…taken an interest in." She paused, with a little huff. "You don't always have to assume the worst of me."
They didn't speak for a moment. Cassandra pulled a nail Caitlyn didn't even realize was between her teeth. She closed it between her hands, protectively.
"I mean…tell the truth. Do you even know this girl that well?"
The hand pulled. "Mother—"
"I'm not asking this to be cruel," Cassandra insisted. It forced Caitlyn to search her eyes for any hint of sincerity. "I only bring it up because, well. It's something to consider. I know how you can get…with girls…"
The silence stabbed like a wound. Right in Caitlyn's side.
Obsessive, she meant. Overwhelming. Always falling, and falling, and then hitting the pavement with no one to catch her. As all her past relationships reminded of her.
Caitlyn closed her eyes, wished to disappear.
"You were always such a romantic. You get that from your father," her mother chided. "Everything else…"
A moment passed and Caitlyn's hand stopped resisting. A thumb brushed over her knuckles, and it hit Caitlyn then how much she missed just talking to her mother. Like they used to.
"I know her," was all that came out. It didn't sound very convincing. Maybe because all Caitlyn could think about for the past week was how she didn't understand Vi at all.
"I know enough," she mustered, "She's a good person. And kind, and—"
Caitlyn clamped her mouth shut. Her mother gazed at her, like she knew the end of that sentence.
And she liked her. As simple as that.
"…And she's grown up much differently than you, Caitlyn," she finished. A hair brushed from her face. "That's all I meant."
"Is that so bad?"
"No," Cassandra answered. "But it's not going to make things easier. Trust me, I would know."
A glance over Caitlyn's shoulder invited her to turn. She found Tobias, her father. Laughing with whoever was at the bar next to him. Always so open, so caring.
She'd forgotten how he'd grown up. No house, nor title. Yet Cassandra fell for him anyway. A soft hand pulled Caitlyn's cheek back, pulled on that frown she had.
The admission was quiet, but she couldn't stuff it down any longer. "She hates me, Mum."
Cassandra only leaned in. "Did she say that?"
"No. She didn't have to."
It was quite obvious, Caitlyn thought as she turned around. She's been here for hours, and as much as she craned her neck, the answer was clear.
Vi wasn't here. Or she was avoiding her impressively well. She didn't know which one stung worse.
It was just so incredibly boring without her. Someone to look at. Someone to talk to. The thought that things might have to continue on like this, that everything they had could be swept over and done with…
The thought sunk in her like a stone. She'd be damned if she let that happen. She could fix this. She just wasn't sure how. Not when she didn't even know where things went wrong.
"Caitlyn, I think you'll realize one of these days that not everyone feels things the same way you do. Some people need time. And space."
Right. Little did she know it's been over a week since it happened. Was that not enough? Was her urge to see Vi every day completely insane? Completely one-sided?
"But sometimes, with certain people," Cassandra continued, when that answer didn't seem to suffice, "You may just have to meet them halfway. A little compromise, to ease things over?"
The advice...wasn't terrible. It was actually quite good. Huh.
Her mother, ever the politician. Even in love.
Not love, Caitlyn scolded. There she went again. Blowing things out of proportion.
Vi barely even wanted to see her. Barely even liked her. She wasn't even sure what they were.
And she hated it, but yes, Caitlyn did like labels.
Even if she was being pretentious, as she's sure Vi would claim if she dared ever to ask, she liked knowing at least.
It was the only thing that kept her sane.
Caitlyn closed her eyes and sighed. She hated when her mother was right.
She threw herself into a hug, one Cassandra barely could breathe in, and gripped her tight. "This doesn't mean I've forgiven you. But thanks."
Caitlyn found Ekko behind the bar, tearing apart boxes to throw away.
She went over to see where Vi went and he picked up another box to deconstruct. It seemed like more of a distraction. "Yeah," Ekko drawled, "She's not here tonight. Kinda got into it with Sevika, so they sent her home to cool off. I said I'd cover for her."
Of course.
Ekko nodded and she considered ending it there. She had looked enough like an abandoned puppy tonight, but she couldn't help pushing. These weren't the answers she needed.
"So she went home, then?" The attempt to keep this casual was a wasted effort. It was obvious he knew something about them. She just hoped it was good things.
