Chapter 25: Brotherly Bitching

"We're not wasting our time, are we, Paimon?"

"Paimon thinks we could have been eating most splendidly with all the Mora Childe left for us at this moment in time, so yes~! Paimon thinks this is a big fat waste of time."

Lumine settled for a noncommittal shrug at the Sprite's expected words, figuring that it was about the most obvious response she could have gotten from the grumpy girl. Heck, she was starting to work up an appetite herself and was starting to feel the pinch of hunger once more, despite eating not that long ago.

"Yeah, I almost agree. But this is a good opportunity to see what those two are up to and I don't like being left out of the loop. Or being told what or where I can't go. I come from space, after all. Borders are just a construct of society."

"Paimon would say that sounds impressive and deep but Paimon remembers us being broke not an hour ago."

"Shush, I'm a wise woman and that's final."

Smoothly leaping atop of another roof without so much as a clatter of tiles or swishing of fabric Lumine danced a fine line between keeping Childe and Zhongli within her line of sight and potentially being spotted by the duo whose eyesight she was fairly sure was ridiculously sharp.

But so far she'd been managing just fine, relying on centuries of stalking - investigative, thank you - skills that thus far had borne…not much in the way of fruit.

The pair had gone to the bank as they'd said they would, meandering in an unhurried pace that clearly irked Childe and suited the Geo Archon, concluding their business in less than an hour before they'd stopped and chatted outside the establishment for a brief period, Childe's words seeming to mildly annoy and exasperate the god before they'd parted ways, Lumine totally getting why Zhongli would be irritated. The Fatui reminded the Traveler of herself in a fair few ways and she knew full well just how annoying she could be when she put her mind to it. Something she was proud of, of course.

…

And that was no excuse for being boring, which the current series of events definitely looked like as she kept tailing Childe. While she'd been tempted to ask Paimon to keep an eye on Zhongli when they'd gone in opposite directions she'd resigned herself to the fact that the Sprite wasn't exactly the stealthiest of spies and that the Fatui was almost certainly more devious and suspect to doing interesting things.

If he went to the local red-light district or its equivalent she was calling it a day, though.

"Then again, maybe I'll spend a few hours poking around there myself…the fashion sense in Liyue really fits my palette and sampling the local delicacies isn't that bad of an idea…"

She subconsciously licked her lips, thinking back to Ganyu and Keqing's stylish but flattering raiments, what with elegant and silken dresses complimenting skintight bodysuits or tights…she was very curious how it would look on someone who was trying to seduce and felt a perverted giggle crawl up her throat-

"Woah, take it easy, girl. Amy and Oz are being all nice and diligent elsewhere in the city and you're thinking of getting your freak on at a brothel. There's being a free spirit and being a loose spirit, try to be the former."

The traveler nodded to herself, faithfulness reaffirmed.

"I'll just have to convince her to come with me one time. Maybe for her birthday? Ooh, how mortified and bewildered would she be if I got a lap dance for her? Or if I did the lap dance?"

"Lumine? You must be getting pretty hungry if you're drooling like that."

Swiftly shaking her head and making sure Childe was still within visual range the Traveler promptly replied, "More thirsty than hungry. We'll follow him until the crowds start to thin out and then call it a night, we'll be easier to spot then."

"Paimon can't wait until people go home, then~!"

"Might be a while, Liyue seems to have a healthy night life."

Main streets and attractions still had a healthy dose of foot traffic while even the less traveled roads had one or two passerby or family hanging around on their porches. It certainly made following the Fatui a hell of a lot easier, that was for sure.

"Hmm…now that I think about it people in Teyvat really seem pretty over the whole gay deal. Or at least Mondstadt and Liyue appear that way."

Sure, the majority of couples and pairings seemed to be guy on gal but there was a decent chunk of people that were clearly playing for the same team and no one seemed to care in the slightest. And not in the sanctimonious 'look how enlightened we are' way but as in it didn't even seem to be a thing that was a consideration in the first place. Maybe it was different elsewhere in Teyvat but as someone who was interested in most things mostly humanoid with a pulse Lumine felt herself approve of that mindset.

"Then again maybe it's just because everyone on this world looks stupidly hot. Why limit yourself to just one gender when there's so many 10/10's just waiting to be seduced?"

"Paimon really thinks we should find a restaurant, Lumine! You're drooling and Paimon thinks she has ample reason to be worried that she's next on the menu with all your jokes that are hopefully jokes!"