Ekko mentioned a place called The Last Drop and Caitlyn perked up. It was a dive bar in the Lanes, Vi sometimes went there after work. Every word came out more reluctant than the last. Like someone, somewhere, was going to make him regret this.
"I mean it's different," he pressed. "You know. I wouldn't–"
A hand waved to whatever Caitlyn was wearing. A long sheer dress, that apparently wasn't the fashion where this bar was. She glanced back up to find Ekko in mourning already. As if he was signing her death sentence.
"She's there now?"
Ekko sighed again. "She's there, but…" Caitlyn nearly stood up, but she could see a hundred different words on his tongue. Fighting for the best explanation.
"You just might not like what you find," he finished weakly.
A raise in Caitlyn's brow implied something. Ekko ignored that look with a quick smile, and he busied himself with another box. Caitlyn considered all this, nails drumming against the bar.
It seemed invasive to go. But what choice did she have when Vi was still running in the opposite direction?
"The Last Drop?" she confirmed. Ekko nodded. His mouth opened and snapped back shut.
Caitlyn left and went to kiss her mother goodbye. Cassandra sighed and allowed it. She knew there was no point in stopping her.
Not when Caitlyn had something to prove.
It was one hour and seven minutes away, with the traffic on the bridge.
She recognized it as soon as she saw it. All the neon signs glowing under the shadowy stilts of the undercity. Attracting eyes far and wide. The Last Drop had a decent crowd it seemed, while everyone in Piltover was tucked safe in their beds.
The doorman only grimaced when Vi's name came up. She's lucky no one's thrown her ass out yet, apparently. He waved Caitlyn in anyways.
It was all smoke and mirrors inside. Impossible to tell left or right. She pressed her way through the crowd, getting bolder with each step. A place like this required a bit of force, a bit of an attitude, just to go where one pleased.
It thrilled her all over again, how invisible she became with just one step into the dark. Where nobody knew her or her name. The few trips she has taken this far down was due to work, mostly. Or the small adventures she went on with Jayce, way back when he hunted for technology and she had begged to tag along.
Caitlyn sensed where the bar was, despite the deafening boom of the speakers. She would need a drink to relax. Maybe two to have some fun, if tonight allowed any such thing. There was still a bundle of nerves right in the pit of her stomach.
But that was always there whenever she was going to see Vi. Whenever she spotted her, and couldn't take her eyes off.
There was a shadowy mass of bodies that swayed in her path, but Caitlyn recognized that hair anywhere. Those arms. The cogs and gears, disappearing across her back. She looked different under these lights, in the depths of this place. In clothes that were her own.
She looked more real. More like a stranger.
Caitlyn mindlessly slowed on her way over. She didn't really think about what she would say. She was so focused on getting here.
And suddenly Ekko's warning made a whole lot of sense, too.
It was always in the back of her mind, what kind of drunk Vi would be. When it was her turn to enjoy a few drinks, instead of serving them all day long.
Touchy, would be the answer to that. Unsurprisingly.
She was all splayed out— legs spread wide on a stool, so some bartender might slide between them whenever one happened to pass by. They always smiled at her like they knew her. Shoved her chest, swatted her hands.
One of them seemed more delighted to see her than the others. She handed Vi a beer with one hand, and poked at her collarbone with the other. She was all hands again, along the curve of her hipbone. Cleverly exposed, so one might draw little circles on her skin. Vi couldn't resist leaning closer, with a single glance down. Circling that waist with her arms, as she nodded along, pretending to listen.
Caitlyn would be jealous, if Vi hadn't made it so clear that they weren't together. She settled on biting her tongue instead, two sharp teeth sinking into flesh.
She could turn away, save herself some dignity. She was probably one of many girls constantly coming up to Vi at this place, asking why things didn't work out. Where they went wrong. Why she lost interest. Blah blah blah.
She certainly had more than enough choices.
Caitlyn found it interesting that she chose all the shy ones to check out, during her rounds— when they were too short to ask for a drink and needed her to take the lead. Girls who had to look up to blush at Vi, as she shamelessly lingered over them to call out to the bar.
Aside from a few towering men in the room, she was quite tall. She enjoyed it more than Caitlyn ever did in her life, she wasn't gangly or awkward like her. She didn't loom over girls like some authority figure.