"Dammit. Maybe I really do need to get laid, normally I'm not this wound up. Then again it has been a hectic few weeks without too much in the way of passionate stress relief."

She'd have to ask Amy later how she felt about spending a day in a soundproofed room. And what size toy she preferred-

"Oh hello."

Just as she had been about to think of calling it early Childe slipped into a side alley, disappearing from sight for only a few seconds before emerging on the other side with a wig and entirely different wardrobe.

"Heh, not bad. But you can't hide your stature and build with a slower walk and slight slouch. Jackpot~!"

"Paimon? Find us a nice restaurant and wait at the main plaza where the Rite was going to happen when you do, I'll be along shortly. Whatever he's doing he's going to do it soon."

"Paimon would be more than happy to-"

"If you eat before me I'm slapping you between sliced loaves. With plenty of sauce, lettuce and tomatoes. Catch my drift?"

"Ugh, the things Paimon does for her friends…"

Grinning to herself as she gave the Sprite a friendly head ruffle - drawing a squeak of protest in the process - the blonde resumed her self-imposed mission, smoothly leaping atop another home without so much as a whisper of clamor as she eagerly anticipated the next stage of wherever this bit of subterfuge was going to go.

To her delight it was next to the bank the Fatui styled as their own, the disguised male casually strolling by without so much as an errant glance towards the patrolling guards…and in a move so smooth she almost missed it he darted into a nondescript house, the middle-aged man and woman outside of it enjoying a bit of tea apparently not noticing a thing. Despite how impossible that was.

…A nondescript house that just might be close enough to the Fatui headquarters to have a secret passage or three, if one got creative or bold enough. It didn't even need to be secret passageways, the guy had just talked to Morax then snuck into a place close to his organization's staging point as if he wasn't supposed to be allowed near it.

"Oh now THIS is spicy."

"Hells above and below, I'm getting old."

Rolling out of bed with a sore back and stiff limbs - something he'd only occasionally dealt with and now felt keenly - Alec idly reflected that his fast approaching death appeared more demeaning and mortifying than it did terrifying. Honestly, of all the times to start showing his age it had to be on his deathbed? That was a bit rude.

"Maeili would be laughing her ass off right about now. Probably spout some comment about how I need to walk and limber up more."

Lips briefly quirking at the memory of his departed friend the male forced himself to get ready for the day's events, knowing that it was going to be quite the busy affair…mostly because he was going to be herding a couple of particularly surly cats.

The intense and moderately loud argument could be heard even from a fair distance away, a duet of mutual bitching that was so painfully familiar and expected that it looped right back around to being reassuring rather than depressing.

"I'm looking for a table with Zhongli and Venti?"

"Right this way."

The awkward and clearly uncomfortable waiter seemed equal parts relieved and worried that Alec was now going to be dealing with the eternally irritable mix of Barbatos and Morax instead of him, as well as apprehensive of the fact that he might just make things worse.

"Spoiler alert, there's nothing I can do to make that volatile combo worse."

Being led through the establishment they'd agreed to meet in the male didn't bother hiding his eye roll as he got a better idea of what the pair's latest bitch fit was all about.

"I fail to see why your oh so delicate sensibilities cannot be properly assuaged by a normal Liyue breakfast of tea, rice and your choice of eggs or other meats."

"That's for lunch and dinner! Where are the breads, the juices and the jams? Everytime I come here it's the exact same problem over and over!"

"Oh, that is my mistake then. I should have known that you expect to be waited on hand and foot when visiting someone else's home."

"Is it really such a greedy thing to expect some basic hospitality and consideration? Not a great mindset to have for a mercantile center but hey~! I'm just a dumb, wandering bard, what would I know about other cultures and how they work?"

Already wanting to turn around and retire for the day Alec forced himself to soldier on towards their table, catching sight of the two biggest children he'd ever had the misfortune to meet and befriend.

"Honestly, as soon as they share the same airspace it's like they knock off the last three numbers of their actual ages."

"Very well, then why do we simply not insult and waste the time of the staff and take our leave, seeking out a candy shop to satiate that terrible palette of yours?"

"Ha! As if you're one to complain about a sweet tooth, what with all that sugary Osmanthus tea and wine you're so in love with."