She had fun with it. She liked it.
Caitlyn realized then that she never really thought her height was that sexy. She always felt like she took up too much space. Her shoulders were too bulky, and her chest was large and constantly in the way.
Not that she would ever make herself small for the sake of others, but the thought was there.
This didn't help. Seeing what Vi really liked. Her type. Not that Caitlyn would stand here and cry about it.
She supposed Vi wasn't really her type either. According to her mother, at least. She never really thought about it.
They shouldn't fit together, but they did. It felt perfect sometimes. And it pissed Caitlyn off now, because this could all work so well if she would just let it.
At least Caitlyn didn't run. At least she was trying.
And the thought of Vi's face seeing her here, so content being away from all this mess Caitlyn's been forced to deal with, now that might be worth something.
At least the bloody drive down.
Vi was halfway through a sip when Caitlyn slipped onto the stool beside her. There was a new scar on her brow, patched with butterfly tape. Only noticed once up close.
Her glance over was mindless. It started at her chest, of course. Worked its way down, then back up. The confusion settled in first. Then the realization. Then the mild horror.
Caitlyn enjoyed every second of it. No wonder Vi was always sneaking up on her when she had the chance. It was quite satisfying.
She looked around quickly, eyebrows pinched with concern, before settling back on Caitlyn's face. She finally swallowed what was in her mouth.
"You're serious right now?" was all she said.
Caitlyn crossed her legs, got herself comfortable. She smiled at the bartender in front of them. "Nice hiding place. Never would have thought to look for you here."
As if challenged, Vi leaned back on her stool. She looked at Caitlyn again, but only to take in what she was wearing: A little black dress, laced up the front, with a heavy leather jacket.
The jacket was an added modesty, since the dress was so short. A bit low-cut as well. The boots were simply to keep her on her feet, with what it took to traverse a place like this. She thinks Ekko would be proud if he saw.
For a long moment, Vi had some bleary, open-mouthed look Caitlyn couldn't read. Eventually it snapped shut. All she did then was wipe her eyes, and turn back to her beer.
Before Caitlyn could comment on it, a shotglass hit the bar. Something dark and foamy that the bartender set down.
Vi looked offended anyone would offer this to her. She shot a hand out, practically barking at him, "What's this?"
"Freedom shot. Bitsy said this one was on the house," he nodded over to the same girl who came by before. The pretty one. Vi cocked an eyebrow at her, all the way across the room. "Says you owe her six years of catch-up."
Vi nodded, allowing it, but she only stared at the drink. She didn't touch it. Just finished her own beer and got to her feet.
"You cashing out, Vi?" The bartender called.
"Nah, just gotta piss."
A pointed look at Caitlyn told her to stay put. She stumbled off down the hallway, hand braced against the wall, and disappeared behind the door.
Caitlyn could think of ten different jokes to bring up about Vi running away again, with a tail in between her legs. But she didn't come here for that. She didn't really come here to get ignored either. The nerve of her to tell her to sit and stay— as if telling her what to do has ever worked before. Please.
Caitlyn stood, and followed Vi down the hall.
It was funny how no matter where they were, it always led back to the bathroom. The stall door was shut by the time Caitlyn made it inside. There was another stall, but the doors were all smashed up and scattered across the floor, then spray-painted to make up as art. The toilet was left out in the open, a noble throne for those who dared.
It seemed Caitlyn was the one chasing after Vi in the bathroom now. How things change. She sighed and crossed her arms by the sink.
She took her sweet time. By the time Vi exited and washed her hands, the curiosity had burned right through her.
"Fun night off?" Caitlyn questioned.
The tap ran, and Vi leaned against the sink. She snorted some laugh, all low and tipsy. But she moved with a sobering grace. "It was."
"Oh," Caitlyn tsked. "Not anymore?"
Her eyes looked up, all woozy and searching. She pushed off the counter. "Let's not act all brokenhearted about this, Cupcake."
Even bitterly, that nickname still did things to her. Made her want more of it. Vi shuffled back to the toilet, the abandoned one, and slumped against it with defeat, legs spread wide. "Didn't mean to disappoint. Okay?"
The air felt charged. Vi was as irritable as one would expect, a few drinks deep. A stumbling loudmouth, with an itch in her fist. It probably explained that wound.