Alec fully expected Morax to reach across the table and start throttling Barbatos as his eye spastically twitched, growling, "It is not sweet, it is flavorful. And I would greatly appreciate it if you do not compare such quality arts to your pitiful preserved sugars that are-"

"How about we just have tea and pancakes with a side of eggs, powdered sugar and syrup? The least offensive option that makes everyone happy and Liyue safe from a mountain being dropped on its head?"

With the ease and tradition of long millennia spent arguing about similar - if not the exact same - topic both Archons wordlessly nodded in acceptance of the compromise, Alec sending the relieved waiter a nod as he went off to prepare the meal.

"Guys, it's too early for me to play mother."

"I would have thought you would be used to it at this point."

"Yeah, you fill the role pretty well."

Glaring at the duo Alec grumbled, "I would prefer not to have to do so in the first place…anyway, thanks for flying out here on such short notice, Barbatos."

"Heh heh, no problem~! After all, when you have the winds on your side getting places quickly is no trouble whatsoever!"

He sent Morax a haughty and superior smirk.

"Sure beats having to walk everywhere."

"Are you perhaps operating under the delusion that I cannot rule the skies as well as I do the land? Or are you merely drunk as you always are?"

"Jokes on you, I have a Dragon on my side as well!"

"Truly? That is quite the interesting claim, I have it on good authority that Dvalin finally realized the futility of entering into a contract with you and escaped to greener pastures."

"I'll have you know that I willingly and knowingly told him to follow true free will. But then again what would the god of contracts know about flexibility and-"

Alec tuned out the pair of incredibly old babies and instead gratefully took the plates from the waiter, serving the duo their respective portions as they completely ignored his actions in favor of trying to stab each other's dignity to death with verbal daggers.

"Why do I spend time with these lunatics again?"

Setting it aside as one of the universe's greatest mysteries the fallen god instead happily tucked into his meal, figuring that the background music would exhaust itself eventually.

Hopefully.

"-use a lyre as your weapon of choice. Have you no concept of the elegance of the spear? Is it not one of your knightly order's favored weapons?"

"I'm a lover, not a fighter. Besides, what can you expect from a guy who's so in love with the color orange?"

"Dare I even stoop my intellect to such low levels and ask why you are under the false impression that orange is a somehow lacking color? I expected nothing less from one who shades his ensemble after something so common as grass."

On second thought, they were going to be at this for a long time.

"So what'd you call me all the way out here for, Alec?"

"Indeed, inviting the drunken bard to this fair city could perhaps be construed as an insult or declaration of hostile intent."

Mentally counting to ten - he'd forgotten just how exhausting dealing with the pair could be - Alec was quick to interrupt with, "We're here to talk strategy and an overall plan, as well as get Morax up to speed with everything that's happening. And as endearing as it is to watch you two flirt could you stop for, I don't know…ten minutes? Tops?"

The easygoing and completely unbothered shrugs that arose from the pair left Alec sighing, wondering if they had been going at each other's throats just to annoy him.

"It was probably a dual purpose, truth be told. Annoy each other and me."

"Expound upon this grand strategy you have concocted. I imagine it is the domain of both yourself and Dainsleif with handicaps and excessive waste added by the bard?"

Cutting off the rebuttal before it could get started Alec quickly stated, "At the moment we have a wait and see approach but the long and short of it is that we're going to finish what was started with Celestia, preferably within this coming decade before I go ahead and shuffle my mortal coil."

Morax almost missed a step, eyes furtively dancing left right and center before fixing the fallen god with a pointed stare.

"You have great faith in the heaven's inability to hear and perceive that which threatens it most."

"And you give the Sustainer far too much credit. Regardless, we don't have a whole lot of choice in the matter. I don't know how close of an ear you've been keeping to the ground but it's essentially a done deal that battle will once again break out between Celestia, Abyss and everyone else that gets caught between them."

Barbatos solemnly nodded along with Alec's words, the male continuing with, "Thus, we can be proactive and attempt to control and guide the inevitable fallout so that Teyvat doesn't teeter on the bridge of madness once more OR we can sit back and hope for the best."

Morax was silent for a moment, thinking on his words before idly observing, "You seem intent on continuing to perpetrate your crusade, despite all that it has taken and will take from you."

"My personal grief is only part of the reason I'm not letting this go. The other reason is painfully simple. Celestia has started to do what every other failed system in the history of forever has done, stifling growth and expansion in favor of stability and retaining its own power and influence. Teyvat is no longer the ward of the heavens, it's a resource. A mining ground for both above and below to fuel their everlasting feud."