But Caitlyn didn't come here for a fight. As much as Vi wanted one, or just always expected one.
"...Six years is a long time not to see someone," she said instead. Something harmless, but also something Caitlyn wanted to know.
"Yeah," she said, elbow against the wall, cheek in her palm. "Sitting in Stillwater for that long will do that."
Caitlyn almost glossed over that sentence. It took a second for the word to resurface. She'd read it somewhere at the academy. "Stillwater? …As in Stillwater Island? The prison complex?"
Vi shook her head and smiled, like it was cute she couldn't tell. But her eyes stayed to Caitlyn, out of spite— watching, waiting.
"You're lying," Caitlyn scoffed.
The accusation riled her. It wasn't what she expected.
She straightened up, all tall now, like some whole other person. Back to that arrogance. "You know, if you had joined the enforcers sooner, you probably could've been one of the guards. All newbie and shit. With the hats, and the skirt. Damn," she cursed then, with a grin. "I would've eaten you alive."
Caitlyn almost refused to believe it. "What did you do?"
"…Didn't snitch on someone. So they threw me in a room. Figured a couple years might make me talk."
She shrugged like this was some common occurrence. Like it wasn't completely mad.
"That's impossible," Caitlyn shook her head, "Six years? You couldn't have been old enough."
Vi snorted. Loud enough to tell her otherwise.
"For no record and a punishment that severe? There's no way they could do that to a child. You would have had to been–"
"...Fifteen-ish? When I got in?" she reminisced, when Caitlyn couldn't do the math. She was looking at the floor, but she was seeing something else. "Old enough for plenty."
Plenty. Caitlyn nearly scoffed. Not because she didn't believe her, but because it was fucking insane. Putting a girl that young in a place that vicious? With no record or crime?
The anger seized Caitlyn, the thought of someone doing that to her. Then she remembered what she let slip before Vi ran out on her. Her blood went cold knowing that someone very well did cuff Vi down, drag her off to the dark. The enforcers, once again, putting ruin to her life.
Caitlyn swallowed. "...What did you do all that time?"
Vi picked at the paint chipping off the wall, where her elbow was. The scraps fell onto her shoe. "Nothing. Mostly. That was kinda the point."
"So what, you didn't talk to anyone? That entire time?"
"No one that was worth my time," Vi clarified. She looked annoyed all over again, some memory biting at her.
All of this seemed unreasonable to Caitlyn. Mostly because Vi was so likable. Easy to talk to. She slid up on the counter as Vi scratched away, mindlessly adding to the destruction of this place.
"So you didn't…like a single person there?" Caitlyn had intended on keeping her focus on her shoes, but it went very quiet suddenly. No more nails digging at the wall. She could feel Vi considering her, carefully.
"What, like girlfriends?" she asked.
She didn't tease, despite Caitlyn's flush.
The scratching continued. "Nah. Wasn't really a good look."
Caitlyn only knew so much about prison. Her educators kept that kind of information locked away. She could only picture Vi, what she might have looked like. The things she was forced to go through. Growing up a teenager surrounded by it all.
Was it terrible? Was it boring? She knew better than to expect Vi had friends, but there must have been some people she withstood. Someone she remembered.
Did she even realize what she missed out on? Or did she know all too well?
Did she find any lapses of joy, at any point?
Or was it all just…miserable?
"So, you weren't with anyone that entire time?" She didn't mean to pester. Or sound like she was jealous, because she wasn't. But being with someone, sharing themselves, it was an experience everyone deserved. Especially someone like Vi. It twisted Caitlyn up thinking she never got the chance.
"I never said that."
Caitlyn crossed her arms and her legs. Unwilling thoughts flashed through her mind. "No?"
"Not like that," she explained. Despite how drunk she was, Vi's gaze was very level. She didn't need to say it. The sobering tone was all Caitlyn needed.
Whatever Vi experienced, these weren't flings like Caitlyn had. When she had time to question and feel and explore. While she was busy sneaking girlfriends in her room, Vi was risking her life for just ten minutes.
She wanted to hear more of it. Vi's voice. The thoughts in her head. She was sitting right in front of her but she always seemed so far away. "What was it like, then?"
The question brought her back.