Morax made no move to respond, the War God no doubt having known this particular bit of information for a number of centuries.

"Now this isn't immediately detrimental to Teyvat - I wager it would take a dozen generations or more before tangible, widespread issues begin cropping up - but we already know what the end result will look like. Khaenri'ah was just a taste of what will happen, a proof of concept for what all out war between Celestia and the Abyss will look like."

He shrugged his shoulders, raising a hand upwards as if to present a tangible object.

"Teyvat turned into ground zero for the end of days until practically nothing is left."

Frowning in open stubbornness Morax calmly stated, "The Gnosis are proof of our previous agreements being upheld, that the covenant made between above and below will hold true, that a tragedy like Khaneri'ah will never come to pass within our domains."

Barbatos sported a rare look of sympathy and sadness, resignedly stating, "That deal was never going to hold, Morax. Celestia only proposed it in the first place because they feared us rallying together to prevent something like Khaenri'ah while we rushed into it because we knew what the horrors of the Archon War could do to our people."

True regret showed on Archon's expression.

"And the other gods too young or too inexperienced to have known that terror firsthand looked to us for guidance."

Picking up the thread of the conversation once more Alec stated, "The Fatui under Eligos are openly seeking the Gnosis for their own purposes, no doubt to use them as a highway or weapon to Celestia, invading and destroying it once and for all. And Dainselif's own investigation and hounding of the Abyss has him convinced that they either have their own means of reaching Celestia proper or they intend to attack in conjunction with Eligos. Can't say for certain whether it's an alliance of timing or mutual partnership."

Conversation thinned, the trio silently walking to an overhang that overlooked the harbor, at this time of day bustling with activity and the steady background hum of mercantile pursuits.

"...Millennia ago I was naught but a blind and wandering spirit, a simple wraith of stone that through either destiny or happenstance rose to sentience and cognizance, obtaining a true spark of life so different from what I had once been. And I learned. I listened. I honed my talents and skill, spoke and laughed with people whose lives were both as long as my own and merely a blink of the eye. Through these countless interactions I crafted the person I am today, I became Morax only through the actions of others."

The Geo Archon stared out over the harbor, eyes seeing events and scenes from uncountable years ago.

"Allies, comrades, friends…ones I both love and loved. And so, so many of them I have had to bid farewell to over the course of countless years, offering either their minds, bodies or lives to the fires of war so that Liyue and Teyvat as a whole may survive…these days a scant handful remain of those who remember such olden times."

The man's expression briefly hardened.

"And now you ask me to forgo the hard earned peace we have won for ourselves, to welcome back the fires of war that may very well consume what little is left."

"Strange to hear the God of War acting so scared about actually having to fight-"

Alec was quick to place a hand on Barbato's shoulder, halting his words before the taller male turned to Morax, bluntly stating, "This may very well be the last, final push we have to make for a lasting peace. One that could last for the rest of your lives. Nothing is eternal but I would wager that inbetween Celestia's downfall and the elimination of the Abyss' catalyst for recruitment - never mind Eligos being able to lay down her weapons - this one could have fairly nice odds of lasting for countless generations."

Once again Morax fell silent, silently meeting Alec's stare as neither of their expressions shifted so much as a millimeter…and a tired, defeated sigh left the Geo Archon.

"As always your words carry with them the weight of certainty…very well, it seems I shall be marching forward into the fires of conflict once again. Ideally for the last time in this very long life of mine."

Barbatos cackled, teasing the other Archon with, "Why do you sound so old and resigned about things? What happened to the old, scaly blockhead that charged at every problem in sight spear first?"

"Hmph. Bold words from one who never saw the front lines in person. I believe the term 'mascot' better suites your particular niche?"

"Hey I can fight just fine! It just so happens that I allow my allies to fight even better than try to hog all the glory for myself!"

Knowing precisely where this dispute was going to go (absolutely nowhere) Alec instead turned his gaze towards the city itself before leaning against the railing, idly wondering what Lumine was up to at the moment.

"Probably no good, if I have that precocious blond's moral compass figured out properly."

Setting that thought aside for the moment he turned to the Geo Archon, asking, "So when do you think this little examination of yours will begin, Morax?"

Breaking off his argument with Barbatos long enough to give the stone pillar forest a narrowed look the God of War mused, "While the future is by no means a certain thing…not long at all, I imagine."