Without thinking, her gaze flicked down to Caitlyn's knees, bent over the countertop. Some memory must have surfaced, because there was a pull at those lips— right at that scar she had.
It wasn't a grin. It wasn't nice. Caitlyn felt naked suddenly, as those eyes drifted up.
"Nothing you'd like."
She didn't say it to be presumptuous. It was a simple fact.
This whole time Caitlyn was trying to show Vi what she preferred. How she wanted to be pursued. It seemed more civil. Okay it was, if we're being honest here.
But Vi had her own certain form of manners. Being upfront, being honest, despite how offensive it sometimes sounded.
She never let Vi show her how she liked to do things. What felt natural for her. What felt safe. Maybe what Caitlyn did in the reception hall was a bit much. Taking control of her like that. Maybe they weren't there yet.
But now…perhaps Vi could show her what she did like.
"You're doing that thing again," Caitlyn called out. She leaned back, palms on the counter. "Where you assume things about me. You should know by now, I quite like to decide such things for myself."
Her leg bounced, and the movement didn't go unnoticed. Caitlyn wondered what it would take to make her stand. To close the space. She didn't come here to push her as she always did, but it was simply second nature.
Vi didn't hate it. She always enjoyed some part of it. The challenge.
She just looked at Caitlyn like this was all some trap, something pretty set on a counter, ready for her to make the wrong move.
Vi smiled like she knew better. Like she had it all figured out. "…You don't do bathrooms."
Caitlyn perked, impressed she remembered. "No, I don't."
That same silence returned. When Vi still didn't move, Caitlyn cocked an eyebrow. Tapped her nail against the counter. Waiting.
She didn't have to be in control all the time. She didn't have to have her way. These were things she preferred, but she came here to prove something.
She came here to meet Vi halfway. An olive branch. Do with me what you will.
Vi didn't trust that look. At all. But she got to her feet anyways.
There was a little sway in her as she crossed the room. She lingered close enough to the counter to take her in. Head to toe, as she always did. That same shameless want, brimming to the surface. She nudged her way in between those legs. Just far enough, so that Caitlyn's dress didn't ride up.
She moved slowly, as though Caitlyn was the cage, ready to snap on her.
But Vi couldn't resist reaching that hand out. Testing it. First just a thumb, running along the length of her thigh, then a whole calloused grip. The warmth that spread through her legs made Caitlyn shift closer, along with a little sigh that invited more.
Vi looked up immediately, to see if she was enjoying it. She got a little bolder with each stroke, adding a bit more strength. Each time reaching a bit deeper, taking a bit more. Before Caitlyn realized it her entire dress was shifted up, and those hands had latched onto either side of her panties. Just as quick and threatening as before. Only she didn't pull.
She waited. She teased it. Caitlyn could only feel her heart hammering out of her chest, at where this all might lead.
She wanted to do it right. If this was a test, she didn't want to fail. Not when Vi was right here, gazing up at her like this was all some dream. So she pressed back on her hands, and lifted her hips up so that the fabric could glide down with ease...
But she still didn't pull. As clearly as she intended to, the tremble in her thighs was undeniable. The way Caitlyn's hands curled against the counter. Those teeth, chewing on her lip.
She wanted it, but she was scared. She's never done it like this. She didn't want to disappoint her.
Vi didn't pull. She only smirked. As devious as the day Caitlyn met her.
"You don't do bathrooms," she let go. There was a trail of fingers from her hips to her knees, before it was all gone.
Caitlyn scoffed, incredulous. She pulled her dress back down, before Vi could see the effect she had on her. "You think I came all this way just for an apology?"
Vi wandered away from her, stretching her arms, rolling her neck back. "Must be drunker than I thought, cause I don't remember apologizing for shit."
"You haven't, yet," Caitlyn reminded.
At this point Vi's back was to the door. A safe distance away, because neither of them could ever really think straight without it.
Caitlyn was completely serious. She waited, but she also knew if Vi wanted to say sorry, she would have. She only went silent when the decision wasn't made yet. When she had to fight it out.
"I can go first if you like," she went on, casually. "For whatever happened. That night. If it was something I said…"
That grimace returned. Shut up and fuck off. But it wasn't pointed at Caitlyn, just the ceiling, the wall. The mirror, where she was reflected. "Come on, you think I can't take a joke? With the shit I've heard? It wasn't that, it wasn't anything— It wasn't you."
Caitlyn slipped off the counter, as quietly as she could. While Vi was busy glaring at her feet.
She didn't understand how Vi could be so happy one moment and then so heavy the next. It wasn't just the drinks, or the split in her brow, or Caitlyn cornering over her for answers. There was something weighing on her that she just refused to say.
A hand pressed against her eyes, but they refused to look up. To acknowledge Caitlyn, slowly closing in.
"Look this was fun and all, but it's just not gonna work."
That stone returned, deep in her belly. Even now, after all that, Vi still wanted nothing to do with her.
"…Any particular reason why?" Caitlyn wanted to keep this light. So she didn't scare Vi off again. But she couldn't keep poking around like this. Like it didn't hurt.
"I just mean," she went on, "I don't get what I did that was so wrong that you won't even look at me anymore."
She could see every pull of Vi's jaw. Resisting her, even then. "It's not you," she repeated. As if that was the only answer.
But it was Caitlyn, wasn't it?
She knew that tone all too well. It was the same kind of embarrassment all her exes had. When they just didn't want to admit that they didn't like Caitlyn as much as she liked them.
It was fun and all but this is just too much. This. Us. You.
She was almost too afraid to ask. "Then what is it?"
Maybe she was pressing her luck doing this. Cornering her. Demanding of her. But after everything, didn't she deserve some kind of rejection? A reason, at least?
All Vi did was call her sweet. Like she'd never seen any such thing until Caitlyn came along.
But Vi was sweet too. She's seen it. She knows it. Her hand brushed under the tattoo on Vi's cheek, because she simply couldn't help it.
She was lovely. Caitlyn could tell her everyday.
"It's this— " With a huff, Vi wrenched that hand away. Another line Caitlyn crossed, without realizing. She retreated back as Vi snapped at her.
"I'm not your girlfriend. You don't have to do all this sappy shit just to get with me. See that's what you don't get," she waved a hand. "It's not a bad thing to just want someone. You're not hurting my feelings. You don't have to keep…" she huffed, out of breath, "You don't have to keep pretending like you care. Okay? If you want me to fuck you, I will. But stop with all this other shit, alright? Let's just be real about it."
Caitlyn was speechless. It hurt her brain too much, trying to comprehend it all. That this is what Vi truly believed.
Did she really think of her that way? Someone so cruel that she would dangle these things, these feelings, in front of her face, just to get what she wanted?
"Who said I was pretending?" she countered. She couldn't keep the bite from her tone, because yes, the thought of it was offensive.
Caitlyn's feelings were very real. Sometimes she met a girl and suddenly she wanted to combust. She didn't pretend or lie or play with people's lives. She couldn't afford that kind of heartbreak.
Not when all she did was stuff these terrible feelings back inside, day after fucking day, just so they wouldn't explode over every crush she had.
She knew what she wanted. So did Vi. Neither of them were pretending. It was the entire reason why they liked each other. Or so she thought.
Both of them wanted something real, but apparently real meant two very different things where they both came from.
"You know, if I wanted to get laid, sure. I could go do that. But I wanted you, not just what's in your pants," she argued. Vi looked up, annoyed. Like she didn't believe it. "I made that very clear the night we first met, did I not? I don't do pointless flings with people I don't know."
"What, and you know me?"
She tried not to look so hurt at that, like it didn't sting. Like it wasn't all she wondered about for the past week and a half. Caitlyn turned her cheek. It was the only way she would get herself to just say it.
"Believe it or not, Vi," she said, "You're not half-bad to talk to sometimes."
If anything, the admission got her to shut up.
"You're funny, and you may not believe it, but you're kind. You don't bullshit. And you're the only person I even feel like talking to sometimes…when you're not trying to bite my head off, or run away from me."
This felt like a lot of words, pouring out from her. That little tap she never quite learned how to close. But how could she not when she was just standing here suffocating like this?
She risked it. She touched the warmth of Vi's wrist, trailing down her palm. She didn't have to force her fingers apart this time. They opened willingly. It felt like a good enough reason to breathe. To keep going.
"I'd like to know you, Vi," she admitted, as quietly as she could. It would be too real if it was any louder. "I don't expect it to be today, or tomorrow. But all the bits and pieces you think I don't want to know about, I promise you I do. If you'll just let me."
There was a twitch, or a shake of Vi's head. Caitlyn recognized it. It only happened when a decision was made; a decision she didn't like. It's appeared more often than not lately. Mostly due to her.
That hand slipped away to tuck under her chest. Protective. Distant. All she could do was step back and wait for it.
The sigh. The I can't do this. That door, closing behind her. Her voice was so soft, Caitlyn almost didn't hear.
"They're not fun pieces, Cupcake."
She didn't go on. She didn't reject her, or tell her to call it.
One small warning. That's all she could muster.
Caitlyn couldn't think past the thrashing in her heart. All the thoughts telling her to slow down.
She grinned, despite telling herself not to, and lifted her nose. "Well I'm quite brave, I'll have you know. I don't scare very easily."
A bashfulness found Vi's lips. Caitlyn had never seen her so tongue-tied. So unenthusiastic to be happy. But soon enough those eyes only trailed down, back to their old ways. "You wanna bet?"
There was an implication in there somewhere. Caitlyn raised a brow, curious, and Vi didn't challenge it. She was quite comfortable with her back against the door, arms crossed over each other.
The smirk clued her in. Caitlyn could only look down and appreciate her again, in her own clothes. While she allowed it. Sleeveless worked well on her, she didn't have to wear items as baggy as she did at work.
Her figure was actually quite full. Distracting, even. To her pleasure. Only she doubted anyone would dare compliment her on it.
Caitlyn would. Just to see her squirm. Get told to fuck off, probably. Then kissed, maybe.
By the time she finished her thoughts, Vi had read every single one along with her. Patiently letting her finish.
Caitlyn would be embarrassed, if it wasn't so hot. If that look of hers didn't go straight between her legs, trying to finish what she started.
But, it would be inappropriate for Caitlyn to say such things. Considering how long it took to convince Vi she didn't just want what was in her pants. So she resisted. With one big sigh, she resisted.
Bang, bang, bang!
Something howled on the other side of the door. A dog, or beast, or man. Begging to come inside.
Caitlyn sputtered a laugh, but Vi didn't even flinch. Her gaze was too heavy to move, too stuck on Caitlyn's dress again.
Only when that fist returned, beating against the wood behind her head, did she finally roll her eyes.
The door whipped open. "Alright, alright," she snapped. A man the size of a whale towered over them, "You wanna bang any fucking louder? I'm trying to have a conversation here."
Caitlyn pulled on her arm, because did she not see the size of him?
"Sorry Vi," he grunted, with a funny accent. He side-stepped to let them pass, all eyes once Caitlyn whisked by. "Didn't realize you had such a pretty one in there this time."
The whale wheezed laughter at Caitlyn's bitter expression. He leaned forward to do something she would never know, because there was a snap that sounded before anyone could blink.
"Try that again, Mugsy." He howled again, ripping his hand from her grip. "I fucking dare you."
She didn't even see Vi move. Or grab him. When did she get so quick?
There was a shadow of some girl down the hallway, as Mugsy shoved past. Watching them with a curious tilt of her head.
"What was he—"
Caitlyn was pulled away with a hand on her back, and the thought never finished.
She tried not to like it so much, Vi handling her like this. She would say she could take care of herself, but why bother?
All she wanted, really, was those hands on her. Even if it was just for a few seconds. The strobes and the fog took back over, claiming all of her senses but Vi.
"Go home, Caitlyn," she told her.
She tried not to like it so much. Hearing that— her name again. Still a demand and a plea, after all this time.
"Please," she added, quietly. "Before someone here makes me mad."
She didn't want to go. She clenched Vi's shirt, hoping maybe she could feel all the things she does to her. All the things she wants to say.
It was too dark to read her expression. To see into her mind. Something moved by her cheek— right where Caitlyn's lips parted, but nothing made it out.
It was Vi's hand. So close, but never touching. Looking ready to choke her or kiss her, she didn't know.
A moment passed between them and the decision was still undecided. All that came was one press along her jaw, before it was gone. And so was she.
It told her that she knew. That it was okay.
And that maybe, hopefully, she felt all those things too.
.
.
.